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Boyfriend/Porn/Sex Life
I KNOW this has been addressed numerous times on this site.  I have read books about it.  I have researched it on the internet.  I still cannot fathom why any male would PREFER porn over the real thing.  I am hurt.  I am angry.  I am totally baffled by this.  Last night, yet again, my boyfriend declined my suggestion.  And then, later this morning, I realized that after I went to bed, he stayed up and watched porn/masturbated.  His excuse to me was that he "wasn't up to it."  ???   We had just had a lovely weekend, no stress, relaxing, etc.  He said he had "hoped" it would happen, but at that moment he wasn't "there'.  A bit of background, we've been together a fairly long time and we're both older.  I seem to have the more intense sex drive, obviously.  When we do have sex, it is good.  He says he still finds me attractive.  He is not on any medication.  I am willing and EAGER to experiment with new things sexually.  He has a history of looking at and collecting porn.  He has also started watching web cam models.  I really don't mind this...as I've watched too.  BUT am always, always preferring the real thing.  I feel porn has it's place in a relationship and even in one's own personal life, if that's your preference.  But when it comes to having a real, intimate sexual relationship that wins hands down in my book.  

I have tried to explain my feelings about this to him, but to no avail.  He says he "separates" it in his own mind, meaning his porn viewing has nothing to do with our sex life.  Well, I believe it does.  If he's got the sexual energy, why isn't he sharing it with me?  

I am both wanting other people's input on this and part of it, is that I needed to vent a bit, I believe.  There is not really anyone else in my personal life I can discuss it with.

Any and all advice/points of view/comments are welcome.

Thank you.
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Avatar universal
Was your boyfriend in to porn before you met him? If so, it could be a habit and what he's used to. He can watch porn and masturbate and not have to worry about his performance with a real person.
Do you think he would consider counseling? I really don't think there's anything wrong with a couple if both of you are in to it. It does become a problem when one partner prefers something else other than the real thing though.  
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