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preschool

I have not been on in a while, but this is the forum I was always used to so I am hoping you ladies can still help.  My son started preschool a few weeks ago.  His birthday is 8/31 so he is the youngest kid in the class.  Some of the kids are turning 4 as he just turned three.  My husband and I decided to start him now since he had always been home with me and the doc said he will be at least two years behind socially, so we wanted him to get started right away.  Since he is right on the line we will have the choice of which year to start kindergarten.  we decided we would make that decision based off of how the two years of preschool go and not two years ahead of time.  so my problem...
The teacher pulled me aside and said that DS was very behind socially but academically advanced for the class so that did not make him a good fit.  (he can count to 100 but one of the little girls in the class cant count to 5!) They said they would give him a little more time to catch up socially before they ask him to leave.  I have spent the last three days working with him A LOT and can see major improvements so I am sure over the next few weeks he will do better, but I am worried that AJ now is "that kid" that the teachers cant stand and they are not going to treat him nice.  So my question...is it allowed/ ok to just drop in to check in on a class as it is with a daycare? I just dont want them to be embarrassing him infront of his peers or making him hate school this early.
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171768_tn?1324233699
Give him time to catch up socially before asking him to leave?!?! What does that mean? Is he simply shy and not socializing, or is he physically harming himself, the teachers, or other students? The ONLY reason they should ask him to leave would be if he were a danger to himself or others (and even then, it would be reasonable to give it a little more time). Otherwise their expectations are way out of line for a 3 year old.
What kind of school is it? What are the social problems he is having? I am a little suspicious of the program. Normally I would say that of course the teachers would never make a child feel unwanted or embarrassed, but I am not sure about this program...
Yes, you should be able to observe, although it is generally recommended that instead you ask to come in and volunteer to read a book, do a project, etc... However, just so you know, the kids generally don't behave the same when a parent is there. The child of the parent is almost always much worse when parents and teachers are together in the same room.
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218870_tn?1240259255
The teacher said that he just doesnt listen.  she said normally if they dont listen to the parent, they will listen to the teacher, but he wont listen.  like he will go to circle time, sit down and when the story starts he will get up and leave and play with toys and when they ask him to come back he wont, then he will move to snack time and sit and eat his snack and when he is done, he will get up and leave even when all of the other kids are still eating.  then they do a coloring project and he will draw a circle then get up and play iwht the toys and when they tell him to come back he wont.  After noticing the behavoir at home I realize I do preventitive stuff like say, ok story time, what do we do at story time? and he will say "we sit at story time" and then will sit, but if I just read a book, he will get up and leave.  he is not voilent or mean in any way.  I have not noticed it as a parent and NO ONE has ever said that about him (not like I just chose not to see it). I have noticed since he was about 10 months old that he is way more active and less attentive than other children his age.  just strong willed.

It is a catholic school 3 yr old program 2 days per week 2.5 hrs per day.  it takes kids born 8/31/06-8/31/07.  AJ was born 8/31/07 so he is the absolute youngest kid there and several of the kids turned 4 this month already. so it seems they are unwilling to work with the kid who is the youngest and least socialized.  easier to just kick him out.  

I dont even want to go in the classroom.  I know his behavior will change.  I just want to peek through the window in the door and see if they are just screaming "AJ get over here" or if they are trying get him and bring him back. and I really just want to make sure they arent just plain out being mean to him.  When AJ listens the least are the days that I am the most mean or aggressive in my punnishments.  so when she tells me these things and his behavior, it is almost telling me that her tone is mean or he is not happy with the way he is being treated.  he almost goes into his own little word and does whatever he is doing and ignores the fact that he is being treated badly.  

I called to talk to the teacher and she called me back when I was busy. I asked her to call me later int he day when she got a chance and she said "no".  I then asked for her to email me the schedule (all 2.5 hrs of it) so we could follow it at home and hope we can get him more structured and he would understand that he needs to do this all of the time.  I have yet to receive the email.  (4 days later).  
Seems like she just doenst like him, which is fine, but I need to know so I can just remove him and find someone who enjoys his spirit as much as I do.
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13167_tn?1327197724
kj,  I'm really really surprised your doc said he's socially immature because you are a stay at home mom.  I think there's nothing farther from the truth - children with moms who stay at home are MORE mature,  MORE empathetic,  MORE reasonable than children that have been in daycare situations from early childhood.  

I don't think he's socially immature.  I think he has a very short attention span for his age,  and he's active.  And I don't think this basic part of his personality will change - when he's in 5th grade,  he will also have a distractable attention span and be in motion more than his peers.  

Having one of those,  that's not a bad thing - it's just a bad thing when it comes to the extreme "girl" structure of the public school system.  A 3 year old child should be allowed to move around at will,  and play with toys and not listen to a story circle that's not interesting to them - but daycare/preschool can't operate that way (actually I don't know why not).

Best wishes.
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218870_tn?1240259255
the doc said because so many kids are in daycares in group settings since 6 weeks old they have more of a grasp on social skills.  It was AJ and I for 26 months (and I work from home so it isnt always just about him) then it was AJ, Nick, and I for the last 10.5 months and he hastn had to share or sit in a group while a book is read.  if he leaves, I stop reading...  As you just said, rock rose, my concern is to take him out this year (which will definately mean I hold him back for kindergarten) and then he starts again next year with the same issues and they kick him out again.  Then he will be held back for kindergarten, and wont have his two years of preschool in.  
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13167_tn?1327197724
Can't you put him in preschool with the 3 year olds,  and not the 4 year olds?  
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218870_tn?1240259255
next year...when he is 4.    he will either always be the oldest or the youngest. right now I want him to be the youngest and then we will make that decision when it really counts for kindergarten.  our schools go from 8/31-8/31 and his birthday is 8/31...lucky him!

so my choice right now is to put him in a DAYCARE 2-3 year program just to get him in a group setting.  so basically just as he is really learning to play WITH other kids, all of the kids in his group will still be in the parallel play group so, yes he will be getting social skills in a group setting with a "teacher", but that is about it.
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172023_tn?1334675884
It's a fact that boys, in general, ARE later to develop in almost every area during very young childhood.  It might just be that he isn't ready yet.
It may be better to get a year under his belt as the oldest, when he's starting a very new environment that he's never had to deal with before.  

The teacher doesn't sound like a good fit, either.  Sounds like she either doesn't want to, or can't adapt to having a younger child with less exposure to a group.  

Can you put him with the 2-3 y/o kids for the rest of this year, and then give him a trial with the older kids  next year?  Sounds like he's not going to be academically disadvantaged by doing that.  And spending THIS year being the "big boy"  may give him a wonderful sense of pride, mastery, and self confidence, rather than always being told to sit down, sit still, hands to yourself...as may happen if he stays with children who are older.

Good to see you again!
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127529_tn?1331844380
With my son (who has autism and thus social difficulties) he was with a 2/3 year old group until he was 4 then he went to the 4/5 year old group skipping the 3/4 year old group altogether. I had an amazing daycare/pre school who placed my son dependent on his developmental needs rather that just putting him in his age group. It certainly benefited him. Luckily they also ran their own private kindergarten so he stayed with them for that too (just a class of eight), two weeks ago he began grade one at the local school and has transitioned better than I could have ever hoped for.
I have two friends who had children who were right at the cut off for their age group and rather than put them into school as the youngest in the class they waited until the next year and so the kids went into kindergarten class as the oldest. One of these children has some social difficulties and the other is a neuro typical child, both did extremely well in their kindergarten year.
I think right now it is important for your son to be with children that he is at the same social developmental level, otherwise it will be difficult for him to connect with the other kids, make relationships and have fun, after all that is what pre school is all about.

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171768_tn?1324233699
it sounds like this class definitely is not a fit for him. Their expectations are not developmentally appropriate and they are looking for kids who fit a mold. I am curious about their qualifications and training. It sounds like they do not follow developmentally appropriate practices. Look it up and throw that term at them- ANY preschool teacher with a *proper* and *current* education knows that what they describe is normal behavior for a 3 yr old. In fact, it sounds like you have a pretty good grasp on some of the aspects with how you describe how you handle your child.

I would pull him or have him transfer to the younger class. Honestly, I think he is better off in an environment where he is older anyways. Statistically, he stands a MUCH better chance at being successful as the oldest than youngest. The kids I have go to K the following year so we know a lot about their expectations. Their main complaint is not that kids are not prepared academically, but rather social emotionally. A child can learn his ABCs over a weekend. I have seen it. The social and emotional skills take much longer to develop.
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