breastfeeding

so i am 18 weeks 5 days pregnant boyfriend is really insisting upon me breastfeeding our child (i have 3 and have never had the want or need to breast feed) he keeps telling me that its better for both of us (baby and i) i know this i have read thru information and books and anything else out there i just dont feel i can do this i like the freedom of being able to go out with friends have a drink i mean i have given up drinking since jan 08 when we started ttc and hes keepted on drinking almost everyday right in front of me is it selfish of me to not want to breastfeed and to bottle feed our child  

[jenstam]

It's selfish if your only reason is so you can drink, yes. Is that your question? Your boyfriend is right, it is best for the baby, but not if you're going to have habits that could hurt your child. I know some people don't agree with me, but you can safely have one or two drinks if you have just nursed your baby and will not be nursing for at least two hours. Not more than that though. Is that not enough on occasion? That would give you both the best of both worlds.

[tiredbuthappy]

i can see this being a controversial thread... so I will just add that you CAN do both, if drinking is the main reason why you don't want to breastfeed.

Like jen said, my OB, the ped, and my lactation consultant all said an occasional drink or 2 is OK. i KNOW some people on here disagree with that :)

If you really feel the need to go out and get drunk, you can always have the baby take a bottle of expressed milk or formula while you are gone, and you can "pump and dump." Some mothers also choose to do a combination of formula and breastmilk, to give them a little more freedom. While this can potentially lead to supply problems, it may be worth at least trying. I do know many people who successfully did a combo for months. Their babies still got many of the benefits of breastmilk.

While exclusive nursing is optimal, one has to realize that it does not have to be all or nothing. Give it a try- who knows- you may decide on your own that you love it and want to continue. The good thing is, you don't have to make these huge commitments right now.

[aly79]

the drinking thing isnt the only reason i dont want to mainly he thinks i should but i think we made this precious one we should be able to do the same things feeding changing things like that

[kellym]

My thoughts are..... No one can make you breastfeed.  I understand his strong opinion but ultimately it's your decision no matter what.  If it's not your thing, it's not your thing. Possibly you can compromise by telling him you will give it your best shot.  It requires a lot of dedication in the beginning and you seriously have to be 100% committed to be successful.  I personally bf both of my babies and plan to my #3.  It's best for baby, a HUGE convenience and money saver.  The best is the bonding and convenience.  At around 7-8 months when my babies wean from the breast and I switch to bottle, I dread the mess, mixing and expense!  Nothing compares to the bond of nursing but I know many people whom will stick their nose up to it that it's not for them and that's fine too.  I'm a social drinker and I'm still a breastfeeder.  Good luck to you.

[alexia226]

my husband was the same way when i had our first daughter - he REALLY wanted me to breastfeed. (like you - i wanted him to be an active part of the babies life...doing everything I did - feeding, diaper changes, etc.) for my husband's sake i decided to give breastfeeding a try. like tired said - you can always pump & dump and also have your boyfriend give expressed milk if you want him to take an active part - my husband would give our daughter expressed bottles so that he had a chance to bond with her during feeding time too. unfortunately breast feeding was extremely hard for me/my daughter. i was not comfortable breast feeding in public, or with other around, and i had ppd - so all the time spent alone trying to breast feed (i didn't produce enough milk to keep up with her needs) was NOT good for my mental health. after about a week i had to switch to formula just to keep up with her feeding needs. not spending so much time alone with baby (feeling secluded from friends/family) also did wonders for my ppd & emotional health.

[heatherlynn22]

i tried breast feeding. in the end i was frustrated, both babies were frustrated and after 4 months i dried up completely. i'd spend ours pumping and pumping (they couldn't latch on which made me feel HORRIBLE and the pressure to breast feed made that feeling even worse) i'd only pump 2 or 3 oz. luckily for me though my husband was understanding and didn't pester me about it and we just switched them to formula.

the choice to breast feed is yours and yours alone. don't let anyone bully or pressure you either way. if you are not comfortable breast feeding you can pump bottles so that way your bf can be involved in feedings and the baby is getting the breast milk or if you want to drink you'll already have milk ready for the baby and you can pump and dump after (i was told that it's 3 hours/drink before baby can have any breast milk and p&d to help that go faster and to alleviate the pain of engorged breasts). if you are really not into bfing and absolutely do not want to do it....than don't. yes it's nutritionally better but some women just can't or don't want to do it. i felt absolutely horrible and like a worthless mother when i dried up (it didn't help that my aunts were on my case about the boys drinking formula) but my boys have not been affected by drinking formula. they're smart, growing rapidly, active and very healthy. you may have to try different formulas to see which is best for the baby (my guys are on soy b/c they spit up the regular formula but we're transitioning them to whole milk and they're doing great with it aside from the super smelly poo) but s/he will be fine either way.

[AnnieBrooke]

Even if you decide not to breastfeed over a long period, I would give serious consideration to doing it for at least the first two or three weeks.  That colostrum is just flat-out golden for the baby.  Also, this wanting everything to be equal in the care of the baby sounds like more of a pipe dream than a real possibility.  Moms naturally wind up doing more no matter how much equality the dad promises.  I wouldn't let a power struggle between the two of you over who does more work get in the way of the baby getting top quality nutrition.  It's so much better for the baby at all levels, please at least give it that first three weeks.

[tatorbug40]

my story is similar to alexia's and heather's-  and I understand what you are asking I think....  we TTC for 9 months before I got pregnant, so I went 18 months without a single drink,  pretty much....  it isn't the drinking, so much as I just wanted my body back...  and I felt a little selfish-  I was not able to breastfeed our first, probably just inexperienced and not giving it enough of a chance...  but with the second I wanted to try-  but because of the 18 month thing, and having 2 kids,  I think I had some PPD as well...  I was not in a good place, and the breastfeeding was making it worse....  after 7 weeks I returned to work, and I stopped breastfeeding...  I actually didn't like the breastfeeding-  probably not a normal response, I was looking forward to the "bond" thing,  but I just didn't feel it....   so I pumped exclusively for the 7 weeks,  then I stopped when I returned to work, and my mental state got MUCH better!  

Sometimes I feel like I perhaps failed,  but I think having a healthy mommy mentally and all around is somewhat best for everyone involved...  a man can not understand any of the emotional part, and it might frustrate him that he can't,  but he has to just understand and support where you are coming from too...  that is what my husband did-  he just supported anything I wanted to do- when I said I didn't think I could handle it anymore,  he said, then lets switch to formula...  no guilt or anything...  you need that.....  

[waitingwithhope]

Ideally, it would be great to breastfeed, even for a few weeks. Plus, it helps you get back into shape (which was a huge draw for me!). It gives the baby great immunities too and it is free. But, there are those that really don't like the idea of breastfeeding or can't breastfeed or would feel trapped if they breastfed. You seem to be not wanting to do it at all and only you can make that decision. Make the decision that you feel comfortable with and that you feel is best for you and your baby. There is also pumping which you can do and then go out more often too which might be less daunting for you if you want to avoid breastfeeding. All the best with it.

[mami1323]

I had the most awful time trying to breastfeed.  I did both, breast and bottle but my son weaned himself after 2 months only because my supply had dwindled.  However, I did see the value to breastfeeding.  It is much better for the baby, you are building the child's immunity.  Can you do it for just a few weeks so the baby can get some of the benefits?

[aly79]

thanks all who commented after weighing all the odds breastfeeding, formula, bottle, breast i we ( i talked to boyfriend about it) and we decided that i am going to TRY to breastfeed but with it being bottle fed with breast milk

[AnnieBrooke]

Get a really comfortable and high-end (i.e., efficient) pump.  I liked breastfeeding but didn't like pumping much.  Babies are much more efficient at emptying a breast than pumps are.  On the other hand, having a bunch of breast milk in the freezer is a great feeling, you can go out for the evening and not have to worry that the little tyke will go hungry.  (Your only worry now will be your engorged breasts by about the third hour away from home.)  Seriously, all the best of luck.  Even if you only get to three or four weeks, it is three or four weeks that give your baby a huge head start on formula-fed babies.

[ImmortalOne]

Breastfeeding is a personal choice.  That being said, it is the best thing for the baby and helps for you too.  Also with the current economy the way it is, it is a lot cheaper than formula!

However if he wants you to breastfeed, then he needs to lay off and let you decide how to care for the baby.  Just remember that it is his child too so he is also just considering the childs best interest.