ok ladies heres the thing. a friend of mines just found out she is about 7 to 8 weeks pregnant. however though, its for a married man whom she had a one night stand with. (i know, naughty girl)she's also married but her husband is often away. so she knows who the father is, she is thinkig hard about abortion, but the thing is, her and her husband want to start trying for a child when he returns to the island. how soon after the abortion can she begin trying? she's afraid her husband may show up and surprise her :( do you ladies have any tips on how abortions are done normally at this stage? any advice will help. please ladies i know you guys are supportive so please dont judge her suitation. thank you :)
I'm assuming that docs will want her to wait a couple of cycles.
At this stage an abortion will be done by dnc or vaccuum. She may be ill afterwards.
I'm biting my tongue and trying not to judge, if she is cheating on her husband, she needs to work on her marriage before bringing an innocent child into the situation. A child only brings more stress if things aren't going well.
theres no problems in her marriage, the married man she slept with is a friend of hers since high school, it just kinda happened. he's actually a family friend to them. her husband's job entails him to be off island alot which is why he away so often. but thanks for your advice ladies. she needs it. :)
When a marriage is strong you do not sleep with other people. I have lots of male friends from high school and I havn't just happened to have sex with any of them. I find your cavalier attitude rather disturbing. Marriage is sacred.
I feel very bad for her poor husband who is being deceived and the wife of this other gem of a guy.
I have to say that I agree with the other posters- I kind of think that if you didn't want your friend to be judged you probably shouldn't have posted on this forum- if you have read any of the other posts you'd see that a lot of the people on here found this forum when dealing with infertility or a miscarriage or other sort of loss...
It seems very selfish to take one baby out of the world and then bring another into to the world... the child she is carrying is innocent... she made her choices... I guess there is really no need to give this type of advise, since you really aren't looking for it, but I would tend to think that asking a question such as this on this forum could bring up a lot of bad feelings for a lot of other women on here...
Sorry trying to to judge myself, but it is hard not to... She might want to think about what she is doing too... I have had friends who have had abortions in the past and then had difficulty getting pregnant again- just something she might want to think about. She might have no problems, but there are a lot of studies on the depression level in women who have had abortions- my best friend in college is one of them, and I love her dearly... I don't agree with what she did, but I know how hard it was for her for years following...
We are all trying to understand your friend's situation and try not to be judgmental but it is so hard not to.. especially in this forum where a lot of us trying to become pregnant so hard and dealing with pain and problems.. forgive me also but i cannot just sit here and read this ********. call me a **tch but your friend needs to wake up!!!!
what is she planning to do after she goes thru with abortion?? is she going to hide it from her husband? do you really think that she is going to have a peace of mind for the rest of her life? knowing that she end the life of a precious child...if we can save this innocent life, i don't care if you get mad, but i am with the rest of the women here.. she has to admit what she did to her husband either way he will find out maybe not now, but later...UGHH!! what is wrong with this picture??
Don't you dare apologize to anyone on this forum for expressing legitimate feelings that I think most of us agree. You are not being a b***h and anyone, including me, who has struggled with infertility and lost a baby understands exactly why this makes you mad. Makes me mad too. All some of us want is a baby in our arms, whether that baby is born "healthy" or with special needs we would love that child. To hear someone who would casually dispose of that blessing is wrong. So don't apologize for feeling that way!
wow, i know we can't change the world but we can at least try. how *&^$%'ed up is that situation?!! How many babies will I lose unwillingly while people go around fornicating w/ whoever they want just to kill an unwanted child??!!! I am not sorry, this makes my heart hurt more than it did yesterday. :(
How many of you have had ultrasounds where they ask "how many pregnancies have you had?" Hope she doesn't get that question in front of her DH. Also, if she got pregnant that means she was having UNPROTECTED sex which if she loved her husband she would not want to ever harm him.....Hmmm...
I don't know you or who you are, but is there any chance you are a guy and not a girl and that you are that girl's friend with whom she slept with? The only reason I ask is because you referred to your friend that you know as a "naughty girl" which seems too light of a phrase if you are a woman and her friend.
However, to answer your question, if she had an abortion she would bleed for at least two weeks after or more, there can be complications and it can affect her fertility later on. I have heard that after an abortion, doctors do want the patient to wait--up to two cycles--to make sure that everything is in proper working order and that all the material from the fetus as been expelled--because you could get an infection if there is anything left behind. She could also be more prone to being depressed either immediately following the abortion or years later. Abortion always leaves the "what ifs" in someone's life. She will always think "my baby would have been a year old by now...my baby would have entered kindergarten by now...and so forth.
I think what she wants is to "hide" her wrong choice, however, having an abortion won't hide the wrong. She will either suffer in silence and pretend with her husband that everything is ok and lead a life of lies or she will break down and tell her husband and she faces losing him. This coupled with losing the child would be very difficult.
Abortion won't fix the situation. It is a bandage fix. Underneath it all, there is still that wound. I would suggest to your friend that she seek out a counselor before she make any decision. If her marriage is truly worth it to her, she must be honest with her husband and she must be honest with herself--the reason she cheated was because she has difficulty respecting herself, she suffers from low self-esteem and she wants to feel needed and loved--these things are lacking in her and in her relationship with her husband.
Sleeping with her husband and getting pregnant with him won't fix the marriage either nor will it "replace" the child she lost through abortion.
If she comes up with the idea to keep the baby but then claim it is her husband's child (which she might view as another option--not one you mentioned but I thought I would touch on it)--she also would live a life of lies. King David--a long time ago--faced a similar situation and he decided to make sure the husband was killed in battle so that he could have access to the woman he got pregnant to cover his sins. Sadly--in the end--they were together but the baby died as an infant. Stories such as the one your friend is in don't have happy endings.
Lies will eat you alive. Relationships built on falsehoods will not make it...and it is not much of a relationship to be in.
And my last thought....the man who she slept with also deserves to have a voice too--what if he decides he wants this baby? I hope too she is not having the abortion because he is putting pressure on her because a baby in the picture might mess up his marriage.
The bottom line here is that there are two people who have cheated on their spouses and both of those people need to be honest with themselves, their partners and decide what is best for this baby. Maybe even adoption might be a route that could be considered.
As a friend, please talk to her about seeking some sort of counseling so that she is able to work on herself. She is obviously one lost woman and she is not thinking clearly and I hope as her friend you are able to be the voice of reason with her.
And, who knows? Maybe if she is honest with her husband and then they enter counseling together, maybe her husband would be willing to raise this child (with the other man having some sort of visitation?) as his own. There are men out there that, for the sake of their marriage, would be strong enough to say "let's face this together and work through this together." While this is still not a "happy" ending, it would be better than abortion and hiding it and leaving in guilt and fear of being found out.
ok ladies i think that you are going just a tad overboard I know some of you are only expressing your opinion and thats fine but this is just someone looking for help for a "friend" and they don't need to hear what other people think she is already feeling bad enough if she is willing to abort. I can almost guarantee that she will always remember her decision and she doesn't need to hear us yell at her for being stupid. she already knows she was. thats just my two cents
This first post was hard for me to read...mainly because I've struggled with infertility and have had 2 m/c. I just feel sorry for a baby (and yes it is a baby even at 8 weeks) that will be terminated because a "mistake" was made. I'm not judging you but I really think that this is a sad sad world we live in. At 8 weeks there's a beating heart and the baby has formed...but I guess that in the world we live in we have that choice...it's just not the "choice" that I would make...especially because of a "mistake". Adoption anyone???
well i have to disagree. would you tell your teenage daughter "its okay, you made a mistake"....maybe but not so lightly. this is life, not some game to toss around another life so easily. and who gives a **** if this is real or not...its the principal of the situation. accidents happen but there is a reason why....people are careless and without sincerity in their actions. if they didnt want to hear opinions they shouldnt have posted...i am sure a clinic would be more understanding...
An abortion at 8 weeks is essentially the same procedure as a D&C for 1st trimester miscarriage. Unless there are complications (rare), it does not necessarily affect fertility. You usually bleed for a few days afterwards, can't have sex for 2 weeks. Period usually resumes 4-6 weeks later if not pregnant. Most drs say to wait for at least one regular period before trying to conceive again.
Not to say I'm condoning the behavior or the abortion, but abortion is safe, it's not done in back alleys anymore. Its not something to be scared of (physically anyways).
im against abortions unless the mom has a horrible drug problem and is very unwealthy. and then only then if the baby will be born horribly wrong because of the mothers lifestyle. your friend may have mad a mistake..but then more people would say i did to. getting pregnant at 17 without the dad wanting anything to do with the mom and the baby if she keeps it. o well. its a life. a baby. and it would be hers for life. i dont think the guy who she slept with would put his own marriage on the line by letting her keep it. And maybe she doesnt need to be with her husband. its clear shes not faithful to him. and maybe she needs to re think if shes worth him. if he loves her maybe he will accept it. and let her keep it and raise it as his own (if they really want a kid) (but i doubt it). if someone cant even be faithful even when married then maybe they arnt right to be in any relationship. i dont think she should even concider having an abortion. she should raise it on her own if she has to. i maybe young. but i vaule a life. espically one thats part of me. and she should too.
i lost one. and my friend had an abortion. and it hurts to loose one naturally. and my friend....it kills her everyday to kno that she went thru with the abortion....but she needs to really think about the life gowing inside of her. i mean it already has a heartbeat. its living now. thats just what i think
I think the reason she is getting such a huge neg response is that she posted on THIS forum... in the past 2 days I have seen so many posts of women who have lost a baby THIS WEEK... her question is just very hurtful to the women seeking support on legitimate losses or women who have been trying for YEARS to have a baby... if you have not experienced this type of loss or struggle you might not understand (maybe you have, and you are just more understanding then others)... but the point is that I have lost two babies, thankfully my current pregnancy seems to be preceeding just fine, but those two that I lost were VERY difficult losses, and this type of question HERE seems unapproiate (6 years of college and I still can't spell)... anyway... I don't think people are trying to be rude or hurtful... I think this question, real or not, has hurt a lot of peoples feelings...
there sure are alot of people on here posting about a "friend"
geez....grow up and either admit it is you, don't make things up or direct your friend here to ask her own darn questions.
naughty girl huh?...a family friend huh?... with friends like that who needs enemies?
abortion is a tough choice, one that should never be made lightly. i hope whomever this is for has considered all the ramifications and knows this is no way to hide her indescretions. a household where the mother sleeps around because the father has to go away on business is not a stable one for this baby or another. a physician will know she has been pregnant. there are good odds of it being mentioned around her husband.
in answer to the question, you need to wait until two weeks after to have intercourse or introduce anything into the vagina as the cervix is still open and prone to infection. after that you should wait at least one cycle to attempt to get pregnant. this time allows for the uterine lining to build back up and for proper dating of the pregnancy. many doctors may suggest longer.this is a question she needs to present to the abortion clinic or her gynecologist
I think she was talking about the first poster- and there have been a couple other posts lately asking for a "friend"... I may be out of line speaking for chellybeans, but I don't think she was directing that at you...
I did kind of think of that after I posted...I guess I'm just in one of those weird b****y moods I've been getting in lately. I don't know what has gotten into me. I used to hold my tongue no matter what it was that pissed me off. I just can't seem to keep my mouth shut lately! I'm actually supposed to be on meds for depression and "mood disorder" right now, but they can't find anything that doesn't cause me to have massive panic attacks. The Dr actually put me on Valium temporarily until I get to the maternal fetal specialist on the 15th. Guess it's about time to take one, huh LOL
I NEVER said that the "niece-in-law" was my friend. I met her once about 4 years ago and she came on to my DH! I never liked the girl.....stop ASSUMING that just because someone posts something about a "friend" that they are actually talking about themselves!
I do apologize for lashing out at you....I guess I've been kind of feeling "picked on" (for lack of a better explanation) on the homefront lately (DH doesn't get the whole depression/ mood disorder thing,,,plus he's been out of town for 2 weeks and I'm by myself with 4 kids). I take so much personally lately, when I really shouldn't...sorry!
i was talking to the original poster(that's why i mentioned her naughty girl comment as well).
for the record tatorbug is right, the past several months there have been several people here refering to a "friend" in a situation that gets everyone riled up. it makes one very suspect of every "friend" post, ya know?
this world is ****** up, i can't live without my baby, abnd i am suffering a lot a lot after i lost her, and now one will go by her self to the l&d and do a vaccum to take off an innocent baby, i won't do it ever, my baby will stay my baby,even if i lost my baby, and trust me she will have a lot a lot of babies, just because she doesn't deserve it, and a lot of women here who are ttc are not able to have it, it is kinda sucks. i too trying to bite my tongue, because if not I WILL SAY A LOT!
once again I always miss everything! I think I have to agree with peek...this is not real, i am not waisting my time telling her how I feel, i think everyone else has basically said it! Ok, all i am going to say is SAD, very very SAD
wow.......i think it was a bad place to post about abortion!!!! i am miscarrying and I was just telling my boyfriend how much i hate when people use abortion as "birth control".....SELFISH!!!!!! all the women in here that have had m/c's....you know what i mean! i would give anything.........to stop this m/c but it's too late. i am sorry if i am offending anyone but i am pissed! oh well the world is screwed up!
wonder where she went...it seems like I have seen her on here before, i think i even answered one of her questions...I think she was pregnant too! hmmm, i hate it when people post something to get all of us all riled up for nothing. Either that or we scared her off!
Anyway, it could be just a coincidence and that the two friends are both pregnant and I agree with mom2rachie that if this is real, the woman in the situation does deserve our prayers. If it is real, it is a very sad situation indeed and one with sad consequences no matter how this woman decides.
I just wanted to say that mom2rachie is right... it is not our place to judge- if you are still reading this... if it is for you or your friend... esp if it is you... please make sure you think this all through- everyone makes mistakes... aborting this baby doesn't erase the mistake, and you need to remember that the baby inside of you (or your friend) is a part of you (her) too... what a difficult situation... please think hard before this decision is made.... you (or your friend) will be in my prayers.
Im sorry but if she aborts this baby I hope to god she is not able to get pregnant again, sorry to be rude but she clearly doesn't deserve a baby! People who would love children can't seem to get them or lose them and people who would just throw them away can seem to always get pregnant. Sorry I just had to say it!
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