having issue with new partner and my 3 yr old son

I have a new partner an i am having issues with my 3 yr old son! my son has only eva know it to be just the 2 of us and is struggling with the having to 'share' me with some1 else, and just continually cries when my partner gets home from work. he keeps saying 'i don't know' when we ask him why he is crying.
please help as we r at the end of out teather!!!!!!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

You are going to have to be patient.  By having someone new come in and take up Mommy's time it's turned his world upside down.  How soon after meeting this person did you two move in together?  Was your son given the opportunity to spend time with with your partner prior to the moving in together?  How long has it been since you moved in together?

Your son needs to be reassured that you have enough time and love to split between him and your partner.  Make sure to set aside a special time just for your son....a time when nothing short of an emergency would keep you two from spending that time together.  He needs to know that even though someone else is in the picture, Mommy will always be there no matter what.  

He is too young to be able to articulate his feelings.  He probably has no idea why he's crying he just feels things are different and he's not liking it.  Your partner should also make an effort to spend some quality time with you and your son ...perhaps the 3 of you on the couch with him in the middle watching a moving.  But also spend some time with just the two of them....with you home so your son doens't feel abandoned.  Maybe doing a craft project with him or reading him a book while you are on the other side of the room or in the next room.  

With a lot of love, patience and understanding your son should come to accept this new person in your life.  

[Victoria01]

Like Losing said, time, love and patience is the only thing that is going to work. Your son just has his world turned upside down and he needs to be able to get used to the idea of sharing mommy with someone else. It is probably going to be a tough few months until there is a routine of sorts established, but with patience and understand he will come to accept this arrangement.

[melimeli]

I think maybe you need to just focus on being mom and dad instead of taking up your time with a new love life...  Until your "partner" is ready for a lifetime commitment it really isn't fair for you to bring him into your young child's life because you don't know if it will just be another man in his life that abandons him.  Your son only has you.. you really should just be focusing on him

[AnnieBrooke]

Dr. Laura is even more of a hard*** than that -- she thinks women should not date until their kids are 18.  I think if I were in that position, I would follow her advice, but everyone is different.  I don't think a "partner" is enough to upset a little child over, it should be a new father who is willing to marry me and adopt the child, or else forget it totally.  There is always time to date, there is no way to live a small child's upbringing over again and fix abandonment issues.  I know the o.p. will be torqued by my saying all of this and will call me judgmental and so on, but I'm with Dr. Laura on this one.  I'd dump Mr. Not Commited and stick with raising my child.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

How do ya'll know this partner of hers isn't commited?  I didn't read anything of the sorts in the OP.

[melimeli]

I think we are talking about someone committed enough to marry you...   I know that we all like to think that a guy living with us is committed but it really isn't the out is just so dang easy..  If a guy really wants to commit they make us their wife.  That is what we all hope for our daughters and what we should expect for ourselves.. honestly we don't want some guy that will "shack" up and do our daughters but not marry them right???  and we usually call those husbands not partners

[AnnieBrooke]

I took the not-committed hint from the fact that they are living together and not married.

It's a whole different picture for two adults with no child, I don't care if every solo adult in America has a live-in partner if they are not affecting the lives of children.  Heck, I lived with my husband before we got married.  But that was long before we had a child.  A child, especially a little one, raises the ante considerably.  A parent's first duty is not to look out for number one in terms of having a nice time, it's to raise his or her child well.  And while there is a value to having a good, kind male in her son's life, there is no point in doing it if it isn't going to last and is just going to confuse and hurt the kid.  I know that marriages aren't guaranteed to last either, but at least at the outset, the people mean it at a deep level.

As I said, I knew the comment would draw flak, but I thought the o.p. was acting like her kid is the problem and it seems that he is just behaving normally and the situation is to some extent the problem.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

OH LOL.  I thought ya'll had read something  I hadn't :)