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Do Men With Low Sex Drive Still Enjoy Sex In The Moment?

My boyfriend has a long history of low libido but when we do have sex his body stills responds - he gets aroused, seems to enjoy the moment and ejaculates. My greatest fear though is that he is only having sex for my sake - that though his body responds, in his mind he is just "going through the motions". Do men with low libido still enjoy sex once they get going? Is it common for them to orgasm? I've discussed this with him and asked him to not do things he doesn't want to - that this hurts me more than not being interested. Still, I am never sure and it bothers be greatly. Any adivce or similar experience to share?
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Avatar universal
I have suffered this same problem, and Smecca, you put it so beautifully and gracefully.

I feel that the more women have anxiety and worry about their man's lack of libido and that it is themselves who are to blame, the more they begin to resent their partner, and cease focus on what is really good and important in the relationship. This causes anxiety in your partner, which only adds to his stress and low libido. it is a vicious cycle.

YES, sex is important, but it's important to me mostly because it's a connection between me and my hunny that you can only get through that incredibly intimate, personal, emotional, and physical activity. SO, for me, i explain to my hunny that i understand that he has a low libido, but that does not mean that i don't have a need to feel loved, wanted, needed, and desired. He recognizes this (after a couple of nudges every once in a while, because really, he's just so oblivious to it!) and goes the extra mile to come up behind me and give me kissies on my neck, or grabs me and hugs me hard. little things like this that remind me that he IS so into me, but sometimes sex is not his best way of showing it.

and Smecca, your point is RIGHT ON, that love and a relationship should not be based soley on sex, but all the other good things you have going. and it's important to focus on that. focus on what a wonderful man you have in your life, so the sourness of this 'rejection' you're feeling does not spread to the good things that you do have going.

Helpful - 0
139792 tn?1498585650
It is strange that nobody has suggested Kegel Exercise.Search "kegel Exercises" they are meant for male and female. I t can solve almost all problems of erection, orgasm and ability to perform.Even some acupressure therapy can help.Massage is another mode by whic one can get familiar with.Dr.Kegel had designed there exercise to strenghen pelvic floor. There is one very old book entitled as sexercise.Just simple thing can help.
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Avatar universal
Gee!! I have just realised I am doomed, 39 and my bf is 50 with a low libido and all the other problems as mentioned above. I think it would be reasonable to add that if I were the one with the low sex drive it would be acceptable and maybe even normal for him if he were caught cheating and it has starteed to cross my mind. Really after all we are all just animals with instincts .....
The truth? the statistics? Is he really phisically or mentyally not well? Am I no longer attractive to him? (I am to every other male around my age), Will I ever be again? Have his natural attaction to me waned becuase of his animal instict to spread his seed?
See girls all I can see is excuses not answers!!
Where is the truthful answer? Seriously who would believe "I need my sleep Im tired", at night and "I still need more sleep in the morning!" when he is a male who NEEDS TO SPEAD HIS SEED?
Have we all be tricked into thinking its ok for him to go soft and not us.
So fellas this one is for you all...
WHAT IF I WERE THE ONE WITH THE LOW LIBIDO? Are you putting on your G-String to do me a little dance in front of the telly??
I WISH!!
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Avatar universal
My husband has a low libido and although I go through all the female mind games of "it must be something wrong with me" or "he doesn't want me" and all of that (love never plays a part, I know he loves me), I think in the end it's something he has to deal with. Yes, it could be a hormone issue. It could be a severe health problem (low libido is a symptom of tons of health issues). It could be that he's stressed, tired, annoyed, ADHD, or any of that.

It doesn't work for me to put on something slinky and go do a strip-tease, because he'll look at me, smile, and go back to whatever show he's watching. He likes that I put on the slinky outfit, but doesn't want anything more than that.

Or it could be that I have an unreasonably high libido so he's seems low in comparison. Whatever it is, we're not on the same page.

But what I do know is that he enjoys it when he's doing it.  He orgasms, his body reacts, he acts like a guy with a high libido.  

The thing you have to ask yourself is whether or not sex is your top priority. Yes, it's important. But would you leave the man you love because of sex (or the lack of)? Aren't relationships about more than that? I know I'll never find as good of a guy as the one I've got... but that doesn't mean I won't get frustrated and hurt by the feeling of rejection. I just need to understand that it's not something about me that is causing his low libido.
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Avatar universal
If the boyfriend is anything like me, it's not too much fun being him either. I haven't had a real sex drive from 16-26 years old and it's probably the closest thing to hell on earth a young male can endure.

To answer your question, yes I usually enjoy it in the moment (or, can at least function) but everything surrounding it is like an episode of Lost.
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Avatar universal
A lot of these problems can be linked to hormones among many other things. A simple hormone test can help save a relationship and solve many problems.
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Avatar universal
>My girlfriend, on the other hand, not only initiates the sex, but ends up with a soft ****
>almost every time.  Think about how she must feel.

Ouch! This is something really tough, I feel for you. May I ask if you know the cause of this situation and what you are doing to cure it?
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Avatar universal
And to return to the original question, why and how a man can have low libido? A healthy individual should be what this word means... healthy. And so having normal libido levels.

If libido is low, there may be some more or less obvious disorder, physical or pshychological. Have you already discussed this point with some specialist? Maybe there is nothing, and he is just what he is.

Sorry for not helping more, but I am not really into the libido subject, except for the obvious phsychological factors.
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Avatar universal
> Apparentally physical desire is not as linked to mental desire as I thought.

You may be mistaken about that. I think it depends on the case. There are men who don't have desire without first having an emotional background in a relationship. I am such a case. Girls that catch generally the attention of the male population (sorry, I have no percentages to make things concrete) "say" nothing to me. They can play some role in phantasies, when I am disconnected from reality, but not in real world without mental/psychic contact. If I don't have communication in this level, any contact with the other sex would work in a way not much different from what we know in mammals. And this I don't want it.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe there are many others like me. I don't know.
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Avatar universal
>Maybe one night when he is sitting there watching TV or somthing, go
>into the bedroom and put on somthing REALLY sexy.

>Come out stand in front of him and start stripping it off slowly in a sexy
>way or somthign to that effect, maybe some dirty talk.

>If that dosent do the trick, then  be creative and think of other
>methods ..

If I was him, no way to turn me on with such methods. I am much more easy and much more difficult at the same time in this, always in the benefit of my girl, but it makes little sense to go on to a more personal talking at this point.
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Avatar universal
I'll tell you this...be happy that he CAN have sex with you.  

I am in a fading relationship because I have a low sex drive AND I can't keep it hard enough for penetration, and even in the one or two times that I did keep it hard enough, it went soft as I was ejaculating in her.  

As a guy with low libido, I can honestly say that we don't initiate the sex, but when it is initiated, we enjoy it.  Unfortunately, in my situation, I have impotence issues as well, so I'm screwed.  But for those who don't have impotence issues, then who cares about a low sex drive.  Women have low sex drive issues all the time, and men don't complain that they feel "unloved" or "unattractive".  Women read waaaaay too much into a male's low drive, and assume it's them.  TRUST ME, it's not you.  It's just the way he is, and you have to accept that.  He doesn't love you any less, and he definitely enjoys it when he blows up inside you.  You just have to trigger it by initiating the sex, that's all.  It's no big deal.  

My girlfriend, on the other hand, not only initiates the sex, but ends up with a soft **** almost every time.  Think about how she must feel.  

Just be very happy to be able to have sex on a basis.  Don't focus too much on nothing.  
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Avatar universal
Some of us guys really are trying against what the med books say. Raised to stay pure, lived the wild side on stage rocking away with free love and all the good times. Making love is whats its about, not sex - hangups in our heads (real or imagined) are the mood killers.
Before marriage, all was great but I knew I could always go back to my place and be me. Same for her. After "I do" some self imposed responsibilities took priority - and also fears.
Its true that "stage fright" occurs even with your deepest love, fear of it happening again feeds the condition. Ridicule, anger and humiliation from your spouse (normal) & not meeting her needs (dissapointent, expectations,etc.) is even worse to my pleasure center.
That little voice - "why try?, "looser", "your doomed" - keeps joy at bay.
And maybe its not so much to control or punish your spouse (as suggested by experts), could it be I am punishing myself in some bent pentenant manner.
Some of use are middle aged - used to be tigers - beat with the great club of life and respond to a different healing method than riding a motor cycle and singing "Niagra". I want to hide when those ads come on the tube - just opens the wounds again and gives false hope to the wife.
I'd have brain surgery if it would help! Honest, sometimes I feel a big fat life insurance check for her would be more loving.
Do they make a brain stem that can reset your desire like a reboot ?
The economy, severe stress (it don't stay at work), savings, retirement, "whats your weekend schedule?", hide your toys and don't have too many, GOD! what if I live !
Everybody does better than you. Everybody else has a good husband.
After 80 hr work weeks and ruptured discs in you neck (that must be fake) you'd think I would be smart enough to solve this problem -  of course physics tells me - its all in my head.
After all , they shoot horses don't they?
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Avatar universal
Maybe the problem is you want to "Make Love" and he wants to ****.  Maybe you have dumbed it down for him, made it institutionalized and he has lost all excitement in having sex with you and is afraid to say anything cause he thinks you will be offended, and want it "special" all the time.   Sounds like you are aggressive, and he is passive.  Let him have sex on his terms, his way, have a feeling him might feel more like a man and you'll both get what you want.
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Avatar universal
Forgot to add:

Do not be shy, men love it when the girl is purely confident in here sexuality, we feed off of that beacuse it shows you are sexualy attracted to us , and in turn makes us do the same..
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Avatar universal
I don't think YOU are the problem, and here is my suggestion from a male perspective.

I sincerly hope it helps you and your man have a stronger  and more happy/fufilling relationship, and i wish you both the best of luck!

Try doing spontanious things, and new things that might interest him and get him "horny"..

Maybe one night when he is sitting there watching TV or somthing, go into the bedroom and put on somthing REALLY sexy.

Come out stand in front of him and start stripping it off slowly in a sexy way or somthign to that effect, maybe some dirty talk.

If that dosent do the trick, then  be creative and think of other methods ..


For me, If i am phisicly attracted to a girl and she makes any sexual passes at me i am instanly horny!  I think that is normal to..

Hope that helps.



Ryan


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Avatar universal
I also have a problem with my boyfriends low labido.  We just had our one year anniversary, and everything was good; but once we got to the bedroom it was a nightmare.  Basically since the beginning I've noticed his low labido.  He sometimes can't get hard, or he goes soft from merely switching positions or moving from foreplay to sex-if there is any foreplay at all.  This pains me terribly.  He is perfect in every other way.  I know he loves me and I love him with all of my heart.  We want to get married; but I cannot marry him if this problem continues.  We've had two major talks about this.  One took place about 6 months ago and the other about 5 days ago.  I did research and wrote down exactly what I was going to say.  I outlined my feelings about sex, and my sexual needs, and I flat out told him what to do with me sexually.  That I just want to be made love to.  I am so saddened by our situation.  I know it may take some time-but this morning it happened again.  He was hard; but as soon as we go to have intercourse, he's soft.  Well, this time we continued-which is also humiliating and difficult for me-and not even 2 minutes into it he said he needed to ***-but he really had to accelerate in order to do so, which made me feel that he just wanted to get it over with.  I have told him that I feel like when we have sex that he has no interest in my sexual need or in making it last.  It seems that he's not trying to change or work at it.  I don't want to bring this up all the time because I don't want to make him feel even more insecure and self conscious; but I am so upset and I can feel this festering and oozing into the rest of our really good relationship.  I am very outgoing and he is reserved.  In our talk we had come to the conclusion that he feels like a child sometimes-like he is the woman in our relationship and that he is intimidated by me.  This is not my heart for him.  I swear I'm not a scary mean person!  He said that he wants to be the "man" and I definitely want to be the woman!  I just want him to dote on me.  I'm so exhausted from crying into my pillow at night just praying that he would take me into his arms.  If anyone has any suggestions, I'm desperate.
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Avatar universal
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR THREE YEARS NOW AND MY HUSBAND SEEMS TO IGNORE MY SEXUAL ADVANCES HE SAYS WE CAN ONLY MAKE LOVE IN THE MORNING AS HE CALIMS TO BE TIRED AT NIGHT AND WHEN MORNING COMES HE SAYS HE HAS NOT FINISHED HIS SLEEP.
THERE FORE WE ONLY HAVE SEX WHEN HE IS IN THE MOOD MAY BE 2TIMES IN THREE WEEKS.
At first i thot it was a libido problem but alas coz he has 3 girl friends whom he sleeps eith and i have evidence.

what can i do caz am young and need sex
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Avatar universal
well i know guys in general FREAK OUT when a girl tells them that they faked it.  but it's not always "about" the guy, it's
just a girl thing.  so this may be a rare moment where it's
just a guy thing, and it's not about you.  but i'm confused by
your telling me he enjoys the sex when it happens and he loves you. so he just nevers "starts" the sex ?  he just does it when
YOU start it ? odd !   is he just inexperienced and scared of
not being able to get you turned on, or knowing how too ?
what does he say about it ?   you have talkekd about this right ?                           l.e.
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Avatar universal
I don't know if he loves me per se - we have only been going out for a few months.

In trying to research low libido in men  I've come across passages regarding men who just sleep with their wives/girfriends for the sake of the relationship, out of obligation and as a marital "duty". Apparentally physical desire is not as linked to mental desire as I thought.

I find this concerning to say the least. That seems like lying to me. I want to be able to trust that my partner does and says what he means. You don't want to put yourself out there and be vulnerable with someone who's putting on an act.

I appreciate your feedback lief.

Any comments and insights welcome.
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Avatar universal
i never had low labido except when i had the flu. but if his
body is responding to the pleasure of sex, his mind should be
as well, stands to reason right.  and does he love you ?
                      l.e.
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