why tubal?

[8LNDNS]

I am just wondering why so many women have chosen such a permanent form of birth control, like a Tubal, and then later, so desperately want to be pregnant. I understand that circumstances, abilities, and finances change, but  because the future is so uncertain, I just wonder why something more long term and not so permanent was chosen.  

[surprisebaby]

I was 33 years old...had a SURPRISE BABY!!!  Had a VERY difficult pregnancy...I KNEW "I" did not want any more, so I chose the tubal.  It was really quite simple.  I recovered very quickly and with minimal discomfort.  Although I certainly milked it for all it was worth...LOL...  The Dr in our area would not perform this surgery without first addressing the possibility of having more babies! She also took into account my age.  I really wouldn't recommend it for those who are younger, or who didn't already have children.  My DH was willing to get a vasectomy, but I couldn't stand the thought of the whining that I would have to endure...so I went instead!  Gave me a few days of dh taking care of the household...which was nice!

[jdamico]

well now   i had a tubal  done three years ago  after  i had my son and surpise i  just  had my thrid baby  on  02/11  sometimes even the surgery they  say is permnant  isnt. nothing is 100% effective. Well i chos to  do the tubal  when i was 24 due to  medical issues  with my pregnancies . Sometimes    they have tired other  form of  brith control  and nothing works  but even  tubal can be reversed if they  change their minds  

[AnnieBrooke]

Part of it is the self-selecting nature of the group that writes on this site -- we hear from people with a problem to solve.  Though a lot of ladies out there are glad they had their tubes tied, people aren't moved to come to a problem-solving website to post "Had a tubal ligation for 12 years now and have always been glad."  This site draws people who want advice with an active issue.  

Some women are so fertile that nothing else works and being at the mercy of having baby after baby is not wise for them.  

Some husbands won't have a vasectomy.  

Some women just know (even at a young age) that they do not want more babies, and they never change their minds.  

It is certainly a cheaper and more painless way to go than continuing on birth control for many years.

[peekawho]

I had a tubal ligation back in 1981, I was young, 2 children, and have never regretted it for an instant.  

I never wanted any more children to raise.  I might have longed for a baby from time to time after that, but I recognized that it was "baby-longing", and not an urge to actually spend 21 years or so raising a child.  

But AnnieBrooke is right; the ladies who usually write here have a problem to solve.  You don't hear from the women who love their choice that often.  

[April2]

Since we're on this discussion anyway, I have a question. I hope you all don't mind! Can someone tell me what the difference is for the woman to get a tubal or the man to get a vasectomy? I know that it's an easier procedure on the man and quicker recovery, etc., but are there any pros or cons towards one procedure over the other?
Could there be more problems for the woman later if she gets it done? Of the man? Is one more effective than the other? The fact that someone got pregnant after getting their tubes tied worries me. I've always gotten pregnant very easily too. So would a vasectomy be safer? Does anyone know?

[8LNDNS]

Thank you for helping me better understand the purpose of this site. I guess I thought it was for for simple discussion just as much as problem solving. Sorry if I offended anyone. I just read post after post of women who have had tubals, even some recently, and now desperately want a baby, even praying a miracle. It just sparked some curiosity. Thats all.

[AnnieBrooke]

April, a recent discussion on this forum happened when someone ran a poll on whether birth control, tubal ligation or vasectomy was a better bet for her.  (She was married, not going to change her mind about more babies, and the relationship was permanent and stable.)  Vasectomy edged the others in the voting, for being cheaper than all alternatives and so reliable.  The surgery for tubal ligation is more complicated and therefore more risky than vasectomy.  It's more expensive (I saw some numbers once and it was in the thousands of dollars while vasectomy was in the low hundreds).  But one poster really was down on vasectomies.  She said it changed the nature of the semen, and it could be done poorly and give the guy swelling from the surgery.  (I think that the two cases she cited were done by military doctors, but the point is, she had seen or heard of some complications.)  I think any procedure can have complications, but had not heard about a change in the nature of the semen (she said there was less, and it was clearer).  If that would bother a guy, then it would be worth looking up whether it happens all the time.  -- It's hard to say if it was something that might have happened anyway, at least that quantity issue.  (Certainly my husband's semen quantity is less now than when he was a young man, and he hasn't had a vasectomy.  It doesn't seem to affect his enjoyment of producing it, though.)

The following are just my thoughts and a lot of people would disagree with me for painting with such a broad and sexist brush, but one thing that recommends vasectomy is that there is a difference in the sexes in regard to having kids.  Once his lineage is secured by a few children, a lot of men don't give a darn if they ever have more kids even if they get married again, in fact they are glad to see an end to their membership renewals in the GCW (Guilt, Cost and Worry) Club.  Also they think it is just fine to have sex without a condom, and in the unlooked-for event that they were single again they imagine that is how it is going to be.  (Ha! ha! ha!)  So even if they look to the future, for a lot of guys there is no potential down-side or possible future regret about this procedure.  On the other hand, women might know at some level that if they were ever unexpectedly left single and then met someone great, they might still want another baby.  A vasectomy, in essence, gives a man more of what he might want long term, and a ligation gives a woman less of what she might want long term.  Please understand that these are really broad statements -- my sister had a tubal ligation in her 20s when she was a single gal, and just loves it, and never had a regret.  She just knew babies were not for her.  But I'm thinking of the kind of things we read on here.  We never hear from guys regretting their vasectomy, and you know we often hear from women turning themselves inside out with grief over ligations.

[peekawho]

You didn't offend anyone!  Its a great subject.  We're just all discussing, sort of thinking out loud.

We welcome any questions you have, and hope you stick around!

[peekawho]

Both vasectomies and tubal ligations have failure rates.  Very low failure rates, they are very much effective procedures, but they are not 100%.  Nothing outside of completely removing the reproductive organs is 100%.

I knew I was done having kids, and didn't ever want to have a chance to change my mind about it.  I wanted something permanent for myself.  

[April2]

Ok, AnnieBrooke, now you worried me, lol. We are military so that's how the procedures would be done whether it was the tubal or vasectomy. So cost doesn't matter. It would be free for us anyway.
I really don't want anything bad to happen to either of us. We also really don't want anymore children! Our last one was a surprise as it is and we're both getting older. I just want to make sure we find something that works and not have to worry about getting pregnant at my age. I already was considered a high risk when I was pregnant with my 4 year old because I was 39. I sure don't want anymore now that I'm almost 44!
I've been trying to talk my husband into getting this procedure done since it'd be easier on him but I sure don't want any problems either. I guess we just have to hope and pray and trust the doctor! Thanks ladies.

[AnnieBrooke]

Funny about the military angle!  But of course, they must do way more vasectomies than the average doctor, and naturally you're only gonna hear about the one or two who had a problem.  Tell your husband he gets a free pass in the sex department once he's had a vasectomy.  Think that will work?  LOL