My Boyfriends total lack of desire

[celticsun]

I have been with my Boyfriend for over a year now and in all this he has never had a full erection, he is 46 and had back surgery and has been taking oxycodone (large doses) for years,his MD has prescribed him Androgel,but he is so disinterested in sex he forgets to to use it, the Doctor also gave him (i think) cialis but he claims that it gives him headaches, I understand medically what is going on, but I dont understand that it does not bother him enough to try a little harder (no pun intended) for my sake, it does not seem to bother him how as a woman it affects my self esteem, it has gotten so bad I just sleep on the couch, how can I go to bed with the man I love and want when he has zero interest in me, if I did not know better I would think he is gay, HELP, we havn't had sex in months and when we do its a disaster

[Damian381]

A related discussion, try Viagra, it can help! was started.

[marra315]

hey , the comment about him using oxy is the key !
pop over to subtance abuse forum they will have many tales about the side effects . x x

[celticsun]

Thanks, thing is he he still expects me to help him with stuff and I broke down and cooked for him only because he is losing so much weight its making me look bad, aside from every thing else he really is a nice guy when he is not thinking about himself, and I like living here + I pay $500 a month rent so I am not going anywhere, we dont fight, but the longer I ignore him the nicer he will be (its a pattern).
But this Friday I am going out which is something I have never done since we have been to-gether, I want to have some fun am tired of this situation getting me down, he has adog that he wont even take care of, I just came home it is 2:18 and she is still in her cage, no food water or been let out, sad sad sad. Oh and your so right the indifference is a killer and also I am convinced he is a sociopath not to be confused with Psychopath,although now I think the politically correct term is "borderline personality disorder"

[Karebear13]

It sounds like you have one foot out the door already.  Yes, I agree the narcotic abuse IS the Root, but since HE chooses not to do anything about it, there nothing much else you can do.  He won't change, unless he wants to.  You're  right when you talk about him being self-absorbed and selfish.  He's just treating you like a roommate, I suggest you get out while you can, forget the love..afterall love takes TWO people.  I'm glad the I haven't taken the move-in route with mine, although, I think he'd love it.  My boyfriend is really a genuinely good man, I'm seriously unsatisfied!  It's been a year, and I'm so frustrated, he can be soo damn self abosorbed and then guilt me into his wishes.  " I don't want to be a burden to you".  "You shouldn't have to be with a man like me".  What he doesn't realize is he sounds pathetic, and it makes it worse.  Again, me the guy, him the girl.  Don't worry about being a -----!  sometimes, that's what it takes!  He's being indifferent to you, which I believe is worse than anything..!  Sounds like you need some YOU time, maybe you leave and maybe that'll wake him up.  I'm guessing you've already thought this all out?  

[celticsun]

I am beyond frustration, it might not be so bad if he where to at least show me some kind of affection or take care of my needs in some "other" way,but I barely even get a peck on the cheek.
The substance abuse with narcotics yes it is abuse is the root of the problem, he has been an addict for years and if that wasn't bad enough he is the most self centered, self absorbed human being I haver ever met in my life it always about him, it has even crossed my mind that he might possibly be gay I have never met a man so disinterested in sex in all my life, the narcotics have lowered his testostrone levels to the point he doen't even care to seek any more treatment, he ask me why I sleep on the couch how can I lay there with a man I love and want knowing he has zero interest in me, at least you get affection, I just feel used, I have pretty much quit cooking and I told him when you start treating me like a girlfriend I will start acting like one, this whole thing has turned me into a ***** last night I made a really bitchy comment about Masculinity and I said my bad you need testosterone for that I really dont know what to do except for just accept the fact that we are never going to be any more than roommates, PS my ex husband (whom I hated) suffered from PE it was the best thing about our sex life LOL

[Karebear13]

I totally know how you feel, I am frustrated in much of the same ways you are.  My boyfriend suffers from PE and has his whole life.  Now, I'm sure that being on narcotics isn't helping your sex life, and I know how frustrating it is.  I have had the same "couch" nights you have had.  I am frustrated because I love the man, and he is affectionate, but he thinks that THAT is enough.  I Don't want to settle for just affection, I think you shouldn't either!  It's hard to tell the man you love that you are sexually unsatisfied, without feelings getting hurt!  It effects both sides, I am now completely libidoless when I'm around him, and I'm irritable, bitchy and completely undone..what's sad, is it's not who I was.  I get along with my boyfriend just as good as any couple should, but i'm not happy "in-bed".  He's even went and sought out treatment, but only gave it a half assed try, spent the money and all.  I feel like I'm the man, he's the woman..and I just don't know what to do.  Much I'm assuming is how you feel..at what point do have we break?  I feel sometimes "shallow", but really?  We want to meet "their" needs, why isn't it reciprocated?  The Narcotics?  I'm not sure how you should handle that?  I wish you the best of luck!  Keep me posted, I just joined and could use some outside opinions!

[celticsun]

I have tried to talk and let him know how I feel without hurting his feelings, I have been Patient, understanding and as he is so forgetful about the androgel have suggested he talk to his Md about testosterone shots but I think he is even to embarassed to talk to his Md I tried to explain that it nothing his Md has not heard before and that its not that uncommon a problem. I dont think its psychological more like the massive amounts of narcotics he uses and unless he gives those up which is never going to happen, as like most people who have been taking narcotics for years he has become addicted, so what to I do? no point in any ultimatim (I'd lose) but apart from the lack of sex we get along great, I would settle for mass amounts of affection instead at least somthing to show me he cares. Ps thanks for the input.

[rankett]

Ouch! I don't think that I could be of any help here, but you can always try to establish a dialog channel between you and him. Talking about avery detail of the problem may help to identify what is wrong on the psychological side of things and potentially lead to some solution. Hopefully.

Good luck.