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calling annie brooke
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calling annie brooke

hi, If I remember correctly you used donor eggs? is this correct? just curious how many eggs they put back in, and did it work on the first time,. I am 39 and have one daughter who is 9 and conceived natural, remarried and we cannot get pregnant for nothing, i have been thru 6 IUI's and my RE felt donor eggs was my best option, since our insurance covers no part of IVF donor or otherwise, we felt we wanted to go with our best options which was donor, so I was just wondering if you could fill me in on your expierence., thank you so much

luci  
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We did use donor eggs, it was the only opportunity left for me to get pregnant, and happily, it worked on the first try and we have a lovely little boy.  The pluses are numerous:  you can definitely get pregnant even if it is later in your reproductive life, the baby gets the healthiness of a baby from a young mother, you probably won't need to have an amnio, it's your husband's sperm, you can choose aspects of the donor so she looks like you (and also maybe improves on you -LOL!-  I say that humorously, but I am very glad this boy didn't get my mom's awful eyesight, grandma's bad bones, or grandpa's deafness.)  They screen the donors very carefully, and all of their health information is available to you when you are choosing.

There are only three downsides, two of which also are there with IVF with your own eggs:  it's costly, and you have to give yourself shots of progesterone for a number of weeks.  The third is that occasionally you have a sad or nostalgic moment of what it might have been if the baby was yours biologically.  My husband sometimes says how moved he is when he notices how much the baby reminds him of himself as a little boy, not realizing that saying so might make me feel a little out in the cold.  I don't particularly like thinking my son will resemble someone else instead of me, though I also know a lot of family resemblance is about mannerisms, actions, the tilt of the head, etc., and in those ways he resembles me a lot even this early.  And we were willing to go with an adoption and this is a heck of a lot closer, and since I carried him, there is even the possibility that with my blood through the placenta came some DNA, who knows. :)  So the wistful moments don't come often or last long.  And every day your baby is more connected to you in all ways, and you love him from the first kick.

Our fertility clinic will not put more than two eggs in; they see a lot of vanishing twin, and don't want to waste eggs, and the doctor thinks triplets is asking for terrible problems for the mom and the babies.  In my case, we did a 5th day transfer of two fresh embies and froze three that were left.  The odds with fresh embryos are very good at the clinic where we were, something like 90% chance of getting pregnant and 85% chance of taking home a baby.  (When we first did an IVF in 1990, the odds were only 15% of even getting pregnant and only 8% of taking home a baby.)  We did wind up with a vanishing twin, which was quite sad -- only 8-plus weeks in utero when it faded, but I still cried for the baby.  But the one that came through the experience was totally normal and a totally healthy pregnancy (if only the doctors hadn't nervously put me through a bazillion non-stress tests and a contraction stress test at the end ... they knew he got here in a complicated way and didn't want to blow it, but it was sure stressful to me.)  You have to know a lot about what is happening with your care in order to be an informed consumer and to speak up if the docs are all acting like a bunch of chickens at Labor & Delivery, but by that point you DO know a lot, and they do listen to what you are saying.  

There isn't much of a way to hide from your family what you are doing if you do IVF; all the shots have to be given daily at exactly the 24-hour point and are hard to work around.  If you wanted to, at 39 you would still not have to reveal to your nearest and dearest (except your husband of course) if you use a donor.  In my case, I knew everyone would be thinking "Downs Syndrome" through the whole pregnancy if I kept the use of a donor a secret, in fact they would be thinking I was wrong or immoral to do IVF if there were good chances of Downs, so I did tell my parents and siblings and a few close friends.  I don't tell other people, and some of the few who knew seem to have forgotten ... I get a lot of "He looks so much like you."  I just smile and say thanks, taking it as a compliment on my being clever enough to choose a donor who looked like me. :)  That said, I don't think it would serve the child well to hide it, as if he ever found out later and Mom had hidden it from him, how infuriating that would be for him!  We plan to tell him that a kind and selfless "Mary" donated an egg so he could be born.  I think there are plenty of ways to tell the story so the child doesn't take it as strange or anything but what it is, a reflection of how much we wanted him.

My hat is totally off to the young women who donate the eggs.  Of course they get remunerated and you pay for their medical and so on, but still ... it takes some kind of special person to send an egg out there like a message in a bottle and not worry about what might happen to the resulting baby.  I don't even know if I could do it, and I say this who received this gift.  A lot of them are nurses, and some have seen the sadness infertility can cause in someone close to them, but seriously there has to be an automatic place in heaven for them.

That's all I can think of to say.  I'm breast-feeding my son and a lot of it was so normal for any pregnancy that only the start point is unique.  The rest is like any pregnancy and any infant.  Good luck!
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oh thank you thank you so much for all that information
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I am also going for the IVF with the donor egg. your story gave a relief.
thanks once again.

Deepa
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