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how long do you let your newborn cry for?
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how long do you let your newborn cry for?

Hey all...

This is my 2nd time around...but with my 1st dd, I held her ALL THE TIME. I am trying not to do that this time...this way she is used to sleeping on her own. Anyway...I do believe in cry it out...but not this young.

Just wondering if you had any thoughts...
Do you pick them up once they start to cry or do you let them cry for a few minutes?
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23 Comments Post a Comment
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223520_tn?1221443883
I personally pick him up once he starts to cry. I cant stand to hear him cry.
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171768_tn?1324233699
i always picked her up right away. she's now 7 months old, very happy and secure. for an infant, she's pretty independent- willing to play alone for a bit, can put herself to sleep, etc... so it definitely didn't spoil her. i realize i'm lucky and it has a lot to do with temperament. But i got my share of comments from experienced family members who were advising me to not hold her so much. i'm glad i didn't listen to them. my daughter knows i am always there for her, so she's not upset by me leaving the room.
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Avatar_f_tn
I don't believe in letting them cry so young as they cry for a reason.  I held my DD all the time and it honestly came back and bit me in the behind.  She still can't fall asleep on her own (and she's 17 months).  Not trying to scare you but I wouldn't hold her 24/7.  Comfort her but don't overdo it.
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Avatar_f_tn
i dont let addison cry , i might let her fuss a bit now that she is 14 weeks but only if im in the middle of cooking or doing something i cant hold her at the moment.  speaking of which lol.  
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93532_tn?1349374050
I have read that babies cry on average of 2 hours or so a day. Now this is spread over a 24 hours period and some babies cry more (Tristan was one of those) and some cry less (CJ was definitely of this variety)

A very young baby cannot be spoiled....ever. Always, always pick baby up when they cry as it is for a reason and if they are crying it is an urgent need for them (yes, even cuddling is an urgent need for a baby)

As they get old and are better able to soothe themselves, you don't have to worry if baby cries for a minute while you go potty, tend to older siblings boo-boo, but I still would not let it go on for too long. That is their form of communication for everything.

They build a foundation for their sense of security in those early months. If they have to cry and cry and cry to get attention, it will come back to get you down the road.
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376739_tn?1317669990
I picked up my newborns.
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173939_tn?1333221450
My son pretty much never cried - I always either picked him up or talked to him or in any other way acknowledged him before he would have had a reason to cry. Infants make this cough like sound before they start crying, meaning "come here, I`m uncomfortable" - and if you respond to that, they develop a lot of trust and patience and do not find it necessary to cry in the long run. With that trust that you will respond to them always comes their ability to fall asleep on their own. I would say roughly after 4 months of building up that trust, they do feel overall reassured without you carrying them around every minute of the day.
But it has to start from birth.
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167_tn?1374177417
We always pick up our 7 month old when he cries, still. I don't want him to ever think that I'm not available to him when he needs me. There are times like Andi said though, when I am in the middle of something or have to deal with one of my older children and he fusses for a bit, but at 7 months we still all tend to him when he fusses. I do not believe in CIO method at all. I don't think you can spoil an infant. I do believe that when you are there for them when they cry, they become more secure. That can last a lifetime!
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Avatar_n_tn
I do pick her up when she cries...but I can't say that there aren't times when i'm in the bathroom or getting a bottle ready (or pumping) when starts to cry...I get to her within a few min.

I did hold my 1st dd allllllll the time and then at 5 mths let her cry it out at night....since 6mths she's able to sooth herself to sleep with music and her blanket...so i i plan on doing that again once my dd turns the same age...but until then....i try to let her nap on her own (as my dd is 18mths) so taking care of her does not allow me to hold my newborn all the time....
but when my dh is home one of us is usually holding her.
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164559_tn?1233711618
It's okay to run to the bathroom and let a baby fuss.  I think people misunderstood what you were asking.

As for crying it out.  I have three kids who all slept through the night from a very young age and I never let them cry it out.  I always put them in their bed when they were drowsy and obviously sleepy.  Before long they just fell into a routine.  Some babies take longer than others to fall into that routine.

Jirzee, hold that baby all you can and want.  Soon they grow up into teenagers who will barely tolerate a hug.  (I speak from experience).
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Avatar_n_tn
i know..i can't belive my 1st dd is 1 yr 1/2 already...and she pushes me away at time when i go in for a hug...so i'm getting a taste of it already....so sad.

yeah..trust me...i know not to let her cry too long...but fussing and crying for a few min is not going to hurt her....
she gets a TON of love from us...esp from her BIG sister!

Thanks for the help..

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145992_tn?1341348674
You can't spoil a newborn.  Crying is a form of communication.  That is how they build trust with you.  If they cry you tend to their needs.  They build that trust with you early on as long as you are open to their cries.  I can tell the difference in my son's cries.  I know when he is in pain, I know when he is just whining because he's tired, and I know when he is hungry or uncomfortable.  You develop this dance with them.  If they cry and you don't respond they will lose that trust with you and will then know that they can not rely on you for what they need.  I pick up my son if he's crying, not fussing.  My son goes to sleep on his own, I can put him down in his crib awake and he will go to sleep without me having to rock him or soothe him.  He's been doing this early on.  I never let him CIO.  My fiance believed in CIO or never picking him up because he will be spoiled, but as time went on he could see that our son favored me more because he knew I would take care of whatever he needed.  Now my fiance realized that his method was cold and wasn't effective.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Aw, I agree, it's best to hug and cuddle them when they are little, if you have to run to the bathroom, it happens.  I cuddled both of mine.  I still run to Cam when he cries at 10 months, if he gets too worked up he begins to cough and gag really hard, then he pukes, not good for any of us.  It depends on the cry for me, I try to run to them all, but a whiny tired cry is one that I will let go a little and he will cuddle up and go back to sleep.  I would not let them cry it out until at least 6 months, then you can begin to try it.  Once baby is old enough to understand you are there for them and they are safe it gets easier.  By 17 months I would definitely try to let them cry it out at night.  We had 4 nights of awful crying, then it was over and he was fine.  My older son was one of those babies you could never out down and he was so crabby and colicky, then just difficult to soothe.  I waited much longer for him till we let him cry.  Even with Cam I guess I could let him cry more, but it breaks my heart, and for the most part he only cries when he needs something now.  Hug your baby and don't feel bad if you hold them the first few months, it goes fast!
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165078_tn?1255610007
I was spoiled my dd never cried for a long period of time and has always slept in her own crib/pack n play.  If she does wake up I rub her back until she goes back to sleep.  I try not to pick her up.  Now when she was sick I held her morning, noon and night.  She never really got spoiled from it.  Once she was better she went right back to her old habits.  I think it is just just luck if they cry or not.  i am in for it next time around but I love what the above poster wrote.  Hug your baby as much as you can because she is right it does not last long at all.  My 9 month old runs from me now laughing while she tears the house apart.  
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184342_tn?1282592350
I pick up Colten as soon as I can-  but like you sometimes he cries for a while when I am in the middle of something-  pumping, taking care of Taylor, etc...  usually it won't go more then 5 mins at the most and when he is crying and I can't pick him up I talk to him, try to stop and touch him quickly or something so that he knows that I am there...  but when you are home alone with two kids, it can be a challange for sure!  I am right there with you!  I try, but I try not to feel bad if I can't get to him right away either...  

By the way, I have not been on here for a while...  when did you have your little one?  Congratulations!
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142722_tn?1281537216
I think a newborn should be picked up when they cry - they wouldn't cry unless something is wrong - what i think - ryan is 8 months old and i hold him all the time he is a fussy baby and needs me
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285848_tn?1219095913
When my cousin came to visit for a few weeks with her 6 week old, she never let him cry long, I even picked him up. Id lay in bed with him and he'd fall asleep on my chest. I loved that about him haha. He didnt cry very much. She moved in with us when he was about a year old. We still picked him up when he cried but we wouldnt over do it. Hes now 4 years old and is a cuddler! Hes very affectionate actually. He never turns down a hug or a kiss! lol
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218870_tn?1240259255
I always picked AJ up when he cried.  Newborns cant get spoiled and dont really have an understanding of routine with stuff like that.  They wont cry to be picked up because it worked last time, if that makes sense.  (that starts between 4-6 months)  Most likely what happened the first time around was just your child.  That was just her personality.  The second one may be totally different in that way.
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Avatar_n_tn
Allison was born on th 31st. She was in the NICI for a wk...so happy to have her home!

I don't want people to think I let her cry herself to sleep or let her cry longer then a few minutes.
I do put her down more than i did with my 1st dd. I held her CONSTANTLY and when it was time to go down to sleep at night she would wake up the second you took her away from my chest...I just want Allie to be more comfortable with both (in my arms and sleeping in her bassinet/seat)

I also have my 19mth old who I have to look after as well....and she is VERY hands on (as all kids are this age) so I have to make time for her as well....

Believe me...don't think I'm a bad mom and let my newborn cry herself to sleep...I would never do that....(at this age that is) But we all have different views....and I asked for them and appreciate all comments...

I know they wouldn't cry unless there is something to cry about. Esp. GAS at this age!!!! Any suggestions besides Mylican for that?
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171768_tn?1324233699
oh man... my dd had the craziest gas at that age. she would've made a room of truckers clear out. and the poor thing spent literally half the day straining to pass gas. throughout the night too. pumping her legs by bending them up to her chest helped a little. other than that there's not too much you can do. the ped and lactation consultant all said it was normal and due to an immature digestive system. as she gets older, it will get better.

i can't imagine how hard it is to juggle a 19 month old and a newborn. is she big enough to use a sling or carrier? that may make it easier to get things done and to give your older one a bit of attention.
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93532_tn?1349374050
Oh, my I can relate. When my youngest was born, I had a 2.5 year old and a 4 year old getting ready to turn 5, all at home. It is tough, but you will find your groove and will have a house without crying. It is exhausting, but most of motherhood is.

I used to bring my older boys up with me while I nursed or bring an extra chair next to mine while I nursed so each of the boys could be next to me. I got really good at reading books or even playing silly word games, singing songs, and encouraging their imagination while nursing. I have always talked to the boys while doing things or sung songs, so CJ got used to that right away and I could change T while singing to CJ and it kept him from fussing. I also included them in the care of the baby, kids that young love to help get diapers, a burp rag, blanket, socks, etc.  You can reason with a toddler or preschooler, but a baby that young doesn't grasp "Mommy needs a few minutes to..."

It is all about balance, it will happen much sooner than you realize.
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Avatar_f_tn
ur all spoiling ur kids. fuckn let it go. that's why kids these days are fat and wine every time something didn't go there way. a little crying isn't going to hurt them. wow. give it up. ur not going to get a fuckn parent of the year award.

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Avatar_f_tn
well you obviously a little kid and your mommy and daddy dropped you on your head a few times
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