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In Love with Army Guy
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In Love with Army Guy

He is now stationed in Kosovo. We met on a dating site and I was attracted to him from the start. Big, strong, had good morals, great in bed. The last time we slept together, right before he moved, he got up and left in the middle of the night.  He didn't call me until 1 month later.

He moved away but called me twice and he would say "call me anytime you want" but I never did.  I was trying to break my addition to him because  I figured he really didn't think I was the "one".

My problem is that I can'' stop thinking about him. I see his face in my mind. I want his arms around me and his lips on mine. I want to be a part of his life.

It's been 2 yrs since I've seen him, he is in Kosovo now. He will be going hom to another state. I will probably never see him again but I really want to. I don't want to be a stalker, I only want him if he wants me.
He is on 3 different dating sites and his myspace page has mostly women - unattractive women if I must say so. One girl has one eye bigger than the other. Most are overweight.

Anyway, how can I break this hold he has over me. I want him so bad I can't think of anyone else. Yet, I know it's fruitless.

He doesn't write or contact me in any way. Sometimes I think he posts thinks on this dating sites that are meant for me but that could just be wishful thinking.

I need help!!!  I am at a loss of what to do.  Do you think he really does want me but I missed his cues?

(I also posted this on the Relationship forum, I am trying to get an outsiders opinion.)
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21 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
Why would you even want to be with a guy that is on 3 different dating sites?

It doesn't sound like he is truly interested in you. Maybe you should shrink an eye and gain some weight. It sounds like is more interested in the "unattractive".
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495284_tn?1333897642
Is it the military part that fascinates you??  Would calling him really change your mind about how you feel??  Just wondering as i see you have posted this in 3 different forums.  sara
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Avatar_f_tn
I know it's weird that I posted in so many places, but I wasn't sure which area was best.  I am really hurting here.  There is something about this guy that I want really bad.  It could be the soldier effect.  I don't know, I just want him to want me like I want him.  If I am really honest, I know we don't belong together but still something inside me wants to try.  I dream about him all the time.  I miss him so much!
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Avatar_f_tn
I think the other thing that is bothering me is that I want to know that I meant something to him.  That I wasn't just a faceless girl he slept with.  That I meant something.  I want validation.
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495284_tn?1333897642
You may not get that validation you want.  You said he is on 3 dating sites.  He sounds like a player.  Did you 2 date more than once??
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Avatar_f_tn
Yes, we went out about 5 times and talked on the phone/emailed.  He lived 1 hr from me.  He was honest and up-front that he wasn't the guy for me.  He told me I should date a CEO or executive.  He was a redneck and Army guy.  But I don't like CEO's, I liked HIM.  When he moved away, he called me and told me "well, you know my number."  I never called him but 4 months later, he called me again (we talked to an hour.  We always had long conversations (though not really deep).  After his last phone call, I emailed him just saying hi and never heard from him so figured he was over it.  

Yet, here I am still yearning for his arms around me and to feel his body next to mine.  I would do almost anything for him.  
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Avatar_f_tn
He lived in Fort Bragg and I lived in Raleigh.  He came to see me and I went to his house once and met his son.  
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549511_tn?1271779530
Its only my opinion for whatever its worth,but maybe because hes unatainable thats makes you want him more.I believe if he were truly interested he would have made more of an effort to contact you.You are in love with an image you have built up in your mind.
Look elsewhere and save yourself more heartache.you are not the first or the last to have these thoughts.Dont live with the if only's save your heart for some one that truly wants it.dont drive yourself crazy by asking other people,look within yourself and the answer is there.Hears to a happy heart and good luck,look ahead and dont look back:)
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Avatar_f_tn
kitty,  I'm sure you're right abt his unatainableness being  turn on for me.  I've built him up to be something he's not.  I think I was so desperate to be with him, that I made him into this Army action figure, which he is not.

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599954_tn?1227497585
Kitty is right...You will be nuts if you keep this up...be good to yourself and I am sure there is someone else out there that will get your attention.
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541150_tn?1306037443
Move on with your life. He obviosuly has, so you should do the same. You should not desire a guy who doesn't have love or repect you. Hopefully, this whole thing will help you judge before you act. It was a learning experience and now it's time to look ahead. I'm sure there will be way more beautiful and interesting men in your life.

It is ok to feel all the things you're feeling and be infatuated. When you're ready, let it go. You'll be much better off without him. Good Luck!!
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549511_tn?1271779530
Well burningheart,you;ve just been loaded up with some good info.
Remember to be good to yourself first,and when one comes along that is good for you let us all know!!
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535822_tn?1389452880
Hope you are getting some answers now, I answered you on another Forum I still think hes not interested in any one Girl and is playing the field, if that is  all you want in life, go for it, or find another guy who isnt playing around.Like I said Play hard to get and move in good circles, you know, join interesting clubs and people who are motivated to do more with their lives , but first make sure your life is interesting.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi Ladies, I posted this on the Relationship forum as well.  I got some great opinions for each of you. I can't seem to see the situation clearly.  One thing that I don't think I was clear about is that he left me pretty much right after we had sex on our last night together.  I felt so abandoned and ugly and used.  Still, he called me 1 month later and then 2 more times after that.  Why, I don't know.

I am 6 yrs older than him and he was the first guy I met in a long time that I actually found interesting and attractive.  I couldn't understand why he would call me, talk for hours, tell me about himself, and then not want to go to the next step.  I would have moved to another state just to be with him.  I would have tried to have a child or adopt a child, take care of the son he has, kept a good home, I would have done anything.

drmwvrjean - you're right, I am obsessed.  I do think he wanted to be just friends but have some benefits too.  He never lied to me and made me think we were actually in a relationship but to me, having sex does mean a relationship.  I can't seperate my emotions like that.

It's so hard to know what guys are thinking sometimes.  

I also found out from looking on his myspace page, that their is a girl who says she in a relationship with him.  She is not in his "friends" and he's not in hers but she did make a comment on one of his video's.  Then I read her profile and it's all about how she misses her soldier.  She even had his name tattooed on her boob.  It's a heart with American flag design and his name in the middle.  She also had tee-shirts made up with his picture and her picture on it, though they aren't together in the pictures.  All her blogs talk about waiting for him to come home.  He doesn't say anything about her on is myspace page and he is still on 3 different dating sites.  She is 41, high school graduate, a mother of 3, a grandmother, "retired".  From her photo's she looks a lot older than 41 and she's chubby.  She could be a very nice person with a great personality.  Maybe she is his soulmate.  But she is so different from me.  I'm thin, college grad, no kids, have a job.  But she lives where he is now.  She has the advantage.  Maybe they email every day and he really is in love with her.

Sometimes I just think that there is something wrong with me and no man wants me.   I am beginning to think I should just give up and be single for the rest of my life.

Thank you again lady's for helping me feel better.  You're all so sweet and I really needed to hear other points of view.  It's helping me get past everything.
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Avatar_f_tn
Anyone? You were all so good in giving me another point of view.  I don't mean to bother people but I'm just trying to figure out what happened with this guy.
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549511_tn?1271779530
I think that you are still in the infatuated stage as it was a very short time,there really isnt an answer,the only thing is that you really must want a man in your life and thats ok too,most people dont want to be on their own.Maybe there is an answer,but only you know it.
Is he the first one in a long time
Are you lonely
Do you want a permenant man in your life
Now dont answer these here,they are just something for you to think about.
Do you ahve friends that could introduce you to someone,or maybe at work someone there has a friend? Dont drive yourself crazy,because he's not!!
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