I am pregnant and my husband and I use to enjoy drinking wine at home or going out with friends to the bars on the weekends before I was pregnant. Now that I am pregnant we obviously can't do that. We have no friends that are pregnant or have kids and no family nearby. I have asked my husband to stop drinking b/c I have to give it up. The main reason I want him to give it up is b/c all of our social events revolve around alcohol and I feel really left out and depressed so I feel like he should not drink to keep me company. I have read other posts where people think this is a ridiculous request but I have to give up wine, coffee my two favorite beverages and sacrafice my body. why do people think it is ridiculous for the husband to have to make a few sacrafices during pregnancy?
ive been pg and gone to places where others drank. it didnt bother me. now if my dh would drink daily at home or if our weekends were simply just barhopping, ,then id be a bit upset. my dh doesnt drink much, if ever, so i am lucky that way.
this is going to be a big life changing event after this baby comes. you wont be able to go bar hoppin or do the "adult" things you did with single friends. sure occationally but not weekly.
if your friends are having just a few drinks you can still have fun. have a shirley temple in a cocktail glass or wine glass. makes it more fun. however if they are getting drunk, i wouldnt want to go either. what does your husband say ?
No, I would not ask my husband to give up alcohol while I am preggers. I have no problem going out with him when he has a couple of beers and I have a 7-UP or whatever non-alcoholic beverage that strikes my fancy.
My husband makes plenty of sacrafices for me that I am not going to take away a minor indulgence of his.
How is his not drinking a glass of wine while in a social setting going to keep you company and not make you feel left out? Start skipping the social events where alcohol is an issue and have your husband take you to the movies etc...
I personally never asked my husband not to drink during my pregnancies, but he doesn't drink all that much to begin with. I have gone to a party while pregnant with my husband and there was drinking, but it never bothered me. I usually would have us go home relatively early because I was so tired, so I probably missed all the "heavy" partying that may have happened.
I think its a little weird that all of your social events revolve around alcohol. I mean, that is your business of course, but now that you will be having a baby that will have to change. You may find once baby is here you just don't feel like going into those situations as much as before. Maybe you should start looking into more family friendly type activities for you and your husband. Then there wouldn't be any drinking to begin with.
My fiance got smashed the day of my babyshower...lol. I never asked him to give it up when I was pregnant. Of course he was only really a drinker when we both could enjoy it together. I would be fine with him having a drink when I was pregnant, I never desired to do it when I was pregnant.
We are in a similar situation as yours...our friends either have grown, adult children or are opting not to have children at all. So often when we go to a friends house for games night, or whatever there is alcohol there. Personally, it hasn't bothered me. I too was a wine drinker, and the funny thing is, the only part that does bother me is I miss the wine glass...lol. I know, strange. So I take a wine glass and fill it with cranberry/soda or sparkling grape juice. And I don't mind DH having a few drinks at all. Neither him nor our friends really drink to the point of intoxication, they just have a few. (Drunk people do irritate me..lol). If he was sitting at home drinking all the time I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't like him doing that if I wasn't pregnant either, so it hasn't been an issue. Try the wine glass with non alchoholic beverages. It makes me feel like I am still "part of things".
mlf, I think you need to examine your dependance on alcohol, and your resentment of your husband because you are pregnant.
I say this, as a woman who also enjoys wine - and in fact, it was the fact that I refused wine at my inlaws house for dinner that made everyone guess immediately I must be pregnant. So I'm not some holier than thou trying to shake my finger at you.
It's just that you sound resentful, rather than grateful that you are healthy and pregnant - and you are maybe facing a lifetime of "because I can't sit for a long time and eat a leisurely dinner you can't either" type of life.
On the other hand, now that you are going to have a baby, I agree with those who say you should broaden your social circle and social activities to include gatherings that aren't centered around alcohol. And that will come naturally when your baby is born and you do things like go to kiddie zoos and 1 year old birthday parties at Chuckie Cheese.
I would definitely not ask my husband to abstain from alcohol while I was pregnant... my husband's a social drinker (most of our friends drink occasionally) but even if he has a beer at home it doesn't bother me one bit (except that he becomes a bit too amorous when he drinks and I SOOO don't want sex when I'm pregnant for 6 out of 9 months, LOL).
It's VERY important that you start establishing friendships with people who have kids, because regardless of how close you are with people, sooner or later a gulf begins to form between you and your childless friends... there's just no way to relate to one another's life stages. You can certainly stay friends and most of my best friends still don't have kids, but like RockRose said, they won't be at the kiddie zoos with you, while the new friends you'll make who have kids will be... and they won't be drinking, either!
He should be able to keep you company and have a couple of social drinks.. if he is drinking so much that he can't keep you company then you have a much more serious problem...
mommies sacrifice... differently then daddies... We (most of the time) do more, feeding, diapering, playing etc.. get ready it is not even... Men sacrifice in different ways, loss of independence, work etc... don't set yourself up for failure.. you will each do for your baby in different ways..
To back up what meli says, (and quoting the Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy): the men are forced by the arrival of a child "to give up their subscription to GQ Magazine and join the GRW (Guilt, Responsibility and Worry) Club." I also read a funny thing in a book written by two women about being a mommy, who both said their husbands said "Stop yelling at us, stop being mad at us, and be happy to see us in the bedroom" as their only requirements. The reason it's funny is that every one of my friends with kids who read that, winced. (It really isn't so much for men to ask in exchange for the responsibility-free life they give up.) That said, if your husband is out bar-hopping every night and acting like an overgrown teenager, this is a different problem.
rockrose hit the nail on the head. you have real dependency issues on alcohol. have you considered therapy or counseling for these issues (even if you're not drinking right now)?
as far as the hubby goes you shouldn't expect him to just give up alcohol b/c you can't drink. a drink here and there isn't bad for him. as long as he's not out getting drunk and wasted every night.
my dh did quit drinking while i was pregnant. but it was HIS decision. i never asked him to. in fact when we would go to friend's houses or to dinner i would tell him to get a beer, get a cocktail. HE would refuse. and he actually did it b/c he didn't think it was fair. (i was also a drinker prior to my pregnancy. i enjoyed a few glasses of wine and cocktails every now and then.) is every man like that? no. i honestly don't see anything wrong with the guy having a beer or drink here and there while their wife is pregnant.
I hate the whole "holier than thou" attitude some people have. "You shoud seek therapy about your dependency to alcohol" - really? I am 12 weeks pregnant and am in a similar situation as you. I'm a "young" soon-to-be mother (I'm 25) and pre-pregnance, I enjoyed going out with my friends and having a few drinks. Doesn't make you, me, or anybody else an alcoholic and by no means to i believe you need help for that.
As far as expecting your partner to not drink, I'm in the same boat as you. I searched this question looking for answers, instead, you receive comments about how horrible of a person you are because of your alcohol dependency. This thread has been absolutely no help at all...Nobody has given advice on the question you have asked. Sure, you can go out and pretend to drink by drinking cranberry juice in a wine glass and deal with the drunk-***** surrounding you, but BELIEVE me, that is not fun. I've tried it and it bothers me.
My mom did tell me this, so maybe this helps:
"You better let him drink!! - with what he has to put up with you during your pregnancy, how could he not drink?!"
I understand exactly where you're coming from and it has nothing to do with a alcohol dependence. My husband and I regularly drink. In social situations and at home. Where we are from, its pretty normal. We go out to families homes and he will drink and get pretty drunk and I dont mind, but what I do mind is going to bed before him every night bc hes not tired yet, and then like right now, Im in bed trying to sleep at 1:30 am and he has friends over and got upset because I asked him to keep it down. That has nothing to do with me being an alcoholic. I just feel depressed and left out. I can't go have some drinks with them on out patio and get a nice buzz like I used to. Instead, Im stuck in bed having to listen to them live it up. Its not fair. I totally understand where you're coming from.
I agree with Nikki, its not fun going to bed alone because Hubby is out on the porch with OUR friends Andi cant be out there because cig smoke makes me sick...but I dont say anything because if I wasnt prego I would be right next to him, and because it went from an almost every night thing to once or twice a week, so I dont havemuch room to complain. I do however, feel like now is a good time for you guys to find some friends who are either expecting or who already have kids. I am 21 and deff have no problem with this so I would think that at a little older, it shod be just as easy. Just make sure that the mommy and daddy friends you find are actually being parents and not pawning their kids off to go out...that's hard to find at my age. Good luck!
I kind of agree with you...it seems if you are pregnant you are already cut off from your old life and this can be depressing. If your husband is still going out and drinking often this might make you feel cut off from him too and this isn't good. Most of my friends beleive in equality. The couple both made the baby but only one person must make all the sacrifices? This doesnt seem fair at all...Of course every situation is different. If the man is working full time while the woman relaxes at home, it seems fair that he should be able to have a few as he is supporting the family. However, if the woman is pregnant AND working full time as well, he better NOT be drinking and should be looking after her.
I can relate with your concern. My husband just graduated college and I recently got pregnant my last semester of college. As a young college couple, we went out a good bit, often over indulging with friends. We have never had an alcohol dependence problem but it is just apart of our crowd and generation. We are the only married couple our age we know and obviously the only of our friends experiencing pregnancy. It isn't hard to not drink, but it makes me jealous of all the carefree fun my husband and friends have while I'm not when we are out. I don't care what anyone says, people at the party who have some drinks in them are having more fun! Maybe if you have never been a drinker you wouldn't notice... I feel your concern and am not judging your lifestyle. With that said I know our lifestyle is going to change once the baby is born and going out with friends will happen less. As much as the jealous monster in me wants to ask my husband not to drink, I don't! I just deal as long as its not excessive. I have noticed too that since I have stopped he has cut back. It's hard but you can do it!!
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