Is this normal for my boyfriend?

[emmyn74]

I have been with my boyfriend for three years. When we first got together, we had sex 6 or seven times a day every day. That was great for about 6 months. Then he started not wanting it as much. He slowly tapered it down and we are now down to once every two weeks, sometimes longer. Is this normal? We have had many talks about this and he just tells me that he is not like most guys and doesnt need sex all of the time and that it doesnt accomplish anything in life. I was told that when we are in bed, we go to sleep and that is it, if I want to have sex, I simply have to ask him can we have sex before we go to bed. I don't think that I should have to do that. It doesnt seem right. He won't let me touch his penis AT ALL, and he always says that he is too tired, but then he can stay up for 24 hours straight playing games on the computer. I really need someone else's opinion. What could be the problem? I have tried EVERYTHING that I can think of and can get nowhere. I even went and rented some porn movies, and he only watched maybe 20 minutes of one of them and then said they were boring. I have gotten lotions,and oil, and flavored body gels, and toys for us to use and still nothing. He got me a "toy" for my birthday and told me that I could use it when he didnt want to have sex. Here comes the kicker. Two weeks ago I stopped asking him for sex and was accussed of cheating because of it. I told him that I was tired of being turned down so I stopped. What is wrong with him? He won't talk about it either. I have been trying for months and all I get out of him is what I typed above

[leif ericson]

wow, you do have trouble for sure, is he cheating on YOU ?
if not, i can't imagine why he went cold on you unless he has
an illness, that would cause him to not want sex or at least
have a very low sex drive.  it's wierd that you where so hot and heavy right off the bat.  things do taper off a bit in a relationship (thats normal) but the sex should still be there !
i'm confused.             l.e.

[emmyn74]

I don't see how he can be cheating on me because combined we have three kids and when he is not a work, he is here at home. I have thought about this for a long time because that would explain it. I myself have never heard of this.It is just getting irritating and I am wondering if it is going to pick back up or stay like this. I am not sure if I can go the rest of my life only having sex 2 or three times a month. Well, that is now, I am not even sure what it would be like in three more years.

[n2it]

6 times a day, every day! Wow...I would think that I'd died and gone to heaven! His testosterone levels must be very, very low, he needs to see a doctor.

[emmyn74]

That is exactly what I thought. That I had the perfect relationship.I think that six or seven was the most. Obviously when we had the kids it was only two or three times a day, mostly at night. I am starting to think that this was just a ploy to make me think it was how it was going to be and then once he had me, he decided to lower it. I am not sure if he is that mean or not but that is how it seems to me. Maybe I am just still irritated by it all.

[Christie04_returns]

I don't have much to say, except that even 2 or 3 times a DAY is way above average.  The average married couple has it 2 or 3 times a week.

I hope you guys get this talked out soon.

[glad2bamom]

2-3/week is average, but once you've been together a while, it's not uncommon for that to fluctuate, as well.  I'd say that he definitely needs to talk about it with you, and potentially see a doc.

[ryn21]

The frequency of sex over time does infact change (for whatever reason).  6 times a day is a lot for any man to handle.  3 times a day is a lot for me even.  Dont listen to these negative women in here who say that he is cheating on you, because there is only a slight chance of that.  Im a man who speaks from experience when I say that I dont need sex constantly.  I do need it often, but not every day.  Try talking to him about it to bring some spark back into the relationship.  That may be all you need.

[emmyn74]

Thanks everyone for answering my concerns. I don't think that he is cheating on me. I decided to talk to him about it last night. I guess there is a mix of insecurities for him (his image) and that basically we have been together for while, and like the last poster said, we just need a little spark and I hope to be able to find a way to get that back. Thanks again. I may be back for suggestions on how to get that spark back.

[jmille23]

It sounds like he is tired and possibly in a "depression"? Also, if the physical moves are not enhanceing his sexual drive, remember that true "intimacy" is the key to love makeing. There is a difference in love makeing and "*u*king, although both are great. Relax a little and use your toy. Maybe it is possible to have him help you play with it. And when he does have sex with you....even if fakeing an orgasim...Scream, moan, grab him, the bed,...do what ever it takes to let him know how good HE is makeing you feel.  Yes, it is common for males sex drive to lesson. It's up to both of you to keep the intimacy alive and the bedroom exciting.Not the same old thing all the time.  Good luck. I am a nympho that normally has sex 7-9x a day when with my girlfriend, but she allso understands that somedays the drive just is not there. Especially when on pain meds and depression is present. And that turns me on even more...that is also intimacy...she has her toys.