finnally i'm pregnant again, dh doesnt want it!!!!

HI! as many of u remember i had a miscarriage december 05, i took a test yesterday as i was a few weeks late for my period and it came out BFP! i was soooo happy, i told dh and he said straight up 'your not keeping it are u??!!' i just burst in 2 tears, ive wanted this to happen 4 so long, but he says what about money what about his mum and dad not thinking about me?? i tried showing him the complications women have with abortions and he still says no way. i wasnt expecting 2 become pregnant as i was on bc. so i have been drinking etc but that doesnt mean the baby wouold be mentally retarded does it?? i'd be about 8 weeks, im going 2 book a doctors app and go from there can any1 give me any advice??? i no how hard it was loosing 1 im totally against abortion and i never thought id even considor killing my baby!!!!!!!

[vsentz]

Don't take this personal hon, but, if it was me, I'd run away from anyone, i said ANYONE who would want to harm my baby or me!!!!!!!
THE WORST thing i've been through ever is been loosing my little baby!!!!!!!! (m/c) and i still blame myself sometimes for that....I cannot even imagine to do it on purpose!!!!
NO WAY!
I would reconsider who I am with, and have a talk....if he still wants to kill your baby......I would dissapear!!! but that is just me hon, doesn't mean is an advise ok???
Be strong hon, be happy!!!! you have a baby in your belly!!! that's what most of the girls here wish to have!!! and you got it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =))

[shm79]

Congrats to you!!!  No one can make you do anything you don't want to do.  Don't let ANYONE pressure you to have an abortion if you don't believe in it.  I'm sure your family and friends will be there to support you!

[neparker]

Drinking early in pregnancy usually doesn't harm the baby.  It's still developing.  Later on in pregnancy is when it affects the baby.

About aborting it, there are many ppl who can't get pregnant, even if you two decide not to keep the baby, you can always put it up for adoption.

[Allie1980]

Don't do it!!!!!  Do not do it.  You will feel so terrible afterward.


All of these problems that seem to be "mountains" will probably resolve themselves.

He'll turn around.

[babyblues7]

i keep trying to tell my dh that other women try 4 yrs with no luck and u wan 2 get rid of it like its a toy. its a life! its really winding me up. ive seriously considorerd just packing my things and leaving, but im at college, meant to be going uni next year, i no i can put all that on hold tho

[shar7222]

I agree with everyone else.  It's your body and your baby and you should make the decision based on what you want to do and not what someone else is telling you should do.  Whatever decision you make now will affect you for the rest of your life.
Btw vsentz, I had a m/c and also felt a little bit guilty wondering if I had done something to cause it.  There are so many women on this site who have had a m/c and there really is no reason, it just happens.  It's not your fault.

[myproblem]

If he didn't want you to get pregnant, then he should have:
1. Told you a little sooner.
2. Done something on his own to prevent it.
Is he always a jerk, or just right now? If he really continues with not wanting your baby, you ought to just tell him to pack his bags. Abortion never makes the woman happy. If he leaves, call on your family for help. At the very worst, if nobody will help you, and you're sure you can't do it alone, you can share your baby with someone through adoption. I know women who had abortions, and never forgave themselves. Some have infertility afterward form physical damage. On the other hand I have one friend who chose to place her baby for adoption because the father was unwilling to help. She still feels sad for herself, but knows that she was able to give him something better that way.

[cugirl]

CONGRATS!!! I think the baby will be fine if you were drinking and now quit.  Tell hubby that bcp's are not 100% and if he didnt want a baby he should have kept it in his pants..lol.  Anyways there was a story similar to yours in a magazine I just read...I cant remember if it was American Baby or what.  But the lady had two boys and was always wanting a girl.  But the boys were older and they were a happy family.  The dad didnt want anymore kids...he didnt want to go back to the diaper changing and the sleepless night. Well mom turned out to be pregnant and went thru the whole pregnancy...birth and all by herself, he wanted her to have an abortion.  But the first time he held his baby girl in his arms all the resentment went away and love overtook him.  They had money problems and the dad ended up quiting his job to stay at home with the baby.  And now he says he couldnt imagine life without her.  Im sure hubby will change his mind later on.  Just give it time to sink in.
As for money being an issue...theres poor people that have babies all the time.  Babies just need love.  Plus go online and sign up for as much free stuff as you can.  Huggies, pampers and luvs all send out coupons and diapers.  I have receved about 20 diapers for free from them.  Enfamil also sends out coupons and Ive even received free cans of formula.  Nestle sends out formula coupons about once or twice a month and there are 2 coupons one for $11 and one for $2. Gerber also sends out coupons for onsies and such.
I will keep you in my prayers.

[pinkplease]

GIVE HIM 1 WEEK. HE'LL BE OVER IT.

[happybaby23]

Don't let him or anyone pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do.  I would talk to him.  He may be against it because he doesn't want to go through the possibility of a m/c again.  He may not mean it.
However, if he is truly against it I would surround myself with family and friends who love and support me.  You need it now more than ever!
Good Luck :)!

[Crritter]

First off congrats on the baby!  Second, don't let him make you feel bad.  Guys take awhile to get out of the shock, but if he feels that way then you need to be careful.  Maybe if he went with you to your first appt. and saw the baby on u/s it would soften him.  Trust me, you can't make a decision like that just because he's worried about money.  It always works itself out.  When I stressed over my first pregnancy (unplanned) a friend told me that God doesn't give you more than you can handle, just may challenge you a little.  Have faith that you can do it and take care of yourself.  If DH can't support you once he gets past the shock then you need to consider your next move, give him a little time though and just take care of yourself and your new arrival to be.  Babies are always a gift.

[krushing]

As others have said.  Don't let him pressure you into doing something you are against.  And, as I told my DH, there is never a "right" time to have a baby.  My DH thought that he didn't want to have a baby until we were "financially" stable, etc.  But, when we got pg (while on bc), he saw that everyone chips in to help and you get through it.  Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in m/c.  We are still in the "healing" process.  Congrats on your BFP!  And I wish you the best.

[over40club]

DO NOT let him pressure you into something that you will regret the rest of your life!

[Hope2OneDay]

I agree with Vsentz...I would run far away from anyone who would be willing to so easily harm my baby. Nothing personal, but even if it meant leaving him and telling him I wouldn't even expect him to help PAY for it, I would keep it.
The fact that he didn't even take time to consider it OR your feelings suggests that he may not be the most sensitive soul anyway. I would leave a man in a heartbeat if he told me I HAD to get an abortion. Don't let him treat you like you don't have a choice. Honey, life is FULL of choices, and the first one I'd make would be to get rid of HIM before getting rid of an innocent BABY!

Best of luck to you...I hope everything works itself out.

[siren of the sea]

congrats on the pg! his statement about you keeping it and his parents show he is selfish and immature. i feel for you, to have to be emotional from pg and have this horrible thing said to you by the man that should be by your side. what do his parents have to do with it? do you live with them? you probably need to give him a bit of time to take in this info. but if he doesnt come around you can do it. as far as money goes-he could get another job part time. my dh works full time in the navy and has a part time job because life is expensive. love that little baby and let us know how it goes. there was a girl on here a short time ago that thought her dh wouldnt want it and he sure proved her wrong-hopefully it will happen for you too.

[nanis]

Congrats,on your preg.Don't worry about the drinking it will not efect babynow but stop from now on.DONT listen to any one this is your baby & with or with out him you will be FINE.I also m/c on 8/25 & it was afull!!!I have two kids dd7 &ds11.After 7 yrs.I wanted to have more. When I told hubby he first said why do you want to have more kids?The kids are already big & to have to start again.I was crushed & broke down.I had my oldest young & was not planned but had dd, 4 yrs.later.My kids are great straight A students and are not a hassel at all.I cried & cried, what he thought was that I was just maybe thinking about trying ,not serious.He reconsidered & I got preg,that same month.He was over the moon would cater to my every need.When I m/c he toke it harder than everyone & felt sooo guilty for what he had said.I cant ttc for 3 mos.till dec.I was thinking till jan b/c of the holidays.But he said dec.& that,that would be HIS christmas gift.So my point is that sometimes MEN do not think a/b what they say in your case right after m/c.He's prob. just scared, men show there emotions diff.So for now stop stressing think about yourself & baby.NO one can make you do what you don't want.I had my son at 17 & do not regret it at all!!If I would of terminated my preg with him I would not have have my beautiful,momma's boy**nanis

[mommie2]

You will regret an abortion and never forgive yourself. I had an abortion at the age of 16, 17 years ago and think of it often. I never forgave myself, but my mom made the decision for me and it was done before I knew it. I don't blame her, she was doing what she thought was best. Do you have other children?????

[picaboo]

I may be thinking of the wrong "babyblues," but aren't you the one that got preggo twice before on the pill??? I don't know what the odds are of that happening 3 times, but I bet they are pretty slim.

But, what's done is done. Don't let anyone talk you into an abortion. You chose to get preggo, now be responsible and keep it.

[emma10]

My DH (now my ex) was in deep shock too. He later decided he liked the baby fine but we never got along again, especially after that. He wouldn't speak to me for 4 days when I told him, then when he could said he didn't want to have a baby with me (duh a little late). I ran away to England for a month, really, really emotionally severed ties with him, kept him around for the support basically. That was after 10 years together. Lasted maybe 5 more years but it was never the same. He was 'trapped'. I later found out he was just a trapped person anyway, even without me! That was a revelation. He continues brutally unhappy, unemployed and pissy, ALONE, mean, doesn't support the children (yes there was 1 more total accident,the only time we had sex in 5 years, oh what a soap opera this is). I don't know. People should be careful what they say at times like this. If you really want to stay with him, you probably want to start counselling now!  He is way too insensitive to raise  a child, be a parent and a husband. YOu deserve better but I would understand if financially you had to stick around for a while. Congratulations, we are happy for you!

[siren of the sea]

isnt it amzzing that some men will act this way? a husband none the less!! im sure she will keep this baby but i wonder why he feels this way.

[ally76]

hard times pass....abortion is forever!!
Good luck!

[bookerswife]

I had an abortion when I was 16 and even to this day 12 years later I think about it all the time and could never be able to express my guilt to anyone! I, personally, would not do it! This is a blessing! When I was pregnant my parents wanted me to abort my first dd! I said hell no! Now she is 7 years old and she is like a child to them! My mom came to me and said she was glad for one I defied her and went ahead with the pregnancy because my dd is her and my dads LIFE!! He will get over it and if he doesn't.... screw him! He is your husband! About the money.. me personally if you always sit around and wait for the money to be right you will loose your possibly loose your chance! I will pray for you and hope you make a decision that YOU can live with and nobody else!

[lovefamily]

Don't do something you will regret for the rest of your life.  If everyone waited until they could afford a baby, then we wouldn't have very many getting pregnant.  Babies are a gift from God.  Everything always works out when you do what is right.  You can do many things to save money and you will adjust once the baby is here.  Hopefully your hubbie will have a change of heart....if not then go to those that will support you.  Blessings!

[HIS GIFT TO US]

I'm just curious you said something about what his mom & dad would think, whats that got to do w/ anything? As far as showing compl. of an abortion how about the biggest, you leave w/ NO BABY!!!!
You can't ever get that baby back here on earth!! You said you've lost a baby before so I assume you know the heartache of that when it wasn't your choice so I'm doubting an abortion is really gonna fix things & suit H.(imagine the guilt) I hope & pray you keep this baby w/ or w/out H.To be honest if my DH wanted me to abort our baby I'd be sooooo long gone, plus if a man is willing to harm something that he helped create I'd be scared of what he might do to me at any time.  

I hope the other poster is right that he'll be ok w/ his baby is wk or so, but thats still a hard one to 4get, I'm shocked he told you!! This isn't an old pair of jeans you just toss out it's a human being that is growing inside of you :) I hope & pray you keep your precious baby!! Good luck & don't allow someone to talk you into getting rid of your baby!!!!!

[siren of the sea]

i dont understand how a "husband" can feel this way!!! im sorry for you situation. its worst for the kids im sure. men are sometimes such babies its out of control. hopefully i bring my son up better than that and he wil know where his priorities are.

[tylersmum]

my husband now was my boyfriend when we got pregnant with our ds and he was toatlly against it because he didnt want to not be able to support our child. well i gave him the answer of i am keeping this baby and i gave him a few days to think to himself and he came around a few days later. he called ofnhis friends and family and was exstatic (sp?). i know it harder because you are  married but men get scared  because it is permanent. give him some time. i hope all works out. sit and have a talk with him if you havent yet.

[mumwith#4]

I think you already know what decision to make regarding the baby. It's your body and nature has (fortunately especially in your case) only made women able to have babies so therefore the ultimate decision is yours. If he still feels the same way during your pregnancy then you have another decision to make. Please keep us posted with how you're feeling and how you're dh feels. Good luck...you don't need any more stress at this time. If you lost this baby as well chances are your relationship would deteriorate due to his lack of emotional support for you. I hope it works out for you all!

[JJety]

Hi honey,
I do remember you.  Congratulations on your new pregnancy.  I'm very confused about your boyfriend's attitude though.  After your miscarriage I remember you posting some time this spring that you got a BFP after ttc for a few months.  Did you have another miscarriage?  Then did you change your mind about ttc and started the pill?  How could he go from ttc to requesting an abortion?!  

I understand your confusion because I'm sure as heck confused too.  Hopefully you guys can come to some kind of understanding about this soon.  Are you still living with your mom?  Are you still going to college?

Take care, I hope he can come to terms with this soon.

[vsentz]

Shar--- Thank you hon for your very kind words. I know in my mind i didn't do anything wrong. But in my heart i always wonder if it was the pill i took to loose weight that morning, or the fact i jogged like crazy 3 miles a day, or that maybe the timing of conception wasn't right and my egg was too old....who knows...=( But, one thing I know, i will never EVER forget how wonderful it feels to be an expecting mommy, and i miss that feeling so so bad. I was sitting in the toilet (sorry tmi!! lol) last night and all of a sudden i BURSTED, i mean BURSTED into tears....I just started remembering all the very sad moments i went thru since the u/s and doppler indicating no h/b. It just crushed my heart, i don't think i'll ever get totally over it!, it was good to cry and acknowledge my pain in that moment...it felt good!!! like a relief! =)
(((hugs to you)))

Now, about the unsensitive husband: I thought my dh was insensitive!, just because he doesn't show much emotions! he didn't want to have kids for like 5 years (when i got pg), and believe me, the moment i got home (i was scared to death about his possible reaction) and gave him a little gift bag with the test wrapped in smiley faces, a little tiny baloon that said "baby" and a card that read "congratulations daddy to be"....he bent in half and his eyes were so watery he could barely see!!! he jumped up and down, (HE NEVER did this before...not even with his harley bike) and told me "How cool is this!!! Im gonna be a daddy!!" "come give me a hug!" (and i almost sh*t my pants!!! lol....i thought i was in a dream!) we didn't have money, we were renting a little apptm., we had the most unreliable vehicles....bad jobs....it was terrible!! a week after I found out i was pg, a bunch of blessings came along! WE BOTH got mega raises in our jobs, we found a super cheap house with all we ever dreamt!, we went out and bought a new car for me and a truck for him!, my parents bought plane tickets to come and stay with us 3 months....it was just nothing but blessings....until my little baby boy grew wings one day....
I would have never stayed with my husband if he would have told me to abort my baby!!!!!! EVER!!!, my a$$ would have been buying a plane ticket to go back home!!!
All the blessings my baby brought me (us) stayed, and he went back to heaven to be held my our Father. He will be back with more blessings (just the fact of being present in my belly is the biggest one!) whenever he is ready. Meanwhile mommy is waiting for him with all her heart.
Sorry this is so long girls, i feel a little blue today....=/

[deanne11]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!  First off, I don't believe in abortion at any cost.  That is a life given to us as a blessing from our heavenly FATHER, we do not have the GOD given right to choose if that little baby lives or dies.

Your baby's heart is already beating...for any mother or father to choose to stop their baby's heart is unthinkable to me.
For anyone, let alone the baby's father and your husband to ask you to have an abortion is appalling to me.

Money...doesn't matter.  I'll tell you my story briefly.  My husband and I were living off of 1 income, he was a full time student when I got pregnant.  Yes, it was tough but we made it.  You cut costs by breastfeeding buying WALMART diapers (they worked better than Pampers or Huggies anyway), you take hand me downs from friends or relatives, go to consignment shops for cribs, toys, clothes....whatever you need.

My daughter is 2 and the only thing we ever purchased brand new for her was her car seat and stroller.(some toys)
All her clothes and furniture was donated or hand-me-downs from friends of mine.

Second, drinking shouldn't have caused a problem...but obviously you can't continue it.  My best friend drank for the first 10 weeks of her pregnancy...one night with me (in a drunken stupor) before she knew she was pregnant.  She now has a beautiful, brillant 6 yr old little girl.

[tinad]

I drank before I knew I was pg with my almost 7 year old son. In fact I found out I was pg right after I had gone out and gotten drunk. I was hung over the next day then I was still sick the following day and when I was sick the next day I went out and bought a HPT. I was pg. Of course I was worried out of my mind. I talked with my doctor and he said the baby would be fine as long as I quit drinking. Of course I quit and my son is a happy and healthy kid. He has asthma and food allergies but that is from genetics, not from me drinking while pg. As long as you don't continue drinking throughout your pregnancy your baby should be fine.

If you really want this baby then have your baby. If you have an abortion you will feel horrible afterwards. No one can force you to do something you don't want to do. Rally your friends and family around you for support. If your husband is trying to force you to have an abortion then is he really worth having around? I personally would not allow someone to talk me into something I do not believe in but I've never been in your situation. You never know, your DH may change his mind once he sees the baby on the us and hears everything is fine. Good luck with everything.

[HIS GIFT TO US]

Good 4 u!!!!!

[jen_KE]

I agree with most of these posts.  You seem excited about the BFP, so you should do what your heart tells you.  He'll get over it, but if he doesn't get over it and you went through with having the baby - you will have he/she to love :)

[clevelandlady]

My ex husband wanted me to abort my first child also.He even made the appt. and drove me there.As I was sitting ,waiting my "turn" ,I had a revelation~ spouses come and go,only your children are forever~I ran out of there,and am now happily remarried to a wonderful man who's an excellent father to our 5 children.Never let any man have that much control over you.

[over40club]

Hope you are better this morning! I thought of you and prayed for you and baby last night. I agree with all the posters, this guy is bad news and I'm so sorry he is putting you through this, but I will continue to pray that you will find the strength to resist his demands and keep this baby. Good Luck to you

[babyblues7]

thanks for all ur kind words. i do want to keep this baby and he will have to come round to the idea or leave. i have only been pregnant 1's and i lost that 1. now this is my second time. i wasnt on bc the week i got pregnant.

[tinad]

I'm so glad you made this decision and didn't allow your hubby to dictate his wishes over the life of your baby. I think you made the right decision. Thank you for the update. I've been thinking about you since your original post. Good luck with everything.

[JJety]

I'm really confused.  You've only been pregnant once?  And that was in December?  Then why did you post in March that you were pregnant again??  I'm having a hard time taking your posts seriously when it seems like you're lying to us.



babyblues7
03/14/2006
C2  . Hi
I got by BFP yesterday after nearly 3 months of trying after a m/c. I am having really bad nausea, everytime i eat, on an empty stomach and when i lie down. I go to college and found it really hard to keep it a secret today, as i kept running off to the bathroom, thinking i was going to be sick. The headache too are bringing me down. Emotions running very high, dh even said if i get any worse he will be limiting how much he see's me over the next few months!! Does anyone have any ways of dealing with this stressy attitude? morning sickness i can handle as it reminds me i am pregnant.