my baby only likes 2 sleep in my arms..

hi.
i have a 4 nearly 5 month old baby and during the day she will only fall asleep in my arms after a feed(breastfeed),if i try to put her down she wakes up!even if i wait till shes in a deeper sleep,iv tried feeding her on my bed so sahe will fall asleep and i can leave the room but it takes ages!!hour or so for her to drop off.
i didnt mind so much wen she was first born but now shes gettin heavier and i cant get anything done.
at night i feed her and wait tll shes in a deep sleep and put her to bed and she usually stays asleep!!strange!..do you have any tips..thank you

[Kassimom]

well, my first suggestion is do not let her fall asleep while nursing. I know that's easier said than done, but try to keep her awake until she is done feeding. THEN try putting her down while she is still awake. If she cries in her crib, try the swing. When she does cry, pick her up and let her know you are there and avaiable to her, but then put her back down once she has relaxed.

I do not at all advocate letting a baby "cry it out". I know I will likely get blasted for that, and many will disagree. I just feel like anything that sends up my "this is wrong" signals when I try it, MUST be wrong (at least for my own DD).

MY DD did just fine when I did what I suggested above. Turn on her mobile or get her some crib toys that attach to the bars to entertain herself. She won't be alseep when you lay her down, but she will fall alseep eventually. Sometmies it woudl take my DD about 30 min's to fall asleep, but the point is not how long it takes her to get there, just that she does.

[tresmathews]

I always put my DD in her carseat. That was the only place she would sleep at that age. Then I would put the carseat in the crib and after awhile she got accustomed to the crib and would sleep there with no problems. Sometimes I wonder if the bars scare them lol. It took about a month but it was well worth it to get her from my arms to the seat to the crib. Good luck.

[ourbabydreams]

I am wondering if she is teathing or going through a growth spurt. My sis little girl was born in September of last year and I remember her having this problem around teething time. It lasted a couple weeks and went back to normal.

HTH
Christine

[Angel4JohnnyB]

My son is only 8 weeks old tomorrow but I have pretty much the same problem.
He recently stopped going to sleep 'on the breast' but once he is asleep, in my arms, I try to put him down and his eyes just POP open.
The swing has been a life saver for us. I hate leaving him in it for hours on end but at night it is the only way he will sleep.

IF he does end up sleeping in his crib he will not sleep nearly as long as he does in his swing.
He also likes his bouncer seat from Fisher Price that vibrates.

I think our problem is more of a belly issue.
DS acts like his belly hurts if he lays down but if he is sitting up he seems fine.

Good Luck,
Vikki

[blondie72]

I had to laught at your comment because I am sure there will be someone here to blast you.  Any other time you have a comment they do it so why should this be any different.  I am so with you on NOT letting them cry it out.  My hubby and I had such arguments when DD was a baby because of this.  If they cry I feel they need something and if I can comfort my baby I will.  I never want my children to think I will NOT be there for them and to me letting them cry it out does that in my opinion.  If it has worked for some of you here I congratulate you for being strong enough to do that.  I am not saying you are a bad person to let your baby cry it out I am just not one who is able to do that without crying myself.

To Emma I believe who posted the original ???  My sisters baby is 3 months and is doing the same thing.  She might sleep for about 20 minutes at a time.  The car seat thing works a little for her as well.  Keep working at it.  Eventually it will work out for you.  Good Luck and let us know what you try and what worked for you.

[Angel4JohnnyB]

I too agree with you about NOT letting the baby 'cry it out'......I'm with blondie, I'm not strong enough. And plus, Talon gets SO ticked off SO fast.......and he holds his breath when he gets that upset.
If he is just 'fussing' quietly then I will let him settle himself but not full blown cries.
IF you get blasted for your comment then they need to 'blast' more than just you.
Hugs,
Vikki

[nanakay]

i had that problem with my ds at about that age. i found that where i was laying him down at was cold. my arms are warm and adjusted to what he wanted to feel.  so i would prepare his nap bed on the couch and then when i was ready to lay him down i would go and sit on his nap bed for a few minutes to warm it up, then lay him down...worked like a charm.

btw- Kassimom, at that age (i beleive) if they are crying it is for a reason and we as mommies (or daddies) should find out why. so, no, i don't beleive in the cry it out thing either.

heck, i don't let my 3 year old cry it out....and no he's not spoiled, he's loved and secure in the fact that mommy and daddy won't let anything happen to him.
~nanci

[Still_AndiJ]

I agree, I made the mistake of buying into the tons of books that suggested letting them cry it out. When Jonathan was 14 months, I had hard time getting him to sleep in his own bed and attempted to let him cry it out. I felt like such an awful parent! I vowed to not fall into that pattern again. The way I figure they are only this age for a little while and if they want to sleep nestled in our arms because that is where they feel most sercure then so be it! Pretty soon they will be teenagers and will want nothing to do with us,lol.

Some things I have read have been to warm up the bed with a warm water bottle or a heating pad set on low so the cold sheets won't be such a shock. So far, even as difficult of a baby Tristan has been, he takes to being put in the bassinet much better than Jonathan ever did. I am able to get some things done, as long as Jonathan doesn't come barrelling into the living room and wake him up!

Andrea

[emma6222]

i would never let my daughter "cry it out",why let her get so worked up and upset when i dont need to?.
and i totally agree she wont be a baby for long,the last 4mts have flown by!she will grow out of this and then i will miss her sleeping in my arms!!
:)

[Danasel]

My son will be six months on Sunday, and I am just now getting him to nap in his crib.  He slept in his crib at night from the very first night he was home from the hospital, but nap time was always a struggle.  I even gave up trying for awhile.

The pediatrician said that he would get on more of a napping schedule once he started solids, and to my surprise he was right.  So, my advice is the same as everyone else's.  Keep trying, answer his cries, but I would let him fuss a little.  I can't let DS cry it out, but I do let him fuss a little.  He is now napping and sleeping at night in his crib after I put him in it awake.

I used to nurse him to sleep, but I've just about broken that habit.  It isn't good because then babies need you to nurse them back to sleep if they wake up during the night.  More importantly it isn't good for their teeth once they come in.  If thy fall asleep with milk in their mouths it can cause tooth decay.  

When he cries I usually go in his room, give him his pacifier, and wind up his mobile.  I often have to go back in and wind up the moblile one or two more times during naps before he goes to sleep.  I considered buying a remote control one, but decided against it since I'll have to take it out in a couple of months anyway.  

Good luck!

[riley722]

i also don't believe in letting your child cry it out.  i have read a book called "the no-cry sleep solution" by elizabeth pantley.  it's pretty interesting.  it has some good tips on how to get your child to sleep through the night without any crying.  however, it didn't fully work for me.  although i think it was more my fault than anything.  i had trouble sticking to some of the ideas.  but i agree with her philosophy and will try her methods with my next child.

[mommy0404]

Sorry for sounding like an insensitive person/mom but your children will not grow out of sleeping in your arms if you continue doing this especially if you give into a three year olds whining. It does not hurt for a child to cry, I can see letting a child cry it out. Just not to the point where they are making themselves sick or holding their breath. Case in fact, My soon to be ex husband his three yr old daughter will not go to sleep unless someone lays with her until she falls asleep. I personally think that is quite ridiculous. This is just my personal opinion. Not that it matters ( sorry in a pissy mood ): (

[nanakay]

my 3 year old likes to lay with me on the couch until he falls asleep and you know what.....he doesn't whine because i don't let him..I LIKE TO cuddle with my child.  i think it was all ready stated that time flies and when they hit oh about 10 mom is no longer cool. i'll take what time i get
thanks
~nanci

[Missy04]

I had the same problem with my DD when she was a baby.  She eventually grew out of it but I know exactly how you are feeling. I did do the warming method and there was actually a warmer you could buy to put on the mattress and all the other techniques. She would also sleep well in her boppy, I think because she felt craddled.

I did want to make a suggestion about a book I am reading called Becoming Babywise which talks exactly about this topic.  It was recommended to me by a girlfriend.  I have been reading it and a lot and what it says makes sense.  You may want to give it a try. (BTW the book doesn't recommend making them cry it out)

[Kassimom]

Sorry but I must vehemtly disagree with your comment that "ac hild will not grow out of sleeping in your arms".

When you can show me a 10 yr old who absolutly MUST have mommy rock him to sleep, a college student who needs Mommy to lay with her to go to sleep, or a teenager who wines when it is bedtime I will gladly take back my opinion.

YES, they do grow out of it.

As was pointed out already, they are so little for such a short time. I for one, do not want to be that mother who looks back and regrets not spending that extra 5 min's with my child when all she needed was a little maternal comfort.

As for myself, I do lay with my child for her to go to sleep. She is 6 and perfectly capable and willing to do it on her own. I lay with her by my own choice. It's when we talk about the day, it's when she really opens up about her feelings (lately regarding her new brother coming), it's the time when I gaze upon my sleeping child night after night and not take for granted that I have my beautiful child and can REALLY thank God for all I have in her. And one day she will ask me NOT to lay with her. For now, I have it, and she is not whiny or spoiled. If you notice a child who is, that child's parents are not meeting needs elsewhere....not just at bedtime.

[mommy0404]

I am sorry if I offended anyone but this is a forum and everyone is free to voice there opinions. I personally have a  7 yr old girl , a 3 yr old boy and an infant son to all have a bedtime. They have routines, structure in there life and I personally do not think I am a bad mother for trying to instill them at a young age to have routines, boundaries and structure. I never had a problem with anyone of them going to bed when they were supposed to and I NEVER laid with them so they would go to sleep. I am speaking on clear experience as far as my step daughter. My mother in law ( her granny ) lays with her and when she comes to my home we ( my husband and I ) have problems with her going to bed when she is supposed to. In my opinion that is not fair not only to myself and my husband but my children as well. If they have set rules and boundaries my step daughter needs to follow those as well. Kids are a lot smarter than society gives them credit for. All of the kids know nighttime means go to sleep and so on and so forth. Common sense stuff.

[Kassimom]

I am not saying you are a bad mother.

Yes children are smart, never did I imply otherwise. Holding your baby makes them no less intelligent. Laying with my daughter at night hasn't dropped her IQ points.

Our children are not suffering at all because of the way we are choosing to parent them. To imply that we are creating a bunch of whiners is off base. Actually, it's called attachment parenting and it in fact creates more well rounded, more secure children.

As for your step-daughter, all I can say is perhaps you should read some books on step-parenting. I have read SEVERAL and all of them will tell you that you can't expect a child who is with you so little to automatically understand and adhere to your rules. Remember,she is not your child, but your husbands, and if he wants to lay with her, how does that hurt you?

There is no right or wrong in this, only what works for me doesn't work for you and vice versa. Enjoy raising your children and welcome to the site!

[ourbabydreams]

All I can say is this. She is three and still a baby my god in heaven. I can not believe the way that you talk about this child. I must be really homonal today because you seem like a very resentful person. My daughter is 13 and I still lay in bed with her sometimes. She enjoys these times still. We lay there talking about how my pregnancy is going or she talks about her friends. I am having a hard time understanding why you or your husband could not take 10 minutes to sooth a 3 year old.

Oh and her getting into things well she is learning. She likes to feel things and touch it. Boundaries are a given and that is why most parents have set things that are off limits a bit higher then they would if they do not have small children. Go to walmart and buy some baby gates. If you do not give a small child things she can play with she will find things that she is not supposed to play with. Small children love to explore and when they do they are expanding the minds and bodies. You said in a post above that you are in a pissy mood. And maybe that is why what you wrote is sounding like you do not care for this child...

I am hormonal and maybe my post is a bit harsh but I just don't understand how you could be so resentful to a baby.

[mommy0404]

So basically what you are telling me is that she needs to have her set of rules and the other children in the home another set? I totally disagree if that is the case. My 7 yr old daughter and 3 yr old son are always going to there Nana's house and biological dad's house. I am sure they don't have the same rules as I do in my home. Matter of fact,  I am positive. When they come back home to my house they have no problem readjusting to the rules I have laid out in my household. I am sorry, I am not going to be one way with one child as far as rules and another way with the step child just because she has had a rough childhood or can't comprehend how to keep her hands off of stuff that she knows good and well she's not supposed to play with. I am sorry if I seem a little on the defensive side but for one I have no one to talk to about this who truly understands. Everyone wants to make excuses for this child ( the step daughter ) but yet fails to see that they have more than just one grand child or neice or nephew. I think that is so **cked up.

[lovinmom]

With my first daughter I too read the Baby Wise book.  The book suggests feeding and diapering your baby, keep them up for a bit, and then put them down while they are awake so that they learn to go to sleep on their own.  I did this exactly with my first daughter from square one as an infant.  The first eight weeks were hard because she would cry before going to sleep.  I really wanted her to learn to sleep on her own.  My husband thought that somehow we were starving and tormenting our little one.  Well, after eight weeks, my daughter slept on a wonderful schedule and would fall asleep on her own.  When daughter #2  came along, my husband said no more of the schedule business.  He wanted me to do whatever to keep my little one from crying.  If she's crying, he says, she must be starving and hungry.  have nursed baby #2 whenever she wants.  She has had more problems with weight issues and sleep issues.  Baby #1 was so much more plump.  Needless to say, baby #2 (now 2 1/2) has been constantly nursed and nursed to sleep all the time.  It has been so hard on me.  She never sleeps on her own.  She only takes naps if she is nursing and sleeping on me.  If I try to put her in her crib, she cries like she is dying.  At night I nurse her a bit, and then she will go to sleep on her own.  That is the only time.  Just recently we watched a video with my first daughter when she was 9 months old.  She fell right asleep in my husbands arms.  No way would that be with my second daughter.  I have told my husband that if I should ever have another child, that child is going to learn to fall asleep on its own, naps and all.  My husband is a fireman and he is home a lot and especially during the day.  He is going to have to go work overtime or go out to play basketball so he doesn't have to hear any crying.