breastfeeding update and just so very sad - question

I feel like I have failed as a mother.  I can't even give my baby the milk that God gave me to him.  He does not latch on at all now and I have to feed him the bottle.  I went to the hospital yesterday and saw a specialist.  She showed me ways to feed him and we both realize that my milk has yet to come in.  I am just so upset about this.  I think I have many cloged milk ducts because I have lumps in the sides of my breast.  She told me to drink mother milk tea and lots of water.  I got a hostpial grade pump and have yet to even get an ounce out of my boobs.  I am just so upset about this and cry all the time.  I can't even enjoy the bonding that is to come with breastfeeding.  Something is wrong with me.  Has anyone else's milk come in very late.  How can I get pass this depression and on to enjoying my baby.

Not to metion the baby's daddy has had a change of heart and has come to see the baby almost everyday and wants to get back togeather.  Yet he still fails to say sorry for all the bad things he said about the baby.  He said he didn't want the thing, yes that is what he called his son and now he is different.  I just don't know if I could go back to him.  I am just so upset all the way around.  sorry so long

[kris123]

it like i don't have enough milk coming in.  I taking these herb pills, drinking the tea.  My nipple is out and my breasts do not seem full at all..  Please can someone just shade some light on this issue.  I just hate myself right now.

[kellym]

When did you give birth?

[low22]

Congrats, Kris!  Stop feeling like a failure!  This is not your fault.  I can't help you with b/f advice because I have not done it yet but I wanted to tell you that even if you can't b/f you can still bond with the baby!  The baby will love you no matter what.

DO NOT go back to that guy.  I've been on here for a long time and I have heard you say terrible things about this guy.  Do not let your judgment be clouded right now.  He treated you horribly.  Stay away from him.  But if he wants the baby so bad, maybe he'll give you some money to help out his son which is something he wouldn't do before.

[mum2beagain]

Kris, you have not failed, you have worked so hard at trying to breast feed your baby, but what is important is that your baby if fed and healthy and if your milk still hasn't come in a week later you have to feed your baby something. I tried to breastfeed my first baby but he couldn't latch, I pumped instead and so he had some breastmilk for a few weeks then we switched to formula. Try the pump, maybe you will be able to get some breast milk given time to give to your baby boy in a bottle, if not he will, like many many babies are, be absolutley fine with formula.
As for babies father,  let him be a father to your baby, I don't really think you can deny him that, but if he is serious about getting back together with you you both need to sit down and talk about those feelings he had towards the baby and you during your pregnancy, you need to trust him again before you can think about sharing your life with him again.

[kris123]

My baby was born June 19.  It has been seven days since birth.  I just can't stop crying about this.  I really really want to breastfeed.  It is something so important to me as it was to try to have this baby.  I just don't understand why this has to happen.

[have 2 kids]

You are being too hard on yourself.  You can't help it if your milk hasn't come in.  Taking care of your baby is what is important. Not whether or not you breastfeed him.  I've told my story before.  You are not a failure.
Please think long and hard before you get back with the baby's father. We've listened for months about how he has treated you.  He doesn't deserve you.  
He can still be a part of your son's life.  
Good luck!

[grammy64]

K-

I had two kids...one I b/f, one formula.  No diff.  Both happy and healthy babies, chubby in fact.  Keep pumping some.  Are you drinking tons of water?  Pick up the pace there as that may help as well.

Please stop kicking yourself for your milk production.  It may pick up and it may not, but you will still bond with your baby no matter what.  You seem like a VERY sensitive and loving mother, and your little one will not figure that out only by b/f!.  Maybe if you pump and dont try to b/f for a few days and relax and then try again, maybe that will help.

One quick question and I am not sure it will even make a diff, but are you using the platex nipple type bottles when you bottle-feed?  Whatever type you are using, maybe you could switch to a different type bottle/nipple that would be more similar to YOUR breast shape and maybe that will help him take to the breast as you continue to try.  

Also, If you decide NOT to b/f, give yourself a break.  It is absolutely not the end of the world and only YOU are judging you by that criteria.  Your little guy is gonna love you no matter what!

G

[Liza55]

Kris- time to put your new baby first. You need to be strong for your baby. YOU are the one that will now teach your child what a loving, trusting relationship looks, acts and feels like. How could you consider saying "this is what it looks like, hope you strive for the same"???  Hopefully the father will responsibly stay involved and participate. But you must first show your child that you treasure yourself, enuf that you chose to be alone for a while and wait for the man who treated you properly (and new baby). Honestly remember the lessons your providing...
Breastfeeeding by the way is not easy for everyone. I had horrible pain for months, despite lactation consultants telling me latch was fine. Milk coming in is something you can't control. Ask the doctors, ask lactation consultants and contact support groups like Laleche or local groups that you can visit or talk to. Be patient w/ yourself...our bodies are amazing...

[Agiesmom]

Did you contact La Leche League?  I'm telling you, they are on a mission for all moms to breastfeed, so if it's possible, they will help you to make it happen.  Try calling them.

[myproblem]

This may not apply to you, but some (very few) women are unable to lactate at all. The lactation hormone is produced by the brain, and some women never produce it. This is rare, but possible.

HOWEVER,you are being waaaaaaay to hard on yourself. If you can nurse him, GREAT. If not though, it's not the end of the world. You can indeed use the SNS Supplemental Nursing System mentioned by someone else. Then you will both feel like he is nursing, and you can give him some breastmilk. Keep pumping every few hours. Your milk will probably come in.

[neparker]

I felt exactly like you, like my baby wasn't latching on, and I cried too because I felt the same as you, that I would loose that bonding by breastfeeding.  

However, I didn't give up, and my baby was constantly swallowing air and making clicking noises because she just doesn't latch on, but at her 2 week appointment, she had gained nearly a pound, and still to this day, she swallows air and clicks because she doesn't latch on good, but she is getting milk.

As for my milk production, I started taking fenugreek, 3 pills 3 times a day.  It's worked, I swear by it.  

Hope all goes well.  

[AnnieBrooke]

Another couple of things to try -- call your ob-gyn and explain what is going on, and see if you can get a prescription of Reglan.  They use it to start the milk in moms of preemies.  It works for a while, and the baby should latch if he is getting milk, even if he hasn't so far.  Also, don't sleep on your stomach, if you are.  The pressure might be inhibiting the milk from coming down.  You will get there!  Good luck, the Reglan will help if it's a matter of actually not having the milk come in yet.

[boogaloo]

I was going to suggest the Reglan as well.  My dr. recently prescribed it to me for not producing enough milk.  It was just a temporary thing.  I'm doing well again.  I tried the mothers milk tea, fenugreek, blested thisle and alfalfa.  It didn't seem to do as much as the Reglan.

Good luck to you.

[kris123]

Ok, I called the dr and he is going to get me some meds. to take.  I hope this works.  For now, I have to give him formula and try pumping.  That is all I can do right now.

[AHP84]

Hey Kris, congratulations on your little boy! What did you name him?

You're doing a great job, don't worry. You're just overwhelmed with lots of fluctuating hormones right now from going from pregnant for nine months to not pregnant in a day. I felt so overwhelmed, panicked and emotionally drained after I had my son, and I cried a lot too.

My little guy (well, he's 2 1/2 now) had problems latching on, but he learned. I didn't have a problem with milk coming in though...I went from a less-than-A-cup to a C cup overnight. That was about as painful as childbirth!

I hope your doctor can get you set up with a plan to get your milk to come in. But if not, really, don't worry about failing your son. I've read your posts before and notice how you talk about your daughter. You're a good and loving momma! You children are going to love you no matter what if you show them so much love and care. Don't get yourself down over something that may be out of your control when it won't be depriving your baby of anything from your care and love in the big picture. Cheer up!

And I'd recommend NOT getting back together with this guy. Let him be the baby's daddy and that's it. He doesn't deserve you, and really I don't think he deserves to be a daddy to your baby either. But that's just me. My personal situation was very similar to yours on many levels, and I kept the sick cycle going for the last three years. I'm just now putting my foot down with him because I've had enough...he has yet to change the character traits that really matter. And he's had years to change. He hasn't, and from what I know now, most people don't. Keep this guy at a distance from you and don't let him give you the angelic sweet-talk of how he's "changed." The change always wears off anywhere from a few weeks to a few months; it's never permanent.

Good luck to you and I hope all works out! God bless!

[kris123]

His name is Ryan Douglas

[rubyolivia]

Cheer up Kris! You are being too hard on yourself! I am sure this is disappointing but your baby knows the love you  have regardless of how you feed him! At least you are trying.......and trying so hard! One of my best friends was "grossed out" by breastfeeding and didn't even give it a try for either of her little ones. Now there is someone who should feel like dirt...not you! :) (And just so you know...her kids are both adorable, healthy and a little on the chubby side after being formula fed) Godd luck!!

[mom2rachie]

HI.  I'm sorry you're having sucha hard time.  I wold definitelycontact your dr. There ar ethings they can give you tostimulate milk.  I mean even mothers who do not give birth are able to go on medication to produce milk in this day and age.  I would also sugget fenugreek and brewer's yeast. Those 2 herbs that can be bought at any health food store savedmy life with my DD.  
I've been breastfeeding for almost 10 months but it did not come easy.  the main thing you have to remeber and I KNOW it's hard because I went through the same thing in the very begining, is to stay as calm as possible because if you're agitated, the baby will be.  If you're stressd, the baby will be.  If you're unable to totally relax, the baby will be.  I suggest trying a nice hot bath with some candles, relaxing music.  Water sometimes stimulates the milk glands as well.  Practive breathing techniques to relax yourself too.  The baby will pick up on every single one of your emotions.  
WHen my DD was born I had to supplement because she was jaundice.  It was so hard for me to accept because my plan was to breastfeed and breastfeed exclusively.  I wouldn't even allow the hospital to give her a bottle in the first 24 hours.  BUT, I was not nursing successfully at all.  She refused to latch on, I was stressing and it wasn't working.  I thought I would have a little more time to get the hang of it but I was then told I had to start giving her a bottle and I was inconsolable.  A little trick of the trade I found and it's not very scientific, is to give a little bottle, pull it out and replace it with the breast.  I swear that is what finally worked for me.  I kept it up for a few days.  Before I knew it, things were going smoothly minus the pain I felt for the first month or so.  It might work, it might not, but it's certainly worth a try.
The person who siggestd La Leche League was right on target.  They live to helpo with nursing.
I wsih you the bestof luck because there is nothing like nursing BUT there is nothing like motherhood either and you will have that bond whether you are able to nurse or not and your child will love its mommy regardless.
I wish you well.

[pookie1121]

i also had issues with the lumps on the sides of my breasts when i startede breastfeeding.  My midwife had me heat before I tried nursing and then cool afterwards.  The heating helped to get the milk flowing and it seemed to work. Within a day she was able to latch on much better and has wanted to nurse nonstop since then.  The lumps on the sides when down too and were gone within about 3 days.

[tmv]

That's great advice from pookie. If you have the lumps, you are producing the milk, but it is drying up before getting out. Drink lots, like the others said and pump every 2 hours. Stress plays a huge role in let down. If you are upset it will not happen! Easier said than done, but seriously. Pump-don't worry about how much you get, it's the stimulation that keeps the milk being produced. Try putting the baby to the breast when he is not too hungry so he doesn't get frustrated.
Don't be so critical of yourself! Although I bf successfully, my mother-in-law made a profound statement about my sister-in-law. She told her that when you die, they are not going to put "She breastfed" on her headstone. Sorry, I hope that doesn't offend anyone, but basically, it will be ok. I truly understand your wanting the best for your baby. Hang in there!