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Friends Invitations
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Friends Invitations

What do you guys do when someone sends you a friends invitation and you aren't sure who they are? Do you just accept it, ignore it or investigate who the person is?
I kind of wish people wouldn't do that. I wish they'd send you a message or note first saying how they know you and asking if they can send an invitation. If I don't know who the person is, I wind up investigating and trying to figure out who they are and how they know me! I'm left wondering if they maybe saw me answer a post they agreed with and that's why they sent me an invitation? Or did they actually speak with me and I don't remember? Then I go back and look at all the posts to try and figure it out.

I kind of like to get to know the person first before I put them on my friend's list. I don't want to offend people but I just like to get to know them a little bit first. Anybody else out there feel like that too? What do you guys do? Just curious!
April
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45 Comments Post a Comment
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389974_tn?1331018842
Swampy's often thought it would be nice to be able to write a personal message along with the friendship invite. You could leave the person a note, but it would be better to have it privately sent with the invite.
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401786_tn?1309155634
I couldn't have said it better myself, and just last night I got two invites...one of them, I know why...the other one, I didn't have a clue on....I ditto your entire post!
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599954_tn?1227497585
They only are asking for someone to converse with.
Unless someone is being ignorant, I would accept their invite..and not be hard about it.
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535822_tn?1389452880
Yup I accept, then let the dice fall where they may, you can always change it.
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203342_tn?1328740807
Even if you don't even know them? What if you discover later you have nothing in common with them or maybe even don't really like them or like how they're acting, etc. Wouldn't it be more awkward at that point to delete them off your friend's list? I guess that's why I try to be careful to begin with to get to know them. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings in the long run.
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535822_tn?1389452880
You know April maybe I have been lucky so far they all seem to be great and I havent needed to delete any , it could be you have a point , I do usually check out the profile and interests first.before I say yes .
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203342_tn?1328740807
Yeah, that's good! I've been pretty fortunate, too, but there's always a few weirdos out there, I guess!
I tend to be overly cautious anymore. I used to be pretty naive and trusting but did get burned on here once by someone I thought was a friend. So, I try to be more careful.
I don't give out personal information either. Like I said, maybe I'm too cautious but you just never know.
Now that I've been on this site for over a year and a half I've learned who I can trust who's been on here for awhile and are regulars, etc.
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599954_tn?1227497585
There is nothing wrong with being cautious!!   Being aware and going with your gut instincts is what will save you.
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401786_tn?1309155634
Here's the real deal on why it's not always wise to accept friendship invites from unknowns....

Some people have pictures posted on their profiles....I do.  I have a privacy setting on some of them, so that those pics can only be viewed by friends.  When I didn't have it that way, and showed openly, pics of my children and whatnot, I got people who have no buisness viewing those lookin' at them.  Also, sometimes, people set their journal entries for just friends to see as well...

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203342_tn?1328740807
That's a good idea. That's why I've never posted pictures of my kids. I have a 16 year old daughter and that's all I'd need is to have some pervert think she's hot or something. It just gives me the creeps.
I've had people ask how come I don't post pictures. Well, that's why. I did post a few pictures of my pets, though. That's as far as I'll go, I think!
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535822_tn?1389452880
You have a good point this has brought it to my attention, thank you April for that I will be more careful.
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547368_tn?1332173665
I usually remember "names" of MH ppl that I disagree with their most of their posts or more importantly their approaches. Those individuals have never sent me a friendship offer. Normally I am on the Pain Management Forum. I have only been here 6 months. I have yet to receive an friendship invitation that I didn't accept or that I didn't' want. I am lucky. I haven't been burned either.  

And though I have been asked by several members I do not post pictures of myself or my family. I think the imagination is just as good as actually seeing a person anyway. Though I did love the "dog likenesses" that Kitty posted a bit ago.

I wholeheartedly agree that it would be nice if a little not could be sent with the invitations. That is a great idea. Maybe we should put it on the suggestion forum.
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184674_tn?1360864093
I am the same way with accepting invitations. If I don't know the person, if they just seemed to pop up out of nowhere, then I don't accept. I have many pictures and journals set to "friends only" privacy.
The only way I'll accept an invitation without viewing a profile is if the MH member who sent me the invite has been a member for awhile, and I see them post day after day. I have accepted a few invitations like that, and I've even sent a few to some of the regulars here without a PM or note, seeing as I don't have to necessarily introduce myself.
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599170_tn?1300977493
I can remember well being new on here, now its fairly easy to figure out the personalitys or styles of the long timers on herer, new people dont know anyone, they usually come here at the heigth of their crisis and look for someone with similar problems to bod with, like someone above said you can always delete them later if a problem happens

also how many on your friends list do you really talk to I talk to 5 everyday and everyone else rarely.
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549511_tn?1271779530
I tlak to some people who arent even on my list and thats ok too.Some of them on my list i havent heard from since they sent the invitation.Doesnt bother me,at all.We dont really know each other.I wouldnt post pics of my kids either and they are adults! My pic wont go up,I think you lot have had enough laughs for this month~~LOL
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376739_tn?1317669990
Well... I accept them all but I'm in a unique position being a leader in my community. I just assume that people send me invites because they think I'm a nurse or doctor (which I'm not--- I just keep fights from breaking out) or just because I'm the CL in that particular community.

You're smart to check them out, though. I know there's a lot of spammers here.
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599954_tn?1227497585
Hmmm  Not sure I want to continue with spammers on board.
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365714_tn?1292202708
I tend to accept invites as long as they have a profile of some sort. Most of the people on my friends list came from invites. Typically I don't send invites, except lately I have sent a few out. Still I prefer to let people send me invites rather than me going out sending them.  If people add me, please just click once.  I seem to end up with a few duplicates.

As far as photos, only once did I upload a picture of myself (in small scale) for friends, but I took it down because I did not feel comfortable with people seeing my photo.  I also strongly recommend against people having photos of themselves and families open for public viewing. Set those for friends only at least, if not don't upload them all together. I set most of my artwork as friends only as well.

As far as spammers go, only once I remember a spammer sending a personal message to me. That earned them a report and being blocked on my list. Thankfully they didn't send an invite.
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365714_tn?1292202708
As far as I see it, an invite is a way of "bookmarking" me. When I was writing different articles related to autism, I figured those people wanted some way to find my profile to read those resources. That's mainly why I accept invites.

But as far as being considered a friend, it doesn't really matter if they are on my list or not.  Being a friend on my list does not equal that person having a friendship with me.  But it is a way they can keep up with my writings and activity on medhelp. It shows me that those people are interested in some way.
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152852_tn?1205717026
I have two questions about this:  if you delete someone from your friends list, do they get a message letting them know they've been axed by you?  Also, if you reject an invitation, do they get a rejection notice?  (Or is rejecting an invitation more like ignoring it?)
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390388_tn?1279639813
I usually go and see who the person is and what interest we have first and what kind of person they are.

1.)  If they have no information I will leave the invite sit for a week or two and watch.  If they still have no information, post or anything I hit ignore.  
2.)  Also if they seem rude to people I will hit ignore, because most people on here are either reaching for help for physical issues, trying to help others out (or both) or just would like a friend and do not need to be treated rudely.  In other words treat people the way you would want to be treated.  If your rude to others then yes I will ignore it.  Sorry for sounding harsh, but this site is for people to be there for each other and not to cause pain.

Agiesmom---I'm not sure if you delete a friend if they get notice of it or not.  I don't think so though.  Maybe someone else can chime in on that.  
Concerning the ignore button though, it is the same as rejecting them.  They don't get added to your list; but, they do not get notice of this.  They just assume that there not invited after a while.  :-(  for them.

Generally I will accept most all of the invites though.  As MJIthewriter said it is a way of book marking.  I have never deleted anyone, though I have the one that I have considered because they have not been on for over 8 months now.  I'm afraid if I do though that's when they will come back.  LOL  
I personally don't send many invites out anymore unless I'm truly interested in that person or the persons interest.  So sorry for making this so long.  

I hope everyone has a Happy Thanks Giving.  Happy Thanksgiving to all.  ;-)



  
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165308_tn?1323190145
I usually say yes and then go and investigate.
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365714_tn?1292202708
No one gets a notice if you remove them from your list.  But if they can look at their friendlist and notice their number went down. If so they can look up their friend list to see who got dropped.  There was a time in frustration, anger, and impulsiveness I did remove a bunch of people from my list. I feel bad about it. :(  If they want to go ahead and resend an invite, they can, but I'm not going to force it.

About rudeness: We all have bad days, weeks, etc where things may not work out right, so I don't really want to hold that against any person, as long as they are willing to discuss whatever is the problem and be willing to resolve it together with me. If it's not someone going out of their way to be rude, chances are, there may be a reason they are angry. In that case I want to work with those people, find out where I messed up, admit where I was wrong, ask for forgiveness and hope they do the same.

I've also had people of conflicting interests send me invites. I kind of hesitate on those but I eventually I tend to accept them.

Btw, Me967, I feel the same way about inactive accounts.  I have a number of people who have created accounts, maybe posted once or twice and then seem to have dissappeared. I'm tempted to remove them, but I keep them in hopes they will come back some time to the website.  I sometimes send them notes or pms once and a while asking how they are doing. I typically save that for around some kind of holiday, so I can send them a "special" note.  If I get no response, then I ignore the person. Sometimes I'll get a response and that is encouraging.
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390388_tn?1279639813
Just a short comment to clarify what I meant by being rude.  I go threw and read their comments.  I understand that everyone has a bad time every now and then.  If you go threw them and see more rude ones than decent ones then I ignore them.  That has only happened once though.  

The inactive one I was talking about I found out she no longer has a computer.  Yet she may get on someday and if she does then I'm afraid then she would feel forgotten.  I'm just a sentimental idiot I guess.  LOL

TO EVERYONE:  My computer is giving me ALL kinds of GRIEF.  If I don't get to send a Thanksgiving wish to my friends and/or everyone.  Please forgive me.  So I thought I would let everyone know now that I hope and pray all is well with your loved ones and Happy Thanksgiving....
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365714_tn?1292202708
Thanks for the clarification. I see what you mean. Unfortunately some people do create accounts to be nasty or to sell things/promote scam sites. Thankfully I've only come across only a very few of those on medhelp and those accounts I report to the admins to take care of. Typically they get removed promptly if they only have rude comments or have links to scam sites.  I've seen it in the past, but I haven't seen that stuff happening lately. *knock on wood*

And don't worry about computer problems.  They happen to all of us at some point or another.  I've had friends off and on battle with computer issues or other real life events that prevent them from using the computer. For those people, it sounds good to keep them on the friend list. I agree though it is a drag to be left without a computer for a while but I hope you can enjoy a happy Thanksgiving even if the computer doesn't work out.
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272338_tn?1252284004
I usually accept them if I recognize the name, if I don't then I will let it ride and keep my eyes open.

  Here is something else you have probably never thought of. I didn't until I tried it one day just to see what would happen. When your profile is open to the public, it means just that. Not just the medhelp public, the whole cyber world. Try googling your own name some day and see what happens. Also try googling your screen name. After posting pics of my grandkids, imagine my surprise when I found them doing a google search. You can go in and change your profile to the private setting, but it will still leave anything that was open out there for the world to see.
  That bothers me way more than invites from people I don't know.
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272338_tn?1252284004
Just wondered if any of you read the above post and tried it. Kind of freaky huh?
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401786_tn?1309155634
Been there done that dudette....just type in your phone number on Google and see what happens....
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13167_tn?1327197724
Jacqui - I get my name and  address.  What do you get with your phone number?
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401786_tn?1309155634
With my phone number, I get my name, my husband's name and our address...along with it, I get a map to our house as well as a satellite view of it....this does not bother me though...if you want to come and mess with us, feel free folks...just don't go blamin' me when you walk away with a limp ; )
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