back from court

so court when ok. of course i had to lug a baby in a carrier all throughout the court buildings. but we were called second but he wasnt there. they did it over the phone. it when ok up until they asked if there is any doubt in his mind that dominics not his and he said yes, i almost broke down. of course i knew he doubts but it seems like being faithful to a person gets you nothing but distrust. he told me a few weeks ok "ok ill admit the kids mine if you drop the court case" please HE KNOWS HES HIS! like accept him. you dont have to love or want him. thats your loss but accept it. even when it comes back and says dominics his. he said he will still "not have a son" i dont kno i cant beleive he has doubts. he looks like him. his parents all call him their grandson. he came to the hospital. dominics not a bad baby....he just deserves a father. and keith...is no father. hes just a little boy himself

[mami1323]

So what do they do next?  Do they give him a paternity test?  You know if he's not willing to be this baby's father, then don't push it.  It's his loss and one day you will meet a nice man who will accept your son and will give Dominic that father figure that he never had.  

[Van73]

Kim, you are right, the baby's father does not have to acknowledge or love him because that IS his loss. You cant make him love Dominic no matter how wonderfully precious he is!!  Just shows you what a self centered a*s*s he is. Right now just focus on your son and make him your #1 priority. DOnt worry about being with someone else.  This is coming from someone who had a single mother.  My mom had me when she was 18, the guy left her too and got someone else pregnant at the same time!  Anyhow, my mom bounced around from man to man, dragging me with her. I had a very disruptive life growing up and also got sexually abused by one of the men she was with.  Yes, I turned out "OK"...if that's what you call it! lol  But my sister didnt and she's following the same cycle as my mom.  Stay focused on your son and bettering yourself.  His dad has an obligation to pay is child support. AS soon as it is recognized that Dominic is his son, the military will make sure he pays!

[WhatYouMakeMe]

I'm so sorry your going through this and I wanted to know I will be praying for you guys.  I'm 34 weeks now, but I will soon be in your shoes with the father of my own baby.  I wish you luck and please keep us updated.

[babyprayers]

MY only problem with all this is... he is doubting the baby is his now! 5 years from now he may feel different, I really dont know the laws in other states, I do know, in New York state,, if the father doesnt see his baby for 5 years he could come back at any time take a paternity test and sue for joint custody, this creates problems for kids who dont know their father then all of a sudden poof there he is wanting to be a part of his life, I know this is such a hard time, just try to keep an open mind and do the right thing for your son, Men can be such A$$ holes then all of a sudden get slapped with a dose of morality, if he is a decent person, try to talk to him and explain that dominic needs his father in his life and if he truly doubts you , then he can take a paternity test, I wish you all the best and I am sorry you have to go thru this    

[babyprayers]

bottom line, if he is the father, he is responsible to support his son, go thru the court systems, if he does not pay support, it will build up and he will lose his drivers license, go to jail etc.. my ex didnt pay support for 4 years. I went thru the court system, he ended up with a suspended drivers license and owed me over 5 grand, I got mymoney, and now he pays when he is supposed to. just a thought  

[Kim1989]

thanks girls. he told me before that doesnt want anything to do with dominic because hes part of me and he hates me. so a part of me feels like im the reason why dominics not seeing his father. i feel like if i wasnt his mother things would be differnt. i kno its just the emotions n hes the one thats stopping himself from seeing his son but it still all hurts.

btw i have a pic of him holding dominic at the hospital on my myspace. he said its illegal demanded i take it down before he could and files something against me... thats not true is it? is it really illegal?

[GNicole]

Good luck Kim. Sorry that you are going through this. Is he going to get a paternity test?  What a jerk!

[Kim1989]

yeah dominic and i have to go on tues all the way back down to the court house area....it takes forever carring and baby so its either that or a big bulky stroller, and get it done. its a mouth swab and it only takes 2 weeks and i think we get the via mail so i hope he passes out when he opens it up.

[AHP84]

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. I know what it's like; I'm in a similar legal case with my son and his father right now over child support modification. We've been doing legal battles with each other on and off since I got pregnant with our son four years ago. Unfortunately, your legal issues will probably continue over the years for you as they have for me. It's so emotionally, physically, and financially draining. But hang in there, you can do it! You are your son's best advocate and he's counting on you, especially since he can't, and may never, depend on his father.

As for the MySpace picture, I highly doubt that it's illegal to have it posted. What I would suggest, however, is to remove any caption for the picture that states he has any direct relationship to your son. That way, it's just a picture of a young man holding a baby. He could be anyone to the random person viewing your photos (I'm assuming that you have your page set to public access and not private)--I mean, he could be your brother for all anyone else knows.
If anyone asks you, you can tell them who he is, but if they don't ask, don't tell. Then the picture remains just that--a picture that states nothing in words.

[Kim1989]

no its on private. and my babys father is not my friend. i think it says keith holding his son or something similar. he told me "he strongly suggests i take it completly off my page" he shouldnt have sat there and posed for 3 pics. he said that was the first and last time he would ever hold him. and maybe its for the best.

yeah thanks. it just sucks. he told me last night that i never cared about him clearly beacuse i kept it. he still calls dominic an it. and hes mad becasue i chose not to do what he wanted and abort our son. how can he say that now after having held n saw our son. just goes to show what type of a person he is. he also told me i should have "offed myself when i had all the time too" and "its a shame" i didnt. he holds so much hate and if he didnt have to pay child support i think he would hold so much hostility towards me.

he says im going to rob him blind (even tho he keeps saying dominics not his) he doesnt understand he needs to help support him. he thinks my mom and i are rich cuz he say its not like i dont have her. that may be true but dominics not my moms son. he not her responsiblity. maybe when he starts having to pay childsupoort he will come visit him.  he said if hes gonna have to pay on SOMEHTING then hes going to want to see IT. ugh so frustrating. as mean as he is. im trying to stay positive and not argue with him. im trying to keep the peace hoping that if i do he will be in his sons life. but im tired of being the only one trying

[mami1323]

He is such a low life.  I'm sorry but Dominic deserves a whole lot better.  He's so disgusting for even saying these things.  He didn't protect himself then he should know the consequences.  Even if you used a condom or you were on birth control, the only 100% way of not having the chance of becoming pregnant is abstinence.  I'm sorry Kim that this horrible life form (not even going to call him a human) is treating you and your son that way.  You will provide Dominic a great life and he won't miss having a father at all.

[Van73]

Mami is right!  Would you want a dad knowing he spoke to your mother like that? And knowing he didnt want you?  Sons are very protective of their mothers. You are lucky, he will love you so much and respect you so much because you stood up for him and took the best care of him.

[RockRose]

kim,  I don't think you're taking him seriously enough.  He sounds like he's really a huge threat.     I can't imagine him sending off MORE obvious signs that he's dangerous.

[Kim1989]

i guesss im not. yes hes always been all talk but that doesnt mean he wont ever actually do all the things he says. he has not threatned me. and i do have that last conversation saved! and judging by what my mom said she doesnt think that if he ever tried to get custody he would actually win. i dont have to see him during this court proceeding because of where he is. thankfully.  i plan on at least getting thru the child support medical and having him established as the father and then go from there as to what i want. i dont kno if i have enough proof to make sure he has to have supervised visits or not. because i do kno that i dont feel comfortable with letting him around dominic without me being there.  i mean if he just told me i didnt care about him and he was mad at me because "u had the damn thing so obvs u didnt care" so i kno he doesnt care or value him at all. just one say at a time. i dont even know what my options would be to keep dominic protected. or the next step in that would be

[AHP84]

As far as I know, children under the age of one year usually don't get one-on-one visitation with the non-custodial parent--it's usually something like every first and third Sunday of the month, for three hours at a time, at the residence of the child. Then after the first year, the non-custodial parent does not get over night visitation until after the child is four years old. This kind of visitation arrangement is based on both the parents living in the same state.
Since your ex is military and travels, the courts will probably work up visitation according to that--however, he'll probably get very few visitation options (if he chooses to pursue them) for the first five years unless he makes arrangements to come to you to see his son, since understandably, you can't send an infant/toddler a great distance away from it's mother or primary care-giver. That works even better to your advantage if you breastfeed your baby.
But your ex really does sound like a threat, and I'd be anxious about him being around Dominic as well. At this point, you should record all contact you have with him--phone calls, emails, everything. If he's all talk like you say, and you have no proof of his talk, then it's your word against his as far as the courts are concerned. They won't take you seriously unless you have evidence of HOW he talks to you and what he says.
Buy a phone recorder at RadioShack (that's where I got mine), and a calendar journal, and record every phone call, write down the date and time of every phone call, and print every email. Save every voicemail too.
As a side note, I don't think phone recording devices work on wireless phones; it has to be hooked up to a landline phone. So in that case, just make sure you let him know you can only be reached at a certain number, and from then on, don't answer any calls he makes to you on your cell.

You might want to look up general legal visitation arrangements according to your state, for both cases of a regular, non-threatening parent and for those that will require supervised visits. That would be a good place to start to know where you stand in protecting your son from your ex.

[Kim1989]

phew alright im glad to hear that visitation sounds like its in my favor. he told me hes going to get stationed in.. south or north carolina. i just forgot which one but anyway you look at it we live in jersey so its a distance.i hav just about all the instant messages we've sent to eachother since he left at 6 weeks pg so thats quite a few conversations. the thing is he never calls me. he called me two days ago telling me "he told me to take down the f ing picture off my myspace. so take downt the f ing picture" i did save it. as angry as he is i dont even kno if he will want to even go after visitation. im not talking to him anymore only if i have to talk to him over the phone in court

[peekawho]

He's trying to intimidate you into not going after him for support.  Hopefully, once the order is in place he'll simmer down when he realizes that like it or not, its going to happen.

[Kim1989]

he needs to simmer down. he keeps saying how horrible im making his life because of this court thing. well he if didnt do things the way he choose to do them, then things would have been different.

[Cheyenne_08]

Goood Attitude Kim!!! He did this to himself! Keep being strong!