whether or not to keep my unborn child

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

i posted before im so confused and every day gets worst, my son will be 3 months on the first and im 7weeks pregnant, im not ready for this i go back to school in two months to start my nursing program and i planed on going back to work i know i should of been on the pill i got my first af 4 weeks after birth i didnt even know it was my period i know i wont be able to handle it and abortion is an option but it just breaks my heart and if i keep it my life is on hold for the next few years and im 20 years old and i feel terrible
i got no support if itell my family they will be upset

[Wakey]

Hi there,
It sounds like you are in a pickle... Have you considered adoption? Have you spoken to your partner to see how he feels? Maby talk to a councillor... It must be very overwhelming for you but having children is a blessing.

Take care and let me know how you go.

[ziggysgrl0724]

wow, that is such a tough situation....you just have to look deep down inside yourself...I am pro choice, so i am not here to lecture you about not having an abortion.  You did say though that the idea breaks your heart....thats just the IDEA of it, do you deep down inside feel you would be ok with that decision if it was the one you chose?  When I was pregnant with my 2nd DS, it wasnt planned.  we did discuss abortion, and we decided maybe it would be the right thing to do....i let it stew inside of me and thought and thought, and what kept on popping in my head was " what if i go through with this, and this baby goes up to heaven knowing i didnt want it, knowing that it wiont be born because it wasnt wanted"....that might sound nuts but I was REALLY upset..

The plus side of this happeneing now is that you are young...only 20, and if you do decide to keep this(which is 100% your decision)....at least you are younf enough to still have options in a few years.  I think the advice Wakey gave you about a counselor is very good.   maybe a professional to put things in perspective for you, ya know?

[lovefamily]

I'm sorry that you are going through all this stress.  There are so many women who try and try to conceive and are unable.  Would you consider adoption?  I know so many who are adopting across seas because it is so hard to adopt in the U.S.  My hubbie and I looked into adoption before I finally got pregnant and had another baby.  You may not be ready for this baby but there is a family that is.  I didn't get to read your other post.  Please don't choose abortion.  This baby is not a mistake and his or her little life is the most important thing in the world.  Make another family complete if you are not ready.

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

it all comes down to im not ready to keep this baby financially its going to take my 3 1.2 years for nursing school i start in june i will be 6 months and im due in sept then i have to wait until next january to go back but thats not the problem i will have two babies and my mom is busy working plus shes having a hard time because my 17 year old sister is pregnant so its so hard and people say i cant handle school and two babies that i should just throw school out the window until my kids get older

[potts20]

I was in the same boat you are, just I wasnt going back to school.  I did keep my child, and I am glad that I did.  I never though of abortion.  If we lived in the same state, and if i knew you, I would tell you that I would take the baby for you.  I cant have no more kids because my husband and I decided we didnt want anymore of our own.  I want to adopt SO badly.  I wish you the best of luck in your decision, and I pray that you dont abort it.  There are so many families out there like me that want to adopt a child that needs someone to take care of them, just like yours, and then there are others that cant even have children.

God bless you.

[tiredbuthappy]

what are you looking for us to tell you? i understand you are confused and stressed, but i just read through your last post about the topic. everyone there was incredibly supportive and shared their experiences. the only thing they didn't tell you to do is get an abortion. so if you reposted because you're looking for someone to tell you to get an abortion you may not get what you are looking for. i am not saying this to be mean, and it's really early and i'm tired so what i have to say may not be coming out right. but it seems to me like you are looking for permission or support from us to abort the child. in your last post you said the only reason you felt you couldn't keep it was because of school. now you say it's for financial reasons and a lack of support. i guess what i am trying to say is that you need to sit down and take a better look at why you are making your decisions. i know personally, if i were in your shoes and i chose to abort, everytime my ds hit a landmark i would wonder when the aborted child would've hit it. if you want to have more than 1 in the long run, you may as well do it close together so you can get on with your life instead of having to stop working when the second one comes along. you make it sound like you'd pretty much be missing out on one semester (next fall). and maybe you'd have to lessen your course load once the baby is here. but even if it only takes 1 or 2 more years, when you look at the big picture, it's nothing.

(by the way, i am prochoice, but for some reason your story does not make me think "oh, she should have an abortion.")

[CYW]

i think its a hard decision and your hormones are going crazy too...i fear every month of being pregnant and im on the pill and we now use the pull out method...now just because you would have been on the pill does not garantee you of not having been pregnant..i think you are in fear of alot of things because if i ever got pregnant this soon..ds is now 4 1/2 months...i would feel as though id be resenting my unborn child...i think about it and because i do not want to be pregnant again this soon id feel resentment...now i remember after your m/c you posted about how to get pregnant with twins well hun you are kinda contradicting yourself...you would have been financially stable for twins but you arent for another baby...i know you want to go to school..i had to withdraw in march due to my pregnancy...1 month before i was done my placement...im going back in sept..i wanted to go back in jan...then may...but the means were impossible you gotta go with life...

i dont agree with abortions and i doubt anyone on here will tell you to run out and do it...once again its your life but you need to think of ALL the consequences or possible consequences and adoption is very nice and all but i personally would not be able to carry MY unborn child full term and give it away..both are just heart renching but thats just my view...id just keep the baby..you ds will be weaning off formula..ull juss have to buy diapers for both so why not start stocking up??? well id wait till past the first trimester...i think you just want soo much and you have alot of fear...

i dont want to sound mean but as someone said its early...but i remember you posting saying you had unprotected sex after your baby was born like 4-6 weeks after...you wanted to know the chances...well the chances are you are now pregnant...

best of luck with your decision...i think a word of advice do not make this decision based on your needs...all im hearing is me me me but really its all about that baby growing inside of you....

[BabyHardiman]

There are hundreds of thousands of people who go to college in their 30's and even their 40's.  My mom had to wait that long.  You still have plenty of time for your career, you are only 20 years old.  

I am 100% against abortion for any reason, so I will keep my opinions on abortion to myself.  Just know this, I would give up my own life to save my unborn child.

I look at your baby's beautiful little face, and I do not know how in your heart you would want to deny another child, who would probably have that same beautiful face, a chance at life.  It makes me sad to think of it.

[cantwait4baby]

You will have a hard couple of years but you will be happy in the end having two heathly beautiful children.  If you have an abortion you will think about it for the rest of your life.  I had a m/c and I still think about that baby every single day and I have since had a healthy baby.  I will always wonder about the one I lost that would be turning 9 on May 4th.  I know this is hard and it happens there are lots of people out there who are their parents' "accidents" who make their parents happy and proud every day.  I am not in your shoes so I cannot relate but one thing I do know is that I would never have an abortion.  I did think I was pregnant when my daughter was 3 months old.  It was crazy at first.  I am not married although we live together and have a strong relationship and we are not rich but we make it by - by the time I actually went to the doctor I was already dreaming about if it was a boy or girl what he or she would look like, etc.  Please do not abort your baby, it is the not answer at 7 weeks your baby already has a heartbeat and is growing rapidly.

[peekawho]

I'm pro choice too, but am uneasy with the situation as you describe.  Nursing school is  not impossible to do part time.  I have worked with many moms who are pregnant, deliver, and keep going to school.  You can go back to school as soon as you are physically able to, you don't have to wait 3 months.

I agree that child care is a problem, but you will have to provide childcare for your other child, too.  So it shouldn't be that much of a stretch to get child care for 2 young babies.  

Bottom line is that there are schools that do offer part time options.  If you can't find any in your area, or you absolutely can't get child care, then you need to postpone nursing school.  

Or put your child up for adoption, or get an abortion.  

Those are the options as I see them.  I do not personally think I could choose the last 2 VERY permanent solutions to a very temporary problem.  

Good luck.  

[Me2mommy2b]

There is a way out of every situation.  I just don't think that abortion is the right choice in yours.  I agree, it'll be tough but it is doable.  You're overwelmed right now.  My advice to you is to sit down with your partner and talk it out (re: child care, $$, etc).  Good luck.

[amberd5191]

I think you could do it if you really put your mind to it! I'm proof of that. I'm 23 with 4 children. (7, 4, 1, and 4wks). I have an associates degree and I am working now toward my bachelor's degree. Last semester I took 22 credits, this semester with a new baby I'm only taking 8 (I'm 5weeks into the semester it started the week before I had my daughter).

Putting school on hold if need be wouldn't be all that bad, plus when you are done with school you will be financially stable. On the other side of it you say your family will be upset, well they may be at first but I'm sure when they remember that its a child they will be happy.

I wish you the best in your decision.

[4boys1girl]

I am pregnant with my fifith child and Im 33 years old.  Every time I have gotten pregnant I have some of the same doughts.  I am completly agianst abortion so Im not saying that is something I ever concidered but I think it is natural to dought your ability and your situation once you become pregnant.  Your horomones make you feel and think unlike your true self sometimes.  I dont think you had enough time for your horomones to return to normal after your first baby and now they are in a spin agien with this new pregnancy.  When I was in my twenties I had three of my children.  Money was so tight and I had three babies 3 and under.  Looking back.......My good memeories always are about my children and family ....  the stressful parts of life always seem to fade.  I dont know what your religeous believes are so I hope I do not offend you but Ill tell you how I see things.  God put you in this situation for a reason.......you need to be strong.  You have been blessed with another baby look at it as a blessing and nothing else.  I know several women that have successfully gone through nursing school and have been mothers.  You are a mother now and this is one of our many sacrifices.....our children are always first!!!!!  think of how awesome it will feel when you have completed school and your children are there watching thier mommy graduate.  Youll be teaching them how to be strong and how to succeed.  I think you already have make your decision to keep your baby and your just needing the reassurance that we all need.  You can do it!!!!  Take care and if you ever need anyone to chat with feel free to message me.
Kris

[Brown Eyed Gurl]

Honey I totally understand if you can't afford another baby so soon but there are so many women out there that would die to have that baby so maybe if nothing else you could look into adoption....I think it's wrong personally to kill your baby when it didn't even ask to be conceived.....that was you.....so please consider adoption.

[Cheyenne_08]

I had a year of college left when I found out I was pregnant in December of 06. I finished the spring semester then went to college in the summer. I was due in august but went into labor in June and had to get incompletes in my classes. I worked on my summer classes peridoically during the next few months, and when ashtyn was 2 months old (3 weeks after he came home from the NICU), I went back to school full time and finished my bachelor's degree. I went full time PLUS had a baby in therapy twice a week PLUS ran him to Toledo (over an hour away) all the time for appointments. At the end of the semester, I was technically taking 7 classes.....5 for my regular semester and finished work from my three summer classes!!! Also, during my high risk pregnancy, I executed and presented my senior capstone project that was required so that I can graduate. I also completed a 160 hour internship at a juvenile detention center...!!! THe point of this story is that I BUSTED MY A$$ to get through school becasue I was determined to take care of my special needs baby and make sure I had a way to support him....If I can do it, so can you...!!!!!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Ok here are my thoughts on the situation, family support or not, you are probably much stronger than you give yourself credit for...

a) having another baby so soon means that  you will still have most of what you need, therefore, less money spent on buying things.

b) if you work, which I assume you do since you already have one kid, come next year you will most likely qualify for earned income credit for 2 children giving you a good chunk back to help you out.

c) there are many government programs that you most likely will qualify for to HELP you get through this until you can finish nursing school.

d) as someone else said there is no reason why you can go to school part time until you get settled after the new baby comes

e) This decision DOES come down to you and you only HOWEVER this childs father needs to have a say so in this matter.  This child is part of him just as much as it is part of you.  Is he helping you or willing to?

d)  As so many have stated before, there is ALWAYS adoption, there's even open adoption where the family will still let you be a part of the childs life, you just wouldn't be the parent.

e) I am very pro-life but If you DO consider abortion the only thing I ask is that you educate yourself on the procedures, read how they are done, watch a video of one and ask yourself if you could live with the knowledge that you did that to your own flesh and blood.  

f) only YOU can make a decision about your sitiation, whether your parents get upset or not quite frankly is their problem...you are 20 years old and you are an adult, you are old enough to choose your own path and make your own decisions regardless of what anyone else things.

Don't make ANY decision too hastily, research, educate, talk to other women who have been through what you are going through, see what they did and how they are doing now.  ANY uneducated decision will most likely result in regret later.

[colemomma]

Oh please, do not abort this sweet baby!  There are so many out there who want a child!  I became pregnant with twins when I was 20.  I know how it feels to realize you're going to have 2 little people to care for 24/7, but you can do it!  I'm 30 now with two 9 year olds, a 6 year old and a 9 month old.  This is just a fragment of your life that you can deal with.  I have a cousin who aborted a baby when she was 18.  She has regretted that decision all her life.  It is a permanent, lasting decision.  Remember that.  God creates every child for a reason.  No child is a mistake.  God bless.

[jenstam]

I have five kids. One of them being a baby who is 6 months old. I have a full time job and I am in school working on my BA as a 3/4 time student. Most of this I have done as a single Mother. Where there is a will there is a way. I won't lie, it's a balancing act but I did not skip a beat with my pregnancy or birth of my baby. You just keep going. It's not an impossible thing. There are obstacles but they are temporary. Nobody here will tell you what to do and certainly nobody here will support you in the decision to abort. We are all here if you need to talk.

[DecemberBaby07]

I understand you may not be able to afford another new baby but as a few other posts said you will already have most the baby things you need as you already have a 3 mo. old.. all you`d need would be diapers and formula or if your breastfeeding even better. and you would have the option to let some one adopt your baby as there are alot fo other women who wants kids but cant have any... or abortion you could do but i am totally againist that i would never abort my child i could not live with that decicion..so you will have to look deep down in ur heart to see what you really want to do.. just keep in mind that sweet baby didnt ask to be concieved...you did that..so just think b4 you regret what you do.. i dont mean to sound rude or noting.. GOOD LUCK on ur decision

[sally15]

Please keep ur unborn child,u will regret aborting ur child or giving him/her up. U can do it,if God didn't think u could handle it he wouldn't have put it on u.Everything happens for a reason,school can wait u are only young,the decisions u make now will affect u for the rest of ur life,ur child is innocent please let him/her have a chance .Maybe now is not a good time for u to go to school,thats why God has blessed u with another pregnancy,he may see something down the road that u don't see,it has all happened for a reason.Be Patient,Be Kind & Please give that darling child a chance.Financially things will fall into place,if it gets that bad I'm sure theres help out there.Good Luck,Please make the right decision & keep us posted.Take Care.

[JoyRenee]

If you want to get some help with resources, you can contact Birthright, a crisis pregnancy hotline at 1-800-550-4900 or visit their website at www.birthright.org to find a Birthright near you so you can speak with someone about what you're going through. We're non-judgmental, you can cry and pour your heart out, it is confidential.

Also, LosingMyMindInGA had wonderful points in her advice. Definitely educate yourself on abortion procedures, risks, etc. There is a video called Silent Scream of an abortion procedure (I don't think you have to see a video or pictures, but at least read up on abortion). You can find information at www.abortionfacts.com and there is a list on the left-hand side with relevant articles for the topic.

I am pro-life, not that that matters, but I also volunteer at Birthright and I have to know about abortions to help those contemplating one. So please message me any time if you want some information. Sorry you're in such a crazy position to be in, but you can make it, sweetie, if you keep your little one!

[bonbon197]

That baby didnt ask to be made, but now it is alive in you. It is your responsibility to now make sure he/she is born healthy. Be a good mother. You chose not to take birth controle. So now deal with the out come!

[April2]

It may be hard for awhile but if you really want something badly enough, you make a way for it to happen. You're still very young. As Peekawho said you could go back to school part time. I started nursing school at the age of 39 and then found to my surprise that I was pregnant. I went ahead and got my CNA and put the nursing school on hold for now. I'm enjoying working as a CNA part time. I didn't plan this litle one either. I already had two teenagers. At first I was unhappy. I thought I finally had time for myself to do something for me. We couldn't afford another child either. And I was an older mom. I had that to worry about. You know what? It all worked out. God had a reason for him to be born and even his birth was significant as he was born exactly one year to the day that we buried my grandmother whom I was very close to and still grieving over losing her. God knew what he was doing! He brought new life to our lives to ease our grief over her death. I look at him today and just can't imagine life without him. He's just the sweetest, most beautiful boy ever. He's the joy of my life and my teens adore him too. He's the best thing that could have happened to us! Is money still tight? Sure. We have debt up to our ears. But somehow we make it. Every life is precious. Please, give this little one a chance at life. You won't regret it. It'll all work out. You'll see. Just give it a chance. Just take one day at a time. And trust that God knows what he's doing. Just think, with your kids so close in age, they'll have each other to play with and will probably be close as siblings. Please, do the right thing. This little one deserves to live. You'll never regret it, trust me. Take care. God bless.

[girlybuff]

No one here can tell you what to do.  YOU have to decide what's best for you both now and in the long run.
Your situation, although terrifying, is NOT impossible.  It's just a matter of whether you're willing to give it a shot.
Yes, there are tons of women who want to adopt but ultimately it IS your body and your choice.
If you're having this many second and third doubts about the abortion, you probably know what you should do or shouldn't do rather, BUT IF you decide to terminate the pregnancy, please do so soon and before your first trimester is up.
God bless you.

[kris123]

I have been in a spot when I had to chose.  I was raped at 14 and I chose and my family to have the baby.  he was given up for adoption and I am so glad that I gave him life.  I will direct you to a website http://www.cafemom.com/group/7508 - it is for women who had an abortion and regret it.  They live with the pain everyday.  Become a member of the group and post the question.  It woul be good to talk with one who have done it.

I gave birth to my daughter at 17 - no money, no job, no place to live.  I made it you can do it.  your babies heart is beating.  It is up to you but please make sure.  I hate to see you in this spot I will pray for you and your baby.  

[kris123]

I would like to add that I went to college when my daugher was an infant.  I went to classes at a time

[kris123]

Sorry to post so many times.  When I was raped and placed my son it was the hardest thing ever to go through.  I am going to meet him and he is 15.  If I aborted him he wouldn't be here.  he is happy and has a great family and I get to be apart of it.  You can give a couple a chance to be parents.  that is other option but it is hard.  I am so so glad I gave my son a chance at life.  Unlike you I was not a willing partner when I became pregnant and still decide to have my child.  Go to that website talk to women who had one.

[SliverCheer]

When i got pregnant I wasn't ready either thinking about strarting school ect.  I found out really ealy so i too considered an abortion, my bf and I diecided that would be our choice if we got pregnant on accident.  But that was when we were younger and saying without it actually happening.  When I got the + I freaked and thought I can't do this I'm not ready.  I told him and he agreed we can't keep it.  but then we thought it over about a week until i went to a free clinic to discuss options and make sure the + was real...  they talked about the abortion procedure and I though OMG i can't do that either!  so i decided to keep him with consideration who is ever TRUELY READY WITHOUT DOUBT no one.  and I'm so happy with him a want another one already and he is only just about two months.  I'm starting school in Feb and work in a home office so i can do school work here.  (it's an online school).  

But good luck and I hope this helps, your heart will tell you what to do

[chigirl29]

I'm a graduate student and mom--oldest is six and the youngest is 2.
You can financially handle the other baby--it is a matter of priorities.
I took classes when I could and took off when I needed to.

I can't imagine adopting out a sibling.  Abortion is morally wrong to me.

You have to make up your own mind, but if it were me--I would keep the baby and happily accept extra mommy duty and go to school when it fit to.

I know someone who  had an abortion and they regret it deeply.  They had an older like you do.  How could you adopt out your child's brother or sister?  I don't know if that is really an option for you.

Warmest regards--hope you figure out the right decision for you.