mother of 9 year old son sleeps every night with him

My soon ex-wife to be has insisted on sleeping with my son, now 9 1/2 years old every night since he was old enough to sleep in a bed.  I forced him getting his own room in the last year and now she still sleeps with him in there.

She doesn't think there is anything wrong with it, but I fear for him gaining his independence and her clinging to him.  Isn't this detrimental to him in the long run?

We have never fought in front of him and I am trying to make the divorce as best as possible, have joint custody, etc and will see him and talk with him, etc., but this really bothers me.  Any suggestions or insight?

[Christie2004]

I personally don't think it is healthy or in your son's best interest at all.  

There is a Child Behaviour Forum here on MedHelp and there is a child psychologist who answers the questions there.  You might try posting your question there.

You might also suggest to your ex that you would like your son to have the benefit of some short term counseling to help deal with his natural reactions (grief, anger, depression) to the divorce.  Then you can discuss the sleeping arrangements with the counselor.  She might then be swayed by professional recommendations--if not, the court certainly will be, if it comes to that.

[cinnamonheart]

I agree with Christie,
First off I give you credit in trying to resolve all your issues peacefully. Too many kids are in the middle of their parents divorce.

I also agree with the fact that a 9.5 year old should not be sleeping with his mother..
Not only is the fact he will soon be going through puberty(kids now a days start early) What would his friends ever say!
Maybe the sleeping issue isnt with your son But his mother's problem ..trying to hold on
Hope everything works out for all of you

[Stacie30]

i have a friend who had this problem... pardon me for being blunt, but she was sleeping with her son because she didn't want to sleep with her husband... I was friends with the guy in this situation, so I saw how hard it hit him... it could just be something like that...

[guest425]

It is DEFINITELY not healthy.  It's different for toddlers to sleep in bed with their parents, but your son is far too old to be doing that, on a regular basis, any more (illness and bad dreams are different, I think).  I read a Dear Abby letter, just like this, but I'm sorry to say I can't remember what she said, other than it's not a good idea, and that the mother probably needs therapy.  At nine, your son is starting to grow up, he's already beginning to become more and more aware of his own body, and sleeping with his mother is simply inappropriate at his age.

[Austinsmom28]

I have seen this, also! But, the boy was 12 when he finally stopped sleeping with his mother. It didn't hurt him in any way. He is 17 now and has a 4.0 in school, has a part time job, and even has a girlfriend. He is a very caring young man and will do anything you ask of him. He is also extremely polite. He also respects both of his parents and is just an all around good boy.

But, with that all said.. There is noway I would ever allow my son/daughter to sleep with me.. I don't believe in co-sleeping at all, even for infants.

I see why you are worried about this and like you, I would want it to stop!

[pmom]

i feel your son is too old to be sleeping with his mom, he should sleep in his own bed it is not healthy for him.