Sorry but I have to say that I agree with Deanne. You may think at 17 you are ready to have a child but really you have no idea what bringing a child into this world entails. Live your life, go to school and get an education, become established before even thinking about having a child. I am 30 and have been married for 8 years, went to college, own a home and am able to provide for my child and her future and I will tell you it still isn't easy. It is the hardest job you will ever have and you never get a break. You are much too young to take on this big of a responsibility. Go out and have fun, you will never get these years back! Please seriously reconsider having a child at such a young age.
When I was 18, I wanted a baby. I had that baby and he is the best thing that happend to me. I had him 5 days after my 19th bday. Me and his father, my fiance of 4 years, are trying for # 2. Haven't had the best of luck (2 miscarriages) hoping for BFP this months. I mean I was hard but I did what I needed to do. Went to school to become a medical assiatant. I am thinking of going back to school for nursing. I believe you should do what you feel. A baby is a blessing but hard.
um im not trying to get pregnant because i think its cute. and i do understand that its hard work i pretty much raised my little sister so you dont need to be telling me that its hard work. its sad that you think every teenager is the same.
I agree...I raised my 3 younger siblings. I never had a childhood. I matured much faster than other teens. If you belive you can do it, then you should. But iff you cannot do it, you will find out the hard way.
I do feel for you. You are being attacked by total strangers and that is not fair. Yes, having a baby at your age is not easy, but honestly, you have your energy to cope with it all. It is bloody hard work raising a child, but if you chose that life then that is your choice and you should feel no guilt about that.
To answer your question; The more you do it the less chance you have of conceiving. If you want to get pregnant easily, then do it about 5 days before you ovulate, and then every second day for a week. This gives the sperm more of a chance. The egg only lasts around 42 hours, sperm live for nearly 5 days, so you have a good chance to get pregnant. If you don't know when you ovulate, check the mucous from your vagina each day, give a wipe every morning...around ovulation time it will be very sticky and clear and very much like egg white. THAT is peak time...grab your man and go for it! Be aware that females do not ovulate every month, you might ovulate 11 months out 12.
I wish you all the luck in the world, and I am not saying at 17 that is a good thing to be pregnant but I also have no right to judge you.
you two need to think about your future first. get your s*** straight first. finish your education, go to college, be able to provide a stable household for your child, be financially ready. at 17 i really doubt that you two have done those things.
like rockrose said- where are your parents? and why do they think of this? if their totally ok with their little girls ttc then somethings horribly wrong!!!
i think people should follow their hearts. yes its true that if someone really wants something, they are usually going to fight for it....but they should also think, use their heads. its not about what you want when it comes to a child.
you have been provided very good info...also..kim isnt that far from you(in age i mean...sorry kim) but she knows what she is talking about...she has been there and is living it...having a baby at 17 is a huuuuge responsibility.. i too am more mature for my age..especially at 17 but it didnt mean i was bringing a child into this world then...
i wouldnt be surprised to get your mothers approval on getting pregnant since you basically raised your sister...you were a sibling and not a parent and i feel sad...being the parental child forces you to grow up quicker in maturity however it doesnt mean go make a baby
I am only asking these things so you stop and think hard about this!!
Do you have a full time job with medical coverage?
or are you still covered under your parents insurance plan?
How will your baby receive medical coverage?
How will provide for your child? Food? Diapers? with a job where?
How about daycare costs? Who is housing you right now?
Do you really know how much it costs to have children per month?
I'll tell you, I have 2 children, both in daycare. A full time job with excellent benefits...I don't pay any money out of pocket except a co-pay of $20 per visit.
Excluding my 3 yr old I still pay $880 in daycare, $200 for formula and food, $50 for diapers, $120 for extra expenses (toys, wipes, medical co-pays, clothes) for my 6 mos old baby....
That is 1250.00 per month just for my 6 mos old.....can you handle that? That doesn't include a roof over your head, electric, food for you and your boyfriend, car payments, gasoline?
Do you understand what I'm trying to say. It's not your age that is the concern. sure I've known very successful 17-18-19 year old mothers....but they are providing for their children from someone else's pockets....not fair to all involved.
FYI - For all my friends here who are mothers that use financial assistance...this isn't directed at you...this is directed at someone who is planning on getting pregnant when they know they are not ready. For those that were blessed with a pregnancy under harrowing circumstances....you did a great job.....
Very well said deanne. We are not "attacking" her but on this forum you will find many women who are experienced with the hardships in raising a baby. Taking care of a sibling is not equivalent to actually taking care of your own child 24/7. I would just hope that at 17 you could continue your education and enjoy your youth. People love their children even when they have them young but I guarantee you it's the parents of these teenagers that are the ones that really suffer. They wind up being the babysitter and get stuck with the financial burden. Of course this is circumstantial, because there are some on here that did have a baby young and were able to do it on their own. But they will tell you themselves that it was a huge struggle and if they could go back in time they would've waited. Not regretting their child but the decision to have the baby so young when they weren't exactly really prepared. Just something to think about.
Yes, I know all to well. I was friends with a girl in highschool who had a baby at 16 and she never raised her daughter, her mother did. The little girl called her grandmother mommy and her mom by her name. Now she has 2 kids after but she was older when she had them and more capable of raising them. I'm not friends with her any longer but I've heard of what she was going through.
My mom would have killed me as well if she knew I was planning a child at 17. I think it would make her sad because she would've wanted better for me. We raise our children in hopes that they will be better than us, that they will have more and be successful. I think I would cry if my son came to me telling me he got his girlfriend pregnant. I would cry even harder if he said it was planned. My fiance knows all to well about how difficult it was to have a baby at age 16. That relationship of course didn't last and his parents paid for mostly everything. Then he married at 18 and had his daughter. Guess what, that relationship didn't last as well. Now at 30 and 31 we had our son and we are still struggling financially. It's a huge expense and let me tell you, what you get back in tax returns does not nearly cover any of the costs you put out. I pay $400 a month in health insurance for my son, plus I'm still paying for my out-of-network expenses for his birth. Nearly $1,000 for the hospital, $300 for the epi that didn't work and $2,300 for my ob who doesn't take insurance. Not to mention buying clothes every couple of months because my son grows like crazy. Baby food plus formula now because he's starting solids. Toys for different ages. It adds up. They always think we're being mean if we tell them to wait. Like we're the bad ones. Oh well!!!
I wasn't going to comment on this anymore but your comments are great!! Why are we the mean/terrible/non-understanding people when we tell a 17 year old to wait to have a baby? Like we would have any idea. I can't even imagine having a baby as a teenager. She will find out when all of her friends want to go out and do things 17 year olds should be doing she will have to stay home with a baby. God-forbid she should have a baby with colic or reflux that cries all the time or even more severe problems. The list of expenses goes on and on- health insurance, medications, diapers, formula, food, wipes, toys, clothes, car seats, strollers, housing, cars, car insurance, electric, water, telephone, childcare and everyday expenses-planned and unplanned. At 17 there was no way I would have been able to provide all of this-I was still in high school. My husband and I own our own business and I also work and we are emotionally/financially able to care for a child but it is still the hardest job I have ever had. There is no reason a 17 year old should be TRYING to get pregnant-period!!
Absolutely correct. It's like we are terrible people, how dare we not support a 17 year old who is trying to get pregnant. It's ridiculous. Could you imagine Avery coming to you at 17 and telling you that she is trying to get pregnant? What would you do? It's a shame. They have so much time, there is no need to rush into something that life changing.
kierstyn - don't you want to enjoy your relationship? A baby changes the entire dynamic of a relationship. You and him will not be able to go on vacation or to even enjoy the simplist things like going to see a movie. Unless of course you want to subject strangers to your crying child. Once your baby is 5-6 months old, even eating at a restuarant is a challenge. My son grabs at everything on the table and whines if he's not happy in the highchair. You can see people looking at us when we walk in like "oh god, why do they have to bring a baby to a restuarant." Even though, my son is still very well behaved. Give him some time when he's not going to want to sit still and I will have to chase him down. Do 17 year old things, don't rush into anything.
I would die if Avery would tell me that when she is 17. I would probably lock her in the house! Hopefully I will raise my daughter to have enough sense to not want to become pregnant at 17. I know at 17 I NEVER wanted to be pregnant nor did any of my friends. This girl needs a reality check. If she had Avery for one day she would change her mind! lol
Im not going to bash you, b/c I was 19 when I got pregnant and now I am 20 with an 8 month old. I love being a mom more than anything in the world but it is so hard. I am still in school, so money is tight. We dont get assistance from the government, and we work our butts off to give our son a wonderful life. I will be 21 in August, and I wont be going out drinking with my friends. I will have an 11 month old to take care of. Now dont get me wrong I LOVE my life, and my son. But I wish I would have waited at least until I was done with school.
things dont always go as you plan...as being a mom in ANY situation you need to be ready to raise this child on your own almost...because of how straining it is on a relationship..you need a good understanding man to be able to listen to you when you are tired and leave you alone...i planned my baby boy and of course i DO NOT regret him however..i wish i would have waited to make SURE i was done school and had a job...besides being on BC for 7 years I thought it would take me a while, especially since i had a few drs tell me i would never conceive...and that my only chances were now while i was young..i sure fooled them...also..having almost m/c and being told that it was a "miracle" i hadn't m/c due to the std i contracted from my bf due to his ex just prooved to me that things happened in an odd awkward way and that things happen when they are meant to be.. if god didnt think i wasnt ready for this he wouldnt have blessed me with my precious angel...but like i said i am 22.. i am considered a young mom.. i am on assistance and let me tell you it is NO way to live...i finally got daycare for Cameron for sept so i can return to school and then work...we cannot live this way AT ALL...sure my parents HAVE helped me and IF i need any help they would be there open arms BUT i am basically doing on my own and i cannot wait to be totally doing it on my own...i feel HORRIBLE to be on assistance and i would have never thought my life would have been this way.. i figured.. school..job and by then i would maybe be pregnant but not even 2 months off BC..2nd cycle and i was pregnant..and to make matters worse i couldnt graduate due to pregnancy complications.. ALSO...at 17 i was planning about who i would move in with...what college i would go to, which city..which program....NOT A BABY!!!! I agree with everyone here...a baby is a HUGE responsibility and its not that we arent supportive if its that we care...we care enough to try and open up your eyes a bit to wait a few more years...
I totally agree with Deanne. Having a baby at ANY age is hard work. At 17, I would've been a good mother but not nearly as good as I am now. As far as financial assistance goes, I totally agree. There is no reason to use tax payers money for something planned. I am 34 years old and I lost my job. I have a 10 yr old, 7 yr old and a 3 mo old. I have never used any assistance til now. IT was a very humbling experience to go to the office and have someone judge my finances, etc but it's something I HAD to do and not done on purpose. I was incredulous when I saw so many YOUNG single mothers with 3-4 children and pregnant again admitting in the office they do this on purpose so they dont have to work..........ANYHOW...sorry for going off. please think long and hard about this and to answer your question...Yes any time your BF and you have unprotected sex, you can get pregnant.
There are a ton of women who abuse the system. They keep popping out more kids to get more assistance. Meanwhile, people who are hard working are getting money taken out of their checks to support these women. It's not fair and it's frustrating. I don't mind women being on assistance when they really need to be because who knows what may happen to me in the future. But I find it completely disgusting that these women take advantage. Guess what, one day too many women will do this and they will take away public assistance. So the real women who need it will not be able to get it.
you know what i dont get about all these teen pregnancy posts? i can honestly say that i dont believe i have ever met a teenage boy that WANTS to get a girl pregnant.....usually its like on of their biggest fears.....i know that when I was younger and had boyfriends a baby was always the FURTHEST thing from their mind.......I wonder with all these types of posts we see if the guy is actually on board with this madness?
Either they are trying to trap the guy so that the guy stays with them. Which those of us who know how much stress a baby puts on a relationship knows that it is the quickest way to end it. Or the guy is just as stupid and thinks that a baby is what he wants as well, until it becomes to much work and he heads for the hills. Not many teenagers who get pregnant stay together. I'm not saying it doesn't happen but it's rare.
Oh, if I had a dime for every time I heard "I raised my ___" It is not the same, not by a damn stretch. You babysat, you didn't raise. Very different.
I would find it extremely unethical to give advice to a teenager TTC. Heck, I don't like giving TTC advice to couples that are unmarried or very young anyway. Such a huge difference in being a mom at 17 and being a mom at even 25.
You simply can not take a good swing at it and hope it works, this is human life we are talking about.
as someone who is on assistance...i dont understand how people would rather keep popping babies and stay on it...its tight money...ive said it before and i will say it again...if it were up to me id be in school or working...but i am going back to school come sept...i mean i feel ashamed being on assistance...i feel less of a mother but i know its only for the time being... things were not supposed to be this way but life is life i guess...anywho, when i go see my worker she is amazed because the majority of her clients are dirty, smelly..are well dressed but their kids arent...i take good care of my baby...its that bad that he has some t shirt n track pants but i will oinly put them on him in the house...anywho...besides the point...i dont know how people can live on assistance..id rather be getting double wat i get doing now on a minimum wage job...pathetic huh? its NOT all its cracked up to be...especially those who think oh ill just sit on my arse...its not a life...its been driving me insane....
It's different, you are on it because you need to be. There are women who are on it because they would rather sit at home and be lazy then go get a real job. I guarantee you, they are not raising their kids in a very healthy manner. Probably have them sitting in a playpen all day, while they sit on the couch and watch tv. They have a bunch of kids on assistance because they get more money that way. Most of them lie about their situation anyway. They say they are single parents but they have a boyfriend who helps take care of the kids.
Mami, you are so correct!! I was astounded because since my husband is working (making only $13 an hour mind you!) that we are considered "well off".....what??!! $13 an hour for a family of 5?! Anyhow, luckily I got my children on CHIPS (we were "too rich" for Medicaid) and we'll get $95 a month in food stamps.....I am not complaining but it just doesnt seem right. I could've lied and said I have no husband, etc but I didnt. Anyhow....
CYW you aren't abusing, you are bettering yourself. I am currently going full time in school as well........We are BETTERING ourselves not worsening. Hang in there!
I didn't read this word for word so sorry if I repeat anything that someone already said, but here is my two cents!
You may be "ready" to have a baby in your own mind....but let me tell you, not all babies are born perfect. Are you prepared to have a special needs baby? I had a vascularization problem with my placenta(that occured at conception with NO cause) that caused me to go into preterm labor at 29 weeks. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks before finally having my son via c-section due to the cord being around his neck 6 times. He was in the NICU in a town over an hour away for 6.5 weeks. He now has developmental delays and has MANY doctors. I drive 2 hours to the neurologist, and he goes to therapy 5 times a week! Are you ready for that? Are you ready to be a mother, advocate, therapist, social worker, driver, chef, housekeeper, and every other job that is included in motherhood and having a special needs child? Are you prepared to bust your a$$ working with your child day in and day out following everything the therapists tell you so you can help your child develop into a normal functioning child???
I got pregnant 2 months after my 20th birthday, and I was a college senior. I went to summer school and just graduated with my Bachelor's Degree. I work part time because my son's therapy takes up SOOOO much time. According to the state there is too much money in my family (me, ashtyn, and his dad) so we get NO assistance. There are times Mike and I don't eat because Ashtyn needs diapers....! You know, I have a degree, I bust my a$$ trying to be the BEST I can be for my son and IT IS NO PICNIC!! There is no longer movies, and parties, and friends....that all GOES the minute that child is born. THINK ABOUT IT. It sounds like fun and you THINK it is going to be easy...think again.
ALSO....After having my son, I got an incision infection and was hospitalized for a week. THEN they found a minimum of 9 blood clots in my right leg and so I can NEVER take any meds with estrogen, can never be on birth control, and will FOREVER have to worry about whether certain meds and stuff carries a risk of blood clots. During the WHOLE ordeal, I was sent by ambulance to a bigger hospital: Cost $900. Was sent by helicopter to a bigger hospital: Cost $13,000. My son's NICU Bill: Over $400,000!!!! My 3 week hospital stay: $80,000!!! His RSV shots: $18,000!!!! You are NOT telling me at 17 you are READY for that responsibility. I was ON BIRTH CONTROL when I get pregnant, and NO I do not regret it, and I adjusted my life...but believe me, this is HARD!!!! Say good bye to every dime you have because "extra" money will no longer exist!
Isn't it sad. I'm considered moderate income. Which I am...I make ok money and so does my fiance. But couple that with a million bills, rent in NYC and my son's health insurance, which I have to pay for, plus, my fiance's other children's child support. We barely bring home enough. I make too much for low income housing, I can't afford moderate income housing. I make too much for any low income health insurance so I have to pay $400 a month for my son's insurance. They take almost $1,000 from my check for taxes and social security. I owe $23,000 in student loans, close to $5,000 in hospital bills for my son's birth. I also can't get any help with my son's formula or baby food, so it really ticks me off when lazy people live off of my tax dollars, when they are capable of getting a job. My fiance's sister is one of these people. She really takes advantage. She is 26 years old, has two legs, two arms and they both work properly. She had a great job but wound up being too lazy when she got pregnant and kept calling out sick. Meanwhile, I busted my a-s-s every day going to work until my doctor pulled me off about a month prior to my due date. She got fired, collected unemployment throughout her pregnancy. She basically, sat at home for the entire time she was pregnant. She then had her daughter, and guess what, she went on welfare. Got free medical insurance for both herself and her daughter. She has a 3 bedroom apartment because she weasled it away from her brothers after their mom passed away. Gets her rent paid by public assistance, gets WIC and also gets monthly food stamps. She finally, now decides to go work part time after her daughter is 7 months old. On the side, her man was buying everything for her and her daughter and she pocketed money from her cousin that lives with her. I struggle and she gets everything while my fiance and I live at my mom's house with our baby because we can't afford a place of our own right now. It's terribly sad and angers me to no end these types of women who take advantage of the system. Sorry if I went off, I'm just very passionate about this subject.
Isn't that the truth. I just want my apartment one day so I can try for another baby but as of now, there's not going to be one. I'm 30 so I don't have a ton of time to wait. I guess things happen in their own time.
Mami, that is sad! For us harding working folk, it just doesnt seem to pay to be honest. But I cannot lie. I am still looking for a new, maybe part time so we can make ends meet I am also going to college full time to better myself so I dont have to go through this again! IT was a very humbling experience for us. Dont apologize for going off, you spoke the truth..........
Well said Cheyenne! Just because someone gets pregnant doesnt mean everythings gonna be ok! Even if you have a normal pregnancy. Taking care of an infant is a 24/7 job...no parties, etc A special needs child is a whole nother story.
haha yeah kim i agree EVERYONE is broke....and its always going to be like that because once you get more money you buy more things etc.. its a human thing.. people can never be happy with just this or that and thats fine...you work for it...but yes talk about money being broke...here in canada well ontario anyways.. they are cutting assistance down...crazy huh? i mean i get 900 per month and from the child tax benefit 372 a month so thats my income.. with that there is a rent thats 650, formula, diapers, baby food, food, bills, bcp so I DONT get pregnant right now...the list goes on so in the end nothing is left...and they want to take the childs basic needs away making that now we will be getting like 660 from assistance and 420 from the child benefit go figure...how does that make sense..they want people off their system.. its like 9i need a thorough cleaning.. BAD and i take very good care of my teeth.. the black on my teeth atre just stains or so the dentist says.. so i am going today.. it will be about 100$ and assistance dont cover.. they USED to but because so many moms were getting their teeth taken care of and f*ck the kids...i have to add this... i spend 27$ for A can of formula and go through about 5 a month on average... AND i still manage to stock up in formula, diapers, baby food so to those who can say they cant afford their babys food wow....i hear so many people say it that its insane..just like yersterday.. some 19 year old...it just drove me insane and i WILL vent about it...we went to the carnival because keiths stepdad works there..anywho, this girl knew keith and she has a 4 year old and is pregnant again...she was like i found out i was pregnant today just from keith asking so how have you been... like talk about straightforward.. shes like im not happy about it but i havent bled for 5 months so i dont know how far i am...she was all like i just turned 19 too and my kid is 4 now so i was looking to get some partying in there etc and shes like screw that im still going to the bar tonight...and she kept looking at cameron and she was like youre young too you must get out.. and keith just told her.. she chooses not to go anywhere without her son...she was all like you need a break...its hard being a mother and you need to get out to the bar etc and i just replied yeah well there WILL be time for that later but right now he is my main focus...she was asking if i breastfed or what and i said no so she asked the formula he was on and i said enfamil A+ and she went on..thats so expensive why dont you use something cheaper...yeah because i feel it is best for him...she just kept talkin about how i could have more money etc.. yes they do have the parents choice formul;a at 12$ a bonus can versus the 27$ normal enfamil can BUT i still manage it and make sacrifices...i just wanted to slap her silly.. and she is all angry about being pregnant.. well dont have sex or use protection...GRRRR
OH and i have to add this...keith's cousin...oh my god.. last year i seen her i was 9 months end aug or so.. she seen i was pregnant there was no hiding it... she asked if it was keith's and like uhm if i was pregnant already i wouldnt have been starting to date someone while pregnant.. my focus would have been my baby and i doubt his mother(keith) would have even allowed him to date a pregnant woman.. anyways...yesterday she was looking at the baby.. this girl is 16...anyways she tells me i just didnt know if you WERE pregnant last year or not..HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW!!!! she then kept talking about how she wants a baby soon and all.. like this girl has ALOT of issues let alone wanting to bring a baby in this world.. i was like omg...
No one here doubts you having to raise your little sister. I am very sorry about that, and honestly hope that you and her are doing well and are happy, healthy and at peace with your situations b/c you have something deeper to cling to (take that for what you want).
I just wanted to ask about your thoughts on the subject after (hopefully) skimming over the previous posts and reading about all the financial responsibilities. No baby is born perfect- take that statement for what you will. It seems that a perfect baby would sleep throughout the night from day one, feed itself, be self-sufficient, work for it's keep, and talk from the get go so you could know her opinions and needs if she was lacking in anything! And there would never be Dr bills because this child would birth itself and be pain free. :)
Ok, this is an exaggeration, but there are so many aspects of actually being a mother. I admit, I am almost 23 and I have yet to conceive a healthy baby (I had a m/c recently), so I don't even know as much as the actual mothers on here from experience.
I have, in the past couple years, considered getting pregnant to keep a man (more accurately, a boy). I've been married for a little over six months, and am well off financially, especially with a lower cost of living where I'm located. My hubby and I would love for nothing more to have a child, and are probably going to start trying soon, but both of us are on board with this idea this time around. (we were not officially trying when I had the m/c).
I am not trying to "glue" the relationship together, I am not trying to fill a void in my heart that I "think" is baby shaped (even though there is a very strong desire for a child, even at the age of 17 in some females), and I do not for a minute agree with purposeful teen pregnancy, especially when the girl and boy are not married. This may seem very harsh, but I really do care. I have a brother who had a hand in conceiving a child at the age of 16. He hid it from my whole family for the first 4 months of the baby's life, and then came out and told us, only after I was the first to find out from a school mate. Talk about a rude awakening! I understand accidental teen pregnancy, but strongly encourage you to talk with your parent(s) if they are available. Talk to your fiance, save up some $$$ for a baby, at least $3,000 I would think to start, and get some good medical coverage that is not state-funded.
There seem to be many assumptions in my post, and even in the ones above, and I am sure we would all love to hear that our concerns for your mental/physical/emotional health (even financial health) are unfounded completely.
I am very sorry if you are on your own and have only your fiance to rely on..if that is the case, definitely look into saving a good chunk of $ for a year or two, get some relationship counseling to ready both of you for the baby, and then have at it, if this is still what you want!
Blessings to you and your fiance.
u should have sex every other day or skip a couple days when trying to get preg it gives your husband a chance to rebuild his sperm, otherwise your only getting a small amount of sperm , it takes 48hours for a guy to rebuild his sperm to normal after sex
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