Aa
Homosexuality
I am a 64 year old male and I have fallen hopelessly in love with another man and do not know what to do about it. He is not gay and is married. I was married for 37 years until recently. I do not know what to do as I have never loved somebody so much in my life. He sees me as a friend and to date nothing has happened sexually. I think I should move away from him but am having great difficulty doing so. What has happen to me as I have always considered myself to be straight. On some occassions when we have been together I have involuntary emitted semen. I know I need to go to a Doctor but how do I explain this to anybody.
Well, no one has been confirmed "born gay" yet, so this may be a bit more complicated than meets the eye. Your strong sexual feelings may be out of an innate desire to connect with this friend on a deep and lasting level. I would learn to move past the sexual feelings and to explore the other rich and meaningful aspects of a true friendship. To really love him, respect his marriage and encourage him in the decisions he has made. In the long run, he will value you more for being the friend that stood by him. He may not love you sexually, but you are lovable, and he will love the parts of you that shine best.
I am no expert in any cases and my advice would never be of use, but in times when i fell in love with someone who was grounds for a no go, i knew i could never have them but i found a way to use that feeling and let it out without exploding.
I once loved a friend of mien very much who was straight, it was really difficult to come to terms with to accept it was never going to work out, and it risked losing him as a friend in general.
I ended up sitting down thinking to myself for a few hours and realised that the term of 'love' is always a great expression used in many ways, i love my friend still but not as i used to , becuase i love him in a way as a friend would a friend. i used my feelings long ago for him to just be there for him and be helpfull. the love and furstration just withered away softly into something i could handle and that my friend could be comfortable with as well, my love for him now as a friend is what i always feel keeps me happy.
You will find that special person no matter what age and i truly hope you find that person
I once loved a friend of mien very much who was straight, it was really difficult to come to terms with to accept it was never going to work out, and it risked losing him as a friend in general.
I ended up sitting down thinking to myself for a few hours and realised that the term of 'love' is always a great expression used in many ways, i love my friend still but not as i used to , becuase i love him in a way as a friend would a friend. i used my feelings long ago for him to just be there for him and be helpfull. the love and furstration just withered away softly into something i could handle and that my friend could be comfortable with as well, my love for him now as a friend is what i always feel keeps me happy.
You will find that special person no matter what age and i truly hope you find that person
Hi,
I personally feel that at least in your case, you are looking for some one to love and to be loved, thus filling up the void created by breaking of the 37 year long marriage and the young man happened to step into the slot and you subconsciously got attracted to him. If you can find a sweet talking lady friend, I am sure you should be able to get out of the present attraction. By the way, how would you describe the boy, does he have some girlish features, like appealing looks, mustache less clean shaved face, smooth talking etc.? I think you should talk to a therapist and please let us know his views, just for our information.
I believe that while homo sexuality may have a gene base, not all homo sexual behavior is necessarily gene based, it may be just a matter of training your mind/brain either knowingly or unknowingly and in such cases, it should be reversible, just my thinking.
Solace
I personally feel that at least in your case, you are looking for some one to love and to be loved, thus filling up the void created by breaking of the 37 year long marriage and the young man happened to step into the slot and you subconsciously got attracted to him. If you can find a sweet talking lady friend, I am sure you should be able to get out of the present attraction. By the way, how would you describe the boy, does he have some girlish features, like appealing looks, mustache less clean shaved face, smooth talking etc.? I think you should talk to a therapist and please let us know his views, just for our information.
I believe that while homo sexuality may have a gene base, not all homo sexual behavior is necessarily gene based, it may be just a matter of training your mind/brain either knowingly or unknowingly and in such cases, it should be reversible, just my thinking.
Solace
Thank you for your help, I know what I needed to do I really needed somebody to confirm it. I know the person I have such strong feelings for, would be not be happy and there is no possible hope of us ever having sexually relations. I just carn't understand how i could have lived my life believing I was hetrosexual and I am not. Although I do not have nor have I ever had these loving feelings for any other male.
Thank you once again
Robert
Thank you once again
Robert
If you're gay, a doctor will not change that.
If your friend is straight, you will run into difficulty if you ever tell him how you feel or attempt anything sexual. (You said "to date" nothing has happened sexually. Why the wishful thinking evidenced by saying "to date"? He isn't ever going to be interested in a sexual advance from a man if he is straight, and if he is married and faithful, he wouldn't be too pleased by unwanted sexual advances from anyone else either.)
If, when you were talking about going to a doctor, you meant a therapist, that would be a good idea. Not that it will change your sexual orientation, but you will be able to talk over the frustration of being in love with someone you can never approach, and all the other issues surrounding coming out of the closet at this time in your life. You can reach a happier place, that I know for sure.
Regarding how out of control the love for the man feels to you, one part of it might be because this is the first time it has really hit you, now that you're out of the marriage and no longer pretending to yourself. This obsessive love might ease if you can find a more well-rounded life as a gay man.
No therapist with any experience would be surprised to have a guy come in and say he's gay and it's difficult to get used to all of it. It's probably a big one on the list of things people see a therapist about. Also, if you think it would be more comfortable to discuss coming-out issues with someone who is gay, you could look for a therapist who's gay. In our town, there is a gay/lesbian newspaper, and a lot of therapists advertise in it. Or you could google "therapist specializing in coming-out issues" and find someone.
You say "How do I explain this to anybody," but if you are in the office of a good therapist and he or she is looking at you with interest, it won't be hard to describe. This person is your ally in being able to finally talk it over with someone. They aren't judgmental or unkind.
Good luck, I think the desire for this one person will let you alone a bit if you find more outlets for your energy and your emotions. Take care.
If your friend is straight, you will run into difficulty if you ever tell him how you feel or attempt anything sexual. (You said "to date" nothing has happened sexually. Why the wishful thinking evidenced by saying "to date"? He isn't ever going to be interested in a sexual advance from a man if he is straight, and if he is married and faithful, he wouldn't be too pleased by unwanted sexual advances from anyone else either.)
If, when you were talking about going to a doctor, you meant a therapist, that would be a good idea. Not that it will change your sexual orientation, but you will be able to talk over the frustration of being in love with someone you can never approach, and all the other issues surrounding coming out of the closet at this time in your life. You can reach a happier place, that I know for sure.
Regarding how out of control the love for the man feels to you, one part of it might be because this is the first time it has really hit you, now that you're out of the marriage and no longer pretending to yourself. This obsessive love might ease if you can find a more well-rounded life as a gay man.
No therapist with any experience would be surprised to have a guy come in and say he's gay and it's difficult to get used to all of it. It's probably a big one on the list of things people see a therapist about. Also, if you think it would be more comfortable to discuss coming-out issues with someone who is gay, you could look for a therapist who's gay. In our town, there is a gay/lesbian newspaper, and a lot of therapists advertise in it. Or you could google "therapist specializing in coming-out issues" and find someone.
You say "How do I explain this to anybody," but if you are in the office of a good therapist and he or she is looking at you with interest, it won't be hard to describe. This person is your ally in being able to finally talk it over with someone. They aren't judgmental or unkind.
Good luck, I think the desire for this one person will let you alone a bit if you find more outlets for your energy and your emotions. Take care.
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