My boyfriend and I use to share an active sex life however over the past six months he has trouble having an erection or maintaining them when he has one. He is not on medication, his testosterone level is well within normal ranges, his doctor cannot find anything physically wrong with him and he is 26 years old. He has repeatedly said that it is not due to a lack of attraction but I recently found out that he looks at porn. Also, there have been problems with trust in our relationship since I found out he was lying to me about various issues. There has been no infidelity as far as I know. Is this normal or should I give up and believe that it is me that causes this problem.
First thing is to not blame yourself. People do stuff becuase they choose to do so. No one has a gun to his head and is making him look at porn. He also chooses to lie to you as well. Again, no one is forcing him too. Here is a couple of things that I can think of that might cause this (since the doctors can not find anything wrong with him). 1) Stress with work or school. Maybe he is unhappy with his job or boss. 2) Guilt. Having an affair or went to go see a prostitute. If you look at the STD forum, there are many men on there with a lot of guilt.
What ever the issue, I would not look at yourself as the cause of any of this. He's a big boy and old enough to know what he is doing (right or wrong). Good luck! I hope if I didn't sound like I'm preaching.
ok for starters... it is in no way your fault.... my exhusband used to have this problem also.... and he was about 24....... maybe you guys should try looking at porn together... just a suggestion... it's not for everyone...
as far as the lies and everything else... hang in there!! everyone has problems... there is no such thing as the fairy tale romance :)..
Definitely don't blame yourself. First of all, *all* guys have this happen occasionally. However, erections are really, really sensitive to anxiety, and a lot of guys are anxious about their erections. So, maybe he lost his erection once and panicked, thinking it would happen again, which of course virtually guarantees it will. The porn/masturbation might be a result of that anxiety; he could be essentially reassuring himself that he still can get aroused, have an erection, etc.
Or, it could be a way of dealing with other issues in your relationship. You don't say what else is going on, but you allude to some trust issues. I think it might be a good idea to see a sex therapist together. S/he can clear up any misconceptions either of you have, as well as help you communicate and resolve your differences.
I think it is pretty typical for men to go through this sometimes and I totally agree that if it happens once, then men worry so much that it will happen again and sike themselves out so much that it DOES happen again.
As for the porn, well don't let that upset you. Men function differently than women and can become aroused by site alone. Even if you remove the pictures or movies, all he has to do is close his eyes. They are also very good at the art of fantasy and can create a porn in their own mind just by seeing an attractive girl walk down the street. It is just human nature. Try not to take it personally. It doesn't mean that he isn't attracted to you, just that he is human. If it upsets you with the thinking that he should not need porn because he has you, the real thing, RIGHT in front of him, then I suggest that maybe you take some sexy photos of yourself or maybe even offer to make your own home movie that the two of you can watch together. This may also add a little spice to your love life.
I know, it's hard to NOT take it personally. We women are super sensitive and I understand that it can almost feel like he is cheating everytime he looks at porn, but I hope the two of you are able to get past this together, feeling closer through acceptance.
Good luck to you!
I just want to add that there are instances of men (and women) that eventually become desensitized to "real" partners because of their involvement with porn. Evidently it can begin to affect the way the person relates to a real person and can cause perfomance problems.
Hi, In reponse to your boyfriend he has look at so much porn till if you dont preform like he is use to seeing,or do not control your movements during sex in the same way of the females he is seeing.Then it is possible that he is losing intrest.I myself years ago use to look at a lot of porn and would look for females to act or preform in the same way .I however did not lose intrest in the female I was with but I can see how it could be a problem.He also may be jerking off to the porn and therefore when you are with him he has already had his fill,case in point!Maybe you should watch the porn with him and you and him have sex while or after the porn.Some women will not because they think the man is responding to the porn and not her.This is not true,and I would be with him or he may stray on you until he finds a female that will.Try for a while and it will improved and the porn will slow down and with time it will work its way out.Good luck!
Hello, I am recently married to a wonderful man, and we have been together for 14 years previous to our marriage. Our sex life has been amazing mutually throughout and I am very reassured that I satisfy him completely, by his verbal and physical reassurances. He consistently even after all this time together is able to be so aroused when we are intimate and ALWAYS asks me if I came during intercourse, and states that he feels me everytime, just likes to hear me tell him I did as well.
Okay so here is my question, recently he lifted a heavy item at work and hurt his back and one of his testicles were pretty swollen, well after a couple of days his testicle was back to normal, but now he is having a hard time keeping his erections? Is it possible that he was hurt or his blood flow is messed up as a result of this heavy lift at work? I try so hard not to put any more pressure on him about worrying that it may be me, but what more can I say I am a woman. When we make love it's amazing and he is so concerned about satisfying me, and it seems very genuine, but I will be performing falatio and he is enormously erect and then all of a sudden it's gone? this is just since the incident at work, he holds me so intimately and tells me over and over again how turned on he is by me, but I still have a twinge? can anyone offer any advice or suggestions? I would be ever so grateful to talk
Hi ,your husband may have strain his lower back and cause him to have a a dullness in his groin.If this has happen when you preform oral on him ,oral being so intense that he is able to maintain.When you stop and go to normal sex the feeling is not as intense to him,and the dullness takes over and the erection takes a back seat.He may himself may not know how to explain what is going on.Also since he had swelling in his tesicle,then he very well may have incurred a prostate infection.If this has happen it would explain a lot.This can cause him to lose an erection,and not be able to preform.Also one last thought he may be having pain and not telling you about it,when he is receving oral he is relaxed and the pain is not so bad,but when he goes to do preform with you the pain then becomes intense and he loses the plump up!I would get him to see a doctor this could be cured with a little help.If he dont and it kepts happing then you will start thinking he is seeing other women.So make him go.Good luck!
the fact that your boyfriend is looking at porn should not be an issue. he looked at porn before he met you, he is doing it now and he will continue doing it after you.( if u break up that is). it has nothing to do with u so dont personalize the issue. my wife and i have been together for four years and i still find her attractive and i still watch porno. at first she did not like it because she felt that the reason i was watching them was because i was no longer attracted to her. after i explained it to her she was okay with it and now we watch them together and she even has her own collection. as for your boyfriend losing his erection during sex i give this advise from personal experience: after being with the same girl for a long period of time sex becomes routine. what i mean is that you get to know what to expect from sex with that person. so you get a little bored. its like playing basketball with the same person every day, you still love the game but the challange is not there. sometimes porno is all you got that is different without actually finding a different partner. so my advise is next time u have sex do something different. something he would not expect. this will keep him interested and keep his willy from dwindeling. and for all the ladies RELAX it's just porno u want us to be faithful to u dont take everything from us.
Hi.. I am writing this from personal experience and I am a happily married man. My wife and I have had problems w/sex for about 3 years now. I have been diagnosed w/low testosterone and we are seeing a sex counselor as well. What I want to tell you is this.
1. Don't blame yourself. Men are built totally different than women and we are visual creatures. We also like variety. This is not an excuse for your boyfriend to mess around on you though. Just wanted to give you some insight into the mind set of most men.
2. Even though my Testosterone is low I still can have an erection but lose it when my wife and I are having sex. Part of the problem is my statement in #1 and part of the problem is that I have some resentment toward my wife. I will not get into it but, it happened when we were first married and had nothing to do w/extra martial affairs. My libido is also low and I attribut this to low T but, like I said I can have erections just fine.
Those two things lead me to this.
1. Make sure he is not harboring any anger or resentment to you.
2. Is it harder to get him interested in sex than before? If so, when you do have sex how often does his erection go away?
If the answer to # 2 is "Yes" and "Often" then he might be losing interest in you. I don't say this to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad but, it can happen. I still love my wife dearly and am happy in our marriage except for sex. My early years have probably made me this way. (Looking at porn and being very sexually active) can over time mess w/your head. This might be what has happened to him.
My suggestion if you believe this is the case is get to a couselor. If he truly loves you and wants to work it out he will go.
Hmmm... appears that serveral questions were posted as answers in this thread so, to make it clear, I am responding to Girl Friend in Hope...
While I very much agree with (and am hopeful, for your sake, too!!) 'complete' and 'cheetohead' suggestions I think it would be sugar coating to conclude that the situation is reversable, even in most cases.
Reality Check: Some men, myself included, have failed to respond as passionately as in the 'magic phase' of a realationship as they are not 'in Love', rather 'in lust'.
As many women know (excuse the vugarity) Men often think with their dicks.
When the 'lust_re' wears off, off they go. Through NO FAULT of yours!!! In the sad event that this turns out to be the case (lust not Love) please be assured of that!! LISTEN to the assurances given here and by your friends!
Accept the FACT that you may have chosen poorly although not your fault as you were, perhaps, mis-informed, to put it kindly?
Accept the FACT that he is not going to be your LAST Love.
Accept the FACT that being with the wrong person when the right one passes by is more tragic that losing someone who didn't Love you, by YOUR definition of Love, in he first place!
He IS out there... you may not NEED him but it's ok to WANT him!
i am having the same problem with my boyfriend of 10 months. he seems uninterested in sex. i have mentioned it to him on several occasions and he gets upset. ( he has told me that he masturbates frequently). he never tells me that i look nice and he rarely wants to kiss me anymore. he told me the other night that HE is not pleased with our sex life. well without waiting for any further explanation i lost it and proceeded to tell him how terrible he is in bed.?????????????????????
hey. my guy had the same problem a week ago. I also was thinkinq that he lost interest on me. but I googled a couple of stuff. and I found out that it happens to every guy. im still not clear why he lost his erection. and I also heard that,that usually happends when guys "have cancer in one or two of their balls". I hope my guy doesn't have cancer.
I am a 27 year old man. I watch porn movies. I still love and feel attraction toward my woman. I don't smoke or anything like that. However, sometimes I do lose my erection. Why? I like to control my ejaculation so that we can last longer in our intercourse. That is my case. That is the only reason I would lose my erection.
THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME FOR THE FIRST TIME. we have only been dating a little while so it kinda worried me. we were wtahcing moving and kind of fooling around for a while before getting into things, but his erection was there the entire time. Then we started to have sex and when we swicthed positions he lost it. His ex girlfried is in town, should i be concerned/ is it in anyway related to the way i look?
Hey everyone...I am a 21 yr old male. I have been told I am attractive and I am in great shape but I have had a terrible problem with loss of erections...seemingly ever since me and a GF broke up. We were having great sex for over a year, unprotected because I was clean and she was a virgin on birth control...after we broke up it was difficult during sex with other partners. I believe it's CONFIDENCE...I was nervous about going and having sex with a diff. person, and with a condom it feels different and I lost the erection. After that I was always worried it would happen again and it does a lot. It's a mental thing that I haven't been able to change yet. Though, the times I have kept an erection was with someone that I had been "talking dirty" with for a while and it was great.
One thing to note to the lady: It is def. not your fault!!!
Plus guys (every one of them does it, including me) watch porn or look at magazines with photoshopped gals and it's not that your not attractive but the guy gets used to fantasizing and that might be a problem. Here's a pointer that doesn't hurt anyone...whether your shy or not:
Send him texts while he's at work or you are before you both get home. Tell him you wish you could be "doing ........." to him or whatever you want. It's hot for the both of you to talk dirty and then instead of coming home and talking about your day, drop everything and ravish each other in the hallway! I bet it will help...hope everything works out!
Im 25 and 3 out of the last 4 woman in the last 3 months I have not been able to maintain erection long enough to orgasm. I'm very healthy physically. Like the reader above said, Switch positions and lose it. For me I think it has alot to do with a condom. I HATE CONDOMS! Intercourse with a condom on doesnt feel good at all to me. Feels much better when my significant other gives me a HJ or oral. But after tonight I wonder if its really a condom , or is it something else im doing wrong? Am I masturbating too much (usually 2-3 times a day for many years), except yesterday I only did once cause I knew tonight I was going on a date. Is it too much smoking pot and cigs? ( been smoking everyday for 9 years).Or is it too much internet porn? ( I Have an obsession for internet porn and if i stop watching porn today will I naturally become normal without taking meds or therapy?) All the woman i lost erection with i found incredibly attractive and now my problem is so deep into my head i feel like i can never have sex again. Can anyone help me?
i'm going through this erection trouble now, im a healthy athletic 18 year old student, love life, great friends and a girlfriend that's jaw dropping. i've experienced the problem of losing an erection wen coming to sex, and i can 100% say its phycological. i know why i cant get it up for sex..her ex boyfriend, she's told me he had a huge penis, he was great in bed, and made her orgasm regularly through sex. then theres me haha average ****, not bad in bed, and i only give her orgasms through oral sex, so when it comes to sex all thats going through my head is how i wont be able to satisfy her as much and that she'll be thinking it too. so it haunts me we really want to have sex with eachother but i cant. i start to blame myself even though its not, but i cant see myself getting over this. i just need to talk to her and find out how we can get through it, if anyone else has this problem just talk to your partner first and find your own way through it...everyone is different and likes different things, theres no easy way out.
OK, now i want to begin by saying that guys, there is nothing wrong with you. i am a 20 year old healthy slim male (starting to sound like a dating ad now,) and i know that there is absolutely NO problem with you because i have had the EXACT same problem all you guys have described, which is that you cant get an erection when you need to or are 'expected' to and/or that you can get and maintain an erection through foreplay, (or masturbation when alone) but when it comes to actually having sex with a someone you go flaccid, your heart starts pounding, you have that dreaded cold sweat come over you with the realization that you are already down the road to failing yet again and will either have to explain to the person why you cant have sex, or lie to them, then constantly reassure them that its not them and that its you (which is true, its not them, and yet definitely not true that its 'all on you!') I came to this very page around 3 months ago worried as hell thinking i had a problem that could not be solved. i started to convince my self it was physiological, that is, that there was something physically wrong with me that was hindering my sex life. THIS IS NOT TRUE in nearly ALL cases, and you need to be aware whether you are saying the problem is physical because you genuinely believe it to be, OR that you are telling yourself this is the case, just to reassure yourself by putting a 'face to the enemy' so to speak, giving you the idea that if the issue is visible then it becomes beatable. if you diagnose it wrongly then you are chasing the wrong enemy. this is what i did for a few weeks and ended up only making it worse by seeking dead end solutions. when i realized this i changed my thinking. Now i can see that IT IS ENTIRELY PSYCHOLOGICAL! its all in your head. this then causes the physical effect you can see and feel, thus perpetuating your negative view of yourself and sex itself. NOTE: If you are considering using viagra, like i considered, to at-least temporarily solve the issue and perhaps even break thru the physical block you have so its just the emotional side you have to work on, then DONT! PLEASE! you will become dependent for sure. the ads are lies. there are no pill-popping solutions. you want the real solution? here it is:
TALK TO YOUR PARTNER. (if you dont have a partner then get one and solve the issue once you feel you have gotten to the stage where you can or even need to talk about it). Tell them everything. think about how you are going to say it, that is, what aspects you feel you need to shed light on. whether its feeling that you wont be able to pleasure them enough or reach their expectations (performance issues) or failing to get an erection due to the feeling of immense pressure of expectation, as if she is waiting for you to 'sort it out' and get hard (over-pressured) or simply that you have had bad experiences in the past that lead you to have a tainted view of sex in general.
REMEMBER: be caring, loving and gentle. reassure them constantly. being told this is sure to be a blow to them too, but necessary for you to develop further in this area. i met a girl 4 months and 2 days ago, we dated a while, then we started to move toward having sex. first 4 times in bed together, i 'failed', crushing me every time, and she became worried with thoughts of unattractiveness etc. (she once broke down in to tears saying i dont want her or find her attractive) which is ridiculous as she is beautiful and amazing. in the meantime i beat myself up, became self-loathing toward the thought of sex, feeling inadequate and sometimes even in tears when alone. i decided next time there was potential for sex between us i would go for it, and if it failed, i would tell her everything. when that time came, i couldn't go through with having sex. i had to tell her. and i did. she was so understanding it astounded me. i told her about a very bad first sexual experience i had (which is obviously the truth as you there is no benefit from lying anymore) and that i dont want to disappoint her, that i feel pressure as if she expects me to be able to have sex which makes me anxious thus causing the loss of my erection, and that i feel less of a man because im unable to provide what 'real men' should be able to provide. afterwards i said: "all we need to do is keep setting ourselves up in these situations and try it each time. i dont know how long it will be before we succeed. please be patient and understanding and not to feel like you are waiting for me. lets just see how it goes." (*all the while reassuring her its not her that is the problem!*). she did everything i asked. The next 2 times we tried to have sex, i didn't manage to, yet she was so supportive. then we made it half way thru sex, me having a full blow erection :D but my erection died down half way thru :( .....but to my surprise we actually laughed at the situation we were in, seeing it as more a funny situation than an 'issue' to overcome, and it suddenly became a much less daunting task to overcome as we were moving through it together with absolutely no weight on either of our shoulders and with the feeling of having all the time in the world! 1 hour later, the same night, we had sex. great sex! all the way thru! it was the most relieving feeling for both of us. we had sex 4 times that night alone! ME! the guy with the so-called 'problem'! solved! now we have sex all the time, experimenting, having fun, its opened up our whole relationship. both sexually and emotionally. I can honestly say we have a stronger relationship now having moved through this than we would have if we have sex straight away as there is more trust and better communication. who would have thought it! benefits to such a difficult sitiuation! And all because i simply TALKED TO MY GIRLFRIEND.
You MUST do the same. it concerns both of you, which is the very reason it seems like so much bigger-an-issue that it really is. You are worrying about your partner as well as yourself, which is double the pressure. And for and for what reason?? believe me, worrying about it is wasteful energy which you carry around with you always. wouldn't that time/energy be better spent talking about it and moving thru it together? if you feel you are unable to talk to your partner about this, you should question both who you are with (i.e. the trust you have in them), and also the resistance you have inside YOU that makes you uncomfortable at the idea of talking about it. openness in a relationship, and in life, is the key to peace and happiness. Remember that 3 months ago i was in exactly the same position as you, then i came to this site, went away, a while later sorted it out, and came back here tell you all HOW TO MOVE THROUGH IT! I've have now been having great sex with an amazing girl in a perfect relationship for the last month, which will it only get better. And you can have the same. Plus i know i will never have this problem again. please ask me any questions you want on this issue and i will give the best advise i can, having been in exactly the same position you are in now and pulling through.
Remember: YOU are in control of your out comes. you CAN change your thinking. Take responsibility (without pressurizing yourself), dont beat yourself down, man up, and stay positive!
email me directly for any questions or comments on: ***@****
I have read most of these blogs, and I can speak from experience. I am a 47 year old male and I have had my share of erection problems. I have been to urologists and I have been diagnosed with prostatitis. The erection thing will come and go, no matter how old you are. The psychological ramifications for men and woman vary. From a mans prospective it can be devastating not being able to satisfy your partner. From the woman’s prospective they start to think they are not attractive to their partner or their partner is losing interest. These are all normal reactions and always make matters worse. No one knows for sure why this happens from time to time. Sometimes it’s physical and you should be checked out by a urologist, most of the time it has much more to do with your state of mind. Stress, anxiety, depression and the simple fear of losing an erection can be the cause. For the woman out there, do not take it personally the best thing you can do is be supportive and reassuring, this lessens the anxiety and the embarrassment. Above all this problem for the most part will come and go. The way it is handled will be the best cure.
My boyfriend has the same problem but we can have sex once then we try a second time but he can't keep his erection and I don't know why that happens... Could it be that he smokes menthol cigarettes cause we never had a problem until he satarted smoking or is it me??
I have.a.queation my boyfriend.cheated om me 2 years ago and just told me because.i found out from the.girl je cheated.with and she.sais he.watched porn both times.while they had sex which hea.never done with me being together for.4 years now what could this mean he also has problema staying hard then and now
I recently have the same issue with my husband. I found out he was just talking to another female, and he swears nothing happened. Now when we have sex, he loses his erection half way through. I know I don't make it easy on him. I ask him if he s thinking of her, and he says No! He says he thinks about me being disappointed by him losing it, and it happens. What can I do to help him finish? Help me!
Hi, Im a man, and recently i have been getting hard but then just becomes soft, and it is really stressing me out, cos i do find my partner very attractive, and its only been a week since we last had sex and now all of a sudden nothing. Im 24 and tbh kinda worried, cos my partner thinks its cos i dont think shes attractive anymore, which couldn't be further from the truth, and i need to know what i can do to sort this thing. cos i really think this could ruine things with us , i have been very sexualy active with her and now this. please help.
Hey. I'm 17 and I do watch a lot of porn and I'm easily aroused by it. I can stay erect during the entire video. But for some reason during intercourse with my girlfriend, I cant stay hard. Right as I'm about to penetrate my penis goes flaccid. I want to know if it is because of masturbation to porno. Because I am very physically and mentally attracted to my girlfriend. I'm scared I wont ecer be able to get hard and please her during intercourse. So if anyone can confirm that masterbation (masturbation) to porn has an E.D effect and if its temporary and if it can be fixed by not masturbating to porn anymore. Please let me know.
my husband can not keep a erection and he says its all in his head through issues but i think its another woman because i have found txt messages of this woman but he says they are just good pals am i reading in to this to much please help
my husband can not keep a erection and he says its all in his head through issues but i think its another woman because i have found txt messages of this woman but he says they are just good pals am i reading in to this to much please help
I am 35 and my girlfriend is 30. My divorce finalized last year after almost two years of a bad situation. I seperated last year and did what single guys do after a long term relationship and my problem was hit or miss. Sometimes I could go long periods with no issue and then others I could not get an erection after the first try but on the second it was all good. I had one or two where it didn't happen for several tries and eventually had to resort to medicine. Since I have started dating this girl and put my shennanigans aside it is more frequent than not. Sometimes I can get an erection but once we start it goes away quickly. When I do maintain I try to rush to finish and do but know it is going too fast and not great for her. It is really starting to bother me because when we do have sex it is great but it is way less frequent than I would like or am used to. I am worried it will become a problem in our relationship if I can not figure it out and fix it. Days like today iit REALLY bothers me even though she seems to be understanding.
I am having a similiar problem. I was in the middle of going down and he just lost it. It confused me and ZI thought maybe he came and I didnt notice because it was real sloppy so I stopped and kissed his legs and stomach and stuff and noticed he was upset that I stopped. So I started over he regained the erection and shortly after climaxed. I felt like he was mad at me or I turned him off or something. :(
Yea well what happens if I been talking and suportive and it stilldont work been with my guy 10 years never had a problem until a week ago it bothers me I like what you say but that is a new relationship what happens when u been together 10years
I'm a guy and recently, in the passed 2 days that my girlfriend and I have tried having sex, we have a good sex life but recently when we're about to do it, I lose my erection all of a sudden. I'll be hard at first because we do a lot of foreplay and I want to have sex but even last night as I was just about to put on the condom I could already feel that I was losing it. I don't know what the problem is... It's definitely not my girlfriend. I may be thinking about losing it in the act lately or forcing myself to much rather than just let it happen.
Hi, me and my wife are having the same issues and when it first started I tried looking at porn to get arosed so I could have sex with her but then it got to were I couldn't maintain although I'm still having problems my wife is really supportive and tells me its not my fault which helps me from getting too depressed about it. Although with us its me having trust issues with her but I still love and still very much attracted to her so don't blame ur self, be supportive and maybe try talking with him about the porn issue ur having it might be he's doing it to help ur guys sex life, that is my reasoning and my wife understands and even supports it. But when it happens even when my wife tries to make me feel better bout it, it will continue through the entire sason I've never had this problem until she left me for another guy. When she came back a week later still no problems and then a month after coming home is when it started I keyed viagra and it help me get my confidence back and no longer needed it until I started thinking she wasn't in love with me or that she had her eyes set on another but I only had a sample pack and threw away the sixth one I had and now that it is happening again I feel like its me but if not for her support it would happen every time but she tries so hard and is so supportive all the times that if I didn't still beat my self up so much about it it probably wouldn't keep happening but when it does I try to please her other way like going down or even non sexually best advise I can give is talk with him and try to get to them bottom of it if its mentally and try to boost his self esteem and if that doesn't work at least u still have one another even if u can't have sex and that's what really matters if u have to have the sex to still care for him then its not true love. God blessed me with a wife that loves me no matter if we can or not and even though she has strayed a couple of times I'm still blessed to have her by my side and her love and support. But also it help when we text each other like we are cheating with each other sometimes all that is needed is something new but talk is the most important thing my wife is having me go back to the doctors because how down it makes me with how often its been happening. Hope all works out and sorry I couldn't be of any help please post any solutions you find if u can so I might be able to try it. Thank you .
I need your help. My boyfriend goes through massive waves of this anxiety. 1 month he is fine and we have amazing sex, the next month he doubts himself and we can't connect and be intimate at all. I try my best to reassure him, but it doesn't seem to help his anxiety. It's also so hard for me to not cry about it after , I constantly feel he doesn't want me, which I know doesn't help his thinking. How can I help him from having these thoughts creep in all the time?
Break up with her Pacey. That's never going to leave your head and she's an insensitive ***** for talking about intimate details of her ex with you. That stuff does nothing but hurt and she has to know it. Imagine if you told her she had small **** or that your ex was so much better in bed.
Its a sadistic person who does something like that and trust me, you're dodging a bullet if you dump her.
I have experience that with my wife. I find that she bores me during intercourse and I can't move as much as I want to, so i loose concentration and my mind go else. I have tried intercourse with another female and it is rock solid. My suggestion is that you spice it up and let him take control you'll find that it will help. Try doing something for him
Hey I am a Guy, I got married at the age of 43 my wife is a pretty lady she was 23 when we got married. Now I am 49 with 3 pretty girls. Our sex life is great. I started to have trouble having an erection or maintaining one this year, every thing is normal the doc said, however, my prostate enlarged a little bit and it's to blame for this problem. I say look if your husband has any prostate problem. Also try to find out the kind of porn he is interested in and surprise him by making his fantasy come to life. Good luck and I wish you a happy life
Really enjoyed what you had to say. I am going through exactly the same problem as you describe. I know its all in my head. My girlfriend is amazing, sexy, loving and I adore her. I feel the anxiety well up inside of me and then its already too late. Recently when it has started to happen I have just come out of her and said, hey ho, it will be fine and then concentrate on pleasuring her with foreplay, then within a few minutes when I stop thinking about making love to her, its all ok. Another mental approach she actually uses is to tell me that we are just going to be together, definitely no sex tonight, well that's like a red rag to a bull and works every time and its always really good. It just takes the pressure off. I still have some way to go but making good progress. For anyone reading this, have faith in yourself. If your the female partner, almost certainly not you, the mind is VERY powerful. For you guys, ask yourself this question. Assuming you have snuck into a toilet in a pub or somewhere and had a quickie, do you get the problem? I found that you are generally thinking about the excitement of it all and the fear of being caught that you forget all about being nervous about maintaining an erection.
Good luck all
Reading numerous comments on this and I'm relieved to see I'm not the only one with this problem. I knew it couldn't be my age, since I am only 23. It happens irregularly to me, at times I least expect it to happen. I usually had a few drinks when it would occur, so I always put it down to alcohol. I never had an actual girlfriend just numerous one night/drink fueled one night stands. However, I now have a girlfriend for the last 6 months and it has happened on 2 occasions that I can recall tonight being the latest, where I was completely alcohol free.
I cannot figure it out, I feel really unnerved by it all and I am way too embarrassed to ask any of my friends about it. All I can do is speculate about her possibly comparing me to her previous boyfriend of the last 5 years which could possibly be unnerving me in that area. I'm only speculating after seeing the relation of erectile dysfunction to stress. Any helpful comments would be great. I know she thinks it's her when it clearly is only my head that is ******* it up.
Hi I'm a guy I'm 20 yrs old and iv been with my girl for 2 yrs we used to have a lot of sex... And she use to suprise me by blind folding me nd stuff like tht. Our sex life was pretty good. But lately it's been in the gutter. We barely have sex anymore nd when we do it like I can't finish or I just go soft. I don't kno wat it might be. I'm attracted to her and love her to death. Wat can it be???? I have been watching porn lately since I can't really do the job with her. Sometimes I do find myself fantasizing about another girl... I love my gf nd just want to be happy with her idk wat my problem is.
Well now you posted your question about 7 years ago. However, I just found it. Chances are that you do not need the answer anymore because you probably are already divorced.
First off your guy has problems and needs your help.
The reason he looks at porn is because he is so worried about his manhood. He is afraid and does not understand why it does not work with the woman he loves. He thinks masturbating to other women will help him maintain an erection while he is with you.
He really believes that and that is why he is doing it again and again. But every time he is in bed with you he loses his erection. Because he is thinking of you would start nagging and griping if you knew that he just had 5 orgasms looking at hot sexy women on the internet.
A man's penis is like an arousal antenna of the woman. If the woman is not aroused then it is no wonder if the antenna does not want to stand.
Show him that his fantasies turn you on. Show him that you want to participate and give him the strongest orgasms he ever had. Watch the porn with him. Make sure you pay attention what the girls are saying. How they are talking. How they are moving. Remember the second your husband has an orgasm. What was it that the girl did and said during 10 seconds before and 1 minute after he pumped all his sperm out for her.
Be interested and learn and you will find out what turns your husband on.
Now you tell him that you want to do that for him that you want to help him to release his tension for you like he did for the girl on the screen.
Tell him that you want to be his sex object his sex toy and he should use your body solely for his pleasure.
Get him to tell you his deepest fantasies and praise him for them and then help him have those fantasies while he is touching you or while he is inside you......
If you do that over a length of time and you enjoy this process and you show him that you have the strongest orgasms while he is having his..... then you will see how turned on he will get to you.
How he will feel safe with you... knowing you are not going to nag and gripe.... and that you trust him... and he will have the strongest erections and orgasms inside you.
It is all up to you if you want to help him heal or not. It is amazing what power women have over men.
In return you are restoring his masculinity which is the most important thing for a man and he will adore you till the end of time.
Im a man and this happened to me 6yrs ago. Like the others have said, this probably is due to stress or anxiety. Men.. We are also 'big babies' and if we dont feel srxually secure then we are useless!! Maybe he has been staring at to many cocks on the big screen and doesnt feel adequate or maybe something thing is memtally bothering him. But most importantly as a man.... Make sure the clown aint cheatin' on u first!!! Bcuz if he is then disregard everything that Ive told u bcuz thats the problem! But dont blame yourself!!! One mans'scheme is another mans 'Dream'! ;)
Im a man and this happened to me 6yrs ago. Like the others have said, this probably is due to stress or anxiety. Men.. We are also 'big babies' and if we dont feel sexually secure then we are useless!! Maybe he has been staring at to many cocks on the big screen and doesnt feel adequate or maybe something thing is memtally bothering him. But most importantly as a man.... Make sure the clown aint cheatin' on u first!!! Bcuz if he is then disregard everything that Ive told u bcuz thats the problem! But dont blame yourself!!! One mans'scheme is another mans 'Dream'! ;)
you are right on point because if you come too early woman complain but then again trying to control your ejaculation instead of coming ends up taking away the feeling and the **** dies,then you are on the wrong..
I m a guy. I also have this problem. I thinks its just that he is no longer attracted to you. I feel the same about my girlfriend, though I love her more than anything else in the world. We have been childhood friends and she understands me. So I share my fantasies, like, watching porn together. We also had sex in the park at night, had sex in the car in the parking lot. And this way we have kept it alive. Though I fantasize a lot, I have no intention of cheating on her.
I'm 32 years old I have sexy before 10 years and cut sexy fore 10 years because I afraid HIV/AIDS and other sexual transmission disease. I watch porn sometimes and masturbation less than two times weekly. I have no girl friend till today but I find. When I get girl I can't make sexy because of erection problem. maybe if I make one time in one night which shame for me. "that is why one in one night is not sufficient ".I want to get girl friend to marry but how? if I satisfy girl by sexy how she marry me? it is impossible to get girl for me. So how I overcome this problem and to get girl friend and satisfy by sexy? please advise me!!
I read your post and I too am having the same problem ,my husband seems genuine and he loves satisfying me orally but he cant get an erection to try and have intercourse he only gets erect when I perform oral I dont know what to do
yes my dear, there are a lot of guy with this and many other issues, in fact, you should know reason why I am here too. be cause I do have a lot of problems, in my relationship with my wife... and I came to conclusion that, it is totally my fault, I always pretending, always trying to make her believe that I am a good man. and only me and myself known that I am a liar. For more than 20 year I had been cheating her, with all kind pornography, and many other girlfriends, don't let this to happens to you too! been dishonest through almost my whole life had brought to me many other difficulties, but the wort one is, the luck of respect out of my wife and my children. take this seriously, and act immediately, before it is too late, find couples counseling, because, this is noting about sickness of physical illness, that is all mentally disorder, and that is a normal situation now day with all of the false happiness, that we found out in the internet, the world is contaminated with all of that, men is being manipulated by false pleasure encounter in attractive women but I guaranty you; in my own experience, no one had competently satisfy me then my own wife, as right now we still suffering the constituencies of infidelity, but thanks to God, and his mercy full kindness, my wife and I had come to resolution and but noting would come to be fix with out philology help, suggest this to you and your boyfriend, but if for some reason your boyfriend doesn't want to, take your self, I'll guaranty, wont hurt you.
there is no real man unless we recognize we had fault in ways to satisfy a woman, specially in their hear feelings. men need to be more courage and diligently among their own women then trying to seek false pleasure in the wrong world.
babygirl, pls don't give up on him, am a man and it happen to me sometime when am untop of my girlfriend, suddenly my erection stopped not because am cheating cos i know am not but because am stressed out wif something maybe at work or home that i don't wanna bother her about.
Man, i don't know who you are but you just completely redesigned me way of thinking... im 20 too and i have the same problem... right down to the "putting a face on it for blame" to the "cold chills from bad experiences" your amazing man. idk if u will ever see this but if you could email me i would love to tell you thankyou and i am going to do everything you said!!!
Hey there only just saw this post as I don't get the updates from people who comment on here. PLease email me on "randompictureguy at hotmail *******" (no spaces) or leave an email on my profile here and I will try to help! All the best
Hey there have you tried the advice I wrote out originally on this page? (The big chunk of text) because it relates directly to your situation and so I can promise you it will work, whether you are in a relationship or not.
The problem, in a word, is communication. You both need to know exactly what this lull in your sex life is the cause of. Sex problems are often the result of something else in the relationship as sex comes to represent how you feel about each other. Find the problem, open up to telling each other everything and ignore the lack of sex as it will solve itself. When it comes to solving your erection issue, just go through the same steps in the solution I outlined here but cater them to your unique situation and why you feel nervous during sex now. Take away the pressure and have fun again. hope this helps!
Hi there it seems the way you view sex is unhealthy. Yes, AIDS and HIV are possible, but wear a condom and protect yourself until you are in a good relationship and can go and get a medical check together to put your mind at ease. You won't get an erection if you are thinking about how dangerous and unhealthy sex is, because these are not arousing thoughts. You need to work on how you perceive sex and yes, play safe, but you also need to play.
Yes, I am being totally honest here. I am having an affair and the last two times I was with my wife, I lost the erection even though I was close to coming. I normally take a while anyway and so this didn't help. I have tried harder with my wife recently due to the fact that lack of sex (of course) was one of the main reasons for the affair. I'm in a beautiful mess. I am going to have sex with my lover in a couple of days and I'm interested to see what happens but I have a feeling it will be fine because she it is so exciting to be with someone who is so sexual.
I have the same question, before this happen we have a good sex, but lately, he is loosing his erection at the moment he will insert his penis to my vagina. I dont know what is wrong, i dont know if he's cheating on me, or if he is looking to porn, he always said that he is just tired, am i going to believe this or will i look for another reason? Please help
This was in 2006 so i assume this issue was resolved or they broke up. But either way. If he has a porn addiction he should stop looking at porn completely and stop masturbating. He may have whats called PIED Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction. Visit http://www.yourbrainonporn.com and http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com and read what happens to your brain when you watch porn.
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