baby daddy, birth certificate, and child support question

The "father" of my baby has been horrible.  I told him I was pregnant, he said get an abortion.  I said no.  Saw him shortly there after and he threatned to hurt me and try to make me miscarrie or sell my baby online.  I left as quitely and as quickly as I could and I did file a police report- just incase it comes to haunt me in the future.  He doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby and thats just fine with me.  But when I have the baby I don't plan on adding him to the birth certificate.  I have food stamps and TANAF, and they are going to want to collect child support which I think is a good thing.  But will they eventually make me add him on the birth certificate?  And I'm the one naming the baby and I'm giving it my last name.  Can he complain about that later and try to get it changed?  We were never married or anything, so I don't think he can, but it was still in the back of my mind.  Thanks ladies!

[Me2mommy2b]

Paternity is prooved by DNA testing NOT last name on the birth certificate.  It doesn't matter whose last name the baby has.  As long as it's his.

[Mom2be530]

I know its proved by DNA not the last name.  My question was could he try to change the babys lastname later?  And if I initially don't name him on the birth certificate would they make me do it at later date because he will be made to pay the child support?  Thats all I was asking.

[orphanannie59]

If you are afraid of this man, and have police report papers of the threats he has made then you can have something called "good cause" on TANF, and won't have to name him as father for a while if you don't want.  They can't force you if you are afraid he will hurt you or the baby.  It doesn't make any difference on your Food Stamps.  Later, if you feel comfortable about him not hurting you or the baby, you can name him for child support.  At that time they will serve him papers letting him know he has been named.  He has the choice of signing saying he is the father, if not, he will be ordered to give blood (as well as your baby, so you will receive papers as well).  This is a long process, and takes time.  If you stay on TANF, he will pay the state back for any assistance you have received for your child (from the beginning) as well as the medical expenses of the child.  

[orphanannie59]

Also, the government cannot make you change your childs name.  But if he wants to take you to family or civil court later he can. It would be up to the courts at that point.  The chances of that happening are very slim considering how he acting, so I wouldn't waste any energy worrying about it. Good luck!!

[lynne1276]

I think if he pays you support then he will also be entitled to visitation....do you really want that?

[Mouthymom]

I live in ohio and when my son was born and my husband (b/f at the time) didn't sign i did dna to prove he was his father and gave him my last name. It was my decision to add him to b/c and i gave him his last name but still kept mine...and child support doesn't mean he is entitled to visitation...those are two different issues and two different judges make those calls, my daughters father pays child support and was denied visitation

[Mom2be530]

Thanks to both of you for your insight on this issue.  I think I understand it a little bit better now.  He is the father and doesn't deny it at this point.  I am afraid he would hurt me or the baby.  I haven't seen him since and I will hopefully never have to again, but I have spoken with him.  God knows I have givin him chance after chance to tell me all he has made be believe is a lie.  I would have liked to have heard better things, like that maybe he would try but thats not the case.  He laughs about the subject.  He has a 9 year old son from his first marriage.  He only sees him once a year for a week and only speaks to him maybe 5 times in a year.  When he does speak to him he isn't very loving and he never knows what to say.  His favorite things in this world is ( 1 ) hisself and ( 2 ) his games (mainly world of warcraft or halo 3).  Thats it.  He is selfish and doesn't want anyone or anything to interfear with that, so I seriously doubt he will ever give me a horribly hard time about visatation.  Its a possibility, but he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with this baby.  I think at most he would only try to see for that one week a year with Benjamine.  He has told no one- not friends, not family, not a soul.  To my knowledge he has been telling everyone I did have an abortion.  He posted about me recently on his myspace that : Brandy and I broke up, I wish her the best, she needs someone who can commit to the relationship.  I called it off with him and I felt like posting: yes, commitment to a relationship with me and our unborn child.  I'm kinda bitter, because he has totally denied my child, so I keep praying about that and asking that the Lord will help me move on.  I'm just going to keep leaving him alone, have the baby, name it, and let childsupport deal with him.  But thanks again to everyone who answered and if you can please keep us in your prayers. : )

[ashleighnb]

I went through almost the same thing when I was prego with my daughter but he never threatened to hurt me. He has told me lie after lie and sent mixed messages about whether he wants to be there or not. He was at the hospital giving me all kinds of promises and I gave her his name because of it. He wasn't there when it was time to sign the papers for the birth certificate so he is not on her certificate. He saw her every week until she was 3 months old and then ever since he disappears for 6 and 7 months at a time and expects everything to be ok when he gets back. My daughter is almost three now and I regret everyday giving her his name. I don't even want child support from him or anything. I want him as far away from my daughter as possible. And although I know that support and visitation are two different things I know that if I tried to get support from him he would try to get visitation and I don't want to take the chance of him getting it and my daughter being around his deadbeat family -- they all smoke cigarettes and marijuana, and drink like there is no tomorrow. She calls my fiance daddy now and he treats her as his own. Her father tried to contact me a few days ago but I refuse to talk to him. He is not going to keep playing with my daughters emotions. She is old enough that she knows when things aren't right and she expects promises to be followed through with. Just thought I would share my story and let you know that your aren't alone.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope things get better. I here if you ever need to talk.

[kris123]

You need to get him to sign part. papers that is the only way he can be on the birth cet.  If you are not married you won't be able to put his name on it anyway, you need to because that helps in getting child support.  If not you would have to go to court and then they will make him take a test.  It's up to you to handle it.  The father of my son was at the hospital and I got him to sign the papers.  His name is on the birth cert and my son has his last name it make it easier in getting support.

[kris123]

put him on the birth cert trust me I have been through it twice with my daughter 12 and my son 5 months  

[lynne1276]

I wonder if every state is different because I live in Florida and my husband has full custody of his 5 year old.  The mother does not live in this state and does not pay child support but they said it is illegal to deny her visitation when she comes.  

[kris123]

He needs to contact the division of child support.  They do all the work for you.  It is a long process for them to get it but they will do it.  There is no cost maybe about 30 dollars a year.  He deserves to have child support.  Do a search on the internet for division of child support in FL

[daprincess21]

He would have to fight you in court for visitation. You do not have to let him see that child, reguardless if hes paying support. You already made the right desicion by filing that report.

[Mom2be530]

I also forgot this part.  He pays his exwife a sorry $150.00 a month for their son.  I don't know how he managed this, but its also in their devorce papers it says that he only has to pay up to age 16.  He claims he doens't have the money and he can barley aford that.  He is a computer programer and I know for a fact he clears $3,000.00-$3,5000.00 a month from it.  He is single, he lives in a apartment, his car is paid for.  Really all he has is rent, utilities, food, gas, and to pay for all the games he plays that have monthly charges.  And his rent is only $500.00 a month.  I told him my baby was due in May and that I was giving him until July to start sending payments, before I sick childsupport on him.  I have him kinda where I want him.  He loves his money and has told me whatever childsupport would ask for would be too much.  He said he would try to pay $100.00 a month.  I said this was unacceptable.  What makes my child less dervserving then his other child?  I told him I would accept the samething he was paying Marcie.  He would rather go though me and payless, then fight me in the courts.  That would take way to much time and money from him that he's just not willing to give up.  Also he knows if he does try to get visitation- I will be difficult and I will fight him tooth and nail.  If he does that it would void our agreement and I would try to get as much as I could out of him.  It wouldn't be easy and he knows me better than that.  I'm usually not like this, but if you mess with me and my kids, I'm not just going to lie down and let it happen.  He might not care, but I love them very much and like ashleighnb said I'm not going to let him hurt them.  Atleast if he pays the $150.00 its something and I'm confident he would let me and our baby alone cause it just to much effort for him.  So the deal right now is he pays me $150.00, I didn't ask this but he said he would send the first payment in April, but I'll be giving him until July- and the other part of the agreement is that he has no visitation rights.  He may choose one day to come after me, but I've covered all my bases and I'm ready.

[ZevasMom]

stinky....

[ImmortalOne]

It also depends on your state.  My oldest child doesn't have her father listed on her birth certificate, and after having DNA done (which they will do because you weren't married), should take child support from him.  He threatened me while I was pregnant as well, then didn't have anything to do with her (she'll be 15 next month).  I pursued child support at one point, but haven't in about 10 years because I didn't want him to have any knowledge of where we are.

Expect it to be difficult and trying at times, and never count on any help from him.  Don't take payments straight from him (and even if you did most states consider it a "gift" and not child support payments).  Don't threaten "sic'ing child support" on him.  Just do it and let the court set the appropriate amount, don't settle for anything.  Simply put, the money isn't about him or you, it is about providing for that child.  Period.  It's support, to put food in that child's mouth, diapers on his/her behind, clothing on his/her back.