Soulmate wife off track, ritalin, alcohol, menopause?

[losingmysoulmate]

My wife and I have been married for just over a year. She takes Ritalin for ADHD; I take Dex amphetamine for the same. She runs out of pills, sometimes by 5 days .She would then help herself to mine. She had a traumatic experience of abuse and betrayal as a teenager which I feel has not been fully resolved. She is always demanding, is unable to resolve disputes, or simply let go, she must win. Attempt to compromise are pointless, demands became more frequent: I started to say no. net result: usually a huge confrontation. She is unable to apologise and is promiscuous. !  I believe that she does show all the characteristics of ADHD but is it possible that the diagnosis was false (she self medicated prior to diagnosis) and that the symptoms are closer to amphetamine induced psychosis/paranoia. She is becoming worse. When out at social events, she can explode with anger if her needs are not met, she will look in her compact mirror 20 times a day to check her ‘look’ and is beyond reproach on any issue. Previous relationships have fallen apart the same way, She has cheated on me, yet she made every argument known to convince me that it wasn’t her fault and that she didn’t remember anything. Her daughter accused her of sleeping with her boyfriend (who admits this) yet she still denies it. I suspect that she has some form of bipolar/ manic depression / narcissism / blame avoidance disorder.  She has few friends as she burns them out so quickly. Her mood swings are frequent and she will not move on any issue. I am slowly watching her burn out; she has to be the centre of attention and becomes over animated at social events. At such events she is extremely flirtatious and accusive of me doing the same. She is insatiable in every way. She is utterly distrustful and I get the impression that she is judging others by her own standards. The list is way too long to go into and extremely complex. She can talk her way out of anything and “has to go now” when the utter truth is inescapable. Could it be a combination including early menopause? I want her back.

[Miss Pickles]

She sounds like she has either serious psychological problems or possibly a drug problem.  You sound like a very nice person who deserves someone who can treat you so much better.  Best to let this one go.

[jetpilot]

I agree with Miss Pickles. You sound like a good person who is suffering because of someone else's completely inappropriate behavior.You're also heading for some serious punishment if you don't get out now. I guarantee you, that you will either end up dead or in jail if you don't stand up for yourself now. The truth is,  everyone, EVERYONE, is responsible for their actions. And those people who aren't responsible for their own actions make other people responsible (in this case, she'll make you responsible for her failure as a human). Please forgive me for what I'm about to say but, it's time to be a man. Don't attach yourself to an anchor and then complain that you're drowning. Get the hell outta there because what this woman is doing to you is wrong. you don't deserve happiness and peace until you take it. Reach into the soul of this life and take a little happiness for yourself. Demand a healthy relationship. You deserve it. Good luck, brother. I hope you make it.

- Christopher

[lucieaw]

The only advice I know may have a chance of reaching your wife is for her to try a course such as 'Insight Seminars' or 'Landmark Forum' or 'Sedona Method' Something that addresses her deep seated issues quite quickly followed by ongoing psychotherapy with a good therapist familiar with ADHD issues and or a marriage counsellor. Good luck. I would agree the prognosis looks very bad for you as a couple. I think you need to be clear with yourself what you are prepared to put up with and what you are not and then stick with that. If she cannot give you what you need then forgive her and lovingly move on. Maybe you and she have different paths to lead.

[Louisie]

Dear Losingmysoulmate,

   This was a sad letter. Your wife has a mental health problem.. it does not sound like "early menopause".   I am thinking counseling for you, to explore why you are staying in this stressful, chaotic relationship.  You cannot fix her, she can only change herself and at this point it doesn't sound like she acknowledges having a problem or sees a need to change. It will only get worse. You deserve better.  Find someone with whom you can have a healthy, stable relationship based on trust.