I found out my 16 yr old has been having sex, just a few times so far. From what she has told me she is the aggressor, urging the boy to go along with her desires. Of course, I am very disappointed. Over the years, I have always tried to make my feelings known about this...we have talked about unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, emotional aspects of such behavior, etc. She has let me know that if I take steps to stop her, she will still find ways to do it, but she will never talk to me about it again. I did take her to a gynecologist...she is now on the pill (which she needed anyway to control her very frequent heavy long painful periods. She says they always use a condom also, from start to finish, and they only do it once in a while. She has a second appointment set up with a gynecologist ( a different one, the original one quit) to get her annual exam and pap smear, which will be the first time for her. From the talk I hear, most of the kids her age are sexually active...a great
many do hide this behavior from their parents. I know this behavior in such at only sixteen is destructive, and that it doesn't help to build enduring committed relationships, nor responsibility nor does it help develop the ability to lead a disciplined life and resist urges that will tempt one for life. No matter how much I try to explain these things to her, she just says that is my opinion and she doesn't agree. There is no statutory rape here...the boy is a few months younger than her. In all other areas, this child has been a model child...well behaved, generally compliant, respectful, makes good grades in school, takes honors classes, is athletic, does not associate with anyone who smokes, drinks, or uses illegal drugs. This issue is really hurting our relationship...I feel I am in a catch 22. I am divorced, and her father sees her only occasional. He is very strict, and I believe to tell him would serve to cause my daughter to not trust me any more, and could also be dangerous....he has a
temper. The boy involved is also a good kid, a good student, responsible, polite, no drinking no smoking no drugs, an athlete...he is rather shy in fact. Even though they seem to be practicing safe sex, I find myself worrying about the impulsitivity of youth and fear both pregnancy and disease for my daughter. I worry about her deep attachment to this one boy at such a young age (they talk like they will one day marry...although both agree they should wait until after college.) Is there anything more I can do to help my daughter? Or, as she says, at this point is it just out of my hands. Thank you.... from the number of kids I talk to and that I hear talking, I believe this problem is very widespread. Thanks for any advice and help you can give me.
A couple of thoughts. One, she is on the Pill, and assuming she is taking it properly, pregnancy is not a concern. If they continue to use condoms appropriately the risk of infection is much lower. You might benefit from some counseling to help open up communication between you and your daughter. Henry Ford has experienced counselors in its Behavioral Services Department 313-874-6677.
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Key word: teen and sex
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