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Avatar universal

Happening to TWO of us

My wife and I are experiencing menopause. SHE to be exact, however, it effects me as much as her. I am trying to cope with her total withdrawal. I know she can't control her emotions but it still hurts the way she avoids me and secludes herself from the rest of us. Her sexual desire is NON existent. She is 47 years YOUNG and can pass for 25 EASY. If I tell her that she's beautiful, she thinks I want sex. If I try to hug her, she thinks I want sex. If I say ANYTHING much at all to her, she becomes "stressed". If I DON'T talk to her and try to give her space, she thinks I am mad and she gets "stressed". When we go to bed, she says she's cold and wants me to snuggle. The next night, nothing different except when I try to snuggle with her, she gets upset and accuses me of wanting sex and we start arguing. This started about a year ago and each DAY it gets worse until we are (I) am at my wits end. She REFUSES to see a gynecologist. She went to a endocrinologist for blood work and they say it's perfect. I suspected Thyroid because of hair loss, weight gain,dry skin,severe mood swings and memory loss. I love her with every bit of my being but something HAS to give. As I said, a year plus and it's getting worse with NO end in sight.
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Avatar universal
HAVE YOU HAD A TALK WITH HER. TELL HER YOU ARE TRYING TO UNDERSTAND. THAT YOU LOVE HER VERY MUCH AND LET HER CRY IT OUT.ASK HER TO TALK TO YOU SO YOU CAN HELP. SHE WILL HAVE MOOD SWINGS, SOME WOMEN NO LONGER FEEL SEXY.TELL HER YOU JUST WAANT TO HOLD AND SUPPORT HER..BUT YOU STILL NEED HER TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND...IS HER MOM ALIVE ASK   HER     TO HELP.
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Avatar universal
You are in a tough position. I wish I had some suggestions. Unfortunately, it sounds like she will be resistant to anything you suggest. So you may just have to wait it out until things improve or she decides to seek medical help. Of course, if basic daily chores aren't getting done, that puts additional responsibilities on you and your son.
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Avatar universal
She has been one of the fortunate ones as far as surgery goes. The problem is that she REFUSES to seek any help about it. She was raised where prescriptions are evil. It is to no avail to speak to her about it. I have begged, prayed, suggested,offered,pleaded,screamed,threatened and all other types of ways and the "rock of Gibraltar" refuses to budge.I can deal with the sex drive issues. I don't like it because she is very desirable and I love the feel of her next to me. I think she is stunning. That part, be it ever hard to deal with is not NEAR as bad as the attention span issue. Our son and myself are like non existent to her. She isn't necessarily cruel, just distant. WAY out there.She ignores our presence. She won't make herself anything to eat, the procrastination is unbearable to watch among other things. That aside, her wit and humor have all but disappeared. I KNOW she has to be miserable and I try to be understanding because I love her, but sometimes I have a melt down.Is there ANY way to "slip her something" safe in her tea? lol She wont HEAR of taking anything that "I" have researched. I just want my woman back. I'll be happy with 50% at this point. THAT would be a 100% improvement.
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Avatar universal
Kudos to you for having the courage to post here. Some women go through these types of changes during the perimenopausal and even early menopausal years. And if she had a gynecologic procedure to remove female organ(s) such as hysterectomy (uterus removal) or oophorectomy (ovary removal) then that can make symptoms much more severe. I can personally attest to the damaging and devastating effects of that!! It caused a whole laundry list of severe symptoms, the worst ones being suicidal depression and inability to focus and function in daily activities. To put it mildly, I was a "basket case." Hormone replacement therapy a.k.a. HRT (although not a true "replacement") has helped a lot.
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