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Problem maintaining erection
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Problem maintaining erection

My boyfried has a problem with keeping a hard erection during intercourse. I dont understand because he starts off very hard, then his erection slowly goes away until it becomes uncomfortable to have sex. He has never ejaculated after intercourse, and what i think is odd is that when i perform oral sex he has no problems whatsoever. He keeps a good erection, and always ejaculates in a timely fashion. So why is it that he has no problem with oral, but can't perform intercourse. We continually only use the missionary position because whenever we try something else he loses his erection immediately. Is this a mental issue or is this a medical issue? I dont understand why he can have perfectly good erections with oral or manual stimulation, but the erection goes kaputz after only a few minutes of intercourse. We love each other very much, and he is certaintly not the cheating type so i know its not that he's gettin it somewhere else. Can someone offer me a clue as to whats wrong with my man? thanks
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Avatar_n_tn
How's his health?
There are a lot of factors that could be the problem.
Is his blood pressure normal? What about cholesterol? Weight?
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Avatar_n_tn
well, i guess his health is somewhat in question. He used to drink pretty heavily and he's a smoker. As far as the stress goes, neither one of us is ready for kids or marriage so there's not pressure from me about that. I guess im leaning to thinking its mental b/c why else could he achieve a perfectly good erection everytime we do anything but sex. He's only good for about 5 mins. of intercourse b4 he loses his erection. He doesn't have much experience in bed, and suppose he knows that i do, so could it be he feels inadequate??? Could concern about how well he performs actually be preventing him from performing???
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Avatar_n_tn
I posted a comment a few months ago because my boyfriend and I were going through somewhat the same thing. The difference is that he could only ejaculate on his own while masturbating. This has led to all sorts of problems with me now feeling insecure and blah blah blah because why can he on his own and not with me. Today we finally got in to see the urologist who did a series of tests and determined that he is fine and that as time has gone on, his "failure to perform" has created such anxiety that even at the thought of it at this point prevents him from getting erect. He is so worried and anxious that he won't be able to that he physically can't. This I totally believe to be true. However, through all this I am concerned that his use of porn to help him on his own has left me thinking that I will not be enough for him now. The urologist has prescribed cialis to temporarily get him back so that he can rebuild his confidence. I'm worried about what I'll have to do to rebuild mine. If you are feeling bad for how you feel which if it is anything like I feel, know you aren't alone. We are working together and are very honest but it is so hard sometimes. Good luck to you both. There are times I want to give up because I think it must be me and it really hurts but I love him so much and nothing worth having is easy I suppose.
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Avatar_n_tn
Just thought I would let you know that we tried the cialis last night and it was like night and day. I would stay positive and try not to let comments like he must be bi and eventually will turn gay make you give up or doubt his love or his interest in you. Maybe he is but I think you would have a better indication than someone simply posting a comment. I suppose everyone has a right to their opinion but if you love him and he loves you then I would recommend a dr.s visit before it gets any worse and more "mental" damage is caused. If he really loves you back then he will go with you. It is a strong blow to the pride but as hard as it is it is worth it in the end. We have a long road to go but baby steps are better than no steps.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi,The problem may be several things,first off when you are preforming oral he is relaxed and therefore he has no stress on him to preform in any way.Another thought is the fact he is day dreaming when you are giving him oral, maybe even thinking about another woman or another sex encounter he has had with you in the past or someone else.Also there is the thought he may not be turn on to you sexual as much as he needs to be to stay fully firm while having sex.Also he may just be lazy and wants you to do all the work.But my main thought made be that he is Bi-sexual making it normal, therefore when you give him oral he enjoys that much more,and when he has to have regular sex with you he loses interested.If he dont like you on top and can not stay firm while you are doing him he must be Bi and sooner or later you will know for sure.I hope the last one is not the reason but I have known of cases like this and that was what the problem was and most men that are Bi sexual sooner go all the way gay.Good luck.
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Avatar_n_tn
just wanted to say thank you for your tips and advice, i think we are going to go to see a doctor about his anxiety. it does seem to be that the pressure of performing is main issue at hand. thanks for your support jazzyben it really helped.
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Avatar_n_tn
im a guy, with me i developed anxiety and mental blox bc my gf wasnt interested in sex so internalized it and beat myself up so now after 1-2 years i feel awful about myself now its a self fulfilling prophecy that i have erection problems. also, i do recall that when i was younger i had stronger erections. i have spent muy young adulthood eating garbage and my cholesterol is 263. the wiener works by blood flow. well i basically have lard flowing thru my veins. solution im trying: 1. stop eating ****, i want my weiner to work [and me to not drop dead] so im not eating meat at all. 2. got her off birth control and talked about issues now we are gettign freaky after 2 years and lately ive been hard a rock and want to stick my wiener everywhere, good thing we dotn own pets haaa ok that was a joke
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Avatar_n_tn
Look this is all well and good girls thinking you are the root of the issue, but the fact of the matter its the guys problem, im a single guy at university i am sexually active and have had this issue. its a killer for guys. can you imagine how emasculated a guy feels and how inadequate he thinks he is. this is what is playing on a guys mind every time he gets into a sexual situation as soon as his penis is doing anything to please his girlfriend the pressure is on and the inadequacy floods back. as soon as my penis comes into contact with said womans vagina i lose it, its gone and the woman in question is sitting there embarrased because she doesnt feel attractive and im sitting there with my head exploding thinking what the **** im 18 horny as any guy youll ever meet and thinking about sex 24/7 and im having this issue what brought it on i have no idea and its eating at me all the time i see girls id like to get into a relationship with and my head is saying no, youll only disapoint them, and if it happens again i think i may have to give up on the whole idea of sex for a long time till my head sorts itself out again, so girls stop thinking about it at all. thats all your man wants just give him time, and lots of it because this is a difficult issue to overcome and the best way is to try and not think about it and the anxiety which is the root of the problem will subside. if this does not work he has a medical issue and im so deeply sorry for those afflicted with this issue
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139792_tn?1299416777
There are many factors involved in sexual relationship.Kegel exercises are quite interesting and i am sure it will help many people to change their ways of doing intercourse.
Visit websites of Kegel Exercise.Dr. kegel has recommended this exercised to develop pelvic floor.It si a must both participant.
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Avatar_n_tn
I think that my man can't stay hard because of anxiety and worry about performing. It's really getting to him and I don't know what to say to make him feel better and I have been very understanding thus far. It wasn't a problem for me at first as I thought that it was something that would pass but it hasn't & we are both feeling inadequate about it. Our relationship is facing a lot of adversity & although we are completely in love this extra problem doesn't help.

What can I say to him to make him relax???
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Avatar_f_tn
Best thing i ever did for this was hit the weight room three days a week to get the testosterone up, and take ginkgo to get the blood flowing. Add to that the confidence of giving my girl plenty of foreplay orgasms and it gets easier to keep it up. Trouble is you can go through phases where work gets you stressed or youre over tired and its just physically exhausting having sex...so the first thing to go is the erection. But in my experience its NEVER the girl thats the problem. Keep that in mind. And as Adam Gilad reminds us, whatever happens down there, a finger is always hard, so theres never a reason for a lady to go unsatisfied.
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