?'s about family adopting a baby

[babyscience]

So my friend is adopting a baby from overseas that will be 9 months old when they get her, they just got the call yesterday.  My friend is so eager and they will both be terrific parents, so I just want it to be plesant for them. Do any of you have any suggestions on how to make the transition easy for the child? I understand at that age the child will have separation anxiety, my ds is only 6mo and he has it, any ideas on how to minimize that and make the child feel safe in a foreign enviroment?  I am so happy for them as they have been waiting years for a child to come into their lives!

[Jenny100]

I had a comment on the separation anxiety--I know a couple people who have adopted like this, and their babies DID NOT have separation anxiety because they never had that ONE primary caregiver to bond with. Their basic needs were taken care of and thats it. They didn't suffer from it at all.The reason your DS has it is because he is bonded with YOU. These babies are in an orphanage with minimal attention. So, in these instances at least, these babies didn't have any problems at all.
And since she is young, she will most likely bond with her new parents within a few weeks, once she realizes this is permanent and she has JUST these caregivers. My advice wuld be spend LOTS of time with her. Attend to her every whimper so she knows she can trust that her needs are going to be met by them.
I think it is wonderful that they are giving a little girl a home and family! I'm very happy for them!!

[peekawho]

Thats what I was just getting ready to say.  

I know there may be some concern about attachment disorders, from the lack of a primary caregiver.  But I don't know much at all about it.  

[babyscience]

Well that is the catch:  A good point and bad is this baby was born premature, so she was placed in a foster home and it has been the same one since birth.  So she was greatly cared for which is really good, but I just worry she will miss her foster parents.  I know she will adjust quickly though, so I guess the only advice to give them is just give her time and hopefully she wont be to attached to her foster parents.

[babyscience]

It is soo cute, they have had a room already decorated for over a year just waiting for her arrival.  I know she will be really loved by the entire family!

[Jenny100]

Oh I see. In this case, yes--she will most likely have some separation anxiety.If she bonded with someone else from the beginning then it will take some time for her to adjust. But she is still young and I am sure with some time she will bond with her new permanent parents.

[babyscience]

Thanks for responding.  Well hopefully it all goes smoothly!  What a great Fathers day for him this year.  He is not quite yet a dad, but in no time he will be!!

[Mary 53]

Hi, I check this forum now and then since I used to teach parenting classes and I worked with Pre-school children for years. I have also worked in Day Treatment with Pre-adolescents.

Regarding this forum, you are all so supportive of one another...it is an awesome forum. I mainly hang out on the Ovarian Cancer forum and the Ovarian Cyst forum....

I was intrigued with this post, though and wanted to add my two cents.

it is a great thing that the child has had time to bond with a consistent care-giver and in fact, I was relieved when I saw that the baby had been with one foster home and for the amount of time indicated. Hopefully it was a good home and the baby learned that her needs could be met on a consistent bases.

The fact that she has been able to form attachments will make her adjustment here much easier. It is the child who does not attach to a caregiver who has a difficult time and often a difficult life (especially if left untreated by counseling or some other treatment).

You will see some difficulties regarding attachment even in the home where there is a biological parent and child. There is concern that if the caregiver (presumed to be the mother in most cases) is suffering from Major depression, chances are she will not be  able to meet the demanding needs of a child and sometimes this type of neglect can cause great harm if left untreated. I am just using that for an example. We all know about the horror stories from the 1980's of the Romanian children in the Orphanages who were left in their cribs to (more or less) fend for themselves....People finally wised up as this issue was being studied and they found that (as we all know now) babies need a Consistent caregiver....Mother, Father, Day Care Person, Nurse....a familiar face they can learn to trust and to attach to and this needs to happen after birth.

Well, I did not mean to go on and on, but this is an area of great interest to me and the studies are more recent (say, over the past twenty years or less)....but, again, I was so glad to see that the child has been able to form attachments and although I am not saying the first few days will not be rough (although I would love to be wrong on that one) there is an awesome chance that the child will quickly build trust and attachment with the parents and all will go well.

Best of luck to your friends....

Mary

[babyscience]

Thanks so much Mary!
That is so good to hear.  I didnt even think that far.  I know it was a good thing that this child had foster parents, which means she probably had more attention, but I didnt think past that.  The fact that this child has felt love (hopefully) and is able to reciprocate it.  Hopefully she will not have any feelings of not being wanted.  
In the end, I guess it is what every parent wants for their child...to provide a good life, to have them know that they are loved more than anything, and to give them every advantage you can so they can grow up live a productive life full of love.