I dont even know where to post this so Im gonna try here. heres the issue.
Son 18.5 just got home from ail in Army is here for just short of a month. his girl friend and baby are here too thats fine they dont live far and my whole family love her and baby.
His buddies came by last night wanted him to go watch a fight with them she would not let him.
Baby crys at night she makes him get up to change diaper and help.
She said to ME Robbies Mother "we are going to be toghther the three of us the whole time"
I said to Robbie infront of her " I want ONE day where you and I spend time alone together"
Robbie doesnt seem happy he is worn and tired...
Boot camp was hard...learning his skills was hard
coming home is supposed to be restful and fun...Holly is only 17 she loves him no doubt but she seems to be running his life and he lets her !!!!
I am biting my toungue but its becoming harder! any advice....I want my boy to bond with his son,,yes..but hes gonna be deployed to Iraq...he NEEDS some fun time w his buddies and to see his extended family...the three of them stay holed up in his bedroom mostly.
You don't know me, but I felt compelled to respond. I hear what you are saying, and would have agreed with you up until 3 months ago when I had my second baby. I quickly remembered (after somehow forgetting) how absolutely overwhelming it can be to have a newborn. And I've done this before! I should actually write all this down for myself while it's still VERY fresh in my mind. When you breastfeed, you feel like all of the responsibility falls on you. It's a LOT of pressure. You are constantly questioning yourself and feel alone. If you throw a COLICKY baby into the mix... oh my. I can't even begin to decribe what that did to me mentally, physically, and emotionally. It really DID feel like I couldn't handle it. Throw in there those lovely post-partum hormones (it's possible she's suffering from PPD, but even if she isn't, the hormones are enough to make anyone seem irrational) combined with the thought that he is going to be deployed soon is probably much more than she can handle.
I did let my husband go out for an evening, but it was at least a month after she was born. And honestly, I totally resented him for it. Mind you, he is the best husband and daddy anyone could ask for. He did all of the cooking and much of the housework those first few weeks. He even took off 5 weeks to be home with us. But I still resented him going out, because I couldn't and because I was more tired and stressed because of it.
anyways, i wanted to share to maybe help you understand. Like I said, I totally see your perspective. I myself would've said the same things a few months ago. But now, it's totally different. And that's coming from a more mature woman with a steady life who's already gone through this. I can't even imagine how overwhelmed she is.
He is your son, he is going off to war. Of course you want to spend time with him, and you should. You are Mom! If he is only home for a little less than a month, I think the 17 yr old babys mama needs to pick up the slack. I am sure she wants to spend time with him and I would consider her behavior typical for one her age. Sorry to say this, but he has to be the one to break the hold she has on his time. If I were in your shoes, I would point that out to both of them that you all want to spend some time with him before he leaves. In other words, share!
thanks all, I appreciate the perspective of first poster kinda helped she is young and probably fearful as me of him going to mid east...
Teko and Margy I did have a talk with him and its been decided he will have one special day of me and him alone and him and his fathr alone,,I just want him to myself for one afternoon dinner, conversation.
I am sure its hard she is young. I kind of said as much as you love your son thats how much I love mine,that helped her to understand.....right now they are out to dinner celebrating their 18 month anniversary..silly kids.
I'm glad things worked out, Cherie. Boy, this has to be so hard. I've heard before that it's hard for the mom and the new woman in the son's life. It takes a lot of balancing and respect to keep a good relationship with each other. But I do agree with the others, your son will have to be the one to talk to her about these issues. I know she's young and overwhelmed but she's got a lot of help there with the baby. She would be wise to stay on Mama's good side, lol, and vice versa I'm sure!
Enjoy this time with your son. You will treasure these times together. Have a blessed and happy Thanksgiving!
All of you are in a tough spot. I try to keep things real. Now that your son has a son, he should understand your view. It is very hard to explain to someone about family when they have no child. The little daughter in law to be, ummmm, it's grow up time. Your son alone has alot on his mind with a new baby and going off to war. He will be pulled in many directions. I hope you all consider one anothers feelings and time until he leaves.
Hes out at at the RedWings game now with Holly and her Dad so it was a good chance for me to drive my point home that I just want one special day with him,,they get it,,she told me she doesnt mind LOL,,,I let that go, they have enough on their plates, so young I wish them the best, I have gotten tons of good one on one time with grandson i dont mind the 3 am feedings. hes a joy.
My husband soon to be ex wants time with son too I told him he is an adult its his son and to speak for himself..
i know that your son is not married...but he does have a g/f and baby.
i have three daughter-in-laws...and one to go. each of them are totally different from the others and even though i might not like some of the things i see going on...i have to remember that these are the young ladies that my sons chose to spend their lives with.
i would hope that if any of my sons were forced to choose between me and their wives and kids...they would chose them. that's the way it should be.
He and his family is staying in our home..not asking him to choose at all, I love him,,,he will be off to war soon and I just want one quality day with him. We are close and do get along.I know he wants to spend lots of time with baby..but 18.5 years ago he was my baby...do I not deserve one 2 hour dinner out with him during him month stay at home?
You most certainly do deserve time alone with your son, he is only 18, you have taken him and his girlfriend and your grandchild into your home.this is not forcing anyone to choose anything, it is wanting quality time with your son and you should get it no matter what age or who he is with:)
You know the ole saying a daughter is a daughter the rest of her life, but a son is a son untill he takes a wife, 17 is young maybe she will grow, but then now i know it is hard for mom to take a back seat, i am glad you get some time luck jo
I had the opposite happen to me. My hubby and I went to visit his son, DIL, and grandchildren. My daughter in Law and I went shopping one day and went to get our nails done another. My husband and son had yet to spend some time alone together. I mentioned to his son and dad that they needed to go out to bkf or something. It never happened. They were both adults and this is certainly different but some people need to learn assertiveness and utilize it. Has mom had any time away from baby by herself or with a friend just to go have coffee? That might help her understand a little better.
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