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Having some issues during sex with my wife
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Having some issues during sex with my wife

I need help!

I'm in a situation. I love my wife and we have been married for almost 4.5 years now. We actually got married in very young age, but decided of doing our further education and stuff which we did and now both are well to do in our own carreer. I'm 33 my  wife is 29 and we were in relationship before we got married so we know each other very well. My wife is beautiful and sexy and we never had any issues in our sex life before. For last few months, her mom came and stayed with us from other state and that is where things started. Those few months we rarely had sex, may be once or twice a month - since our apartment is too small for two bedroom.

And during these days I met a girl in my office, she wasn't sexy but she knows how to get things done. I use to avoid her, but how long? One fine day she gave me ** in my car and the things started ... I still avoid her as much as I can.

On the other hand, my MIL (mother in law) before leaving back to GA pressurized both of us on having kids. I wasn't really thinking of it but after listning to her - I was little scared as if we are really running out of time or what?

Now a  days, when I am trying to ahve sex with my wife I have issues on errection and if I get aroused and get errection it does not stays for long. This happens only when I have sex with my wife. I think I get all thoughts of having kids and donno what. But when I think about my cologue in office, I am all up and ready and hard. I use to watch lotta porn these few months on my phone.

I have stopped watching porn, stoing seeing that ** girl what else should I do. I know this is all mental and nothing to do with having problem. My wife is little suspecious on my behavior, she did ask me if I see anybody out which I denied. I want to get back in the game of my love and am freaking ready to stop everything else and I really don;t care.

So is it a pressure of having kids or what is that is making be look bad? What should I be doing to come out of this?

- Britt
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134578_tn?1404951303
Frankly, and I am all for transparency in marriage, given that you never transgress again, never tell her that once you did.  Don't tell her "when thing are better," that will instantly make thing worse.  You will just be dumping your guilty load on her so you won't have to carry it any more.  

As I said, this advice only applies if you intend never to transgress with someone else again, as long as your are married.  If you think you might, then you might as well fess up to her right now and take your lumps.  She deserves to know if she is married to a man who will possibly cheat in the future, as she then has some decisions to make.  And she should learn this before a baby comes.
7 Comments
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134578_tn?1404951303
Your problem is probably the pressure to have kids plus the guilt about the cheating, all without anyone to confess to or ease your guilt.  I'm afraid you can't confess to your wife unless you want to end the marriage, so you are going to have to figure out another way to make peace with your action.  I am not for a husband having sex with someone else and leaving his wife in ignorance, especially if he seems to blame the person he had sex with for his own cheating.  But if you are serious that you will never in your life do such a thing again, it might be a lesson well learned and be a (barely acceptable) way to learn it.  This is really not OK because she deserves to know if her husband is being unfaithful, so she can make decisions of her own about whether to stay in the marriage.  (Wouldn't you want to know if your wife had been unfaithful, for this reason?)  But ... and I say this with reservations ... if you really aren't ever going to do such a thing again, then let it go, and learn from it.  Try to forget, and to enjoy your wife again the way you did in the past.  You'll have precious little privacy after a baby comes, take advantage of it.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Britt, sounds like you suffering from anxiety. I think its your ML, instead of enjoying your sex life as you were, in your brain the ML is standing by your bed saying go get her pregnant, I think its best if you sit down with your wife and find just what she wants, and she needs to forget what her mother tould her, its your lives and you should do only what you both want, and not the orders of your ML, but once the dust has settled and you have both desided what you both want, and these decisions are what you both should work on, then hopefuly your erections should come back to normal, as at this moment its switing your off, I do hope that you and your wife will be reading this together, and after this get down to some real love making.
Bot below you will find a peice on herbs you can take to help improve your erections, its part of what I take as I'm now in ED recovery, and thats something you dont want.
Do hope this helps.
Good Luck

But some things, simple things you could try are Cayenne, Garlic and Ginger.
OK the Cayenne mix in tomato paste and thin with olive oil, mix to a heat that suits you, this you take 3 small spoonfuls 3 times a day, the Garlic a whole head and cloves chopped very fine, again mix with olive oil, and take the same 3x3 as above, wash both down with water, and take on alternate days, and last the Ginger this I keep in the freezer, grate down a pile to the size of a large egg, put in a mug with a slice if lemon, either micro wave 30 sec or just add tea black or green, green is best for ED, add some honey, all the Cayenne, Garlic, Ginger, and the Green tea are all good for your blood and its flow down below and all should help with your erections, you can google them for more info, just add ED to them.
With this you could either try some Tribulus a herb, will help with your testosterone, boost your libido and energy levels.

The Tribulus takes around 8 weeks to get to full power, and after the 8 weeks cut down to 5 days out of 7, the reson for this if you keep taken 7 days a week, then they wont work the way we want them to, OK
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Avatar_m_tn
Annie, thanks for your great advise. I get your point. I don't wanna loose my wife and make her upset and bring in other problem in my life. I'll stop everything else that I'm doing ... and I agree thats not a good thing. Also, I don't want to hide this from her, so I'll tell this sometime later when thing are better. She has never directly asked me about this, but just said once about me seeing someone. The fact is I don't have any feelings for the other girl, apart from what she is really good at, on other hand I love my wife very much.

I have made up my mind, I'll stop porn and everything else. But how do I get rid of guilt? How do I get charm back in my sexual life? What else should I be doing apart from medication and pills (which I wanan avoid)? I am sure this is just the mental thing and is kinda making me feel bad - I want to bring that charm back in life naturally ...

The fact is, this happened once because I had something else in my mind and then now I'm afraid of happening this again and again and actually it is happening. My mind just gets blank totally blanked out. Wish there is something that I can do ... btw I'm planning one outing with my wife some time next week ... some good place to go and relax. I wanna see her happy ...
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Avatar_m_tn
Hey Thanks Nohard ... I might follow your instructions to come back on track. I know this is just a phase ... but still little worried.
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134578_tn?1404951303
Frankly, and I am all for transparency in marriage, given that you never transgress again, never tell her that once you did.  Don't tell her "when thing are better," that will instantly make thing worse.  You will just be dumping your guilty load on her so you won't have to carry it any more.  

As I said, this advice only applies if you intend never to transgress with someone else again, as long as your are married.  If you think you might, then you might as well fess up to her right now and take your lumps.  She deserves to know if she is married to a man who will possibly cheat in the future, as she then has some decisions to make.  And she should learn this before a baby comes.
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Avatar_m_tn
You have a point! Thanks Annie ... that is a good advice.

Sometimes I feel, why are you all girls so complicated. But then that is how we have been created by god. Damn!!
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134578_tn?1404951303
(I might ask, who did the complicated thing here?  The girl who stayed home and honored her wedding vows, or the man who made the wedding vows the same way and then ignored them for some free sex?)

Good luck, either stay with your vows from now on, or let her out now if you don't intend to.  It would not be fair to bring a child into the relationship if you don't intend to be as serious about your wedding vows as your wife has been about them.
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