i really have to say this!!! may cause offence!

[snagglepuss1]

ok, i consider myself a diplomatic person normally but i have to say i am noticing even more so this pregnancy the amount of heavily pregnant women puffing away on cigarettes and chain smoking. normally i think each to their own, but 3 instances recently (one non-smoking related) have really bugged me.
1. my familys holiday away, we were sat having a drink (non alcoholic for me) and this heavily pregnant woman comes out and lights up with her other half. i could feel my lip curling as i watched her and turned away in the end. it disgusted me.
2. whilst waiting to book an ante-natal appt at the hospital last week , i watched an 18 year old girl roll a cigarette, was gob smacked when i heard she was 34 weeks preg! she held this cigarette out of sight of the midwives whilst talking to them as she ranted about how she wanted to get home! yeah right she wanted to light up more like, she was waiting to see a high risk consultant as her baby was abnormally smaller than usual! aaaaahhhhhhhh!!! common sense love the fags wont help that! SELFISH in my opinion!!!
3. at a previous scan i sat and watched as a 16 year old girl talked about her baby girl (not yet born) like a dolly in a pram! (her mate with her, no older than 17) was dolled up to the nines, with latest mobile and ipod round hre neck!! she was a single mother! how the h*** can she afford that? i certainly cant!! i say again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! it makes me so mad. i dont know if its the fact that i lost 3 babies and realise how precious my children are (it cant be) but i pity these poor babies who dont even stand a chance before they are out of the womb!

anyhoo, thanks for reading this, gonna go get the kids ready for bed!

claire

[pertykitty]

i agree and most of us will.  lots of people say i did and my kids are ok, but maybe they arent.  maybe in a few years the developmental issues will show, or maybe they are in denial, or maybe they did turn out ok.  but as we all know , not all do.  its sad, and you really would think that if they smoke they would hide it. i guess they think its ok and arent afraid of being judged.  i dont have an ipod either.  im quitting work soon and stressing over if we can make it.  i dont drive a new car, i have lots of hand me down maternity clothes i wear with a few new ones because i find it unrealistic to buy them for a short time. id rather put the money to baby furniture or a last weekend get away with dh before baby comes.  i see moms that i know couldnt make much money because they arent old enough (this is not a put down) to have graduated college YET to make it but they sure have all the top notch expensive everything.  i say parents might help out.  they arent helping though are they?  what i have learned though is it really doesnt effect me.  them with $200 jeans on or walmart specials i am the same either way and its of no concern to me.

[metalstar83]

I hear you, I get disgusted at pregnant women who smoke, drink, and/or do drugs.  I think to myself, don't you care at all about your unborn baby?   I have suffered through 3 m/c of my own, and I wouldn't even think of putting anything into my body that could harm my baby (I am almost 11wks).  I even left a b-day party early on Friday because everyone wanted to go across the street to a bar, when I got in there it was so smoky, I told Dh that I needed to leave.  As for the young mothers with expensive clothes, etc. maybe look at their credit report, and/or boyfriend.  A lot of the time they either steal things like that or they charge up their credit cards.  When I graduated from college, one day it hit me that I don't need material possessions, they can get lost or stolen, and they don't mean a thing.  From that day forward, I live a pretty sparce life.  I don't buy things on a whim, I do own two ipods, but music is very important to me.  I wish more people could see how useless it is to own a lot of ****, it doesn't make you a better person.  My Dh and I make fairly good money, but we don't own much, he is like me, we realized that material things aren't that important.  Sorry, I went off on a tangent, but it worries me today, what people really value, especially young mothers.  

[mum2beagain]

I totally agree too!!! I was so careful with every pregnancy, babies are so precious, I have had two miscariges and my first son was born 8 weeks prematurely and has a whole host of medical and developmental issues. It is just not fair that some mothers are given children and they just fail to do everything they can to take care of them properly.

[Tracy87]

I have read your story and im not offened at all i am a smoker and i have 2 healthy children no complications when born my son weight 9lbs and my daughter was 6lbs 13oz which they were a good weight i did smoke through both my pregnancies i wish i didnt i was 16 when i had my son and i was smoking. i was a stupid wee lassie tryin to get in with the group i was running around with i wish i never started. But you have to remember those wee girls you saw the  at the anti- natal clinic will grow up 1 day and they may or may not regret what they did through there pregnancy i know i do i feel if i never smoked when i was pregnant with my daughter she could have been  abit bigger than what she was but i cant turn back the clock i do regret smoking but its my decision. i know you might not like people smoking through pregnancies but you are 1 of the lucky ones you have your healthy children and dont think you should worry about other people. you say you lost 3 babies and im sorry for your lose but you also say that you realise how precious your children are. well im a smoker and my kids are my world just because you smoke doesnt mean you dont care about your childrens health.

thank you

tracy87

[Tracy87]

i just read some of your comments yes i do agree that people shouldnt put thing into there body when pregnant yes i smoked but i never touched a drink. like i said i had my son at 16 and a single mum and im a very good mum my kids gets everything they need i dont have alot of money either when i had my daugher yes i smoked through that pregnancy too. just because i smoked through my pregnancy doesnt mean i dont care about my kids health and certainly doesnt mean im a bad parent.

tracy1987

[snagglepuss1]

material possessions mean nothing to me either, my family is all that matters, yes we have a nice home but it is what dh and i have worked damned hard for to get it off our own back. i wasnt jealous that this girl had an ipod, it just irritated me that i hear so many single mums at the groups i go to complain they never have enough money and there she is with that hanging round her neck! i am in no way saying this is how all single mothers are with the money they get, far from it, but when my husband works long hours to pay for this girl to buy "unnecessary luxuries" like that...it gets my goat!!!  do you know what ..i am normally so reserved and never speak up....i guess i have some of you stronger willed ladies to thank for that, its the defiant side of me coming out lol!

[snagglepuss1]

i am sure you are a very good mum and i hope i in no way implied you werent, but you said yourself you regret that you smoked when having your children, it is at the end of the day a selfish attitude.

[2songbirds]

My biggest complaint of all, which I've told several people is that the people who work in WIC will say what a great job those mothers are doing that smoke and "say" they've cut down, meanwhile you know they haven't. Meanwhile they get on my a@# for being a bit overweight and gaining too much. To top it off, they're fat themselves!!

[Tracy87]

who is fat themselves just dont understand that bit  sorry

tracy1987

[snagglepuss1]

my SIL  made it 6 months into her first pregnancy with my nephew and then a family crisis occured and she started smoking to "help her nerves" she continued to smoke until he was born, he was a good size baby 9lb but he spent his first few weeks in and out of hospital due to infections from passive smoking! when she fell pregnant again 8 months later with my niece, you would think she would have learned a lesson....oh no! she smoked and drank right through that pregnancy, in her own words "i only have 5 a day to help with nerves" she ended up in hospital with a blood clot in her leg that pregnancy, my niece was again a 9lb baby, but has all sorts of colds and chest infections as her immune system is very low.

[metalstar83]

My parents took care of me, loved me, and protected me when I was a child.  The one thing that they didn't protect me from was their smoking.  My mother smoked when I was in her womb, when I lived in their house, and to this day.  I have allergies and breathing problems because of it, and I was premature and a low weight baby.  I told my parents that if they want to see their grandchild that they have to respect my wishes not to smoke around the baby, etc.  They agreed to this, which I am happy for. Just because a parent smokes doesn't mean that they love their children less, but it does put their children at risk for cancer, asthma, etc.   I say if you have to smoke, don't do it around your kids, protect their health.

[Tracy87]

i dont know how you can say it a selfish attitude. yes i regret smoking through my pregnancies but i doesnt mean i will stop i have other issues to worry about than given up smoking and yes if i fall pregnant again soon i will still smoke through it you may think  that is selfish yes it maybe but it has nothing to do with anyone its not your child or anyone elses its mine and if my child has complications when born or older it maybe because i smoked through my pregnancy or it may just be something that happens.

its people like use on here that dont give young parents a chance. they do better in life if people like use stopped puttin your noses up at them maybe use should think of that

tracy87

[snagglepuss1]

my dh has asthma and loads of allergies from when his mum and dad smoked around him as a child, i am in no way justifying what they did, but back when my dh was born (dare i write it) 39 years ago almost, far less was known about the dangers of smoking than today, funnily though my dh has never even tried a cigarette in his life, it totally turned him against it.
i totally agree parents who smoke dont love their kids any less, but as say you say its all the health problems associated with it.

[Crritter]

How sad a topic.  I totally agree wtih you gals, not offended at all.  I avoided smoke areas while pregnant.  I did work in community relations for a few years and was doing that while pregnant the first time.  There was a gal that would come in and she even invited me outside to keep her company.  I thought she just needed fresh air as she was pretty far along- nope, wanted to smoke.  I felt kinda bad, but told her I was not comfortable being around anyone smoking, let alone a pregnant woman smoking.  She claimed her Dr. knew and she was cutting back, was told it would be harder on the baby to just quit, that the withdrawal would be bad.  Maybe so, but she could have slowly backed off and not been smoking so much at 8 months along.  She did have preterm labor, her baby was just over 7 lbs., so she thought the smoking did no harm since he was a godd size for being a month early.  I did have a 10 lber and almost 9 lber. without smoking, they have both had lung issues, can't imagine how much worse it would be if they had been around smoke.  Cam still can't go to my mil's house, she smokes a ton and has several dogs.  I try to avoid the smokers, good for you doing the same, it is selfish.

[snagglepuss1]

sticking my nose in?? sorry what? i was giving an opinion, you yourself type that you regret smoking whilst pregnant yet say it isnt selfish??
as for putting down young mothers whoa!!! i dont believe i have put young mothers down at all!!
i was commenting on 2 young mothers i saw and in no way made an overall judgement on young OR single mothers, i think there are fantastic young AND single mothers out there, my point was she didnt work as there conversation included her benefit payments to her pregnant friend, yet she sat there with expensive kit round her neck!!!

[metalstar83]

Funny too, I never touched a cigarette in my life either, neither did dh, his parents smoked like a chimney!  His mom stopped smoking when she was 50 due to a double masectomy.  I think she should have stopped sooner, what do you think?  You have an older Dh too?  Mine is 19 yrs older than me, but I couldn't have found a better life partner :) Hope all is well with you and your babies!

[snagglepuss1]

my dh's mum smoked until her early 50's, gave up and was dead 3 years later from cancer. she found out literally weeks before she died apparently, i never met her as we got together years later. so our kids will never know one of their grandmas. we have pics of her and my dd knows she is one of her nanas, but she is too little to understand yet.
yes my dh is 12 years older than me but like you (sounds so sad) i knew when i met him i had found my soulmate. thanks for asking we are all fine here, kids are in bed, so i thought id come and see what response i had got back to my to the point rant!

[ally76]

I used to waitress and it would kill me to see how many woman smoked while pregnant, and would order decaf tea or coffee.......go figure!!!    Both my neighbors smoked through their pregnancies and get this,  when they had the babies they smoked outside but then turned around and smoked in the car!  What the H#@$!!!!!!

[snagglepuss1]

oh i just read your profile, i really feel for you having lost 3 babies, its tough...for me there was nothing anyone could say until i held my dd in my arms for the first time.


i'll mail you a wad of baby dust!!

[snagglepuss1]

laughable hey?
i know ive said this before but i love your 3 dd's names! so sweet! im abit gutted you didnt go with claire, but i will forgive you! lol

[Tracy87]

where in my comment did i say your name im just sayin people like USE on here not just you i dont care if you said young mothers or older mother im giving my opinion just they same as you just im the type of person your talking about and im definetly not selfish i do regret smoking but like everyone says it easy to start but alot harder to give up maybe you should put yourself in our shoes and see how hard it is to give up.

sorry if i upset you but im just giving my opinion just the same as you

tracy87

[snagglepuss1]

im not upset, and i apologise for thinking you were singling me out.
but ok...i agree it may be hard to give up, but if you had lost several babies before becoming pregnant with the 2 children you have now do you think you would still have smoked to have the baby you so badly wanted?

[Tracy87]

im sorry for your lose and yes if i lost my babies because of smoking i would have came off the fags i would kill to give up but to have my children i would do anything to have them i apologise for the things i said but it annoys me that people out there single the people out who smoke and think we dont deserve children bacuase we smoke through our pregnancies i dont just mean you. i would love to stop smoking but at the moment im smoking but would love to give it up but i cant do anything about my pregnancies i smoked through them and i cant change that my children are healthy and im glad they are but if it came to losing a baby or smoking i would stop smoking

im sorry again

tracy87

[ally76]

We were sooo close to naming her Claire and at the last minute I changed her name to Alyssa!  Everyone was like hun?????   That wasnt even on our list.   Well we love it now.   Dont get too upset about this post about smoking.  I agree its selfish and we need to protect our babies b/c who else will?  If they dont have us...who do they have?  But I guess to each his own right?  I lost 2 babies and I never smoked and wouldnt even dream of it.  I think when you go through a loss you will try soooo hard to take care of that baby and do everthing possible to stay HEALTHY!  Seeing as we are all giving "OUR"  opinions....I thought Id add my 2 cents.  

[laura1977]

How nice it is to find that people also think this is just WRONG!
The major problem I always had was on my husbands side of the family a few of them smoke, and they would light up in the house at Christmas time, and we left because my daughters were little and didn't need to inhale their habit.
One thing that I really hate is people walking around holding a cigarette down at their side, at the highth of my children, I have to move my children away so that they don't get burned by it.
You would be amazed though about something.  Many OBGYN's are telling women who smoked before pregnancy not to worry about not lighting up as long as it is only 4 or so a day.  I heard this with my own ears from a doc while I was back there getting my blood pressure done.  I couldn't believe they told the mother that.  

[ally76]

My dd actually got burnt on the forehead by some jack a**  while we were at a carnival.  He walked right by her and burnt the poor little thing.  She had a big blister....I was so upset!

[AndiJ78]

And the poor ******* is still alive? There is no way i would have been able to contain myself if someone had done that to my child. Kudos to you for not killing him ; )

[cantwait4baby]

OMG - I dont even know you and that just put me in a bad mood.  What did you do.  I have a problem with people who smoke while holding or pushing their babies in coaches.  Yes I know that my mom has pictures when I was a baby of her holding me in one arm and a cigarette in the other but that was 32 years ago TIME HAVE CHANGED.  She has recently quit smoking but even if she didn't she would never even try that with my baby.  I see it all the time and my boyfriend gets mad at me because I am so verbal - I just say loud enough for them to hear - white trash, poor baby!  thats is nothing more nothing less.  They never comment to me and if they did I would let it rip.

My cousin burned a kid on the boardwalk a while ago.  He ran into her cigarette - (I never smoked) he ran away and she ran after him to find his mom to tell him.  She never smoked on the boardwalk again - she was a mom too so she was able to relate.  The mom didn't freak out I was suprised.  She has since quit too.  God help the person who may burn my kid.  ARGH!  I cannot even think about it.

[laura1977]

What really really really really gets on my nerves is when I see a mother smoking in the front seat of her car, and has kids in the back.  I am sorry but some times I just want to slap them for doing that.  Do these mothers not realize that they are setting their children up for asthma right now, pneumonia, and cancer down the road.  Second hand smoke is worse then what the person smoking the cigarette gets.  Why is it that they can't invent a cigarette that pushes all that smoke back into the smokers lungs so they get the second hand smoke too.  

ally76- this has almost happened to my daughters more then once.  I always say "some people need to watch their stupid cigarettes before they burn my daughter" just loud enough so that person can hear it.

heres another story, a mother and daughter were walking down the sidewalk when a person threw a cigarette out the window, and it went into the childs stroller.

Oh heres another one that happened a few months ago, a person threw a lit cigarette out their window and it flew into the car window of a car behind them and burnt a little girl on the leg really bad.