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cant cope wiv miscarriage. wat do i do?
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cant cope wiv miscarriage. wat do i do?

i know i must semm like a right mess up. but i dont know how to cope with this miscarriage.. i find myself waking up eveyday thinking... well i would have been 10 weeks 2 days....etc... this week is so hard for me because i would have been 12 weeks and i think out of the danger zone.. i cry every day and im finding myself getting very angry and blaming my partner for not being there for me when deep down i know there is nothing none of us could have done. do i need counselling? will i get through this myself?
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Avatar_n_tn
i am so sorry for your loss. i understand the pain of losing a baby. we all grieve differently. i too blamed my dh for not being there enough for me. it wasnt true, but i was sure no one could feel my pain. to help you with this difficult time maybe you should seek professional help. there isnt anything wrong with doing that, in fact maybe it will help you get the closure you need to move past this deep depression. prayers are with you .
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Avatar_f_tn
Jen, it's hard to have a miscarriage.  I keep thinking about how far I would have been too, I think that's normal.  I was bitter also, I made it to 11 weeks before finding out, and I figured I was so close to being out of the danger zone too.  How long has it been?  I'm about 2 1/2 weeks since my m/c and I'm still sad about it.  I think it helps to talk though, I know this site has really helped me out, my husband is very sweet and supportive, but even he doesn't know what to say or do right now.  He seems to have moved on and doesn't say anything about it at all.  He did argue with me and tell me I didn't have a m/c since it was a blighted ovum and the baby didn't develop.  He learned quickly not to say that.  I went through 11 weeks and had terrible morning sickness and was starting to show already.  Even though I did not lose a baby, I lost a pregnancy  and had to go through the pain of a m/c and pass the sac.  It was hard, and still is.  Just take your time to grieve and don't feel bad about it.  If you are still having a hard time moving on after awhile and can't seem to think about anything else, than maybe look into talking with a counselor or talk to your Dr.  It also takes awhile to get those hormones out of your system, and that can make you emotional too.  Hopefully you can find some comfort and move on when you are ready.  Take care.
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Avatar_n_tn
sorry you're going through all this heartache. it will get better - time has a way of letting us get past all the pain and hurt - we don't forget it happened, but we get busy with other things in life (hopefully all good things) and the pain lessens. I'm not going to tell you whether or not you need counseling - if you feel like you're really not getting past this and really having a hard time coping and don't have someone to really talk to and cry with then it certainly can't hurt to go speak to someone - it could be something really good for you - it's a third uninvolved party, there for you, listening to you, and really trying to help you figure out ways to cope and heal. When did you actually m/c? are you trying again yet? if not, how long do you think you'll wait before trying again. Trying and Hoping could help you through this time also - you'll busy yourself with getting ready for a happy and healthy pregnancy and even though that doesn't take away your loss it gives you something new to look forward to. i really hope your healing process goes smoothly and quickly and please know that you can always turn to this website for advice and encouragement. i found this site in march after going through my second m/c and it's really helped me through. thinking of you.
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Avatar_n_tn
I have been through a bad time last week when my SIL had her baby on my due date. My depression went to the bottom. My doctor wanted me to go into the hospital, I was that bad, but I stayed out and I am still dealing with it,   My dh and mom are telling me that I should have dealt with my m/c better back in nov.  I just shut down, I cried but not enough.  Maybe you shold talk with your doc about post pardum depression.  And do a lot of crying.  I went out side and yelled I hate you god at the top of my lungs and I felt much better.  My preist even told me to yell that as much as I want, let god know how I feel made me feel better.  That night I dreamed of my angel and it made everything better, I know he is with us every day. I am now just starting to forgive god for taking my baby, yes it still hurts I do not think it will ever go away. My mind is healing but my heart still hurts.
Make sure you talk to your partner about how you feel and just cry together.
The girls on here are great they let me vent and cry never saying anything bad.  So just vent, yell and cry all you want. Hell I will even cry with you.
((((hugs))))
Take care.
melissa
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Avatar_n_tn
i hat eheraing it(but) time does heal all wounds eventually, god luck and god bless
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Avatar_n_tn
My m/c was just over a year ago (june 2005)and I still remember it very vividly. I was 12 weeks when I found out, they said a blighted ovum too, but who knows. HOnestly, I was a horrible mess basically until after my due date which was Christmas Eve, about 6 months after the m/c. I actually feel like I was getting a lot better after a few months, then the due date crept up on me and it all jsut came back. Don't think that there is anything wrong with you. Its a loss just like any other, and it takes a lot of time to go through it. If you are thinking of counseling, that is never a bad idea. I didn't go to professional counseling, although sometimes I wish I would have, but I did have a little support group that met each week for women who have experienced pregnancy loss. That helped me tremendously. Even if you don't feel like you can greive with DH right now, it can do wonders to just cry with other women who have gone through the same thing. And try little by little to let DH into it too. My DH came with me to some of the support group meetings, I think it helped him too. I really feel for you because I've been there. For a long time I kept saying that all my dreams went away with my baby, and maybe that was true, everything just changes, but you will be able to dream again and you will be ok.
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Avatar_n_tn
Dear Jen, You are not alone. Your pain is shared by all the mothers that have had lost a baby. I've had two consecutive D&C myself.  When I found out about it the 2nd time, I really wanted to die with my baby..... You are doing the right thing though, to cry and to seek help. I don't know when did the m/c happen. If it's less than 2wk ago, I personally think it is normal to mourn the loss. But if it's been longer than that, you might want to look for professional help. Just try to get as much help as possible and try to look forward. There are many many successful stories of having babies after m/c.....

Peace and love
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Avatar_n_tn
I feel every bit of your pain. I am so sorry for your loss. I am actually going thru my 2nd in 6 mths. right now. Its the hardest thing ive ever went thru. I told myself when i found out i was preg this time, if i had another m/c i would never try again. im still not sure i can put myself thru another one. its been hard on my little boy (will be 7 in august) also. he has been so excited both times and then ive had to explain death to him twice. its not fair and i agree about being mad at everyone. i look at all of these sorry *** people having babies with no problem. they dont care, they kill them, they are druggies and it makes me sick. why is it that only the good people have problems? so im crying with u 2.  vent let it out sweetie. dont keep it in. my husband isnt there for me either. hell sometimes i wonder if he ever really wanted them anyway. :(
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Avatar_n_tn
I know the pain you are feeling its very hard losing a baby. I was 12 weeks and I miscarried naturally and held the little baby in my hand when I passed the baby I screamed and broke down I have tears in my eyes now and that was over 7 months ago I still think about it everyday it does get better in time you never understand why this happens our babies are up in heaven now.
I'm so sorry for you loss you will get thru this in time good luck.
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Avatar_n_tn
I hear you, it's part of the healing process, you have to mourn it and then you'll move on from it. So many of us go through that, I still feel it, I had my m/c end of March of this year and I see so many pg women lately and I think that would have been me but I try to focus on the next step b/c I have mourned it and I'm ready to move on and you too will know when you're ready to move on!

All my best to you especially now.
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Avatar_n_tn
I am so very sorry to hear about your loss....and no hun, there is nothing either you or your partner could do to prevent this...you definitely do need counseling to deal with the intense grief you are feeling, the grief is completely understandable and justified, but I think it would help you to speak to a counselor or therapist to get through this, and remember, your partner is feeling the pain of this loss too, you are not alone, dont close them out, they need you too.  Take care friend and dont lose hope, sticky baby dust your way ->->-> and (((HUGS)))
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Avatar_n_tn
i had  the miscarriage about 4 weeks ago now... its horrible because i went for the scan on the monday.. i saw the heartbeat and everything. then on the friday it was dead.. i had to wait 4 days till i miscarried naturally. which was really really hard. i think im getting over it now... just having my first period now so im  keeping my fingers very crossed. i know it wont help the pain of losing this baby but i hope it makes it easier if i get preg again.. thank you for ure luvely comments and im crying my eyes now..... lol....... hugs foe evryone.xxxx
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Avatar_n_tn
Very sorry to hear of your loss. I too m/c just days ago. I can hardly believe I saw the heartbeat and had picked out names just last Sunday. I was crying alot because my Hcg levels were falling. Then I kinda expected it. I felt ok or so I thought. But I keep crying here and there. I am going for grief counseling. It's weird my family just does not get it. I was only 6 weeks but had made all these plans. Anyway, they say it get better. Liz xo
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Avatar_n_tn
hi
this is prob the worst time of my life , i had a miscarriage several days ago and i just feel i will never get over it, i cant let anyone know how i am feeling and that what hurts the most , my partner and myself cant really talk about it any more , cause it usually causes an argument , but i dont know what else to do , is it normal for the partners to show no emotions ,thats what hurts the most because he thinks am taking it too far because the baby wasnt formed ,i dont know if its because it hasnt hit him yet the fact that the baby aint there no more , some days i wake up feeling fine until later on then i just think about when i was in hosp and they told me i had a miscarriage, it gets me so down and makes me feel sick and angry i just go to the bathroom and cry my eyes out , so no one sees me, i just keep thinking it was something i done to cause it , if any1 have any advice i would really apprecaite it
thanks xx
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Avatar_f_tn
Emma your loss and your grief are your own and how you feel is OK. It doesn't matter how far along you were it still hurts. Don't be angry with your partner he is sad too but he probably doesn't know how to deal with your grief - it has happened to me a number of times and I now know that my hubby feels completely helpless as it all seems to be happening to me- Sometimes there is nothing left to say so maybe just hug each other and understand each other in silence. The sooner you find a way to lift your mood the sooner you can try again. A lovely chinese doctor told me that being in a good state of mind is one of the most important factors to getting & staying pregnant, Get rid of those stressful feelings. You never forget your lost pregnancies but you will learn to live with the memories. I wish you peace.
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