An episode of hard crying/fidgeting/scratching/grinding teeth/biting/tenseness/pulling hair/hyperventilating/headache

[xmoonleafx]

Last night I was thinking of my boyfriend's lack of having learned how to provide emotional support and it brought me back to an experience a few years back when I went through a personally devastating chain of events. It ended with the loss of a 5+ year relationship with a guy who was basically my meaning of life and the foundation of my future. I also ended up feeling worthless, lost, extremely hurt, having a mix of mild (?) anorexia/bulimia, going through bereavement, etc. My ex and I have since become best friends again; however I have known that I am still hurt somewhere inside despite having forgiven him for what happened.

I know that I am still hurt because sometimes when I end up talking about that time and I cry. I also sometimes cry after orgasm because of a pain wells up in my chest (this started during the experience). Since it happened, there were three times during which I got extremely drunk extremely quickly and ended up in the restroom throwing up and bawling extremely hard for an extended period of time, and those feelings of hurt revolved around that experience. Last night, I had my first episode of hard crying/fidgeting/scratching/grinding teeth/biting/tenseness/pulling hair/hyperventilating/headache, all while completely sober. This worries me because my actions remind me of those of my friend when she told me that she was raped as a child. Is this PTS? Should I let any future episodes pass on its own or try to suppress it? How should I deal with it?

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

This is a situation where talking it through with a therapist would be the best thing you can do for yourself....the more you do that, the weaker the episodes will be, and then you can put yourself to rest over the issue.  You need to find a resolution, not just re-experience the trauma.