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need advice...family probs right before birth!!!!
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need advice...family probs right before birth!!!!

We are having a c-section on Wednesday.  We planned to spend the first day in the hospital by ourselves and enjoy our new daughter and bond.  Then we thought my dh's family could stop by on Thursday afternoon or evening.  We will be in the hospital until Saturday or Sunday so there is plenty of time for people to stop by after Wednesday.
Since my family lives out of town(2.5h away) I figured they would not be showing up and hence, I never invited anyone (although I did feel a little bad about no one being able to come since it is my first baby).  Now tonight my mom called and she and her bf will be in the city Wednesday afternoon or evening to see the baby.  My mom has her own business and cannot just take any time off but she found the time and rearranged schedules to come on Wednesday.   Now this is causing tension between me and my hubby.  In my heart, I really wanted Wednesday for just us both to bond with the baby but I just don't know how to tell my mom that.  I am super happy she will be there...I just wish it was later or that she had asked me so I could have told her before she decided.  Ughh.  Now I just want to cry.  I think they will only stop by for an hour or two on Wed. night and then again Thursday morning so it's not even that long but I really hate my plan being messed up.  My sister got mad at me and said we need to celebrate the birth of this baby.  I don't know what to do - I probably won't say anything.  I think my mom was at the hospital for all of my 5 nieces and nephew's births.  I mean it is her grandbaby too and she is VERY excited.  Does anyone have any advice?  
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Avatar_f_tn
It's kind of a sticky situation. I really wish I had good advice for you. I just wanted to say that this is your first baby. Just focus on that and enjoy her as much as you can. Everything will work itself out. Good luck :)
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365571_tn?1219601346
Thats a tough one!  I'm a people pleaser though, by nature, and I'm super close to my family.  I would want my family there, but its a personal choice.  I'm also a single parent though too.  I would talk to my husband openly about it, thats important.  Maybe you can compromise.  Tell your mother that you are really happy she will be able to be in town, BUT you and your husband planned on having this day for yourselves to enjoy and bond with the baby.  Be kind, but firm.  Talk to your hubby, ask if he would mind them coming by but ONLY for 30 min or an hour, and after you all have had sometime with the baby yourselves.  You may want to also mention you want to have a closed birth with only your hubby.  Tell them they  could come back the next day and stay as long as they want.  Maybe that will work.  If not, its ok.  This is a very special moment/event in life, do it the way you want it, you can't get it back, enjoy it!!  My cousin is pregnant she is due two months before me, feb. this year.  She and her husband have told all of the family that they can come 3 weeks to a month later because they want to bond and get settled.  Its not a weird request, they announced it to everyone so not to hurt feelings, we all respect that.  Even if you tell your mom to wait a day, she maybe a little bummed, but your gonna have a precious baby, nothing brings a family closer and its a happy time.  I hope this helps a little.  Congradulations, your almost there!!  Don't be sad, this is a happy time.  Go talk to your hubby!  I'll be praying for you, please let me know how it goes!  Take care!
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381551_tn?1208757643
Hi there, I had my daughter about six months ago and I thought the same way you did, I wanted the first day to be just my fiance and I.  I was induced and it had been planned for a couple weeks so everyone knew when I was going to deliver.  It ended up most of my family and his came to the hospital. Many of them were even in the room when I delivered.  After the baby was there and I had held her and her daddy held her it was nice to see my mom and his mom get their time with their new grandbaby.  Even if it isn't quite what you planned its a wonderful sight to see your mom watch you become a new mom.  Besides, you will be more tired than you think so it is really nice for a little time off in the hospital. Its completely up to you whether you stand up for what you want on the big day, but no matter what it will be a wonderful beautiful experience.  
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172826_tn?1292440112
thats a tough one..when i was pregnant i didnt want everone at the hospital nor at my place blah blah...what i said and what happened were 2 diff things...your having a baby and everyone besides you and ur hubby are thrilled...i had a vag birth the first week was hectic but then cooled..i too wanted some quality family time since bf had took a week off school and a few days off work...none of that happened and it sucked so u might just have to toughen it out but my mom was there for the birth and all and i wasnt doing it without her...so i dunno...
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Avatar_m_tn
I would invite his family over on the 1st day too- and tell them to "stop" by.  You have to remember they are very happy to meet this baby too.  Your DH probably is very excited to show his parents his pride and joy!  I had a melt down in the hosp on day 2 because there were just too many people there-too many nurses-too many visitors-but you have to remmeber everyone is happy for you.  You can request that you bond/nurse w/your baby and hubby a few hours after  the baby is born...then have visitors.  My mom was VERY sad I did not let her in the delivery room.  I just wanted it to be for my DH and I...so she listened at the door-as soon as she heard my baby cry she broke down in tears I guess...I couldnt have imagined my parents not being there that first day to see my new DD.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks everyone for your opinions.  I think we will just tell everyone that they can visit Wednesday evening if they want to.  That way it is fair to everyone.  I guess we were being sort of selfish wanting her all to ourselves that day.  I am hoping my hubby will just want to show the baby off after a few hours anyways!
I was really just worried about my hubby and the baby bonding.  He only has a week or so off and I just wanted him to have enough time with her to fall in love with her.  It's really important to me since my dad was not a very good one and I know at first my hubby was hoping for a boy, and he is a man's man so a baby girl will be a totally new experience for him.  I just want my baby girl to have the dad that I never had and be close with her pops.  Hopefully that will happen regardless.  Thanks a million for all your great opinions and straightening me out!!
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172826_tn?1292440112
you know hun you cant make anything happen it will or wont..im sure ur hubby will be in love with that precious babygirl when he sees her..dont worry
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172826_tn?1292440112
you know hun you cant make anything happen it will or wont..im sure ur hubby will be in love with that precious babygirl when he sees her..dont worry
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220217_tn?1209683277
I was about to say the same thing as CYW - your hubby will be so in love with that baby that he'll want to show it off.  You will have plenty of time by yourselves with you, your hubby and baby.  Let your mom enjoy her grandbaby while time permits.  Your hubby should understand.  I only wish we could have time with ours alone - both of our families live within miles of us and the hospital so they will be there the minute my hubby makes that call to let them know I am in the hospital - that's if we don't make it to the c-section date which everybody knows as well.  

Just take it in stride - you can't please everybody and I have a feeling that baby's prescense will make everything work out perfectly.  Good luck!!
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm glad you've decided to let everyone come.  You will be on such a high that you wont be sad all those people are there.  You'll be thrilled and so will your hubby.  Just make sure you request no visitors after that first hour so you can bond w//your baby.  That first hour is the most important. They put a sign on our door-no nurses-no doc-no visitors-We let my parents in right away after birth to meet her but then gave us an hour to bond w/her, nurse her, and be alone w/her...it's a surreal feeling.  We did not even let her go to the nursery!  I did not want her to leave our sight-I was so in love with her-DH and I stayed up all night staring at her!  Congratulations!  Babies are wonderful little creatures! :0)
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259022_tn?1212636506
I would let them come, but I wanted everyone to come see us when I had my dd.  And I had my dh, mom and sister in the room for the whole delivery.  It was like a party!!!!LOL
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172826_tn?1292440112
i had my mom, my dad, my best friend who is like my sister and she's a nurse...(comfort), my bf, unfortunately my dear mil who was rude to me on more than one occasion and i wish i would of sent her packing...but it is a party in the room lol...its the arrival of your little baby teehee
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