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599170 tn?1300977493
About Cheating Spouses
Ok, You know for certain that your, friend, co-worker, neighbour or relatives spouse is cheating on them, do you tell??
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26 Answers
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203342 tn?1328740807
Yes, I would, in the most gentle way I could. They deserve as much. I would want someone to tell ME if it were happening to ME. I would want to make sure I had all the facts, though. I wouldn't just be going off on gossip or whatever.
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298824 tn?1349958777


Depends on how well I know them....I think life is to short to be married if one or the other is unhappy....Set them free no matter if it hurts... Some things just don't last forever anymore....Everyone deserves to be happy even if it takes time to get over...
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150937 tn?1235947480
I would confront the cheating spouse...and explain that you have x number of days to come clean, or "I" will!!!!  
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Great response !     = )
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212720 tn?1304379015
Surprise good response.

I have had to deal with this situation many times in our biker world. I was always told by the guilty guy "I know you know but do not breath a word of it to my wife/girlfriend."

Jerks.
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599170 tn?1300977493
I dealt with this once and regretted telling my friend, she already deep down knew, and I caused her to deal with something she was deliberatley avoiding, and then she and her husband ended up making up and somehow I was the bad guy.
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404138 tn?1308945256
I hope to never be put in a situation like that, but if that were to happen I would have to agree with Surprisebaby and have him/or her come clean or I will.
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I believe I would confront the cheater 1st after that really unsure
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483733 tn?1326802046
Agree to confront the cheater first.  In many cases the spouse suspects or knows but doesn't want to deal with the reality.  If you are the one who tells them and then they decide to not act your friendship could be at risk.  Let the bad guy be the bad guy.
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228686 tn?1211558307
It would entirely depend on the circumstances.
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389974 tn?1331018842
Nope. Its not Swampy's relationship, it is none of his business.
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495284 tn?1333897642
I wouldnt tell either.  Not my business.  Cheaters get caught on their own.
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518031 tn?1295578974
i packed up my ex close and personal belongings so wgen she got home shehad no chice, no arugument this way either
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173939 tn?1333221450
I wouldn`t tell. It is between the two to develop or destroy trust.
I was in that witness position once with my best friend, remained silent but once the girl started getting suspicious about her guy on her own, I asked her if she wanted to know facts or not. She did and at that point it seemed to help her put the relationship into perspective. If it had been me, I would not have wanted to know.
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393419 tn?1228450993
from an article i read:


If soap operas and the media are to be believed, then everyone is getting their leg over everywhere.. all the time. In fact, do you know where your partner is right now? Here are 10 facts about cheating, you may not have known.


1.) Cheating is not as common as you might think. 1 in 5 men have strayed at least once during their married lives, and that figure drops to half in women.

2.) Men are better at spotting cheating spouses with 50% finding out, whereas only 30% of women can identify a rat.

3.) Are you sure you want to confess? Affairs are the biggest cause for divorce.

4.) Those who divorce rarely marry the person they are having the affair with. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers.

5.) Frank Pittman says there are four types of infidelity: accidental infidelity, the romantic affair, the marital arrangement, and the philanderer.

6.) 31% of people have had an online conversation that has led to real-time sex.

7.) 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men admit they think about makin’ bacon with co-workers.

8.) Although flirting doesn’t necessarily lead to horizontal hula, 86% of men and 81% of women admit they routinely flirt with the opposite sex.

9.) 2 to 3% of all children are the product of an affair. And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers. Remember, no love without the glove…

10.) 75% of the cases of sudden death during sexual activity involved … extra-marital sexual intercourse.
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549511 tn?1271779530
Have you heard the expression  Kill the Messenger!! Its somehting I think I would stay out of,as they get caught in the end anyway.
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389974 tn?1331018842
Swampy tried to verify the figures from the article, but its incredibly difficult.

The problem is getting people to answer honestly in surveys, as public condemnation is very high.

Swampy also wanted to know if infidelity could be correlated to factors such as age, length of marriage, children, work situation, religion, education level, income, race. It stands to reason that one or more of these things would play a factor, but Swampy is unable to find studies on the issue.
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599170 tn?1300977493
interesting facts. can you imagine your lover dropping dead while doing the dirty whow, try explaining that one LOL
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193137 tn?1367883663
I agree with those who say "It depends". The first factor is that I would have to be close to the person who is being cheated on. If I'm not close to them, then I probably don't care enough about them to get involved. Getting involved is never fun, so the person better be worth it, especially if there's a chance that that person may be upset with me.

The second factor is what they would do with the information. There are many people who already know that their spouse is cheating or suspect it, but don't really want to know. People want different things from a relationship. Some want mongamy. Some want love. Some want security. Some want a parent for their children. Some want a provider. Some want adoration. Whatever it is that that person wants, if the relationship meets their need, then it's none of my business to redefine what they want or to make them unhappy with their choice.

However, if they want something (such as monogamy) and they are under the illusion that they have it, and I really believe that if they didn't have it, they would walk out, only then I would speak up.
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599170 tn?1300977493
great answer, are you a therapist or counselor??? Youve got a lot of wisdom.
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568659 tn?1256143582
If it was a close friend or my sibling and I was ABSOLUTELY sure, then yes. If it was just and acquaintance I probably would not.
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580386 tn?1226103585
i recently found out from my friends that my own mother cheated on my father with one of my friends. that really upset me and i confronted my mother about it and she was shocked that i found out and had no words to say anything about it. she now is being extremely nice to me, more nice than usual, because she is afraid that i may tell my father. but i really don't want to be the one to ruin their marriage. i've been really down and depressed about it. when i first found out i would cry myself to sleep, because seriously, who wants to find out that their mom had sex with one of their friends. grant it my friend is a few years older than i am, but still. it left a really disturbing picture in my mind and i still at times have it and it gets me really down. i just can't look at my mom the same way as i used to. it just kills me inside that she would do that. i know that alcohol was involved, but still, that is no excuse for anything.
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When I think of a person being unfaithful, I think of something I heard years ago," When you sleep with someone, you sleep with everyone they slept with". Today it isn't just a matter of the person having an affair, it can be a matter of life and death. If they were my friend or relative, I would tell them if I knew for sure and hope they would do the same for me.

I know a man that married one of the many women he had affairs with. He had many affairs on her too. A few years ago,he brought her a gift that brings the kiss of death, from one of those affairs.  

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I told my cousin that her spouse was cheating over 30 years ago.  It was never the same.  She and I were always like sisters.  She was pregnant at the time with her first child.  It was pretty bad.  She passed away a few years ago and at the funeral-he told me he had always loved her and he knew that I menat no harm.  Still all those years, we weren't close the damage was done!  
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973741 tn?1342346373
Oh, I'm very sorry about that.  You loved her and were trying to help her.  I'm glad her husband tried to comfort you at the funeral to say that he understood what you were trying to do.  And maybe deep down she knew that too.  Have peace in your heart dear.  You clearly loved her and would never intentionally hurt her.  Sometimes people aren't able to accept the truth and get mad at the one who shares it----  but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong.  Again, wishing you peace in your heart.  
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