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any body here........ i need you
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any body here........ i need you

my friend delivered her baby last week, she had a baby girl, we were pregnant together, and i was 2 weeks in advance, our husbands are friends too, mine want me to go to her to say congrats, but i really can't, i can't see her baby in her arms while mine is not with me, i hated her... we were buying baby stuff together, and we both had girls, we were planning that our girls will be friend, she leave next street of my house, i cried and screamed when i passed by and saw "it is girl" sign and all the pink and white balloon around the house, i really can't go, but at the same time i don't want any body to fell that i am jealous, because i know my self i will cry when i see her baby....what should i do? my friend asked me too if i am planning to go, so i told her that yes but i am busy now because i am moving, am i going crazy or jealous because i can't see babies with their mommies while i am alone and my baby could not make it, i really have a pain in my heart that no body can understand and they all think that i should co over it, and it is been long time ago, but no my pain is still here and it is only 2 months, should i forget my baby, a part of me in two months,the only diffrence now is that the pain come and go, but never ever forget her, her picture is always between my eyes... my god, i don't know what to do, i miss her toooooooooo much.......i want her sooooo bad, i can't believe she died, i always think that she is crying, moving, maybe hungry.....i have milk in my breast but i can't give it to her... any body herte 2night, i need your help guys......i am really depressed...i've been  crying for almost 1/2 hour and still want more.
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17 Comments Post a Comment
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171867_tn?1271047748
I am sooo sorry for what you are going through =(,  Though I can not relate as I have never lost a child, but please have faith that god has a reason for everything, though we may not understand at the time of our pain, we will in time find answers. Please stay strong, if you cant go they should understand!!!! I will say a prayer for you, god bless you. You will heal with time and be able to move on....... Hang in there. Big E````Hugs~~~~ coming your way

Kelly
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221025_tn?1332558946
Believe me, I understand exactly how you feel.  I work with a woman who was two weeks ahead of me in pregnancy.  Her baby is growing inside her and mine didnt make it.  I had to tell her that although I was happy for her, it was just hard for me to watch her go through what I wanted to be going through.  I explained to her that sometimes I might be distant or seem sad and I hoped she could understand why.  She has been wonderful.  If it were me, I would have the same conversation with your friend.  If she is truly your friend, she should understand that her joy is a constant reminder to you of what you don't have.  Tell her that you want to see the baby, but you just can't right now.  Maybe she could send a picture instead.  Again, if it were me, I'd ask if I could come over and just hold the baby sometime when it is just the two of you.  Cry if you need to.  Hold the baby, smell her head, and know that someday (hopefully soon) it will be your turn to hold your own beautiful baby in your arms, to smell her sweet head and to feel her tiny fingers wrapped around your finger.  Plant a flower in honor of your little girl and remember that she will always be in your heart if not in your arms.  Speaking from experience, if you don't find a way to deal with this, it will eat you up and you'll quickly become bitter and angry and that isn't what you want to be.  I hope you can find a way to work through this - best of luck and warm wishes and kind thoughts coming your way.
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Avatar_n_tn
I AM SO VERY SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSS AND I KNOW THAT NOTHING I CAN SAY COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOU FEEL ANY BETTER BUT GOD DON'T MAKE MISTAKES AND SOMETIMES EVEN THO WE FEEL IT'S WRONG AND GET ANGRY SOME THINGS ARE MEANT TO BE YOU ARE NOT ALONE THERE IS ALOT OF WOMAN OUT THERE THAT HAVE BEEN THRU THE SAME THING AND I DON'T THINK YOU ARE JEALOUSE I THINK YOU ARE OVERWHELMED WITH PAIN AND GUILT BUT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT AND I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST BE HONEST WITH YOUR FRIEND AND TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER AND YOU WISH HER THE BEST FOR HER AND HER NEW BABY BUT RIGHT NOW YOU ARE NOT EMOTIONALLY CAPABLE TO SHARE HER JOY AND I THINK THAT IF SHE'S A TRUE FRIEND SHE WILL UNDERSTAND AND IF SHE DOES'NT THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK FOR NEW FRIENDS IT MUST BE HARD ON HER ALSO BECAUSE SHE ON ONE HAND IS VERY HAPPY JUST HAVING A NEW BABY BUT ON THE OTHER KNOWING YOU ARE NOT FEELING THE SAME JOY YOUR FEELINGS ARE NORMAL SO DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF I AM TRUELY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND WISH YOU ALL THE BEST I WILL PRAY FOR YOU TONIGHT ALTHOUGH NOTHING CAN TAKE AWAY THE PAIN AND GREIF YOU ARE FEELING THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT TIME YOUR BABY IS SMILEING DOWN ON YOU AND SHE DOES'NT WANT YOU TO BEAT YOURSELF UP OR BLAME YOURSELF SHE LOVES YOU JUST AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE HER AND GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF HER SO PLEASE TRY TO MOVE ON BUT NEVER FORGET YOUR DAUGHTER CAUSE SHE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU.
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Avatar_f_tn
you know i understand you are in pain. you want your baby.  and im sure it hurts your friend had hers.  i bet your friend hurts for you as well.  if you cant see the baby yet, maybe send her a card.  i will tell you again you really need to consider talking to someone.  this grief may be more than you can handle alone, and you dont have to.  nobody will ever tell you to forget her, and you shouldnt.  you do however need to heal and while its still fresh and will take time, your deep depression we have witnessed needs attention.  you have to take care of yourself and get healthy again.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Don't feel obligated to go over there at all.  I would think she would understand. What you have gone through is one of the hardest things you will ever go through. No woman (or man) should ever have to lose a child. Though I have never lost a child before, I almost lost my son twice right after he was born and once this last March. Today is his 2nd birthday and I cried a little today thinking about what happend to him after he was born. It's going to take time and don't listen to anybody that tells you to just get over it!! They obviously don't understand.  It would be unusual for somebody to just get over something like this. It's healthy to greive your loss.  You are experiancing real pain and it's not something that you can just get over just like that. You will never get over it, but in time, you will begin to feel happy again and it won't hurt as much as it does right now. Just keep your faith in God and know that your precious little girl is in Gods arms right now feeling nothing but pure happiness and joy. You will see her again!
I know you can't or won't go see a therapist, but do you go to church? Talking with your pastor might be a great help to you and your husband. That is also a part of their job.
I'm really glad you are not just keeping this in. Getting it out and talking with people is a great healing tool for you.
If you don't have a support group in the area where you are, have you thought about joining an online support group? Before my son was born I joined an online support group on yahoo. Just go to "groups" and type in what you are looking for. There are a lot of people out there that are going through what you are right now. I think that might be a great place for you to go. I'm pretty sure that MSN also has the same type of thing. Or even type in your search engine for a support group for mother's that have lost their children.
Again, I'm so sorry you are going through this!

About your milk, you are not pumping or expressing in any way are you?  After two months your milk should have dried up.  I didn't nurse my first child and after about 3 weeks my milk was gone.  I don't know, maybe every woman is different?
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222234_tn?1216343635
i had my milk at 4 month pregnancy, and doctor said it is very normal because i was very happy and excited to be mom, as i waited a year and half. it was the hormones, and i think for the same reason it is here now, i want my baby, and feel to be her mommy even if she is not here, and i noticed that every time i think about her more, and cry for losing her i got much more, i can't go to a support group or therapist they will think that i am really crazy. that is their way of thinking here, i will try to search for an online support group, i think i am alright, just have sometimes that i can't take it no more and want to talk with somebody, my husband sleep early and it is 1:00 am right now, so i only can talk to those who are still awake. i really want somebody to listen to me and i feel alright when i feel that there somebody who can not understand my pain. i can't find it here around me, i don't have a lot of friend here, and no family in the US. thank you i really feel better now... thank you guys...
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221025_tn?1332558946
You're not crazy - you are dealing with a real and legitimate loss - and any support group would be willing to help you work through your grief - or ask your doctor if he can refer you to a therapist where you can talk one on one. Good Luck
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Avatar_f_tn
I am so sorry for what you are going through.  I cannot relate completely, but I also lost a baby, in an early m/c, when a very close friend was pregnant and due just 10 days after me.  When it came time for her baby to be born, I was so sad.  It was hard enough then, I cannot imagine what you are going through.

I encourage you to call your doctor and explain what you are feeling.  I refused to call my doctor when I was suffering from PPD after having my last son.  It made the first 4 months a nightmare.  I am now on Lexapro and feel much better.  My OB was very supportive and very, surprisingly discrete and sensitive about it.  He even offered to help find me a counsler that would suit my needs if I wanted him to.  

I would strongly suggest staying on these chat lines, but also maybe a local group, maybe one that will let you ease in to it...e-mail first, come & go as you please, no big intros and just let you listen for a few visits.  

I will pray for your journey ahead.

Nicki
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi 7abibitiii

Im really sorry you r going through this, Im sure it is hard but for sure dont force yourself to do something you feel you cant do right now, just give it time, you dont have to go to your friend now and I will tell you this, if she doesnt understand or appreciate how you feel then she s not really your friend.  Your baby is at heaven with God and I know it s hard and Im not to make it sound easy but some other mothers have their babies and they enjoy them and bond with them for a year or two and then they lose them for other reasons, the memories of their babies laughing, crying, growing, saying the first letters or words stay there for ever and ever, I know your pain is bad but believe me when you get pregnant and have another angel growing inside you, this will help you to look up to having her or him in your arms, and Im sure God will not let you go through this again, just try to put your effort and energy now in trying to conceive again, have fun trying with your hubby :)) and let us know once you have the good news.

Be strong and have faith in God, he will reward you with more than one angel.
amouh
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167_tn?1374177417
I'm sure your friend will understand if you are not ready to come see her baby. You have experienced a great loss. You could maybe call and explain how you feel or send a card. Your feelings are real and normal. Time will heal you, but it hasn't been that long. **hugs**
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222234_tn?1216343635
i did not mean that the therapist will think that i am crazy, i know it is their job to in crease any emotional pain, but my husband, my friends, my in laws(which i don't have good relation with them), they will think that way, it is very hard on me now, especially that i am moving, i live in a big house and have a lot of stuf, that i have to pack before sunday, i am tierede, and stressed, in addition i don't like the house that i am moving to is too big and hate "basements", washer and dryer are downstaires, so i have to go downstairs alot......i know this forum is not for that but it really bother me that i couldn't convince my husband, he puts more stress on me....oh my god..i can't take it no more...we had a fight (literally) about the house, he was so mean, and that is what cause me all this depression again...
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151154_tn?1208134182
I have to agree with the others.  We are here to support you but I think you need more than that.  If your husband, friends and family can't understand that then that is really sad.  Your husband should be your biggest supporter.  I remember when I lost my first baby.  I was about 10 weeks pregnant.  I was devistated and my husband didn't shead a tear.  I cried for months and he just held me.  I didn't think he cared.  He did though.  He just showed it differently than me.  Your husband is probably greiving differently too.  
I don't think you need to go see your friend.  She will understand.  Wait a month or two.  In the meantime please, please seek counceling.  I had even thought about it for awhile after both my m/c.  At that time we were also just married after not knowing each other very long, I had become an instant mommy of his son and we were having huge financial dificulties.  I was going out of my mind.  I was trying to find a place to go to talk to someone and with the help of family things turned around for us.  Don't be embarrassed to ask for help.  You need it.  Don't try to be a hero and get through this alone.  I'm worried about you.
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Avatar_n_tn
Honey,
If you don't feel like you can talk to a therapist or a counselor, at least please talk to your doctor. You need some support, and it doesn't sound like you're getting it at home. Just because you lost your child doesn't mean you can't be suffering from post-partum depression along with all the other emotions you must be feeling. This doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, you just need some emotional support and help right now - we all need a little extra sometime in our lives. I know sometimes it's hard to ask for help, but everyone needs help at some point, and I don't think we're enough for you right now. You need a somebody there that you can lean on. I think everyone who's read your posts has been worried about you and cares about you as much as possible given that we've never met, but we also want to know that you have the love and support you need to help you deal with the horrible thing you went through. Tell your friend you are happy for her, but it's too difficult for you right now. You shouldn't have to tell her any more than that, and I'm sure she can even figure it out for herself. You just worry about you right now, and take care of your needs. Good luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
A therapist is NOT going to think you are crazy!   Helping people with issues is their job! I'm not sure where you got the idea that a therapist would think you are crazy.  I know you are not from this county, do you really understand what a therapist does?
Feeling the way you do after your loss is normal! You are supposed to feel that way!  People may think you are "crazy" if you didn't feel that way.  Trust me, if you don't get your depression addressed then it will take over you. You don't want to go down that road.  This forum is great, but most of the women here can't help you in the way that you need. Most don't understand.  most have not gone through that.  This forum is full of women that have children and are pregnant.  I think reading about all the women that have just had babies and are talking about their pregnancy's is just adding to your pain. It is constantly reminding you what you don't have. You need to remember the things that you DO have and not put all of your focus on what you don't have. Putting yourself into these types of situations is only going to make your pain worse.  It's not healthy.
Please don't misunderstand, you are always welcome here.  I'm just afraid that thinking about pregnancy and hearing about all these women that have babies is only going to add to your pain.  I think a place that understands what you are going through would be a better place for support.  Instead of asking a bunch of pregnant women for support, I think asking women that understand what you are going through would be a more usefull place to be. I'm not sure you can get the proper support you are looking for here. But like I said before, you are always welcome here. I'm not telling you to leave and never come back.
It's good you are thinking about looking into an online support group since you won't see somebody face to face. I think that will help a lot.
Also, I really urge you into talking with your Dr. about this. You probably have post pardom depression considering what you have gone through. Have you thought about an antidepressant? I really think that will help you.  My Dr. automaticaly put me on one after my son was born because of the problems he has. He was in the hospital for 4 weeks after he was born and we lived an hour away from the hospital and I had to be away from my other 3 kids for that time. I only got to see them on the weekends. There was a great deal of stress after he was born and that put me at a very high risk of post pardom depression.  There is NO shame with being depressed and needing somebody to help you. And NO shame in taking an antidepresent to help you out at such a difficult time!  Sometimes we all need some extra help, especially when there has been a tragidy! We are only human. There is NO shame in asking and accepting help.
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Avatar_f_tn
Did you not realise that she just had a C-section 2 months ago.  I know that nermie won't listen to anybody on here, but I really don't understand why somebody would tell her to try and conceive right now. It would be SO dangerous for her to get pregnant right now.  I don't know if you have ever had a C-section before, but when they do that they cut through the uterus and it takes about a year to heal. What happens if you get pregnant before it's healed is the weight of the baby will rupture the uterus and she and her baby could die. That is a very real possibility.  I know she said her Dr. said it's ok to have a baby right now, but something is not right there. I don't know if she has been honest to her Dr. about her situation, or she is lying to us, or she just missunderstood him. It's not an opinion if she can carry a baby or not.  It's just a fact that any Dr. will tell you that a uterus that has a fresh cut through it can't hold the weight of a baby.  Type in conceiving after a C-section and site after site will tell you the same thing. If she does get pregnant and loses that baby, then there is a good chance that she will lose her uterus and never be able to have even one baby.  Plus her depression is getting worse and she needs to handle that in order to be the best mother she can be. Having another baby won't just take her depression away. And there is the problems she is having with her husband and they are not finantually ready for a baby.  I think if somebody really cares about here won't urge her to get pregnant right now.
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Avatar_n_tn
WELL MAYBE PEOPLE ARE JUST TRYING TO SAY AND DO THE BEST THEY CAN SO MAYBE THE LAST POSTED MESSAGE WAS'NT ENTIRELY THE RIGHT THING TO SAY AND I DON'T THINK SHE MEANT LITERALLY GO TO BED AND TRY TO GET PREGNANT I THINK SHE WAS SPEAKING TOWARDS THE NEAR FUTURE AND JUST TRYING TO COMFORT HER THE BEST SHE COULD NONE OF US ARE DOCTORS BUT WERE ALL TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS AND I THINK YOU WERE VERY JUDGEMENTAL ON THE LAST COMMENT THIS IS A SENSITIVE SUBJECT AND YOU SHOULD'NT TRY TO CRITICIZE OTHER PEOPLES COMMENTS YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID WHAT YOU WANTED TO SAY WITHOUT PUTTING DOWN ANOTHER PERSONS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
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Avatar_f_tn
you sounded a little bit aggressive and no I didnt have a c section but I talked according to what her Dr told her, I wouldnt know better than a Dr !!!!! if he says she can get pregnant right away, he knows better than me.  I do care and I do feel for her and for anyone else who goes through losing a baby, Im sure it s hardest thing ever, I was just trying to help and make her think about something positive that will help her get through losing her first baby so just take it a little bit easy dear, we are all women and we feel each others.
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