dna test

how early can i get a dna test. the man whos my babys dad. is sayin now its not his and that im not even pregant. and i kno its his. we started datin in jan. last person i got with other than him was in november. so yeah its deff his

[Darkestlight]

A amnio is usually done around 16-20wks I think. It is also used to check for things like down syndrome and stuff, but they can get DNA off it it as well, or a CVS is done much earlier around 10-12 wks and checks for all the same things. Both those tests have their risks. You can always get it done when the baby is born.
Read about them.
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/pregnancy/prenatalhealth/328.html
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/327.html

[Kim1989]

i want ot tell him hes the fater before i have the baby is that possible

[Kim1989]

here ill send you the um myspace bullent i wrote:


SOME of you guys say your a man and this that and the other. yeah fuckin right. start actin like it. you had a girl that most ppl would kill for. someone whos faithful and loves you unconditionally. and you throw that away. you start to degrate her. call her names. you sure dont have a problem with hittin her. whatever.

you wanted me to be tru and to love only you. well i did. im pregnant with you kid again. and you had enough balls to sit there tell me your not talkin to anyone else. i find out you lied about that. you have another girl while im sittin there prego with you kid. you kno ive been faithful. you kno i loved you. and you took that for granted.

go and tell people its not yours and that im not pregnant. ill get you a damn dna test to prove. it. and ill milk you for everything you have..(aint much)

[peekawho]

Tell him what you want, but 99% of the time, DNA testing is not done until after the baby is born.  

No responsible doctor will do an amnio or CVS simply for paternity issues.  You'll have to wait, just like everyone else who finds themselves in a position to have to prove paternity.  

[Kim1989]

damn thats gonna be like 6 more months. i wanna shove it in his face now. cuz hes makin me look like im the dumbass. when im positive its his. it cant be anyone elses

[Darkestlight]

I take it you two aren't together now. Peek is right there aren't many doctors that will do a amnio or CVS just for paternity. It poses unnecessary risks. But it is up to the discretion of your doctor.

[Kim1989]

whatever.

[pertykitty]

whew i erased what i origionally wrote.  kim forget about this for now.  focus on your health and that of your baby.  stop worrying about tanning or clothing or any of the minor things that really dont matter.  figure out if you will finish school then what you will do, how you will feed your baby and buy diapers, and dont count on a man to do this for you.   if you are able to stay with your parents and then go to school to get a good job id do it.  

[waitingwithhope]

By the sounds of your posts, you sound like you are overwhelmed and lost in all of this change that is happening around you. The reason you probably want to look as much like your old self  (i.e. in buying clothes and tanning) is because you want to be that old self. Motherhood changes everything. You will never be the same again. For most women, the change is positive--it forces a woman to mature, to focus on the things that matter in life and to nurture and care for another human being.  Maybe too you want to be that old self that your bf once loved. If your bf won't accept you for the new you with the baby and all the changes, chances are he was not worth it. You can't force anyone into being a father, but you can hold them financially accountable. Be careful that you don't say anything, especially in writing, that could come back to hurt you or your chances of getting custody of the child. He could use this info against you at some point in court to say that you are unstable or too emotional to handle the baby. And, always remember too, he is the father of your child. No matter how much you don't respect his actions, don't ever let that flow into your life with your child because your child in turn may resent you for it. Take the high ground. Wait until your pregnancy is finished, get the DNA test, go to court and get support (even if he is not making much now, he can still pay you in the future) and move on with your life...get an education, a good job and be the best mom you can be.

[pertykitty]

doesnt myspace offer spellcheck?  

[Kim1989]

no and i usually write everything in a hurry

[pertykitty]

what the heck does that all mean?? look you came to a site where you need to be 18 you are not and you expect us to listen to your balogna about this? then cuss and yell which makes no sense at all?  there are teen pregnancy sites that would be more empathetic than i can be at this point.  i suggest you find one.

[Kim1989]

thank you. its hard. it really is. im scarred of everything. and i dont wanna be a single mom like my mom was but i dont want my baby to be beated and he would hit our kid. so im going to have to do it by myself. and im young. and scared. im not gonna be a highschool dropout just cuz im pregnant. its soo hard being alone. i wish someone was there. cuz i didnt make this baby by myself. im not that talented. so why should i have to raise it by myself.

[kierstynsmommy]

dang...well said perty!

[kierstynsmommy]

Tell him where to go. Tell him that you dont need him and you dont need to depend on him. What kind of man is he if he is not there for you, obviously not a good enough one to have you and your baby. Yes, i do have a husband, but no, i dont have any family around here...i do it all on my own. I am only 22, I had my baby when i was 21, not too much older than you...if I can do it, so can you. There are moms out here who are pregnant at the age of 15 and are doing it on their own. I understand that you are stressed out and worried. You made a choice to have a baby and now its not about you anymore, everything is about your baby. It will be that way for the rest of your life, and mine. He is reliable to give you child support. I would honestly wait to get the DNA test until after the baby is born, that way you and your baby are not in possible danger when you tell him now. There is no telling what he is capable of. My best friend had the best guy in the world until she became pregnant, once she told him it was his, he changed and became violent...he was sent to jail for putting a gun to her head and threatening to blow her brains out. Dont upset him more than he is, for your sake.

[Kim1989]

o now your gonna get into this too. yall dont kno what im goin thru. yall dont kno how depressed i am. and im TRYIN MY HARDEST TO HOLD MY HEAD UP FOR THIS BABY. I NEED TO STAY STRONG. BUT ITS HARD. YOU HAVE PEOPLE THERE. I DONT. MY MOMS 8 STATES AWAY. MY BABYS DAD IS FUCKIN SOME GIRL HE PLAYED ME OUT FOR. MY DAD WAS NEVER AROUND. AND IM DEALIN THE BEST WAY I CAN. BUT YOU HAVE SOMEBODY. YOU HAVE YOU HUBBY, I HAVE MY DOG. AND HE DOESNT TALK BACK. IM TRYIN TO FINISH SCHOOL, IM TRYIN TO FIND A JOB, SO I CAN BE A GOOD MOTHER AND SUPORT MY BABY. AND IM DEALIN WITHOUT MY MEDS AND ITS HARD. YOU HAVE NO IDEA

[kierstynsmommy]

how old are you?

[Nicole624]

She is 18.

[Kim1989]

im against killin a baby. i kno loosin my baby the first time hurt. more than anything. and my friend tell me i have see what is more important. a baby, my baby, a part of me. or a man that comes and goes so easliy? and i think a baby is a gift of life. and its the most beautiful thing in the world. hes mess me up so bad. but hes just a guy i loved. and who hurt me. a baby is mine for life. to seee grow. live. and grow into a beautiful child.. i think abortions should only be used if your babys gonna be a crack baby. or something horrible will happen to it. if your adult enough to make a baby. you should be adult enough to make raise a baby. i strong and i know i can do it. ive been around babys ever since i was one. but i just wish he was there. wantin to see his baby. and i kno hes scarred right now. but i  dont think its fair for me to have to do it on my own. i didnt make it by myself. he said hes a man. and hes gonna be a man and go into the marines. but come on now, he aint no man if hes not gonna take responsibilty for his actions. im just beyond upset. cuz him lyin to me and cheatin on me with his new girl just happened. i dont want anything to do with him but yet i do wish he was here

[Kim1989]

i already know im gonna be a single mom. its just sucks and its not fair. it really makes me wish i was president and i would force of the dads to treat the mom with respect. and the baby too. and if they made it. they gotta be there for it all. let them feel labor pains!

[pertykitty]

are you sure you want to keep this baby? i only say that because if you are bipolar and you have this much trouble, maybe motherhood is going to be too overwhelming.  yes i have somebody , like a lot of women here mine is in the military and gone right now.  there are mothers here who have left their other during their pg. this forum is not filled with only the picture perfect smiles and faces of women who have no problems.  pregnancy is hard for most, its not the walk in the park you dream it will be.  motherhood is even harder.  10x harder.  you dont get a break, you dont get a vacation, you dont get much other than a crying baby at first.  not that it cant be wonderful, but it can be hell too.  at 10 weeks you have options is all im saying.  and its time to stop playing the victim here, you laid down without protection knowing what  it could bring. that is part of being an adult.

[Kim1989]

nah my moms gonna help me. we are pretty well off. and i could never carry something for 9 months and watch it go.i want to keep it

[waitingwithhope]

You most likely will be a single mom...but if your bf was abusive, this is for the better. You need to always look at life through your child's eyes. Make decisions that will make your child proud to say "that's my mom." Also, keep in mind that statistically speaking, many young moms will go on to have another child within the first two years of giving birth. I would suggest that you also get yourself good BC so that you don't have even more to handle. There are a lot of single moms out there doing a fantastic job. It is not easy to raise a child alone, but you have to remember that your child is a gift that not everyone gets to have. Treat yourself with respect, don't get yourself into any future relationship that is unhealthy and make sure that you raise the bar for whoever comes along next. Also, you are going to need some supports in place--if family members are too far away, then I would suggest you look into organizations or support groups or churches in your area who can help you out. It is scary being alone...you are right. Every new mom feels scared too--that is normal, it is just harder if you are young and single. Read up on as much as you can right now...you have time right now to find out everything you need to know about pregnancy, child birth and what to expect after. Also, make sure the school is understanding and supports your educational plans so that you can provide for the baby.

[kierstynsmommy]

that is what I thought, but then i thought perty said she wasnt or something like that...i am really tired though, so i could have misunderstood. Thanks!

[peekawho]

Whatever her problems, she can't use the eff word on this forum.  PK is right; she still has options.  

[Kim1989]

see his dad and his marine sargent say that everyone who comes back from boot camp changes for the better. they say watch he will change. he just doesnt want to accept it right now hes havin a baby. but hes a real jerk. and i dont kno if he will come back better.  im scarred he will come back worse

[kierstynsmommy]

You did read that you did have options didnt you? You could put your baby up for adoption to give it a better life if you dont think you could handle it...there are a ton of loving families looking for babies every day.

[waitingwithhope]

One of the hardest things you are learning is that people don't always do the right thing or what you expect them to do. His actions speak of a guy who is immature. You may always wish he would help out, but his lack of interest in your pregnancy at this stage means that he probably won't at all....Letting go of the "ideal" situation will help you to stay focussed on what really matters...The more you want him around, the less you will be able to focus on yourself and the baby. Take time to grieve the loss of your relationship, remind yourself it was not healthy to begin with (you probably saw all sorts of red flags and you tried to ignore them because you wanted this to work out so badly). After you have done this...put the memories in a place in your mind that is your past and then focus on you and the baby. You can do it and get through it, it just will be the most challenging thing you have ever done in your life...but so long as you know that, you can get through it.

[waitingwithhope]

I am sorry too that you are upset over the loss of your relationship and are facing  this burden alone. I am not sure if you believe in God or not, but...I would have a conversation with God and ask him to give you strength and wisdom. Also, one more thing I forgot to add...If he does come back better--you may have moved on in your heart and life--he runs that risk. Time will help you to see he couldn't be the person you hoped he was....You probably love the person you thought he was...but it is not worth loving the person he is today...

[waitingwithhope]

Try and live like your bf is never coming back or changing. If he does, then welcome the change, but at least then you are not setting yourself up for heartbreak. He can't become a man without wanting to become one and choosing to be responsible. His choices sound irresponsible right now and you need to surround yourself with people who can better your life--not bring you down. And, it is very sad, but if he truly loved you and truly loved your baby--he wouldn't be where he is today. He probably does believe you are pregnant but he does not want to accept responsibility...that is more likely what is going on. If he accepts responsibility, it will force him to change his lifestyle. He is not ready to do that and bootcamp can't change anyone who does not want to change.

[kierstynsmommy]

Just so you know, my hubby who is in the army is sitting right here saying "people who go to boot camp do change, they may change for the better, but they may still be a butthole." They will be more disciplined and trained before they went, but you cannot change a person. This is going to be the hardest thing in your life, it will also be the most rewarding too. You are going to raise a child and teach him/her morals and values. This person will look up to you and you will feel like you have done a wonderful job. There will be sleepless nights, tears, crying, changing diapers, potty training, in the beginning. Then there will be terrible 2's, up to the teenage years. they you will have to deal with drugs and teen sex and hope to God she doesnt make the same mistake that you have done...(not that you will ever let your child feel like they were never meant to be and you dont love him), to everything else i am too lazy to talk. Bottom line like the above poster said, it will be the most challenging thing you will ever do in your life, you can do it. Everyone else gets through it some way, so can you! Its time to grow up and take responsibility for your actions, stop worrying about your butt to show off and your cute clothes. It is not about you anymore, strictly baby!!!

[alaysha]

I used to be in an abusive relationship and sadly the bottom line is people dont change. They can go to boot camp or anger management or any of those types of things and they can pretend for a while but one day they're just going to snap and be the person they were before. Its a sad story buts its true. You should think of investing in a book about abusive relationships and how to deal with them and also a book on how to raise I child by yourself. I hate to upset you more than you already are but right now everything that you've said on this forum have been things that make no sense to me. If your 17 years old (soon to be 18) why would you have tried so hard to get pregnant. You already said that you were pregnant once and lost it. What about the life you have to live? It sound like your still a young girl with alot of growing up to do yourself. I dont know your life style but you realize that your never going to be able to party again right and that whenever you do go out you'll have to find a babysitter someone who probably isnt going to stay over until 3 in the morning until you get home. The body that you charish so much is going to loose its figure. You're going to have stretch marks and your boobs are not going to be as perky and your butt might shrink. Tanning isn't even going to be an option for a while because when are you going to find the time? I know that you said that your mom is going to help you but she's going to make you grow up too. Its your baby and she'll help you but she's not going to take responsiblility. Did you ever even talk with your boyfriend about having a baby? Maybe he just feels trapped because its not something that he ever wanted. And when you start dating again its going to be hard because your going to be a young single mom and alot of guys aren't mature enough at your age for that and just dont want the baggage. I think that for the next 7 months you should think about what you really really truely want. Maybe right now isn't the best time to have a baby... maybe some part of you will grow up just a little and realize what it takes to be a mom and you'll do it with open arms. I'm only 19 (just turned it). I'm not in a steady relationship... frankly I think I'm just going to walk out of my relationship at times and just deal. I have a car and an apartment that I have no hope in the world of being able to pay for when I take maternity leave, even with all the money I'm saving up. Before you tell us that we dont understand what its like... understand that someone of us are close in the same age or years older but were all just women who understand experiances even if we haven't gone through them ourselves. Next time you post on here do it an manner thats more grown up. Not about tanning or your bebe pants and bottom, or with swear words. Do it because you really have something to say about your pregnancy something that you need to get off your chest or just news that you want to share. Because (and I'm not trying to upset you) frankly we're not here to answer all your vain issues we're here because we all have the common factor of being pregnant and we're all just sharing the experiance. Best wishes... I hope that this baby is everything you hope for. A happy 9 months to you.

[pertykitty]

marines are different.  my ex was in the corp, didnt know him after but he was a butthole lol.  the great thing is if you prove he is the father after the baby is born, the military will have part of his check to you.  i said all i said because i dont believe in trying to make things seem easy and a bowl of cherries.  even at 35 i find struggles with parenthood and pregnancy.  i have been down many roads since i was your age, and my father was never  an "its going to be ok" kind of dad, he told me how it was and to stop my whining and make it work.  while at the time i thought it was mean, it made me stronger and realize i cant blame others for everything.  i cant depend on others for my life choices.  i think alaysha said what i thought earlier, that having posted in regards to your meds, or stress or worry, rather than the stuff that really is meaningless in the whole scheme of things.  but like i said, there are sites for pregnant teens and you might have better luck sharing the same feelings as you have.  stay here for solid advice that while you might think seem too old, after this baby comes you might be surprised how your thoughts change. good luck to you.  

[pertykitty]

i meant i didnt know him before.  didnt really matter was more of a joke (seriously is a butt though) lol

[alaysha]

Something else to realize Kim. Even when people loose their tempers in here its partially because we're all hormonal and you know what THATS like! :D Everyone just wants the best for you! So keep that in mind when your sad okay.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I was a single mother for 10 years.  My baby's father ran the day I told him I was pregnant.  I had to go through the legal system and make him be responsible.  

I don't think you are clearly thinking this situation through.  Is this truly what you want?  It means the end of your youth.  I think you idealizing what it will be like to have a baby.  They cry constantly, they get sick, you cannot leave them unattended for a moment.  When they are 2 they will defy you and throw fits in public.  And then they become teenagers.....If you think a child will always love you and be a source of joy, you are sadly mistaken.

Forget the guy, wait until your baby is born and have a paternity test, then go to court and request full custody and child support.  He doesn't sound like he is stable.

This may sound harsh, but I've read all your posts and you do not seem ready or stable enough to raise this child.  Of course I don't really know you, I've only read what you've written.  I am deeply concerned about your well being and the well being of your unborn child.  My own daughter is 16 so I guess I am speaking to you like I would to her if she was in this situation.  You need more maturity and life skills to raise a child.  Love isn't enough, sad to say.  I know many girls who had their babies in their teens.  A few do very well, most do not.

I know you are appalled at the idea of not having the baby or placing the child for adoption, but those are still legitimate options you should consider.  Adoption is not giving a child away, it is allowing your child to be raised in a loving, safe home.  I have worked with girls placing their children and I have to tell you I found it to be an incredibly loving and sacrificial act.  I was amazed at their strength.  I was also thrilled to see the joy that child brought to the adoptive parents.  Many of these couples waited 10 + years to have a child.

Of course you will have to make your own choices.  I feel very sad for you, this should be a carefree time when you are finishing high school, planning on college, dreaming about your future career.  I wish you well.

[lovethebops]

Guess I missed a ton once again!! Dang-et living in eastern time!! LOL, well I am just suprised this whole thread is here today, normally they erase the ones that are full of F-bombs and posted by underage ppl..Other than that-I am at a lose for words...

[peekawho]

Good job, anxious!   Well said.

[pertykitty]

very well said anxious. i hope she gives good thought to it.