help my life..

[boy_of_misery]

Need doctor here please..

Sorry wall of text.
Sorry sorry sorry
sorry for bad english too.im desperate atm..

Now im 19 y/o, 5'9 tall, 65-70 kg of weight.

Listen to my story please..

Lets say, when i was 15, i often ate only 1 or 2 meals a
day. Sometimes didnt eat/drink anything at all (like 5
out of 30 days in a month).
It resulted in weight lost from 65 kg to 45 kg (in 3-4 months only).

This went off to about 6 months. I often did near-death starvations. Everyday I played video games and often didnt eat and sleep for day(s). (15 to 15.5 y/o,
weight 45 kg).

Then, normal life about 6 months (15.5 to 16 y/o, weight 55 kg).

Then a little bad again for 6 mnths (16 to 16.5 y/o, weight 50 kg).

Then good 6 months with plenty of exercises (16 to 17 y/o,
weight 70 kg).

Last one bad year (17 to 18 y/o, weight 60 kg): this is the second worse after the first 6 months at 15 i think, everyday just sitting playing super adrenaline-pumping
video games, barely got sunlight
and did exercises, but i didnt really starved myself like
the first 6 months at 15. i ate like 2-3 meals a day,
occasionally one meal/ate nothing a day.

Now at 19 (weighed 65-70 kg), im trying to have a fully normal life.

During these bad months, i barely drink any milk, which doctors said, if u used to drink it then stopped
drinking it for a while, it could cause osteoporosis/major bone loss cuz of the blood something thing. I barely ate any veggies nor did any exercises as well when i was not into my life.

During that bad times, after school, I often sat from
half a day sometimes to a full day, occasionally (once in a month) up to 3 days playing games, without rest.

Then, if 2/3 days of
playing, i rest for 2-3 days fully with normal eating.

Often i skipped school to play games the whole day/
days. I got dropped out when i was 16, so i played the
games more often like everday/every 2-3 days (dont
mention the school thing, ive got it covered XD)

I had fainted like 3-5 times when walking cuz of not
eating and sleeping for days playing games.

QUESTION:

now that im 19, even though i have regained my weight to
65-70 kg (5'9), i am experiencing:

-low sex drive
-shrinking penis (eaten cuz of the starvation?and or low testosterone for years so weak/no erection that shrink blood vessel?is it PERMANENT?)
-bad erection quality
-having a hard time for my d*ck to recognize sexual
innuendos (im afraid my sexual nerves was eaten due
to starvation)
-no auto *****,lack morning *****,had to stroke it with
my hand to get a *****
-feel frigid around girls God i want to be hard around girls like i used to!!
-when i masturbate and ejaculate, i feel weak for the whole day, till the next couple of days. As if my
testosterone regeneration is lowered (shrunk testicle?).if
i masturbate constantly for a week, i feel weak and thin
as ****. I used to masturbate once even twice/thrice daily before 15, and i could still rock the day!
-weak heart and lungs (cant stand 5 minutes of playing soccer, used to stand up to hours without
exhaustion,one of the athlete with best stamina in school)
-changed face structure, i used to be a happy and funny cute face person (girls was like crazy on me), now gloomy and old, not
expressive. Some people even said
my eyes r tinier now and not as expressive as it used to. I looked like a robot.
-thin bone, small forehand and fingers, often thinner than common healthy girls, it used to be thicker, like a man! The diameter of my thumb is only about 1.5 cm now. Im afraid i heard bone loss from anorexia is permanent. Is it true?in my case is it severe enough to be considered permanent?
-really my body frame is really small right now, like justin bieber's (it used to be mediumish, at 14-15 of age when most of my friends were already peaked their
puberty/hence no major growth/no way they
outgrew me). It is a shame cuz its like even the smallest man like 5'5 guy would have a wider rib cage
and pelvic bone, thicker wrist and fingers, also longer and stronger arms than most girls. My dad's n mom's rib cages r still a lot wider! I used to be 'wider'!
-im afraid ive messed up my hormones n growth permanently, that i'll never be a full grown man
-did it stunt my height growth 4ever also? Like the 'organ' or 'nerve' whatsoever thing for growth was eaten due to starvation?
-i entered puberty and started masturbating daily since
i was 13, peaked growth at 14/15.

ARE THEY PERMANENT?!?!?!?!

I did that cuz of my dad and step mom neglected me emotionally. They were also lonely psychos. Its like i was living with someone else, PLUS with psychotic
features.

NOW I REGRET WITH what ive done. I also hate my
parents to let me suffer like that.
But now i want my life back!!

NEED A DOCTOR HEREE please.
I cant afford meeting a doctor irl. The family cash is
kinda low atm..really low..

Please give me ur yahoo msennger or sumthin i want
to chat with u doctor..god bless

[boy_of_misery]

no free clinic i think..but, do u think my lowest weight was dangerously enough? I remember having no fat nor muscle that time..they were eaten when i starved to play games in the game center. I remember experiencing hair loss for a few times,though,the symptoms of anorexia. Maybe only 3-5 times..I also fainted 3-5 times at that lowest weight like falling on the street. I was still conscious though..then when i drank water, i felt fresh again. Not that bad, wasnt it?

[remar]

Are there any clinics where you live that might be free or very low cost? I really can't say if it's reversible or not. The best thing to do is eat very well and get some vitamins if you can afford them. Many people go through a "starvation" period in their lives and bounce back from it.

[boy_of_misery]

Thx remar for ur concern. Well, u see, i couldnt afford to meet the doctor atm as i mentioned above.. So, what if every parts of my body including brain, heart, lungs, bones, penis have shrunk? Is it reversible? I know about the males grow until 21 y/o thing but what if my body has shrunk/eaten due to the starvation? Was my lowest weight at 45 kg (100 lbs/172 cm tall) dangerously low enough to give permanent damage?

[remar]

We are not Drs here but people who care and will try to help. It sounds like you need to have some blood work done to see if your low on testosterone, vitamins and minerals.The reason your Dr wanted you to drink milk is because it contains calcium and vitamin D which is what you need for bone growth. Many young men will grow until they're 21, so you have a couple of more years yet. Make sure to eat at least 3 good meals a day and have healthy snacks in between, drink lots of water, no soda or junk food and try to get lots of sunshine and exercise. You also really need to get in to your Dr for a thorough check up.