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problems

i need some advice i feel right at this moment everything in my life is just falling apart. i have been having problems with my bf we have been fighting about everything now. i am 28 wks pregnant with his child, this was a plan pregnancy and now all i hear is how he doesnt want this baby and that he doesnt want this family i also have a 4 yr old. since i was 19wks i have been on bed rest and i have lost my job which payed good. i am going wall crazy and all i do now is search the tv for movies. he thinks this is so easy for me. its not. he thinks because he has a job hes doing all the work in supporting us. but in my eyes i pay half of everything ive had to go into my savings just to survive this. part of me feels like runing out of this relationship because of how he is and how hes acting he said he had so many plans and now i hold him back. i feel as though walking away from the guy i love and the guy that my daughter calls dad just to make him happy. my mom and dad says that whats going on isnt easy and that men and pregnancy goes like this at times. i just wonder who else has gone through this and what to do to help this relationship because truely i dont want to walk away.
ksanden
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Avatar_n_tn
im on bedrest also, but im sure hes feeling some stress , you should talk to him and hopefully he will open up, i wish you the best of luck, i will pray for you
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151154_tn?1208134182
First I want to tell you that I am sorry that you are going through this.  Then I want to tell you that I think he's acting like a jerk.   Pregnancy may do this to YOU but not to men.  He doesn't have the extra hormones to make him grumpy and all his energy going into making a human being.  He needs to grow up.  So what if he has to work more.  He should be willing to do what he has to do to take care of you during this time.  If he says he doesn't want this family, then give it to him.  Leave and see how fast he begs for you back.  Trust me, he will.  
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159354_tn?1286371288
I'm sorry you are going through this and will say some prayers.  I know it's emotional time for both mommy and daddy to be.

My dh has been wonderful with our first pregnancy, my 3 miscarriages last year and now this current one.

He's stressed but never ever once would think about leaving or me leaving.....

Maybe you should tell him to leave but you are not walking away from the relationship.  Maybe he needs just sometime away....a weekend or so.
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174515_tn?1191710869
it sounds to me like maybe reality os setting in and he is afraid. he could get over this and be fine, or he could continue and that would not be healthy for you or either of your children. we as pregnant women already tend to have low self esteem so maybe you should talk to him and ask him seriouslly what his intentions are, i would rather be prepared than get a suprise when i have a newborn.

good luck
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172411_tn?1287089865
ive told him that id give him space and id go to my parents but he said if i do that dont come back. also he said that he doesnt want to lose me and last night  he begged me not to go.i told him that he had to stop the fighting and that i could not take anymore, i told him i didnt not want to leave him but its hard when the other day he told me that i was a bit** and that he didnt want to be with me. he said he was angry when he siad it and was sorry that he did. last night we talked about everything, i cried and then i could look at him for the rest of the night. all the creul and mean things he has said to me i cant seem to get out of me mind. i just dont no anymore.
ksanden
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Avatar_f_tn
I really think that what you are describing sounds less like a man scared to have a child and more like a man scared he is "trapped".  Perhaps he truly initially wanted a child but his words are now suggesting that he has had a change of heart.  He is not respecting you as his child's mother nor is he keeping in mind that you have a child inside of you who also needs to be cared for and fighting can cause stress for both you and the baby. He also sounds a bit controlling- suggesting that if you go to your parent's place that you "should not come back". Name calling and controlling behavior could be a red flag signaling the fact that he could be abusive in the future. Right now, you need to do whatever is best for you and your child and your baby. Even if that means moving out and even if that means losing him. If he truly cares and loves you, he would be wanting to protect you, care for you and would be doing whatever it takes to make you comfortable and happy. While there are financial stresses he is now facing, how will he handle any stress in the future? Or a baby that is awake all night and crying? I stayed in a relationship like this once and always regretted it but I thought love would overcome it all and unfortunately, in my case, it did not. Take care of you and remember that your priority is being a mom. Surround yourself with supportive people and if you decide to continue the relationship, do it because you feel loved, protected and adored, don't do it in hopes he will change, because a baby could make things more pronounced. I hope this helps, my heart goes out to you.
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Avatar_f_tn
whe i found out i was pregnant with my son richard.. my dh ( who was my boyfriend at the time) wanted me to get an abortion.. he constantly told me how much he didnt want a family.. how he felt it was unfair of me.. how he felt trapped.. he wasnt a very nice person way back then... he treated me with indifference throughout my pregnancy.... he hurt me alot... even when i went into labor.. we were fighting.. it was horrible..

now... i f i even mention it... (the way he was) he gets tears in his eyes... and he cannot believe how selfish he was...he is now a very loving father to his children.. and cannot even believe he ever felt that way about our children.. or about having a family.. he tells me he would be lost with us..... richard passed away... when he was 9 weeks old.. and i think that it really had a profound effect on him.. thats another reason why he is so cautious with this baby.. because its a boy...he wanted a girl.. because to him.. its just different.

i would say give him a chance.. he has no way of being able to empathize with you ... its SO hard to be a woman.. so hard.... even now there are times when my dh seems abrasive.. ... men just dont understand... they have no clue as to what we as women go through ... its a double edged sword.. being a woman .. on one hand.. we are the most understanding.. loving creatures.. but .. onthe other.. we expect men to at least try to be that way.. and they dont even have the same brain that we do.. sometimes i wish i could just bit*& slap the entire male race.  because it just seems like they are sooooooooo lazy about emotional things.
keep at it.. you are doing a great job..if he at this time does not have the aptitude to understand what you are going through . just ignore him.. when he hurts you .. tell him.. .. if you feel you cannot tolerate it anymore. ask him to leave for a while.. dont torture yourself.

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