my friend had just give me a call to tell me that she is pregnant. i had a strange pain in my heart, and could not say anything, i felt like i can,t talk anymore, i wanted her to shut up, she was telling me how happy she is and how much she want me to be pregnant again with her. my gosh i hated her, when i heard about someone of you girls being pregnant i don't feel anything weird because i am not seing you, instead i feel so happy for you and this give me a push. i am really mad, i can't see her pregnant while i lost my baby 1 month ago. i wasn't jealous, but i am really stressed.... i was crying since she told me, an hour ago about her news. is this normal?
i am really tired, my husband always says that i am going crazy, because one moment i am very ok, happy and talking enjoying life and in the second moment i start crying and be sad, for nothing... it is not nothing, i really have a big ache in my chest. i feel like i have the biggest sadness of the world, sometimes i can't take nno more, sometimes i deal with it, my baby's picture hurt me a lot, i feel sory for her and wonder if i could do something for her, she looked like an angel, her face was sad, don't know why i felt that. i still have her picture on my phone's screen saver. i hate every thing in this life, but trying my best to stay positive and deal with my pain, no body can help me, but god and i, and ofcourse your hope and prayers girls. i wish i can post my baby's picture to all of you, to the whole world.... i really need time to heal emotionally, i healed physically, but i know the emotions will take soooo long time, especially with me, being so sensitive after what happend. i did not know that a baby loss could hurt that much, but my godness, it the worst thing in life.
What you are feeling is very normal. For a long time, over the last 10 years of miscarriages and so forth, I started hating the very sight of pregnant women. It hurt me a lot to know some of them where going to continue with their lives and have their hopes fulfilled and I wasn't. I'm sorry for your loss and remember to talk about your pain.
You said you are in college right? Most schools offer counceling for next to nothing on campus. You could look into that. And it doens't need to be an every week kind of thing. It might help to just talk with someone a few times. And talk with your Dr., he may know of a support group that you could join.
the loss of a child.. the feelings that you feel.. all normal.. allow yourself to go through this..
you will never be over what has happened to you .. you may go every day.. thinking about it.. even when you hold other children that you will go on to have.. it will never go away.. please.. dont expect it to just go away. I lost my son.. over 7 years ago. i think about him.. so very much.. i see him in my other children.. its bittersweet.. its scary.. and ... its hard to take at times..
the loss of a child.. is so very sad.. it is hard to look.. at anything. or anyone.. the same.. ever again.. the mother yelling at her children in the mall.. the abuse of children that you read in the paper.. the sensless killing here in our country. and beyond of innocent children.. it all affects you .. and it really hits home.. in ways that you have never imagined before.. you have horrific dreams.. you feel like someone ripped your gut out.. and stomped on it.. you feel hollow.. you wil never be the same.. and inside.. part of you.. has died.. that part of you .. will never again.. be the same.
know that you will be ok .. know that you will always hold your baby.. inside your heart.. you are a strong woman.. and what you are feeling.. is very normal.. after my son died.. i felt very bitter and resentful towards ANYONE who had a child.. when i felt that they were taking advantage of the blessing of having a child.. you name it.. iwas bitter..
i went to counseling for only a little while. for me. it was not helping..
time does not heal all wounds.. but. it does help you.. you learn new strategies for accepting what has happened to you .. things look so different.. and some things will get easier.. while others remain the same..
I am so very sorry.. that you are going through this... myheart goes out to you.. the pain you are feeling.. well. no one else knows exactly how you are feeling.. but.. there are many of us here.. that know an aspect of what you are going through ...we all who have lost our children know that particular heartache of losing a child...im so very sorry..
hi nermine, really sorry for what you are going through. Just let it out, cry scream if you have to, sometimes holding it back makes the situation worse. No one truly know what you are going through. Good luck
Since you mentioned God in your last reply, I thought I would mention that maybe you can seek counseling at a church. A lot of churches offer free counseling as a ministry so you might want to check into that. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine. But counseling might help you.
You have every right to feel the way you do. I could not stand to be near my sis after I m/c, and I was only at 11 weeks when they discovered a blighted ovum. You carried that little one till the end and you bond so much during your pregnancy. I agree that you should look into counseling, losing a child is a terrible thing and you still have all of those crazy hormones too. There are some great suggestions on here, look into counseling at school or church, you may also find a counselor with a sliding scale that will give you a break since you are in school. I would also ask your Dr. if there are any support groups so you can connect with other women going through the same thing. I pray that you can find some comfort and take your time to greive. Take care of yourself and don't feel bad about being upset, you need to get your feelings out and not bottle them up. Take care.
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