I'm torn up about having another blighted ovum (3rd) but my husband doesn't understand why I am crying so much. I broke down this morning and he went to the other room to read the paper. This makes me feel ten times worse. I want to break something.
I had 1 blighted ovum and my DH couldn't understand why I was still so upset and crying either. I had problems with the pg 3 weeks prior to the D&C so we were expecting the worst. Men just don't get what we have to go thru, and we are the ones with that motherly instinct. We have so many hopes and dreams, and that starts with actually making a baby. This could also be his way of dealing with it by withdrawing himself. He might've become numb to the situation since this is your 3rd. By the way, I am SO SORRY to hear you had 3 blighted ovums. I couldn't even imagine.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! About your husband's reaction, men have had it pounded out of them from a pretty early age that a man doesn't cry, so when men are sad or out of sorts, they don't have access to that release and they certainly don't have any experience that it can feel better to be hugged or held when crying. My husband once told me that when I was crying he thought I wanted to be left alone. (If a guy is crying, he probably WOULD want to be left alone, who wants witnesses to something he's been told is weak for him to do, since he was a boy?) But my main thought is that it is more likely he can't cope than that he is indifferent. Guys want to make everything OK for their wives. This one, he can't make OK. So he feels helpless and doesn't have any idea what to do, so he withdraws. Sometime when you're not crying, just calmly tell him that if you get sad again, it would help you very much if he would hug you. He probably doesn't know this. Good luck!
Men and emotions simpy don't mix. When I had my miscarriage in the middle of a Tues afternoon my husband came home for about an hour then went back to work. I was SOOOOOOOOO upset but now I know that it wasn't because he didn't care but it was that he just was incapable of emotionally handling the situation. Even now when I'm crying about something he shuts down a little bit.He says he hates to see me cry but doesn't know what to do. The good Lord must hav misplaced a part of the male brain when he put it together! ((((HUGS)))) to you.
i agree they are useless for support. ive had 3 misscarridges and i gave them all names just to help me get over it. my boyfriend will not aknowledge them as being alive just a potential of life. when i had clinical depression over the second time he ended it with me until i "could cope" or .. basically stop crying. i didnt know i was preg the third time so didnt affect me as much buti think u just need to talk on here or to your girlfriends, theyre the only ones who will listen
I am so sorry for your loss...Recently just suffered my 2nd miscarriage...Blighted Ovum was mentioned but then Dr. said miscarriages were all the same (he was a man too :))...Hang in there...my husband seems to have already forgotten we were preg. and I am still so upset. Men just can't understand. Try and talk it out with a girlfriend or relative that you can depend on for support. I found talking about the loss helps so much.
First of all, I am very sorry to hear about the blighted ovum... In fact, it looks like that is what I am going thru now .. I go to the doctors tomarrow....... Listen , your harmones are still going to be wild because you body has to go back thru changes. Just because the bleeding might have stopped it doesn't mean the rest of you is together. As far as your husband...... He is either very insensative to your needs (which only you know that real answer) Or he doesn't know how to show his emotions.... I do hope the best for you. I was told that you were to wait for three cycles and then try again..... That the body needs to heal
Let me stick up for the men for a minute! I have been pregnant eight times. four were miscarriages, two were ectopic, and I have two children.It wasn't till this last pregnancy which ended in March that I finally figured out what HE was going through. Men feel helpless when they see us upset, and there is nothing they can do to change the situation. They feel as badly as we do, but men don't cry. Also, they don't talk to their friends about this stuff. That is where we are different we talk, and show emotion which is far more healthy. Inside he is probably hurting the same as you, but doesn't show it. Guys are conditioned from infancy to "be tough" which stinks. I have been married for eleven years, and am still trying to figure him out. Good luck, and try not to be too hard on your guy.
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