young, married, sex problems

[fuzzybunnyq]

I am 27 and have been married for 3 years now and have not had sex in nearly year. Even at the start of our marriage my husband (29) found it very hard to keep an errection during foreplay and/or sex leading me to believe it was me and that he wasn't interested in me at all. He used to just get very upset and wasn't able to help much as I dare say he too was quite anxious and disappointed. We have had some sex but I have always been left quite disappointed as he always arrived within a minute.
In the last year we haven't had sex at all because I have given up trying. Surely if he cared enough he would go see a doctor? Our relationship is new extremely strained and I have no one to confide in as it is such a sensitive issue.I have tried speaking to him many times on this issue and the emotional and physical impacting it is having on our relationship but he doesn't appear to take it in. To make matters worse family members are now hinting that we should definitely start trying for a baby. Bit hard trying for a baby when you can't have sex. Can someone please give some advise as I am getting very dejected and depressed.

[j7653]

I have suffered with erectile problems as you have described about your husband for all of my life, so I hope my experience can help you.

First of all you and he need to know that you are not alone.  This can and does happen to men of all ages and couples.  It *****.  There are many, many men who suffer from this.  But it is very likely that it can be easily treated and get you two back on track...

1. I'm sure that the problem is hard on you.  It is hard to believe that it is not you when you are going thru this.  But since the problem has been with your husband and your relationship since the beginning it would be more likely that it is something he has always carried around with him and not you.  Were there problems in that area before the marraige?

2. Your idea that he could be depressed or anxious is most likely correct.  Depression and Anxiety are very commonly found together.  My erectile problems caused me depression most of my life.  Even if it hasnt been a problem all his life, it could quickly become a big problem in his head.  Being anxious is very unhelpful for maintaining an erection.  But surprisingly once you do have an erection it sometimes can cause one to "arrive" too quickly as well.

He needs to speak with someone for sure, if you get him to do it.  Perhaps "he needs an annual physical?"  That would get him to the Dr.  Starting with a General Practitioner would be a good thing, to give him a full physical and get his testosterone levels checked.  You never know if that could be the problem.  They can also give him some sample Cialis, Viagra, Levitra so he doesnt have to go to the pharmacy.  Or I bet you could get it if you went to your Dr. or gyno.  I know that Cialis works.  Trust me!  

But he needs to be interested in sex and stimulated in order for it to work, so depression could be the problem.

I'd be happy to speak with you more about it if it helps you and him avoid what I went thru.  I figure that there must be some reason I had to put up with it all my life.

[mjbrown]

I'm sorry to hear that you do not have anyone to confide in about your marital problems. You've certainly been doing the right thing by trying to talk to your husband about the issues you two are having and how it is affecting your relationship. I wish your husband were more receptive to talking. However, for many men erectile problems are very embarrassing, but I agree with you that he should see a doctor - especially now that he knows this is putting a strain on your marriage. Does your husband have any signs of depression? Is he on any medications that might cause decreased libido / erectile problems? Does he get erections while he sleeps / upon waking up?