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talking divorce and need support
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talking divorce and need support

my husband and i need to call it quits now! it sucks that it all happened this way. now i have a 3 year old, and pregnnat. my fairytale is come to an end. i havent finished school and i am worried. do you all know how i can make money to keep my life the way it is. i am scared and worried. evne if he pays us child support and stuff, it wont even be enough . he makes very little. we barely make it now. any of you have financial advice you can help me with please. something real and quick that will earn me good money. thank you guys.
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218870_tn?1240259255
well I have a home daycare.  It isnt for everyone, but I have made it work.  I get to stay home with my son and you can earn whatever you want basically.  I live in MD and can make up to $56000 if I fill up and that is keeping my prices well under the competition. ($145/week for a child under 2 and $110/ week for a child over 2 plus you get money from the state for feeding them according to the fda quidelines about $100/month per child)   Probably in CA you could make more.  Of course I dont have that many kids, but if my husband and I do decide to call it quits, I will be able to keep my lifestyle of staying home with my son and be able to support us just by adding a few extra kids.   Each child would bring in 550/month basically, a nice raise and you dont have to wait for the money.  You would get paid for the first week on the first day.   Good Luck!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
i know. i have lots of friends in that business. its a great business here. the problme is that i am renting a house  and i have a guest house that someone else is renting so i dont have much privacy for a business here. besides, i will have two kids of my own very soon so that will count as two kids from the daycare. i am only allowed 6 kids the first year of the business and 2 of them will be mine. i wont really profit and my house is too small. meaning its something that i am thinking about everyday, but its impossible where i live. thank you though. my hsuband and i sat down and fixed our problems for good . were doing fine now and hope that all will work out. but i will still do something for myself incase of the future not working out the way i planned.
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428427_tn?1204829774
I WISH YOU LIVED IN OHIO. I AM LEAVING MY JOB IN A FEW MONTHS AND WOULD HAND IT RIGHT OVER. BUT ITS AN ALL DAY THING AND THATS WHY I CANT DO IT ANYMORE WITH MY LITTLE BOY ON THE WAY. YOU NEED TO FIND SOMETHING ONLINE. THERE ARE A LOT OF JOB OPPURTUNITIES ON THE WEB. I WILL BE LOOKING INTO THAT WHEN I AM OFF FOR SOME EXTRA MONEY.
AND IM GLAD YOU ARE GOING TO WORK THINGS OUT. ITS SO IMPORTANT FOR YOUR CHILDREN TO HAVE BOTH A MOMMY AND A DADDY. I THINK I WOULD HAVE TURNED OUT BETTER WITH A DADDY IN MY LIFE. BUT YOU DO WHAT YOU NEED TO. BUT LOOK INTO ONLINE JOBS. BUT NEVER EVER PAY FOR WORK. IF YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT, IT'S A SCAM!!
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172023_tn?1334675884
"thank you though. my hsuband and i sat down and fixed our problems for good . were doing fine now"

Wow!  In 7 hours?  Your talks go WAY better than my talks!
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Avatar_f_tn
thank you ladies. the 7 hour comment made me laugh. i have had problems with my husband for 6 years. its not 7 hours. i wouldnt decided divorce over one fight. lol
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167_tn?1374177417
If you are stating things like divorce and your fairytale coming to an end, and then 7 hours later you have fixed your problems, you either A: jumped the gun and bit and posted on the forum in haste or B: didn't fix your problems and will be back again wondering what to do because you think your marriage is ending. Also, I hate it to break it to you, but there is no quick, easy way to make good money, or we would all be doing it. Being a single Mom with two kids is not easy. Being in a marriage with problems is also not easy, especially with a baby on the way. Financial problems can wreak havoc on even the best of marriages. Maybe some marriage counseling would help you sort some of your problems out. But I guess you fixed your problems so you won't need that. Good luck!
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Avatar_f_tn
Can I ask exactly what you guys are fighting over?  Is it financial, or the kids, or was it over your mom or his mom, or everything combined.

I agree with Jenshim that there are no quick money fixes out there.  You can do as another posted suggested and look for jobs to do online, and work from home.  Or, you can find a job with an opposite shift as your husband so that he can take care of the kids while you work so that you do not have to fork out extra money on Day Care... that kinda defeats the purpose.

Good luck!  I hope you guys can work it out.. if not try marriage counseling and don't be so quick to say "it's over, it's all coming to an end".
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127124_tn?1326739035
Very confusing post.  Don't quite see how you can go from getting a divorce and talking everything though and being ok all within 7 hours.    
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Avatar_n_tn
boosty,

I got married the first time when I was 19, BIG MISTAKE! we got problems 80% of the time. We verbally abused each other etc,etc, and I tried to hide it from our son who is now 19(very proud of him) but his father use to call him to get him involved in the fights and to support him.This when on for many years and then I started thinking this is normal and I will never  find any good man.Finally, I called it quits because some times things can be fixed. My son was fortunately 14 he was not a baby which is harder for some moms and what I recomend to women who have big problems with their husbands DO NOT HAVE MORE CHILDREN!  life gets more complicated for every body.So,  the kind of job that helped me out a lot was managing apartments.You can stay home with your kids and you do not pay rent+ they give you salary if the building is big.I did this for several years. And talking about good men,I found the best husband a woman can find.In over 5 years we have not had a single fight and we have a 3 year old boy.I am so happy that some times I think I am dreaming.Women can have a happy ending.KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD,GOOD LUCK!
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Avatar_f_tn
my situation is weird. i have had alot of problems with my husband from the day we got married. he is a good hearted man, not a cheater, not an alcoholic, or anything like that. but he just wants to go to work and come home not worrying about the mortgage we cant pay, not saying one word to comfort me about my unborn baby that i have been worried sick about. we havent been sexual for 6 months now . he hasnt ever made any decisions or done anything for me or my daughter. we have been having big time financial problems and he sees that our fridge is empty and he spends money from work all the time. you guys i am sure can understand that a 6 year marriage cannot be explained in a paragraph. but to make it short, my husband is irresponsible, has no passion , very stubborn. he hasnt shown me any effection. doesnt know how to communicate. doesnt do anything unless i tell him to.i am tired of being his mother. he hurts my feelings when we argue. and hes only in our lives in good times and is a no show in bad times. i guess we married young. he is one year younger than me. i am 27. everyone who sees him tells me how lucky i am . theyre right. hes good hearted and he wants to make it work, but i cant begin to explain our relationship problems. i put in my 100% in my life as a wife and mother. and he puts in 1% or less as a husband. hes a carying father. his heart is in a good place. but no matter how many talks we have, he cant change. i am hoping that he will change. i stopped loving him over a year ago. but i had decided that i will make myself happy with him for my kids cause i am not the type of person to raise my kids with another man. and i couldnt ever separate my kids and their father.  but when things got bad and ugly, i became very suicidal just hanging on for my daughter.  
when i told you guys things worked out is because we hit the bottom that day and i dropped my daughter off at my moms so that my hsubad and i can fight it out and fix it or leave it once and for all. and when we talked, we came to better conclusions and this is the first time i saw my husband cry and he told me to look into his eyes and he said "trust me" i will fix my mistakes and problems.  so when i said things worked out, i didnt mean things are great. i meant were not getting a divorce. instead we will work things out together. i hope i make sense. and today, i got way better answers about my unborn son and what i have been confused about. things are great. i am happy and greatful for all that God has given me.
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Avatar_n_tn
boosty, I am soo happy for you that you guys are going to try to work it out.And what I can see is that you are probably more mature than him and his tears are telling  that he wants to fix things but he does not know how.You are right about keeping your kids close to their father because no body will love them the way their father does and what I would suggest you guys is to go out and look for a profesional  advice or a priest advice(free of charge) because some times we need guidance from some body (not family members)who is neutral.You guys have potential judging for what you have said.

In my case, my ex did not drink, did not cheat,did not hit me but he did not like to work and like you said I was tired of being his mother.He was 10 years older than me and when he stayed home that was a lot, and when he took naps,he usually woked up in a very bad mood ready to fight.there was a time that I worked 3 jobs and he did not seem to appreciate it, he did not pay attention to his son or me, we were like roommates.When we went out as a family,he said that 2 hours of intertainment was enough.But, when he went to play pool,he spent hours and hours playing.That is his only passion in life.We got a divorce 2 or 3 years before the final separation because I was thinking that he was going to change.He never did.He is still struggling with his jobs and his life.I am happy I am not part of that life anymore.
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Avatar_f_tn
bootsy this is such a bad time (like there is  a good one) to go through this. if this has been going on for 6 yrs, i hate to say it but i doubt it really is fixed for good.  i dont mean to be negative, i just know the type of man you described.  at first they try real hard then go back to old habits.  its the way most of us are unless we make a daily effort to change.  i suggest going back to school after your  baby is born so you can help with mortgage and to have something to $ in case it doesnt work out.  good luck.
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172023_tn?1334675884
Ditto to what PK said.  Go back to school as soon as you can to learn how you can take care of yourself in the future.

YOU might want to stay together forever for the kids and for all the reasons you mentioned, but HE might just decide one day that he doesn't.

Prepare yourself as soon as you can.  
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218870_tn?1240259255
My husband is just about the same way.  I completely understand.  I say this now, not that I always believe it, but sometimes it is easier to love him for the things he does do and not hate him for the things he doesnt.  I have had those days where I kenw it was over and something happened to change my mind.  Plus, hormones!!  I would just see what you can do to make sure you and your children will be alright in the future.  I know my cousin did some sort of car financing from home.  she only had to go to work for a half a day on tuesdays and could take her son with her.  Maybe you could make some calls to dealerships.  The other thing that I did myself was to become a licensed insurance agent working for an independant agent.  Some of them let you bring your children to work with you.  This would be like allstate or state farm.  Usually they pay for you to take the classes and test.  If you pick a smaller agency, you wont make tons of money like you could with a larger one but there will be more down time for you to spend with your children.  Good Luck.  Try to take care of yourself.
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Avatar_f_tn
thank you very much ladies. i definately will get a good job after my baby is born. thank you
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208686_tn?1293034103
I also agree, and you should really analyze what you have said about staying together for the kids because you won't raise your kids with another man. Ask yourself why anyone would want to stay with a man for 18 years for the sake of the kids? I used to be this way too, NEVER happy but always putting up with alot for the sake of my kids, that went on for 10 years, never really communicating when he promised he would change, blah blah blah.. He finally left me for a bar maid when our son was 8 months old. I know you don't want to hear this but things happen, it's the reality sometimes. You have to remember I chose to stay with this man.. I had the opportunity to leave many many times but didn't for the sake of our kids... He came back and me being inferior to him and wanting nothing else but to raise my kids with their father.. I accepted him coming back after he promised again and again that he would DEFINITELY change this time. Do you know how many times I heard that? I normally wouldn't tell anyone this but in this case I am.. He never hit me, was a good hearted man, *to everyone else* blah blah blah.. I mean your story sounds so familiar it stinks! I finally had enough..but still didn't know what to do.. my sister talked me into looking for an apartment..  I found one but it had to be close... like a dumb.*** I moved only a few minutes away because I didn't want my kids too far away from their dad. He went out one night with his friends and I had a few people over.. he was drunk.. broke the screen to my apartment and almost killed me IN FRONT OF MY KIDS.. telling them the whole time he loved them! He spent 13 months in prison and made it seem like it was MY FAULT! And yanno what.. it was my fault.. because I was stupid! Stupid for not leaving way before it got to that point. This was 10 years ago.

I hope you really think about all this...

and.. canche-
"You are right about keeping your kids close to their father because no body will love them the way their father does".. that's BULL$HIT! Exactly what do you mean by this? My kids see their father 2 times a year and does NOT talk to them until they make an effort to call them. He lives 4 hours away, has our home number, our cell numbers, there is NO REASON he CAN'T get ahold of his kids.. but does he.. HELL NO.. why because there is a lack of LOVE and a lack of respect there. Now on the other hand.. their stepfather ABSOLUTELY LOVES BOTH OF THEM LIKE THEY ARE HIS OWN! You would swear upon meeting them that HE is their father. So.. let me ask you.. what exactly do you consider a father?? Just because he is biological doesn't mean $hit! You have to actually be involved in their lives to be considered a father to me.

ahhh.. pregnancy hormones.. okay.. I'm done...lol
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13167_tn?1327197724
boosty,  I guess I'm not clear about what happened here - when you say you sat down and talked it all out,  does that mean you've decided not to get a divorce after all and completely changed your perspective?  

Sorry to be dense today.
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333535_tn?1227022209
Let me first say, this is in no way meant to be a speech. You sound like a very sweet level headed girl. I am just speaking from ALOT of experience!!!! First of all the grass is never greener on the other side. I have been married for 12 years. My hubby and I have been to heXX and back, but finally in the the last 2 yrs we finally have the marriage we have always wanted. Sure I endured many years of being the bread winner, him "finding himself for 4 yrs after collge and not working, and cheating on both sides!! The bottom line is what made you love him enough to marry him in the first place? Ask yourself what it is you each want from a marriage? It is so easy to get a divorce these days and I can tell you finally after all these yearsmy husband and I both grew up and put our children first. He works hard and now earns a 6 fiqure salary, he is an awesome father, and we just really need to communicate to work it all out. There are alot of men out there yes but they are neccessarily any better than your husband, and believe me its a tough world for a single mom. The last time we were seperated I had two girls and a baby on the way, talk about stressful......It was awful.......Luckily we worked things out and are now expecting our 4th baby in the next few weeks or so and I couldn't be happier. I wish you all the luck in the world and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless!!!
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173939_tn?1333221450
Don`t run a daycare. My whole neighborhood is full of such, created from broken situations, and suddenly there are frustrated kids in frustrated homes and endless frustration everywhere. Maybe you can go back to school now already before your new baby is born and come up with a plan for the future. Get on your own feet, just in case.
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93532_tn?1349374050
Oh my, staying together for the kids when you are both miserable is a bad idea. Your kids will realize this soon enough and as they grow will either resent you for making their lives a sham or feel guilty that you are miserable for their sake.

A marriage cannot be fixed in 7 hours. You have put a band-aid on it at best and soon enough it will lose that stick and you will be right back where you started. Get into school now. I went to school while pg with T (found out I was pg right before Fall term started in the ECE program), delivered on Memorial Day weekend and was back in school the following Tuesday with my nursing baby in tow giving a presentation and taking 2 finals. I maintained a 3.97 GPA. You can do it. I carried a full load during that full 9 months and parented another child that was 2 at the time. I took the summer off and returned the following fall. You need to cover your bases and an education is the best way to do that.
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Avatar_f_tn
my husbadn and i sat down and i made it clear what the problem is and he needs dierction pretty much. hes willing to try but he doesnt know how. so we need to work together step by step to change all this is what we decided. yeah. divorce is put aside. and i dont thnk it wil ever happen cause i wouldnt let it. i would work out anything. so would my husabdn. we are just trying to fix the child like mistakes and grow up pretty much.
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Avatar_f_tn
my husbadn loves me and he isnt miserable. but i am opposite. so he needs to fix the problmes that are hurting me.
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Avatar_f_tn
ladies, i dont think you understand something. i never said i fixed my problmes in 7 hours. i said we sat down and instead of us ignoring eachother, we talked about it and i know we talk all the time, but this time it was more dramatic and ugly. we needed it . and i am not saying that we will be good forever. but he realized that  marriage is somethign you work hard for everyday . and we need to do that. we need to fight for it everyday is what we decided. so far, i have soem bit of trust in him and i think no matter what, i need to have faith in us for my kids. i cant quit just cause i think we cant communicate well. i cant get a divorce and tell my kids in the future that i took them away from their father just because we couldnt fix problems. its not fair to them.
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13167_tn?1327197724
Boosty,  none of us know you personally.  Your first post,  you were resigned to divorce and the end of the "fairy tale" and looking for money because you were about to have to exist on child support and you wouldn't have enough.

You are really in flux here - can you both take a breather and go to marriage counseling with a very good counselor?  

To go from resigned to divorce,  to kind of acting like you never considered divorce in one day must be nerve-wracking for both of you.  

Best wishes.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi pcarsey,

boosty said that her husband is a great father to her kids.why not keeping him in their lifes?even if she divorces him or not he should be in their life and close to his kids.
When I divorced my ex, I had the opportunity to live in an other state. But I did not want my son to be away from his father.He made a lot of mistakes but he is not a bad father and after we divorced,he got very close to his son and my son stays more with him that with me.They love each other a lot.I am glad I did not separated father and son it would have been the biggest mistake of my life.we live 10 minutes close to each other and my son is a very fine young man he works and goes to college I think I did things right.
You are one of the lucky ones to have found somebody who loves your kids,good for you.

Take Care
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Avatar_n_tn
BOOSTY,

YOU STARTED A MADNESS!LOL
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208686_tn?1293034103
"he hasnt ever made any decisions or done anything for me or my daughter. we have been having big time financial problems and he sees that our fridge is empty and he spends money from work all the time."
"and hes only in our lives in good times and is a no show in bad times. "


someone is confused and I'm not sure who it is... but doesn't sound like love or caring father to me.... read what she said again and tell me what I am missing?
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Avatar_f_tn
at this point, i dont know what to say. all i can say is that i cannot do divorce when my hsuabd is a good father and willing and wants to change. yeah, i wanted a divorce because it all bottles up and you cant take it anymore and a weight was lifted off my shoulders when we talked and the way the discussion went this time, i have to trust him. i have to. for my kids. we are young. my husband was 22 when we married and i got pregnant 6 months after. he came out of the military . a veteran of iraq war two times. so he needed time to grow mature. you know? he needed time to build himself . and a career. but a woman understands more that when you have  a child and another kid on the way, you dont have time to wait  all these years for your husband to grow up. so i was mad. but all i am saying is that i have hope. i have to. as dr. phil says " you have to earn your divorce" . meaning you have to do everything in your power and if it doesnt work, then you get a divorce. but at times i said i was even suicidal because of this, so the divorce talk, i have to put aside and try to work things out together. ihope it works this time .
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Avatar_f_tn
and besides, i just found out today that me worrying about my unborn for four months thinking he has downsyndrome was false and that the nurse was scarying me for no reason. so i have to thank God for what i DO have and not take anything for granted. there are wives out there with husbands that are abusive physically or mentally. there are all kinds of men out there. i thank God that i dont have that type of problem. .ever since i had my daughter, my everything has become hers. so at this point, i think i shouldnt make a selfish divorce decision like that. when i know i gotta try more. its hard to explain on the computer but if you see us in person, you would so agree.
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Avatar_f_tn
bootsy what i think most of us see is a very upset and pg woman shouting divorce one second and fine the next.  im glad you didnt discuss this in front of your daughter.  remember, being angry or frustrated doesnt give us the right to shout divorce, its a serious thing to use if its out of emotions and not meant to follow through.  i dont know if its something you just said to us or to your dh, but i thought id share.

another thing is my ex husband was a marine and served in desert storm.  he wont get counseling but suffers from post traumatic stress disorder, how can they not.  maybe you can in a very loving non demanding way ask him to talk to someone.  its a very difficult thing to go to war and come back and be expected to live as though they never saw what they did.  im not trying to excuse his behavior, i just thought id share my opinion
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142722_tn?1281537216
Ok here goes - be there -

1) Call social services - get insurance for yourself and you children - they count your unborn child as a person - you got three in your family - you are head of your household now - medcaide(sp) pays for you and your children.

2)  Get federal Aid to finish school - apply for grants - go the college and ask them how you do it - i went and did not pay a penny - ALL FREE - how great is that.

3)  Go to the health department apply for WIC - you get wic for your child now and for yourself - and then for the baby once she is born.

4)  Sign up for hud housing if you can't afford to live on your own - it usually takes a year or so but do it

5)  Talk to your husband and try to work out some type of child support.  Sometimes it is better to work it out on your own then go throught the court system - they may give you less then you need - if not be prepare to go to court - go now for the child you got and when the baby is born

I have been through this twice i am a pro so if you want to send a mess with questions do it -

it is better to talk with some one who has been there then some one who has not - no don't want to offend any one - my thoughts on it.

REMEMBER YOU CAN DO IT - I AM DOING YOU SO CAN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

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142722_tn?1281537216
Oh yeah social services helps with daycare costs too!!  
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13167_tn?1327197724
kris,  honestly,  I don't get your perspective:

Misery loves company,  I do get that,  but to tell a pregnant woman with a 3 year old and an apparently fixable marriage to leave him because you did that same thing twice doesn't seem fair,  or kind.  Just because you survived it doesn't mean Boosty should take that path if there's still real hope of keeping her marriage.
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Avatar_f_tn
I was a hormonal mess in pregnancy and I'm hoping that is more what you are going through Boosty, but you are going from one extreme to the other.  I think you do need to take a breather like someone else said and really examine what made you so upset that you even put divorce on the table.  It's not something you just use as a threat and then fix it and it's all better.  You should look objectively and see if it's something real or if you are just overreacting, or if he just needs a kick in the butt.  If it's really to the point where he's not there being supportive and is spending all the money and  not providing or even putting food in the fridge, then you need more than a 7 hr talk.  If it's just emotions rising, take some time to reconnect.  I also think you should relax on that poor nurse, I know I may get attacked for this one, but she probably did what the Dr. told her to and she had to take the fall for your Dr. when he should have made the call in the first place or had you come in.  Someone had to pay and I'm sure that's what happened.  I work with nurses and Dr.'s all day everyday and while they do make mistakes, sounds like your Dr. dropped the ball, or at the very least should make himself more accessible in a situation like that and be willing to take a call from an upset patient.  Anyway, good luck, I hope you find what you need in your marriage and I hope your Dr. steps up and takes care of you himself, but have some compassion for the nurse doing her job.  
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172826_tn?1292440112
i will admit i did not read through every post..i just skimmed through them...however if you still have some fighting left, i mean you and your husband to keep this marriage going and you truly want to fix/work them because you love eachother and not just wanting to stay together for the children that is awesome..however if it is just for the children...you know they would rather come from a broken family that to live in a broken family...i hope things work out for you guys..i know you have alot on your plate right now and it surely doesnt help things when you are pregnant and hormonal:) best of luck to you both
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Avatar_f_tn
as much as i appreciate your guy's comments, some of them repeatedly upset me simply because youre not understand what i am saying.
my husband and i are different. i have passion and am a hopeless romantic who takes risks and lives for love. my husband is boring, and needs direction . hes more immature because of his lack of experience in life, four years in military and thne right away got married and had kids. so its hard for him. he loves me with all his heart. i know that. he is the most loyal, faithful, good hearted person you will ever meet. we also have a culture difference. so its hard to be the same. i expect more from him then NOTHING. but all that isnt a good excuse to get a divorce no matter how bad i have wanted it. like all marriages, we have had many fights and talks. but you know in your heart when one fight comes to a good understanding. we both know we have no choice now and we have hit bottom so we have to make a change NOW . theres no room for later. so not only i dont blame HIM all the time anymore, we are both trying. since we talked, he has showed some change. he opened up a savings account. he has made me dinner. has talked to his boss for a higher position at work . i knwo its not alot but thats a big change from a man who hasnt shown any movement all this time. so he is trying. and i cant leave someone like that because of my kids. yes i yell divorce alot. in the beginnng i used to say it out of despereation so that he can be threatened. now i mean it. but i am human and this relationship if you see in person just needs some growing up and advice . we can make it work. i have to believe. i appreciate your past stories. but not everyones experience is the same. i already am on wic program. and i am waiting to have my second baby and am going back to work . hopefully finding a job i can do from home. i am an artist and draw well, so i am looking for jobs online. thank you guys for the different types of opinions. i dont get mad, i just wanna make sure you all understand me. i NEVER SAID THAT I FIXED MY PROBLEM IN 7 HOURS.
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Avatar_n_tn
'' but not everyones experience is the same'' you'r right about that.Do what your heart tell's you to do.It does not matter what we say you are the only one who knows what is good or bad for you and in the future, you will know if you did the right thing or not.

Just an oppinion with out trying to offend any body; If you are pregnant and marry someone who is not the biological father and that man raises your child,then I believe that man can love your child as his own.BUT, if your child is already grown,he will like your kid but not love him/her as his own.Deep in your heart you know that.
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333535_tn?1227022209
Only you know whats right for you, and your family. It sounds like you have a plan and now you just need to take it easy and take care of you. Take it from someone whowas lucky enough to have her fairy tale after a very rough time, all you can do is try! Good luck and take care,okay?
Sheri
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I think you are excusing his poor behavior and that doesn't help matters. My husband and I started dating when I was 19 and he just turned 21. We were married when I was 21 (almost 22) and he was about to turn 23 four months later, we had our first child 18 months later. He joined the USAF when he was 19 and got out when he was 23, 6 months after we were married. My husband took getting married and having a family and being married seriously. He knew that meant an end to a "me" attitude and openly accepted the concept of "us." For someone to ignore their responsibility to his family is not the sign of a mature man, he has had 6 years to grow up and 3 years of being a father to "get" what that means. I think you need counseling if this is going to work, not an easy out, not the delusion that a simple talk and a promise to change will do anything but find yourself posting on here next week complaining about the same thing.

And to explain, yet again, what everyone is commenting on is that at 3:43 pm you posted this:

""my husband and i need to call it quits now! it sucks that it all happened this way. now i have a 3 year old, and pregnnat. my fairytale is come to an end."

And 8 hours later, literally 8 short hours and 2 minutes later you posted this:

"my hsuband and i sat down and fixed our problems for good . were doing fine now"

Getting snippy or frustrated with people saying it over and over doesn't change what you presented us with in an effort to get advice. It actually, if anything, has caused a greater amount of concern that you may be simply fooling yourself into believing that a talk can fix all the issues you outlined with your husband. Again, get some counseling, get into school and prepare yourself for the possibility that this is not "fixed for good."
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"yes i yell divorce alot. in the beginnng i used to say it out of despereation so that he can be threatened. now i mean it. "

i just have to add again that by threatening divorce as often as you say you do isnt healthy for the kids to hear and one day he just might have papers served to you first, not a healthy relationship at all.  we dont threaten those we love.  i think you both need some marriage counceling, you are as much of the problem as he is.  and yes you did say it was fixed and would never happen again. all in a matter of hours-
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ugh and i need a dictionary lol.
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wow-  I wish the magic fairy would come to my house and fix everything.
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"we dont threaten those we love"

Perty, you said it well.
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I agree perty, sounds like you can't just blame the husband on being immature.  Not to be be mean, but get some counseling, cooking dinner will not fix it all, and yes, men are going to be more immature.  Sounds like the blame is getting laid on the husband and in all actuality, there are 2 people involved, plus little kids.  If the stories and the advice are upsetting Boosty, maybe you should post on a different page about marital issues, this is as you pointed out previously, a pregnancy site.  Not trying to be mean, but you are in an unstable situation and you need to step back and look at it, not point fingers or blame anyone, just take a look and get some help before you bring another little one into this volatile relationship.  My son was 3 when we had our second baby, it's tough to go from 1 to 2 kids.  When baby gets here it will be more stress, more financial demands, and hope you don't have a colicky baby.  I think you should get off of the computer and go work on your real life.  Good luck.  Being married is hard work for both sides, you need to give and take, and being a parent is even more demanding.  I'm sure this will upset you to read this, but I'm not sorry, you need a wake up call.
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Maybe you could try a little harder to love him for who he is.  PertyKitty is right when she said you don't threaten the ones you love.  Have you thought that maybe your threats of divorce has changed him in a negative way?  It seems to me that threats of divorce would make a man OR woman uncomfortable in their own home.

I really think you could benefit from marriage counseling.  You've stated that your husband is immature, not passionate, that he is lazy and doesn't care if your mortage is paid and doesn't provide food for your home.. yet you also say you are lucky you have him, and that others tell you the same and you have agreed.  Theres alot of flip flopping, and excuse making.  Make it fair on both of you, and your children and seek help outside of the marriage.  Bring a professional into your lives that can peel back the surface and look deep into your marriage to things that you and your husband can not reach, or are too hurtful to speak about when the time comes to talk.  Do you go to church?  Alot of church's do offer counseling to married couples.  There are alot of options for you to get help.  I hope that you will put forth the effort.
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oh my God, ladies. you guys understand me way wrong. when i say threaten , it means that i was desperate for some kind of reaction. something that will make him say hold on, i wanna hold on to you. i love you. thats what i wanted. although its wrong to threaten that . my daughter is 3 years old. she doesnt know what divorce means and i have never ever raised my voice or talked about this in front of her. and when it comes to my situation, i CAN blame JUST him . you have to see our life to understand. i have given up my life , my time for myself, my friends, my everything just for my daughter. i know thats not necessary, but i have. i worry about bills, i plan the birthday and such, i get all the gifts. i do eveyrhting. my husband never even knows what i do and doesnt show concern. just like he has never bought me ANYTHING since we have met and thats 6 years. not even a card. he is immature because he buys what he wants, when we dont have money. that includes, video games that he NEVER EVEN PLAYS, changes cell phones, spends money on rediculous things i cant begin to tell you. in three years, he has not paid one mortgage or rent. because we cant afford it. my fahter is taking care of it. and he doesnt care and thinks i complain too much. from the day we got married, our deal was that i will be a stay at home mom for the first two years of my kids lives to be with them. so i couldnt help him. again, asi  said, my whole life cannot be explained in a paragraph for you to understand. when i say my husband needs to grow up i literally mean it . best example is every day i have to remind him to brush his teeth even. one time, i didnt say anything and he didnt do it for one month and a half.  at one point, we had NOTHING in the fridge  and were living that week with canned food. and he took the last money we had in our account to buy his friends and himself dinner that totaled 75 dollars. he needs to grow up and be responsible. i swear to God, if you guys see him, you would love him. his heart is in the right place and he is such a pure person. but he needs alot of learning . i was just tired of trying to teach him everything. he grew up wihtout a family really so family responsibilty and values are a bit of a complicated issue to him.  but when i said we will wrok together, i meant i am willing to keep tyring. i didnt say i am perfect either. i am sure you guys will have an opinion on what i just said too. not taking anythign to heart . thank you for your help
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i don't want to put my 2 cents in on this, but just a question...

do people tell you that you are lucky and you are saying that if everyone saw him they would love him just b/c he may be a very actractive and charismatic person???
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I just don't get how his heart is in the right place? And you didn't give up anything for him, you gave up whatever for you. You chose what you have.. YOU! You can't blame him for the way you feel and what you have given up.. He isn't the one threatening you..He isn't making you give up those things.. YOU CHOOSE to! And why on earth did you have $75.00 in the bank and no food in the house. 75 isn't much but it sure is something when you are living on canned food. And for you to have to tell him to brush his teeth just makes me ill. I'm sorry but he needs to grow up.. my god! My kids started brushing their teeth when they were old enough to put the brush in their mouth and they still do to this day.. He grew up without a family..... sounds like his kids is too...

I truly feel sorry for the kids.. but you need to really look at what's going on and take responsibility for YOUR ACTIONS AND YOUR CHOICES..
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Echoing the above poster on all points. I have to ask...why on earth would you be so desperate to have a baby with this man, let alone two. And why on earth would you do this if you cannot even pay for your own housing costs and food? I am astounded, absolutely astounded the more you type. Do not blame him, blame yourself for tolerating it and continuing to make your life more difficult by popping out babies. Do you honestly think another baby will help this?

Being a likable guy doesn't mean he is a good person or a good father. I can think someone is nice, but if he completely fails at his responsibilities as a father and husband, he is worthless. I know I sound like a broken record, but you BOTH need therapy. You need to find a way to deal with conflict without resorting to threats and he needs to accept the fact he is not a child and needs to grow up.

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bootsy you have finally cracked!  have you read what you are saying??  i cant be nice anymore, you are completly contradicting yourself in every sentance.  i think he has no reason to pay if your dad is footing the bill.  and if you live rent free that clears up a lot of money from his paychecks, he does work doesnt he?  so what do you do with that money?  ugh, girl wake up! id be embaressed to live this way and admit it to ANYONE!  please dont have anymore children with this man.  im actually irritated by this whole story :(
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i live in california. my rent alone is 2200 dollars. my daughter was in school for a few months because i thought it was best for her and that was 800 dollars a month. i took her out today because we cant afford that and because i dont believe that my child should be in school til at least shes 4. my husband brings home 2800. my dad doesnt pay the whole rent., just most of it. and were both struggling and upset because of that and thats not something he does all the time. our rent used to be lower but because of problems we had to move out. . now i understand why people are being attacked on this forum. simply because they cannot understand eachother. you guys wont understand how it is unless you are in my shoes and in my life. one of you commented that you feel sorry for my kids. how dare you!  i can honestly say that i am proud of myself for being an awsome mother. as much problems as me and my hsuband have, we are a very loving family for my daughter. my daughter has turned out very smart, polite, mannered, sweet and loving and confident and happy. i have given her everything even in times of no money. we arent doing as bad as i told you about the canned food now. now, were doing better. when i said you will lvoe my husband if you see him, i didnt mean hes attractive. you will see how wonderful of a human being he is . he just needs to be shown the way more. he wasnt ready i guess to get married. we are great parents and love our family. i raised my daughter wihtout the help of anyone so dont call me a bad mother! i cannot believe that i am hearing all this negative from something that i should be praised for trying to keep my family together. everyone tells me that wer are a wrong match and even though were both great people, we are not meant to be. but screw what others say. i married him for the good person i still believe he is. he can be the best man on this planet. he just needs direction. and since youre asking why i was eating canned food  when we have 75 dollars in the bank was because i was on iv and medication pumps throwing up every thirty minutes because of my pregnancy at home. so that week, i was too sick to go to the store. i respectfully ask you all that if you cant be encouraging and nice and just give normal advice, do not comment me anymore because it really hurts when you all not in my life and just sitting here putting every word i say under microscope. my life cant be explained in writting. you will not know me by just reading this. and you sure cant judge me being a mother by reading this. i have told my mother before and i will tell you now that i have said that i will rather die a million deaths then to divorce my husband simply because of my daughter adn i would try my best to be happy with him. and when i did talk divorce , it was because i wanted death. but all this emotions are hidden inside of me. i dont show this to my daughter or even my family members. i just have hope in my husabnd and i know that we can make eachother happy again.
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and i dont always have financial problems. it goes up and down. my husband and i made a commitment to be together forever and have a family and thats what were doing. i dotn regret hvaing kids. we went through one year of infertility treatments. doctors said i couldnt get pregnant and i should give up because i lost one ovary and the other was giving me problems. . as i said you dont know my life to judge. my husband and i have our ups and downs too. its not like every second, we have problems. come on ladies
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boootsy!!!!!!
"when we have 75 dollars in the bank was because i was on iv and medication pumps throwing up every thirty minutes because of my pregnancy at home. so that week, i was too sick to go to the store'
and during this time he went to dinner with a friend while you puked at home?? who took care of your daughter when you were so sick??   girl you have totally lost it, nothing in this is normal or healthy or right.  
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he went to his friends because i told him that i wanted to be alone and i kicked him out for two days cause i was too sick to stress. adn we mutually agreed that we needed time away. i took care of my daughter. my daughter IS ALWAYS TAKEN CARE OF WIHTOUT A PROBLEM. she never sees anythign thats unusual. i dont let her.
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bootsy when you come on here and say the things you did about him why do you in return get angry for our responses?  where do you live that your rent is that high?  move!  get a small apartment rather than a house.  there are ways to save $.  canc internet service, cell phones that should save minimum $75 a month if no much more.  stop changing your story
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bootst with daddy gone fot 2 days she IS seeing it, living it.  it is influencing her more than you know.
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i live in california. all rent is that high. i have a two and a half bedroom. i have only three bills. cell phone, car , and house phone. rent is high everywhere here. i have looked into everything.
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honestly, i just put my daughter to bed now and my husabdn and i just finished playing with her and tucking her in like we usually do. .  i feel it in my heart we will work hard and fix this. . i can love this man again. my daughter is happy and SHE DOES NOT SEE ANY OF THIS. and then i come online to get some normal support from my only forum i come to and respect and hear nothing but judgment. you guys made my marriage turn out to be worse than it is. i do have plenty of food in the fridge now. i cook and my house is clean. we are excited about our new baby and thank God everyday for him. we thought that he might have down syndrome so now that i know hes ok, we are counting our blessings. my husband and i are working hard at it instead of just giving up.
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i live in ca too.  i hope you have car ins, registration, food, pg&e, gas for cars, cleaning supplies, clothes, entertainment, medical expenses im sure i am forgetting some more.  renters ins, water and trash, having hair done- point is there are many more than 3 bills.  if your husband mkes onlt 2800 and you live in a high priced are (im guessing san diego?) move to a cheaper area.   you can keep making excuses or do something about it
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enough! i have all that you said that is why i get short on my rent. i dont need to explain this to you anymore!
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' i can love this man again"   bootsy you just keep digging yourself in deeper and deeper.  but im not the onr to convince, i will never say i can love my husband again, i will never stop.  ugh this is like talking to a child.
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if you have had enough get off the computer and work on your marriage!!!  it cant be perfect- you dont even love him!
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Electricity, internet, car insurance, gas, food, essentials, apparently dinners out with buddies while wife and daughter live off of canned goods.

The more I read the more i wonder if it is better to cut your losses and leave, despite what you think, your daughter knows more than you realize. Hell, if an infant can pick up on their mother's pain and anxiety, your daughter surely sense the turmoil in the house. You are not doing her any favors.

Of course maybe misery loves company. If you are both making each other miserable that means there are two other souls not having to put up with it.

Boosty, I am frustrated both with you and for you. I am sorry if this comes off as being mean. But I cannot for the life of me understand the ever changing stories in this thread by you. One minute he is a lowlife piece of sh!t who can't wipe his own a$$, the next he is the best ever dad and dh. You are in denial, saying he is great will not make it so. You are kidding yourself. I did that for years with my real mother and later for my dad, made excuses for her, justified her abusing us (she was stressed, she was tired, maybe I should have rinsed the dishes better), hell, I even found a way to justify my own father not coming to the hospital the night I was raped despite him being the only family within 2000 miles. Stop being a doormat. Your children deserve better. Either seek PROFESSIONAL help to work through your problems, both as a couple and individually, not advice on the Internet or learn to live in your misery and risk dragging your kids down with you. IN time it will get harder to "hide" it from your kids. One day they will wake up and either ask you why daddy is a dirtbag who's breath stinks and never helps pay the rent or they will wake up one day and ask why you let a miserable relationship ruin your life and theirs. Sometimes parents are better apart than they are together. But only time and a valid attempt at therapy will be able to answer that for you. Until then, keep the threats to yourself and work on you, working on him is HIS job.
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as i said you have to be in my life to judge. the only problem right now is your commetns. i dont understand how a person can come on here for advice and be so disrespected. some of you i have given my advices from my heart before. whats wrong with you all. the reason it all sounds mixed up is because i am typing and not saying things to you. its hard to explain on here. my problems with my husbadn is from within me. i have lots of problmes with him being the way he is but i have kept it in for along time. until it keeps blowing up now. and we ARE TYRING TO FIX THINGS. my daughter doesnt know whats going on. we love eachother in front of her. call it what you want. my husband does love me and i love him too. but i have fallen out of love with him . but he starts being there for me more, ofcourse i will be in love with him again. i am just mad at him and tired. thats all. i have asked medhlep to take this post off . i do not want to be judged for ssomething that cannot be explained right and being judged all the wrong way.
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We don't have to be in your life for you to lay your life out in front of us AND THEN ASK US TO JUDGE! Re-read all your threads again.. nothing makes sense.. I am the one who said that I feel sorry for your kids and I do.. Why should they have to live like this? Why should they have to put up with it, just because you make sure your daughter has everything under the sun doesn't mean she doesn't know what is going on. You are putting her through hell! What role model are you to show her that you put up with some low life man and then defend his actions. YES I FEEL SORRY FOR HER!!!!
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bootsy if you had your own money and didnt need his teeny 2800 a month, would you then leave?  do you stay for that? because you sure arent staying for love.  and to stay for a child, well it hurts them more than if you left.  we are trying to get what you are saying. i could save this page and you could read it again in a few days if its deleted so you can see what we all mean when your head is a little more clear.
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i have been reading mostly all of this. and im not going to state my thoughts on the matter but i do feel bad that your feeling this way. but most of the time when anyone posts people are going to give there thoughts wether we want to hear them or not. but i guess we can only expect it when we posts. i do feel bad you feel disrespected
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I have to say this is the most active post to date that I have read. But you know that this is a very active forum so why post a question the way u did, even if maybe you where venting a little, and not expect the responses you received.   You asked for advice and you have gotten alot of  great advice but if this is bothering you then delete it from your watch list and stop reading what is said.  The only thing that i would like to add is that when you have a child and are in a relationship its no longer just about u. you have to step aside and think what would be best for your child, it seems that alot of people are age go through relationships like we did before becoming parents. if we had a fight or didnt like how he did something we could just walk away. its not that easy any more boosty,   we created life, now we have to make sure it grows up in the best environment, rather we "love him" or not.  
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no.  i would not leave my husband if i was making the money. i wouldnt leave him because my husband is a good man and we can work out our problems. and i wouldnt sepearate him from his daughter. just so you all know, we are not violent, or loud, or we dont ever talk about this stuff in the house in front of my duaghter. we show her love and effection more than you can imagine. my husband and i respect eachother and are not rude to one another at all. so do not say that my duaghter is being affected. she would be more effected by this if i got a divorce.
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I just wanted to wish you good luck with your home life.  I had something similar happen to me in a thread that I started about an ex-girlfriend of my Fiancee'.  Though I didn't appreciate most of the responses at the time, many of them did make me think and make me question what it was I was dealing with and my approach with my life.  Maybe you could do the same with this thread.  

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I also wanted to wish you good luck and I was happy to read that your baby is ok. I am sorry people are blasting you-no one ever truly knows until they walk in your shoes. And I wanted to put my two cents in about living in California. I live in Pennsylvania but we have friends that live in CA and we went 2 years ago to visit. I couldn't believe the cost of housing even renting! My house which is considered an average house in my area would cost over a million dollars in CA. It is so expensive-I feel for you!! :)
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Boosty, I just have to say, I am not able to stay at home with my boys.  We get no assistance and do very well.  In order to keep us in the lifestyle we are comfortable with, I need to work full time.  I wish I could be home, but it is a good feeling to be self sufficient and set a good example for my boys.  If your daughter was in school, it would have been a great opportunity for you to get out and work a little, maybe part time.  I spend almost a thousand in daycare monthly, and even with that bill, I still come out ahead if I work.  It is hard, and I do feel bad for you, but only you can help yourself.  I hauled my pregnant butt to work every day and just had to suck it up and puke at work.  I lost over 15 lbs. each time, nearly passed out a few times, but still made an effort.   Not fun, but it paid the bills.  I do have to say your husband is not making much at all if that's all he's taking home out there.  I would be either cutting back on things or looking t bring home just about as much, and out here they don't pay nearly as well.  Just think, if you can take care of yourself now, it will show your kids that they can do it too, unless you want to be paying their mortgage down the road...we have neighbors that have that going on too.  They don't understand how to manage money, and neither do the kids.  Kind of a scary cycle.  Good luck.  I have to run and hang out with my boys before work.
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OKAY, wow...I didn't read every post, just skimmed them, but this is nuts! lol! Just a little experience that I had...When Mike and I got together things were perfect, and then things got really out of control really fast and this went on from about October of 06 to December of 06. December 14th of 06 I found out I was pregnant....that stopped us both in our tracks of destructive behavior towards eachother and realized we really needed to get out sh*t together!!!! So, he and I forgave eachother for the past and decided that there was no better time to start on a clean slate. We have been happy as can be ever since. Yes, it took a few months to really stop being angry about everything that had happened, but we were both able to see what needed changed and do it! I suggest that you do what you are doing right now (trying to fix it) and see where it goes if that decision will work for you. If not, there are options out there to help you. best of luck and I hope you two can pull together like Mike and I did. However, we are not married, but we might as well be lol
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Thank you Cheyenne and others for supporting this girl........  and you go Bootsie!!  life is about ups and downs ladies,  and sometimes you feel comfortable enough, when low, to ask for help.  Thats it.. She didnt want rescue, just some input (imho) and took it, and now is doing what she herself needs to do.  I've been there, done that, and though theres times you should up and leave, there's times you *over* react, do/say things wrong, and then thank the lord that you can go on and "fix" it.  Im proud that she is putting in the effort, and Bootsie, you sound like a very loving mother, and thoughtful wife.  Give it what ya got.......Men just take longer sometimes, but then *sometimes ;-) * their worth it.   Best of everything to you and your family.........  the old one here...
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i really appreciate you ladies . thank you very much. i did need some support and advice in the beginning but hten i thanked everyone for their help and i said we will try to work it out now . but they refused to stop judging and being rude. theres alot that i did take seious and i did take notes. i am starting my own website and hopefully i will sell my artwork while i am at home right now.. then a bit after my new born will be born, i will go back to work just like planned. so well be fine. i have never cut any good exerience or anythign important out of my kids life and i wont do it either just because of money. thank you ladies for your comments and to those who were true ladies and wives and true help. its sad cause some of the rudest comments here are from those that i have been giving my own help to and receiving help from this whole 1 year that i have used medhlep. i doubt i will be using this forum again. you see whos here just to cause drama because they are bored and whos here to seirously teach you something and give you some heads up and advice. on the medhelp website, this was the forum that i used most. i know you all didnt really mean this and i do understand that you were trying to give your opinion, but truth is when i go back and read all this, not all the comments that i read made any sense when i look at my life. you all were too harsh and my life isnt as sick as you all made it out to be. i have a loving , warm, house and family. just some big problems with my husband that i need to work out. so as i CUDDLED up with my husband last night, i was happy that you guys took my attention and anger off him for a change. loooool. thank you!  but no, we are happy and doing fine so far and we are going to try everyday like every couple should. the way my husband and i were, noone could tell that we have problems cause we didnt make it obvious. so my daughter is as happy as can be and will stay that way . if i wanted to have her be raised without a family, i would have gotten rid of my husband a long time ago.
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I hope you don't stop using this forum. I still think most of the people are truly here to help. Good luck to you and keep us posted! :)
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This was brought to my attention cause I wasn't even gonna go here.  I talk to boosty almost everyday on a personal basis, I think alot of this has been blow out of proportion.  It only takes one person to stray from the real issue and then, complete choas as this has turned into... she brought this to you so I can't say anything about anyones opinion, because she did ask, and everyone has their own opinion.  But ladies.. shes emotional, been going through a lot, shes pregnant, and shes just trying to do whats best for herself and her family.  Give her the advice, but don't ride her about "saving the marriage in 7 hours", thats just being mean and it really doesn't serve a purpose.  Peek- I know you said it first, and I know you as well and it wasn't to be taken that way, but other women on here do take it that way, which is where my frustration comes in.
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The one thing that that raised red flags to me, is when she said she wasn't in love with her husband anymore.  I have a hard time believing that things can be worked out if one person is not in love anymore.  My dh and I have gone through difficult times during our marriage, and at times we fight more than normal.  But there has never been a time where I wasn't in love with him.  And I know he is in love with me too.  I don't think that I could stay married to someone if I was not in love.
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I agree.  It is difficult, if not impossible, for people to fall back in love with each other.  No matter how hard you try there are those underlying issues that were never resolved.  

She has begun communicating with him, and that is a great start, but if she doesn't continue to bring issues to the table with him, he will continue to ignore her needs.

Boosty -

We have read what you wrote and have taken what you wrote to form an opinion.  My perception of the situation was that he was neglecting his responsibility as a husband and father.  Maybe you guys are missing something.  I try to make sure that I talk about EVERYTHING that bothers me, AND makes me happy.  This way my Fiancee' knows that he is appreciated, but at the same time he is lacking attention to detail in other aspects of our relationship.  Yes, it may look pretty on the surface, but if you lift up the rug you find lots of things swept underneath.  Pull all of that out, dust it off, and polish it up by communicating.  Do not leave anything unsaid.

I hope you will consider sticking around.  You sound like you need all the support you can get.  But remember, sometimes you can give TOO much information in one sitting, which only leads to confusion, because you only give partial explanations and arguements.

I hope you lil one is doing good and not kicking too hard!  
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ok... this is way too confussion and to be quite honest I don't live in THE PERFECT relationship myself. I just want to put my 2 cents here:

first of, you would be TOTALLY suprised how well a 3 year old can understand the word divorce... or the attitude mommy and daddy are having towards each other.... don't under estimate your kids hability to read you or your husband for the love of God.

second, I've been there... in the situation where i feel stuck, trapped, mad,...REAL mad and disapointed at my husband... we've been married 5 years now and honestly i can tell you YOU ARE NOT GONNA FIX NOOOOTHING with one talk... or 2... or 5.....
it takes LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG before you actually get to see A liiiiiiiiiiiiittle better horizon..... it took us million nights of talking, crying, it took us to go to 2 different marriage counselors...., it took us hardships like lossing a kid and go thru infertility..., like life threatened loved ones around us..... to really get a grip of reality...
it's still not perfect, but i can honestly tell you: I DID NOT change my mind from one night to the morning about divorcing.... i tought about it, i didn't mention it... instead i mentioned separation.... but i was willing to 'work things thru' just like you.... what i disagree on with you tho, is that you think with your talk last night he's gonna change...
I'm glad to read that you are willing to change too... and meet somewhere in the middle...

I really hope you drag his butt and yours to counseling, like Andi suggested and get the ball rolling.... otherwise is not gonna get better hun...

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148691_tn?1260198503
ooops i meant way too confusing! lol
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Avatar_f_tn
thank you ladies. and thank you brandy (whatyoumakeme). the word divorce was never mentioned in front of anyone but my husband . i said i love my husband but because of problmes, i have fallen out of love. but sometimes, youre so mad and drowned in sorry and lonliness and youre so fed up that you feel like youre not in love anymore. right now from where i am looking and where i stand, i love him and i know we'll be more than fine. thats all i have to say. i know i asked for it when i came on this forum posting a question. but remember to always answer a persons question and dont take soemthing and run with it . dont commmetn on other things. its like butting into someones life when not asked. specially when you are taking it all the wrong way. thank you for trying though
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127124_tn?1326739035
If you post things on the internet you're inviting people to "butt in"
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171768_tn?1324233699
I am going to avoid sharing my opinions on most of the comments above for the time-being, but i did want to express concern about something that jumped off the page at me.

" i have told my mother before and i will tell you now that i have said that i will rather die a million deaths then to divorce my husband simply because of my daughter adn i would try my best to be happy with him. and when i did talk divorce , it was because i wanted death. but all this emotions are hidden inside of me. i dont show this to my daughter or even my family members. i just have hope in my husabnd and i know that we can make eachother happy again. "

honey, please please get some help- you need both personal and marriage counceling. i think your post contradicts itself repeatedly because you yourself don't know what for sure what you are feeling. i suspect you are typing quickly and your thoughts are spilling on to the page, which reflects the internal struggles you are feeling. you need to sort this out, but you can't do it on your own. it doesn't matter if i think you should stay together or if you should divorce- you're not going to take my opinion into consideration anyways (not that you should- i'm a complete stranger to you!) you reveal in the portion i quoted that you internalize these emotions and don't share with anyone around you. life is hard- even a perfect life. and yours obviously has conflict and some struggles.

i also want to add that i have worked with preschoolers for years, and we as the teachers always know when there is tension at home. and it's not because the parents tell us- it's because the children tell us or because they begin to behave differently in subtle ways. when we approach the parents they are often surprised by the fact that we figured out something is off at home. the children hear phone conversations or hear mommy cry at night. they hear sarcastic comments. a little girl told us yesterday "daddy wants nothing to do with mommy" and "mommy said daddy has no brain." these parents have no clue their child is being affected by their problems. your daughter is your life and you love her dearly. for the sake of your entire family, please make sure that no matter what you decide you seek help and healthy oulets for your frustrations. and finally, i hope you are aware that it is not normal to "want death."
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Avatar_f_tn
I sent you a PM.

Just stick to your goals and you will be a happy woman.  Remember that love is work, it doesn't have to be for everyone, but it is work for some.  My relationship is not perfect and it takes work.. sometimes it's mindless, but at other times it's really frustrating.  If you do not have that mental stimulation in a relationship it can get boring FAST.

What do you guys do for fun?  Any rituals with your daughter?
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343935_tn?1204773028
I am glad you decided to try and work it out - whatever your plan is. What bothers me is that NO ONE on this forum has ever been so upset with their significant others that in the course of the argument, (out of anger) said they do not want to be with the other? Please. I remember fights with my dh in the beginning of our marriage and ended it with 'I dont want to be with you anymore' - then being upset, confused, mad, sad etc - called my sister and told her that I was done with him and was going to a lawyer. Then after cooling off, stepping away and thinking about those actions and realizing that I did not want that. I called her and told her that because I just wanted someone to hear me, someone to vent to, someone to cry on. (which is why I think you posted your first post here) Then after a few hours or a day or so, regrouping with him and sitting down and going over everything we said and giving the other a chance to explain and figuring out a game plan.  I just thought I was human, now I see that people look down on that. Funny - we have been married for 3 years now, happy and our problems fixed. I'll tell you what - it took THAT to get to the bottom of our issues to fix them.

Three things people are forgetting:
**1.Relationships are hard
**2.Relationships involving children are harder
**3.Being pregnant, with an existing child and relationship is harder yet -ahh those lovely hormones.....

Dont let people tell you what to do with your life, judge you without walking a day in your shoes. God's speed.
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Avatar_f_tn
i honestly appreciate every one of these comments after my last one. i will take your advices. i know we need deeper help than taking things in our hands only. i will see how we do now and if i feel we will have more problems agian, we will go to counseling. i  do not cry at night or say daddy has no brain or anything for my daughter to pick up absolutely any negative. infact, i always make her dad look like a hero and he should be one in her eyes. we do lots of things for fun. now that i took her out of day care, i am signing her up for dance class that she is dying for. i take her to playgrounds everyday. i take her to parks and we walk a mile together every morning. on the weekends, the three of us always take her our to picnics at the park, or playgrounds, or to dinners, or miniature golfing or whatever were in the mood for. we have lots of family time togehter. at night when my husabdn comes home, he gets to spend only like an hour and a half with her before its her bedtime so we all sit down and talk and stuff, then i let him read her a bedtime story and spend time together. but its usually both of us who take her to bed. we like it like that. we pray together and everything. my husband is also with her in the mornign for an hour before work. for the lady who asked what our life for our daughter is, thats our normal everyday thing.
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Avatar_f_tn
as i heard my mother say in the past, the ones who mean to help you and love you are not the ones alwasy being nice and being there for good times. the ones who truely love you and truely mean to help you are those who are there for the bad times and dont mind giving you the truth no matter how much it hurst. so with that said, i thank you all for the bad commetns and the good ones that i picked out. truth is only i see my life and only i know whats really going on. you guys wont be able to mean talk me to do WHAT you think is right and see it your way. you can down talk me, but i know what type of a family i have  and what kind of a person i am . i am glad that at least i knwo i can come on this forum and get some help no matter how rude it can sound when i need it. today was my new year. i am persian. all family was just together. so i am hoping to start a fresh, happy, new year. no negative thoughts. for those who dont believe in fairytales after you have stopped being in love, well I DO! i knwo i can be in love again, if i already am not. i was just angry, i dont know if i am out of love. were not all perfect. anyway, i wanted to say these last two comments to end this for good. i wont commetn anymore and i will nto come back to read anymore. thank you all! p.s- only women can cause all this drama. no sites liek this where all men do this. lol.  not in a bad way. God bless.
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