Am I Deppressed, and or what do I do?

[skynormally the limit]

I am a 34 year old proffessional Male, Unfortunatly my personal development seems to be behind somewhat compared to my friends.
For starters, I am not married and have no children, I walked out of a perfectly normal healthy relationship for some unknown reason about ten months ago. My career has definatly not been as succeseful as friends I started off with, they all are doing much better. Financially I am unstable, I am always in debt. I am however reasonabally fit, and relatively attractive. I ahve never come close to getting married.

I dont see alot of point to my life, I find it hard to motivate myself to get out of the hole I feel I am in. I can not find a person of the opposite sex to share life with. I avoid social situations as I feel inadequate around people. When in Social situations I drink lots to make myself feel better.
I feel I have lost the art of conversation, I feel I have nothing to talk about to people in Social situations. I am allways tired. My memory is not as good as it used to be. I have lost all spring in my step and find it impossible to find any lifesyle or activity that satisfies me in life. I am totally flat
most of the time. Fortunatly I am very intelligent and aware of my mental state, so can bluff people into thinking that I am doing ok in life. I am never content.

I spent 6000 dollars last year on Psychotherapy, I feel it has done nothing but leave me flatter. I do not however go over my abused childhood anymore and feel the anger inside me from this is no longer present. I have conseqently lost faith in my Psychologist

Life seems pointless, boring, I have no love in my life, I have no physical contact with the opposite sex. My relationship with my mother and siblings is attrocious

Is my life a result of my poor state of mental health. Or is my poor state of mental health a result of my life.
At 34 I can not live like this any more I must help myself. Just not sure how???

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I would recommend a combination of antidepressant drugs and some good short term therapy that is highly focused on just what you are experiencing...being stuck in a life transition, and needing to make some serious life course decisions.  If your psychologist is not the one, find the person who has this orientation...to your future, not your past.

[D-man]

I hate to intrude on this specific question here, but I didn't want to pay the $5 to post a question.
I'm a 24 yr old male and for the past 6 years I have suffered with anxiety, panic attacks, and depression of some sort.
I've done just about every test known to man to see what's going on with digestive tract, and why I'm constantly fatiqued.
I have been on many antidepressents but have only made me MUCH MUCH worse. It seems now that my body is rejecting EVERYTHING, including things like caffiene.
I've been out of work for the past year on disability, and now forced onto unemployement. I go to the gym about 5 x's a week and try to play tennis 2-4 x's a week.
I've seeked treatement from therapists, acupucturist, cranialsacrial docs, massage therepists, and even hypnotherapy.
Since my body had such a horrible reaction from the previous antidepressants (Wellbutrin, Celexa, Remeron, and Prozac...and I think even a few more like Butral) I AM EXTREMELY FRIGHTENED to go back on one once again.
I feel like I'm back at square one all over again. No one has been able to help me at all.

Bottom line is, I don't feel depressed, I just feel really fatiqued all the time and mostly sick to my stomach.
I have been tested for just about everything including Chronic Fatique syndrome, Epstein bar, liver, kidney, etc. I've had about 10 CT scans within the past 2 years, and now I'm at the point in my life when the only one that can help me is ME.

I meditate everyday, pratice Qi Gong and Bac Hu.


Please HELP!!!

Any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated.

D-man

[skynormally the limit]

To D_man,
I must say I am very sorry to hear of your condition, however if you read mine closely you would have noted that my status is completly different from yours, the reason I posted a question was to seek proffesional medical advice. Please donate five dollars for advice of your own. (All time spent posting proffesional advice for my cause is greatly appreciated)

skynormally the limit

[Kelp]

Some Psychologists can be worse or useless sometimes making a problem worse. As was posted by someone else, going over the past is rarely helpfull. The Roll of a Psychologist should be to look at moving on because no one can change the past. I would try anti-depressents and see how it goes but be patient they take a while to work. Hypnosis can be helpfull to but again try to find a reutable one and if it does not help after two sessions, I would dicontinue it and move on. Valium can be helpfull but only short term as it is very habit forming but it might just help until an anti depressent starts to work.
Hope this helps, all the best
Kelp

[crazydays]

I can related to your problems. I, too, have had a lot of problems with relationships, and sometimes have to drink to be able to feel even the slightest bit comfortable in a social setting.  This sounds like low self esteem, but I am sure you have dealt with that in therapy.  It could also be social anxiety disorder, depression or generalized anxiety disorder.  I would suggest medication, maybe Paxil.  It is marketed to be excellent for these types of symptoms; however, I have never taken it.  Once you get the right medication, the rest of your problems will start to get better.  I agree that therapy can be a waste sometimes, especially if you are intelligent enough to therapize yourself. But, maybe you just had a bad therapist, just because someone has a degree does not mean that they are effective in helping people.  Watch the drinking - this could lead to alcoholism, especially if it is in your family.  I always try to monitor this, when I have to rely on alcohol to be social, because alcoholism would only make your problems worse.  Good luck - and go see a Doctor for meds.

[yarddog]

skynormally,
i see you main problem! you are self certerned and rude! maybe don all have 5 bucks to donate? and by know means was he trying to talk away your fame and glory to you me,me,me, post.! i think you answered our questions as to why you have no social personality.. i think the dude was only trying to relate with this page and forum.

keep in mind being rude and walking away can only push people to the edge! for what! 5 bucks! sorry ill send you 5 bucks! as i see it you got an attitude problem not a social discomfort!....

[keeknap]

i too felt the horrors of side affects of meds and hesitated for a long time to take others. i also suffered a couple more years from the  mild depression and anxiety i had and felt all odds were against me. the meds freaked me out or i thought after a few days it just wasnt working so i stopped . my doctors didnt explain to me what was happening they just looked at me and said to go see a psychiatrist.so i did for meds. i didnt know i was depressed because the anxiety kept me up. i couldnt work anymore because my anxiety became too intense and lost my insurance. i thought that the doctors didnt want to do any test because of no insurance. so there for i was sure i had something physical wrong with me untill i later learned that anxiety can cause real physical symptoms (not to assume any symptom you have is caused by anxiety) i had real physical things happen.foot swelling, couldnt walk for a month because it felt like i had glass in my legs,and other things. all caused from anxiety. the only med i did tolarate and was on for maybe a half a year im really not sure, was zoloft. it really didnt do anything for me and i became more anxious and i couldnt keep trying meds because i didnt have insurance and hardley any money. the mistake i made was not waiting long enough for the couple of anti-depressants i did try to get into my system. perhaps they would have worked better . finally after a severe depression i fell into i finally got affinity health plan and i was sensitive to all meds eccept wellbutrin.i did try paxil first but that caused me to be depressed even more if it was possible. with wellbutrin some people have side affects but its usually well tolarated. it snapped me out of the horrors of my depression but i still have anxiety. i am seeing a theripist and found out a couple thing that really bothered me from my past that i was relieved to here myself say it.the key to a good theripist (in my opinion) is when he makes you realize that we are only human and opinionates on your personal thoughts and doesnt just listen. i mean with sort of an explanation like why you felt you were angry  or a reason you did things that you new was wrong but you had no explanation for why and those sort of things.not just (oh, wow that must have hurt or she really did that?). i call them stock answers. with all the stuff i been through and beleive me i been through the mill for aprox.12 years ,some years definately more tolarable than the last half, i stuck through it because when you hit rock bottom , the only way to go is up! and god helped a little. i must give him credit. hope this helped.

[keeknap]

crazydaze is not so crazy. i feel she said it all.good advice!
hang in there.

[Odin]

Dear skynormally the limit,

I really want to thank you for writing about your experience. Small comfort as this may be, I can completely relate. I've tried therapy and numerous medicines and still the void persists. I have no joy, rarely laugh, no friends, no social contacts, no intimacy... nada. And, I'm sorry to say that I have no advice to give you. But... I do take some comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one who experiences this void. Maybe that will be small confort to you as well.

My doctor told me last week that if I don't get help, I'll continue this way for the rest of my life. But... where do I get that help? My experiences with psychiatrists and therapists has been pretty discouraging. I don't mean to denegrate the profession, but... the stories I could share shocked my physician. I used to believe that the answer was out there if I looked hard enough I'd find it.  Hence, reading groups like this.  Lately though, I've begun to believe that there isn't an answer, it's about managing my life given the way I am. Maybe that's resignation, maybe it's realistic. Not sure.

I hope things work out for you... and you can tell us all about it one day.  In the meantime, the search continues.

Best wishes.

[skynormally the limit]

Thankyou to all those who left intelligent comments. I have actually taken some advice and got myself on some anti depressents. Efexor XR is what the doctor prescribed, I have been on them for two weeks, I have felt Nautios, tired, and have had great difficulty with sexual function.  My doctor has said give them a chance, I must admit mentally i dont feel much different at all. My doctor has just increased the dose from 75mg to 150mg. All comments on this medication would be appreciated. Will the side effects subside???
Regards
skynormally the limit

[Odin]

Yes it's true, side effects can lesson. And... in some cases the side effects can be unbearable. (I gained 20 lbs in 3 weeks on one drug.) I guess the best thing to do is to keep trying meds, until maybe one strikes the right balance between symptom relief and tolerable side effects. If it's not Effexor... there are others. I hope you'll let the forum know how it goes for you. Thanks for your post.

[STARLA GRRRL]

Why are you going on drugs? I'm sorry, and please forgive me if I come off as rude or presumptuous...but drugs are not always the answers to your kinds of problems. Honestly, these drugs only offer a temporary solution to a real problem, and the only thing that can really help you is probably talking to someone about what's been going on. Going on drugs may help...but sooner or later you need to get off these drugs.
Therapy should be a must for someone like you. By the sounds of it, these problems you have been experiencing with depression are probably related to your LIFE and not your HEAD. And believe me when I say that these "miracle drugs" can be very harmful for some people...that's what the doctors will not tell you, because they get pitches for handing this stuff out to unsuspecting people.
I strongly urge you to do your own research on your own time about all of these depression meds. This is the only way you will ever get the whole story, trust me.
God bless.

[stuck in this]

first of all, the point of therapy is that you be open with this person, whomever you feel comfortable, talking about every aspect of your life.  if this means that you were abused as a child and you did not mention that, this might be a part of your problem.  i am a 31 year old woman and mother and have been clinically depressed, possibly as a result of sexual abuse as a child, for as long as i can remember.  i have been suicidal and a drunk and i am at the breaking point and have recently gone into therapy for the first time in my life.  except for the eye twitches and stress of it all, so far its been good.  maybe you ought to reevaluate how you are carrying on with your therapist and consider finding one that suits your needs, whatever those might be.

i am also taking lexapro and for the first time in my life feel i have some clarity in my brain.  i have done a lot of reading about depression over the recent months, looking into this problem and i cant tell you you are or aren't depressed but what i can tell you is that depression is an overwhelming debilitating fog and darkness that eats out your mind and makes you want to die.  i have lived what most would say is a normal happy life and have spent a good deal of time and energy hiding my depression from everyone but my husband and i have finally decided to do something about this.  for me depression is not sadness, not anger, although that's a huge part, but a complete lack of caring for others, a feeling of being in a daze day in and out, a feeling of no feeling, an enjoyment of hate because at least it was feeling something.  its been a horrible 26 or so years of life and i refuse to live that anymore.

if you left the girl, maybe you didnt like her.  maybe you just need a swift kick in the *** and to go out and meet some new people and make life changes.  thats always good for people.  good luck to you, be happy and healthy man.  this is the only life you've got.

[skynormally the limit]

thanyou to all,
I am actually off the effexor i found the side effects too much, especially the total sexual dysfunction. I am now on a drug called Luvox, this seems to be working fine. The first few weeks I felt so good it was like being on an overseas holiday, things have settled a bit and I am starting to feel like a human being for once. I am happy to be taking this drug. So far so good.

[Vow]

Glad you got off the Effexor Sky...I was on 150mg for almost a year before my doctor would allow that it was doing me no good. You seem to be locked into a pretty similar place that I've finally given in and now call "home". As to the Jr High students that can't seem to get UN-hooked on phonics long enough to type the most remedial of words correctly, how bout you think a BIT about the argument that you are desperatly trying to make ie: that Sky is RUDE (not sure how still will get back to you on it) for suggesting that some flake that doesn't want to shell out the five dollars that he would have to pay to get direct responses from medical professionals, well I don't see it as rude at all. And your extrapolation to suggest that sky's request that the guy get his own thread is going to push him over the edge over 5 lousy dollars is almost laughable when you STOP long enough to realize that you just trashed the entire personality of another human being because you didn't like how he reacted to a post. Here's a little baby hint for you: Ask your doctor to up the dosage of whatever you're taking because it's obviously not enough. You're too obtuse to even see how you're reply, no matter how empassioned, or "heat of the moment" it may have been, was destructive, ignorant, un-informed, and barely literate. (good thing I can READ in phonics or I wouldnt have had a damn clue what you were saying).

Long winded scolding complete, I'll get back to Sky long enough to say, the step to recognizing that you need help is a hard one, and it's commendable that you are able to not only admit it to yourself, but to solidify that realization by taking the step beyond that and actually seeking help. If whatever you are on now seems to be of any help please drop a line again. I am self-NON-medicating because I am just so sick of my doctor using me as a guinea pig for all the new anti-depressents that come onto the market.

The hardest time in your life will make the pleasant times all that more precious (least I keep telling myself that)