am in a quandry!!!

hi

this is not a quick question! as some of you may know my dh and i are ttc our 4th baby, i am on my af at the moment.
i have a dd who is almost 5, a ds who is nearly 3 1/2 and a ds who is almost 2.....to add to the mix also have 2 step-sons who are 12 & 11, they don't live with us but we see them regularly. all 5 kids get on great.
After my 3rd child was born, dh and I said he would be our last, it was my 6th pregnancy after losing our first 3 and my body was saying enough.
We were so convinced he was the last we even got rid of all the baby things, only baby thing we have left is a buggy!
When my youngest got to 14 months I started getting very broody again (I am going to be 30 this year) and dh said no to begin with but eventually came round, he is 41 and thought he was too old, but he really thought about it and had a change of heart.
Last month was our first try and it didn't happen which I am not stressing about.
Thing is I have been thinking now, do I really want a 4th child?
So many things are running through my head, we have a 7 seater which fits all 5 kids and me and dh obviously, another child means a bigger car, I do still get broody when I see babies but not like I used to, plus my little girl who started school in September is saying to me, when can you come into school to help out mummy, as she sees other children's mums doing it.
My youngest is due to start pre-school later in the year which would free me up to be able to help out which I couldn't do with another baby.
Money isn't really an issue as we would cope whatever, we have a 3 bed house and another boy would have to share with his brothers, a girl would share with my daughter.
Also and this is not an immediate thing but i do plan to go to university to train as a midwife when the kids are older, which again would be delayed some years by another baby, i have asked my 2 eldest if they would like another sibling and they say yes, well my dd says help at school first then have a baby, lol.
Am so undecided either way, have bought a few neutral baby items recently but am wondering if they will get used now?
Also, do you know when you are truly done having kids?

Any thoughts welcome, thanks :-)

[jenkaye21]

LoL, I could have written this post!  =)

I am 31, DH is 38.  We have four kids and also a step-daughter between the ages of 17 and 5 months.  

Right now we are "fighting" about whether to have another baby.  I *desperately* want to have ONE more, but he says enough is enough.  He thinks that even if we have another, I will never be satisfied, and you know what, he might be right.  I do feel like I am one of those people who just longs for babies and will be sad no matter what when I have to be done.  On the bright side (I tell myself), I have a large family and the only kids so far, so I am looking forward to neices and nephews to fill the "baby-void" in the near future, and grand-kids after that.  Hopefully my life will always be full with babies!

I have always wanted 5 kids, and I look at it this way; to him, what's one more, really, when you already have 4??  And to me, it would mean the world.  We are technically out of room in our house, but we can double-up temporarily, its no big deal.  And I would need a new vehicle, but to me, those are small things.  Not worth deciding NOT to have a baby for.  AND, like you, my kids *love* having younger siblings, my 3 year old could just sit and smell his baby brother all day long, LoL, breathing in that delicious baby scent.... = )

Anyway, sorry to hijack your post.  Bottom line, to me, I guess:  I have heard many older people say, "We would have loved to have more kids..." but I have never heard anyone say "Man, I wish we didn't have all these kids!!"  If you can reasonably afford it and really want it, I say go for it.  I know if I don't I will truly regret it.

[snagglepuss1]

that comment kinda puts it into perspective, would have loved more kids but yeah nobody says they wish they have less kids.
think a lot of it is cos i feel guilty, i know i can't go in and help and my daughter's school because i have a child at home. it's not even like i have family nearby (at the moment anyway) that i could leave my youngest with for an hour or so to go and help. we do plan to move to be near my parents in the near future so that could be an option then.
decisions, decisions!

[have 2 kids]

I think you need to ask yourself this.   Do you want a baby or another child??   I would love to have another baby BUT I do not want to deal with another child going through teenage years, trying to make it to all their school and sports activities, etc.

[Csaurer]

I have 4 kids and just had a miscarriage before christmas. Even though the pregnancy wasn't planned we are really thinking of trying again for a 5th. Loosing that baby at almost 4 months was horrible for my husband, my kids and myself. Some people say you guys are crazy 5 kids! To each is own. You only live life once and if this is what you want and you can take care of all of them then go for it. You don't want to get older and go through the rest of your life with regrets. Kids bring you joy  no matter what age and they are the ones who will always be there for you no matter what. I know if I don't try again after what just happened I will regret it and I don't want to live the rest of my life with regrets.

[waitingwithhope]

There are also other options if you are wanting another child...you might want to consider fostering (if that is something you would be comfortable with) or even sponsoring a child from another country or volunteering at a children's hospital--you could be a volunteer "cuddler" for babies (that would be good experience too to put on a resume if you are wishing to someday be a midwife). A baby of your very own is not always the answer. And, if you decide that a baby (child) is what you really want and you can afford it and have weighed the pros and cons, then go for it. The good thing is, with your age, you still have plenty of time so don't feel like you have to rush this decision.

[AnnieBrooke]

I think the question "Do you want a baby or another child?" is the valid one.  We're genetically programmed to get all hormonal and ache for a little cuddler, but raising those we have well to age 18 (or 21) is what matters.  Even if the new child is also an energy generator, that doesn't replace all the energy expended or give back the time you will lose for your other kids.  If you decide to do it, begin to tell yourself a number now, that is the number of kids when you'll absolutely stop whether you have baby cravings or not, remembering that for most women who have decided consciously that it's time to stop, there is regret.  That will help you talk to your husband when he says you're going to want another and another, you can look him in the eye and tell him, "No, this one is it" (if it is).  

[snagglepuss1]

thanks for the feedback ladies

if i decide yes, this will definitely 1000% be the last, hubby will be having the snip after baby is born. i love babies and loved it when mine were tiny, but i also loved seeing them grown and learn to do things and have enjoyed every stage of their lives so far. my husbands 2 boys are great kids, they are just hitting the know it all stage at times, but they are fun to be around and (i think) they all help keep us young.
the volunteering i would probably do down the line, but i am not in a position right now to be able to do anything like that. plus i don't feel ready to leave my youngest, especially as he will be starting pre-school later in the year. i know there's no cut and dry answer which is making this all the more difficult. really appreciate the response though, i have some serious thinking to do x