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Inability to perform sexually is killing my marriage
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Inability to perform sexually is killing my marriage

Okay, well, I'm 30 years old and I have almost no sexual confidence. This, as would be expected, is destroying my marriage.

I'm not sure what the problem is exactly. I have sexual desire - I masturbate often and am always able to get off from doing that - and I am very attracted to my wife, and want to be close to her and touch her etc; but sex itself, with another person, just scares me. I just can't perform the physical act of sex. And when I do do sexual things with her, like give her oral or use my fingers or play with her breasts, I only rarely get hard. And I can almost never have intercourse, and when I do, it's painful and I spend half my time trying to get in all the way. I just feel like an awkward teen virgin who's finally got to fourth base and hasn't the slightest clue. I also can't really get off from intercourse. I have to pull out and masturbate in order to come.

The thing is, it wasn't always this way. When we were first together, we pretty much only got out of bed to eat and use the bathroom. I can't say I was totally sexually confident then either - I still had the problem with intercourse for example - but we engaged in some form of mutual sexual release at least twice a day. Now it's doing good if it's twice a month.  

Sex does cause me some physical discomfort. For example, my foreskin is difficult to pull back and I have had severe pain and swelling from that more than once. I also have an intermittent muscular problem in my arm which causes using my fingers to become painful after a while. Those are just for example, other stuff happens as well to cause physical discomfort.

On a psychological level as I said it's destroying my marriage. My wife without much surprise thinks I'm not attracted to her, and in a complete catch-22 situation, her constantly telling me I'm inadequate and that she wishes she could find someone else just to have sex with, really isn't helping my sexual confidence towards her. Or towards any woman for that matter. And in the bigger picture, my inability to have intercourse (or, more precisely, to get off from it) is going to stop me from having children, and I really want to have a family at some point.

Basically I just want to know some way to gain confidence sexually and to be able to do something about it when I'm turned on by my wife.

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1 Comment
Avatar f tn
Your having physical discomfort from intercourse. No wonder you can't finish, because it hurts. The best thing to do is see your Dr and ask about having something done about your foreskin. If this does'nt solve the problem completely then you might want to think about counseling for you and your wife.  Remar
1419988 tn?1283750637
hey, you should check for an infection or whatever, maybe lube could help.
but my best advice,would be to take a nice relaxing course in massage,that could do wonders sometimes.
anyway i'd say your wife does want attention,an intimate massage is a great way to get things started for some.
good luck.
have fun!
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