Men's Health Community
Bothered by wifes sexual past
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to men's health, cancer, circumcision, erectile dysfunction (ED), hair loss, impotence, infertility, parenting, penis disorders, prostate, relationships, STD's, testicular disorders, and vasectomy.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Bothered by wifes sexual past

I'm 41, I've been married to my wife for 10 years, dated her for 4 years before that.  Recently we went thru difficult period together and I thought it might end in divorce.  We seem to be getting back on track but I cannot seem to get over some new things that I learned about her sexual past.  She lied to me about the number of partners she had before we met (cut the number in half really) and also the types of experiences she had.

I know that it is so long ago that it shouldnt matter, and obviously I cannot change the past, but I continue to find myself bothered by what I have found out and dont seem to be able to let it go and just get over it.  It is affecting our relationship.

Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated.
Related Discussions
5 Comments
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
women are not like men, men are always proud of the number of sexual patners they have and the more they have the better.........but for women its the opposite we always strive to have less sexual partners as we believe that the more u changing partners something is also changing down there and it's embarassing for us women.

ur wife maybe didn't want u 2 loose interest in her back then and decided to lie and personally I think it doesn't matter now coz you have been 2gether for 14yrs and u have never felt it when having sex that she had with many partners before you.

if you leave her you will find a worse one who will also not tell the truth to you and maybe u will have more problems with the one u'll find.Stick with ur wife man and tell her what this is doing to u the more u talk to her about it the more it will get better and maybe she can explain y she lied.

all the best man....

lolly
Blank
145992_tn?1341348674
I'm going to go into this answer with some personal experience.  My mistake may allow you to understand your wife.  At the beginning of my relationship with my fiance I had shared a little too much detail about my sexual history.  In the beginning it's all fun and games.  When feelings came into play he started getting angry about my past.  It wasn't even that colorful.  One day he found my diary and read it and was so hurt by my fling and by my past that still to this day 6 years later he gets upset at the thought.  No one wants to know that the person they love has had a past.  We don't want to picture them being intimate with anyone else.  So your wife lied to spare your feelings and so you won't judge her.  I know my fiance made me feel ashamed for my past, which I shouldn't because I never hurt anyone, I never cheated on anyone and so therefore, it was just my life experiences.  To him, I was pure and knowing that I had a fling in Cancun (the one that hurt hearing about the most) made me unpure.  But I love him and I'm with him and he's the best I've ever been with.  I'm sure your wife feels the same way.  Trust me, if a man is bad in bed the woman will be out the door but your wife has been with you for 14 years.  So it really didn't have much to do with me but with my fiance's insecurities.  Meanwhile he's got so many sexual partners that I probably can't even count.  I never really wanted to know.  Stop letting it control you and be happy with your wife.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Let it go. It is in the past; nothing you can do. Can't change it, but you can change your perception of it. Had she not had those experiences, she may not be the person she is today (presuming you like who she is).
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Let the past stay buried where it should be. and look to the future  luck  jo
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
It's easy for people to say let it go, but it's not easy. It's NOT about the past...it's about TRUST. If people rush into marriage, okay...you're going to find out things later. But, if you date for years as I also did, you should have the trust that you know all of the pertinent information about the other person. I too had information 'kept' from me until my first child was born and I felt as though the person I truly fell in love with died. It felt like an actual loss. To many this may sound ridiculous, but to me TRUST is everything. I trusted her after years of a dating and getting to know one another relationship. To me, what was that time for if not to know the truth about each other and our compatibility. It bothers me to this day...8 years later.
Blank
Continue discussion Blank
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Men's Health Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Cannabis Article from NORTH Mag...
Jul 20 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
3 Reasons Why You are Still Binge E...
Jul 14 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating: What Your Closet ...
Jul 09 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Men's Health Answerers
Avatar_n_tn
Blank
solace21
1622896_tn?1402351966
Blank
bobdylan1958
Outside London, United Kingdom
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
remar
st. louis, MO
1236893_tn?1408490528
Blank
gymdandee
NJ
139792_tn?1299416777
Blank
Dalubaba
Indore, India