need support more now then ever!

[debmejia]

I've been a silent member of med help since the beginning of my second pregnancy. I've always appreciated reading the thoughtfulness and true concern i've seen from the ladies here. Now I have something to bring to the table. I just had a daughter brenna 2/28/07. I had her via c section due to not progressing. Nicu was on staff when she was born due to me taking anti depressants during pregnancy. The surgery was uncomplicated and then they blow me away. The nicu guy comes over and says everything is fine with your daughter except there is something wrong with her thumbs. ???? My daughters thumbs are missing the bone that connects them to her hands she has the other bones but not that one. They just dangle on her hands. I don't understand all this. I've been a wreck. I cry alot, I cry for her and can't help but wonder if i've done this to her. I worry of all she has to endure in the coming years of her life. My pediatrician told me i can't nurse her 4 hours after taking my zoloft. So i've stopped taking them since i've been home from the hospital. Which was saturday. I feel like i'm scared to love her like something might happen to her. Today was her first appt in which my doctor called a specialist and told her that there is a disease called fanconi's anemia that can also be associated with thumb abnormalities. It's super rare and super serious. I have so much on my plate i don't know what to think. I'm taking

[nalla]

I forgot to add that the others are right. This is NOT your fault. I went through a lot of guilt over my son because there is something that might have changed the outcome. You did nothing wrong and there isn't anyway that you could have prevented this. Dont beat yourself up about this. All that is going to do is upset you and take that time and energy away from your baby. There is a reason that your baby was born with this, just like there was a reason my son was born the way he is. I believe that all children are special and have a very special purpose in this world, and the ones with any sort of disability may be a part of that purpose. I would never wish and am not happy my son was born with spina bifida, but the things that we have had to go through has changed us in a way that we never even thought possible. I believe that God will always turn a bad into something wonderful!
God will not give you anything more than you can handle. Just trust and have faith in Him.

[ImmortalOne]

First of all let me let you know that you have come to some wonderful people for support.  While I do not know what you are going through I know when my daughter was born in 97 and couldn't keep anything down, she would drink 6 ounces and 5 would come back up, I couldn't help but blame myself because I smoked during my pregnancy.  It wasn't till recently someone told me it wasn't because of the smoking, and that was my new doctors.  But, it was so frustrating and so worrisome.  With this baby and all the complications of my pregnancy, and my trouble at work, sometimes I felt that I wanted my life back the way it was before I was pregnant.  This is minor compared to your situation, this I know, however you have my thoughts and prayers.

I know it is cliche', but take it one day at a time.  One of the things you have to remember is that there is nothing you could've done to cause this, that you cannot take the blame for this at all, and if you try it is just going to stress you out all the more.  I had to learn that everything happens for a reason, each event in our lives, every person we meet, they all have a reason for being there.  I know not many people feel this way or believe in this, but after the last 31 years I have to.

If you have faith, right now is the time to fall back on it.  Friends, family, specialists and therapists are going to be your closest and most important sources of support.  Again, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.  Please keep in touch with all of us and let us know if there is anything we can help with.

[Mozartcowgirl]

you cannot blame yourself for what is going on with your daughter...please dont!! while i was pregnant with my 1 dd i had to take numerous antibiotics... i had constant problems.. and was taking terbutaline.. mag sulfate.. so many antibiotics.. and some other drugs as well associated with threatened prematurity.. and phelephritis..

she has a learning disability now... and.. while it has been a long row to hoe.. and there will always be things throughout her life that might be more difficult for her.. I wouldnt change a thing.. if i had not taken those medications.. she probably might now be here..

you cannot blame yourself for what is going on !!! you needed to take that medication!! and.. for all you know.. whats going on with your daughter has NOTHING to do with the medication that you took while you were pregnant with her!!

you cannot change the past.. there is no way for you to go back in time.. and grasp at straws!!  no one may NEVER know what caused this to occur..


just take one day at a time.. give yourself time..
its going to be ok !! no matter what!  you have gotten this far.. i am SURE that you will continue to be a wonderful mother.. and a most awesome woman.

[debmejia]

everything one day at a time, but nights seems the hardest when things wind down and i have a chance to think. I'm grateful for my daughter and wouldn't trade her for anything this is just so much all at once. I almost want to go back to my life before her,because the pain of this is so intense. Please anyone with similar situations just drop a word or too. I feel so alone in this all.

[AshleysMom]

Hi - I really don't know what to say but that it is a blessing that you have a wonderful daughter, and congratulations.  DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF for this.

I have had 7 MCs in a row and always ask myself if I did something to make it happen...We can't do that to ourselves.

[Staceylc]

I am sorry you are feeling this way!  Congratulations on your daughter's birth!  That is wonderful.  I tell you, I have 4 children and 1 on the way and motherhood is sooo rewarding and sooooooo heartwrenching!  I heard someone say once that deciding to have a child is to decide to forever let your heart go walking around on the outside of your body...You are so vulnerable because we love our babies (or teenagers!!) sooo much.  I have had a few scares with my children...once when my last one was 4 mos. old.  He had to have mri's, cat scans, eeg's, etc.  They didn't know what was wrong or if  he would develop normally.  I can tell you that was the MOST difficult time of my life...well, that and the time my 3yo. daughter was MISSING for 2 hours!!  (she was 2 doors down at the neighbor's house...but we didn't know that)  Police were called and everything!  There were times I didn't think I would make it.  I don't know much about your daughter's condition, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone...motherhood is wonderful and terrifying!  Please do not blame yourself...lots of people take anti-depressants when pregnant.  If that did cause it, you did not know it would and if you did you never would have taken it.  Just love her and lean on God...I have prayed sooo much for my babies over the last 15 years and I still have to battle my anxiety over their well being.  Think positive, love your baby, pray, and I think she will be fine.  I will be praying for you and her too!  

[nalla]

I'm sorry you are going through this. On some level I understand what you are feeling. My son was born with a disability. We found out during the pregnancy. My advice to you is learn as much as you can, talk to your Dr.s and try and talk to others that have this or have kids that have the same problems. Joining a support group has done amazing things for us. And learning everything about the condition has made it not so scary for us. And don't feel bad about crying and being upset. You need to chance to mourn. Just give it some time. You have had a huge shock and you need some time to let it sink in.

And maybe you should get a second opinion about the zoloft. After my son was born the Dr.s put me on zoloft to help prevent me from having severe post pardom depression because my son was in the NICU for 5 weeks and had to have several surgeries....very stressful! I was originaly on prozac and my Dr. wanted me to change to zoloft because I was breastfeeding and they felt it was the safest for the baby. My OB Dr. and my high risk Dr. both agreed that zoloft was the best choice. I nursed Nathan for 15 months while on zoloft and there was never a problem. I'm not telling you to take it, but maybe do some research on zoloft and breastfeeding and talk to your Dr. about it or get a second opinion. Because of the issues you all are having, you are at a higher risk for developing severe post pardom depression.

Again, I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. It will get better after the shock sets in a little. Be sure to talk to your Dr.s and ask LOTS of questions. If you don't understand, make them tell you in "English". I have had to tell our Dr.s several times that I need them to explain in a different way. Sometimes Dr.s forget that we are not Dr.s too.

I will be praying for you, your baby, and your family. Things will look up soon.

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

God bless you and your daughter dont worry she wil be fine.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Your child is a gift just as she is.  Do not feel guilty.  You took a prescribed med that you were told was safe.  You are a loving, caring mother.  It's not as if you were taking street drugs, you are taking a necessary legal medication.

Be careful about not taking your meds.  I am worried about ppd.

Please keep us updated on your daughter.

[Pearl99]

I just found out that my 11 y.o. has an extremely rare genetically transmitted disease (from both mom/dad) that is causing him to go blind and there's no treatment of any kind (I am 8 mos. pregnant btw). I understand your shock and panic--it is incredibly painful.  The only thing I can say is to see the highest level doctors you absolutely can--perhaps there is something surgical they can do to fix orthopedically the hands--. We live in a small town in the middle of nowhere and have found the quality of big city drs. unbelievably superior to what they have here.  Other than that, we are trying to consider the event as not the defining feature of his life: not to feel sorry for him (or ourselves). He is a brilliant self-confident child and we want him to feel that he is a complete human being no matter what his eyes can or can't see. Still it breaks your heart.  Make sure you are taking care of yourself.

[CYW]

I'm soooo sorry to hear that you are going through this but hunny, you cannt blame yourself for this however i can imagine it must be hard. I had to take azitromycin for chlamydia 2 weeks ago AND then metronidazole which I finished 2 days ago and then only to find out I most likely got a yeast infection. So..when i was calling all over to find out if it was safe to take the meds the doctor, nurses everyone told me... there is a 2-3% chance in pregnancy without taking meds, doing everything right that the child could have a deformation and it's unexplainable-usually how the feotus is growing. As hard as it is-since I've been worrying about it-they will probably fix it for her(my friend's cousin was born the same way and he is able to use his thumb like any other child now) What did they say was going to happen? I'm sure that if it was REALLY unsafe for you to the the anti-depressants, your doctor would have taken you off or something-don't try and stress with it as hard as it is right now, especially because you are on anti-depressants and thats not good. You're stressing yourself out even more. Your baby is still healthy and wonderful I am sure...Does it change that her thumbs are missing a bone and most likely it can be fixed... does it change the love you have for her? I'm sure you still love her the sme if not more...Don't worry about the little things like that..I'm sure you will figure it out:) Best of luck to you...

[Pearl99]

It's the shock that is so upsetting to a new mom with everything else going on too. I hope you can talk to the doc about getting a counselor for you right away, just someone to talk to for a little--just tell even the pediatrician you are NOT doing okay with it. This could spur off a major PPdepression so be careful--take care of yourself.