longterm relationship with ED

[smokey99]

I've been dating a wonderful man for over a year; he's 59, I am 54. Due to his cardiac disease and medications(I believe)ED is an issue- has been for the entire relationship.
We get along very well and love each other very much; but I can see the day when erections may not happen. He uses viagra, but it doesn't always work.
I've been able to be supportive and understanding and sincere about it, and really want this relationship to continue.
My question is is anyone in a longterm relationship where erections just don't happen? Don't know how to put this, but sometimes I wonder if I am going to be enough of a good person to stay satisfied.
It's rare to find a really good guy and get along so well. There are many ways to make love besides intercourse, but has this really made a difference to people out there as far as the relationship? It's been on my mind.
Thanks.

[monkeyflower]

I don't have experience in this myself, but I can understand your concern. First of all, though, I have to say I think it's awesome that you recognize there's more to partner sex than just intercourse; this can be a big leap for many people. I think your understanding, caring, and openness will make things far easier, more comfortable and pleasurable for you both.

Anyway, while I think our society far overemphasizes the importance of intercourse, there's no denying it IS an extremely pleasurable activity for many people :-) I wouldn't worry too much, though, since there are other options for your partner. If Viagra/Cialis fail to work, there are vacuum pumps, injections and even implants to consider. He could also wear a strapon. But you don't mention how he feels about his ED; is he open to other things to try? Is he willing to discuss your concerns?

[smokey99]

oh yes we talk about it, he feels bad; he made the comment the other night about how i'm "too young to be dealing with this" meaning me, he's sorry. and yes, we have expanded our "repertoire" but no toys and stuff yet. just "body parts" LOL. it just hit home how yep, someday we may face the end of intercourse as others know it. luckily he's very affectionate, and there are other things to try. and he will talk about it. i'm not such a hot mama myself, so i don't wind up at all frustrated or anything now.

[monkeyflower]

Yeah, I can understand how you feel. My husband has some pretty serious health problems, and sometimes I get worried and anxious about the future. I don't know if this will help, but whenever I get those kinds of fatalistic thoughts, I try to remind myself that anything could happen at any time to anyone. I could get hit by a bus this afternoon, or I could win the lottery (well, I'd have to play first, but you know what I mean). Who knows? I would hate to pass through life, missing everything because I was worrying TOO much about the future. Life's short - experience and enjoy it as much as possible :-) If you enjoy being with this guy, then enjoy being with him. Try to live in the moment and appreciate him all you can :-)

[smokey99]

thanks! fatalistic is a good word to remember to describe this.